Chapter 6 Sam
SIX
Sam
Rubbing my tired eyes and trying to convince myself the dull ache in my hands wasn’t arthritis, I stretched and stood from my computer.
We were much too close to the deadline for me to feel comfortable, but the website was at least to the point of being ready for us to add in artwork and local features.
Mattie and I had chatted over text and confirmed we’d both been spreading the word around Sugar Pine as well as gathering information.
We’d agreed to go scout out a few places together, but the main work was soon going to be putting all the information into catchy, easy-to-understand text so visitors to the website found themselves curious about Sugar Pine.
“Can I eat dinner over at Jasper’s?” Toby asked, his backpack already on his shoulder. He and Jasper had been friends since Kindergarten, but they’d been spending a lot more time together recently. They had a large group of friends, but the two of them were joined at the hip.
“Did Jasper’s mom say it’s okay?” I asked, glancing at the clock and realizing I’d need to fix dinner soon. My stomach growled. I could eat and relax for the evening. Or I could eat and get back to work on the website.
“Yeah, she’s fixing lasagna. The good kind.”
I snorted. “It’s a frozen lasagna from the store. I make it from scratch. Once, I even made the noodles with my own two hands and you’d still rather have a frozen store brand. Where did I go wrong?”
Toby grinned. “Save yourself some time. The frozen kind just tastes better.”
“Blasphemy.” I tapped my wrist. “Home by nine. It’s a school night. Be polite and don’t do anything stupid.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Toby said. “Have fun tonight.”
“I will. Love you.” Then his words registered. “Wait, what?”
But he was already out the door.
Frowning, I opened a cupboard and let it slam shut.
Next, the fridge.
Nothing.
Freezer.
Nada.
I needed to eat, but nothing sounded good.
I could go to the diner, but I didn’t really want to leave the house.
As I was contemplating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a plate of bagel bites, a knock sounded at the door.
Pulling open the door, a rush of cold bulldozing into the front room made me wonder if Toby had put on a heavy enough coat—and knowing in the deepest regions of my soul he likely had on shorts and a hoodie, and I was the worst parent in the world for letting him out of the house like that…
but honestly, have you ever tried to talk sense into a teenager? The. Worst.
Anyway, Mattie sidled his way into the house with a warm smile.
And a bag of food looking suspiciously like it came from the diner.
“Toby said you needed help with something.” He shrugged. “Then he shoved this bag in my hands, told me he’d ordered it by mistake and not to let it go to waste, and that he’d be gone until nine.”
I blinked.
And blinked again.
Then I chuckled and pinched the bridge of my nose. “He’s just like his mom.”
Mattie cocked his head. “Huh?”
“Never mind.”
Mattie shook the bag. “Are you busy? Want to take a break for dinner?”
Trying to decide if I should throttle my nephew or thank him profusely, I gestured toward the table. “I’ll grab plates.”
Ten minutes later, with a spread of diner food before us, we were chatting and laughing just like old times. Things had always been so easy with Mattie and me, and I was grateful that hadn’t changed.
“What made you want to come back to Sugar Pine?” I asked, munching on a fry.
“I think I knew pretty quickly into my journey to California that I wasn’t meant to be out there, at least not forever.
I liked it; it was gorgeous, but I never felt at home.
” The look on his face told me he was far away.
“The first few years were just me trying to get my feet under me; never had the phrase starving artist been so spot on. Then I finally got a client base, settled in, started making good money, and spent most of my time trying to convince myself that artists had to suffer and being sad and lonely out there was good for my art.”
My frown was automatic.
He shrugged. “It wasn’t all bad. I made a few moves, learned a lot about myself, and met some great people. A few years ago, I met this guy. We hit it off pretty quickly and got serious. Longest relationship I’ve ever been in.”
“But?” I wanted to hear it from Mattie and not just Toby.
“Things got messy. He wanted to open the relationship up after a year or so, and I wasn’t willing.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t fault polyamory or open relationships, it’s just not for me.
He was angry and said I was stubborn and didn’t care about his feelings.
I was hurt and felt like he wanted a lot more than I could offer.
In the end, I figured out he’d been cheating even before he suggested we open things up, and it got worse after.
The breakup hurt, but it was for the best.” Mattie took a long swallow of his water.
“I wallowed for a few weeks, but then I woke up one morning and knew what I needed to do. It sounds cliché, but the saying home is where your heart is kept floating through my head and I couldn’t get back here fast enough. ”
“Do you regret leaving?”
Mattie nodded. “Sometimes, yeah. I regret leaving the way I did. I fucked things up and then ran off. I should have stayed to make sure everything was okay. Other times, I’m glad I had the experience out there because it helped make me who I am today—improved my art big time.”
“I’m sorry about the breakup,” I offered.
“It happened on Christmas which really sucked. I think that’s why I’m looking forward to Christmas here this year. Need some happy memories.” His eyes met mine. “I really am sorry for the way things went down back then.”
I shook my head. “No reason to be.”
“Toby told me a story yesterday,” Mattie hedged.
“Oh lord,” I groaned. “What?”
“About some lady asking you out on a date, but then things got awkward when you told her you’re gay.” He stopped. Mattie’s eyes bore into mine as if daring me to deny it in the heavy silence.
“It was even worse when she tried to convince me she’d just been trying to set me up with her brother,” I said with a chuckle.
“When did you know?” Mattie asked, friendly and easygoing as usual, but his words slightly tinged by hurt.
I shook my head, remembering how overwhelming everything had been back then. “I think there’d been hints for a few months, but I wasn’t picking up on them, or I wasn’t allowing myself to acknowledge them. Then Tabby got pregnant, and you left. Part of me wanted so badly to follow you.”
“Instead, I freaked you out by kissing you. Then like some damn kid in a teen drama, I walked away thinking if you really liked me, you’d chase after me.
But you let me leave so I spent the next decade thinking I’d messed everything up.
” Mattie’s eyes gleamed. “I shouldn’t have put you in that position. ”
“You didn’t know everything going on with Tabby at that point. It wasn’t like you purposely put me in any kind of position.”
“Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I’d stayed.” Mattie balled up his sandwich wrapper.
“No reason to think about that,” I said. “You needed to leave, I had to stay. Things were the way they were.” I cleared my throat and caught his eyes. “Doesn’t mean things are the same now.”