Chapter 18 #2
‘So why did you come back from Bristol?’ Her eyes narrowed as she studied his face again and he felt like she could see right through him. She knew him better than anyone else. ‘And don’t give me the “we had a leak” bullshit. You’ve camped in worse situations. Far worse.’
He caught the brief twinkle in her eye and recognised the flicker of an old memory. Camping in the New Forest, the tent collapsing in the rain and wind, and spending the next couple of nights in an old cowshed because they were determined not to let the weather get the better of them.
He sighed. ‘It all went wrong.’ He curled his toes in his smart brogues.
Embarrassment made him close his eyes. ‘Everything I thought turned out to be a big fat lie. My … my so-called friends…’ The memory lanced into him, the pain sharp and fresh.
‘I was just a joke to them. I was never really one of them.’
‘Good,’ said Bets in her usual forthright way. ‘They were dickheads. I never really liked them.’
He laughed although it was painful. Bets always managed to make him see the lighter side of things. ‘You did make that fairly obvious.’
‘Jack, those two girls were snobby, stuck-up bitches who looked down on me from day one and you know it.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘For what? Not standing up for me? I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself. The only person that let themself down was you.’
‘Ouch, don’t pull any punches.’
‘Why should I?’ She gave him a slightly malicious grin, saved by the amusement dancing in her eyes.
‘I’ve got nothing to lose. I don’t need to protect your feelings.
I don’t care about them anymore.’ There was a defiance in her tone that sounded hard and not like her at all.
It made him smile because he didn’t believe her for a second.
Bets had a soft heart; she cared about everyone and everything.
That’s why he’d been so drawn to her originally.
The soft kindness that emanated from her, with every gesture, smile and action. He’d forgotten.
‘I overheard them talking about me. My flatmates. Melissa and Saskia.’
‘Melissa, the daddy’s girl,’ said Bets with scorn. ‘Why would you care what she thinks? She’s as shallow as a puddle in the Sahara.’
He ignored that. Bets had taken an instant dislike to Melissa the first time they’d met.
‘We’d been friends for three years. Or at least that’s what I thought.
It was a shock to hear what they really thought about me, and that the job I’d been parachuted into with the promise of a partnership was a sham to get them started.
They had no intention of ever giving me a partnership.
They had quite a lot to say. Apparently I’ve been a bit of a standing joke among their wider circle of friends.
The not-so-posh boy trying to keep up with the in-crowd.
The earnest scholar who needs to work. Useful in helping them when they got stuck.
Amusing to keep around. Good-looking enough to keep around.
Book-smart enough to keep around.’ Jack’s anger suddenly flared.
‘Keep around. Like I was some fucking pet.’
Bets put her hand on his arm, but let him rage.
‘How fucking patronising were they? Letting me live with them,’ he spat. ‘Apparently I wasn’t “quite the thing”.’ He mimicked Melissa’s cut-glass tones. ‘I just packed my stuff and left. I felt so bloody humiliated and stupid. What an idiot.’
Bets smiled at him. ‘Yeah, you’re an idiot … for believing that crap. You just hung around with the wrong people. Don’t let their snobby values define you. Or their view of you. There are plenty of people that think a lot of you. Although I couldn’t name any at the moment because—’
‘I’m public enemy number one in the village.’
She nodded with a rueful smile.
‘I don’t mind that so much. That’s personal. They have a reason for it. They all love you. And I’m sorry. I didn’t do things properly. I should have told you a lot sooner how I was feeling.’
‘Yes, you should. Not that it would have made things any easier. In fact I’m starting to think you’ve done me a favour.’
Jack started, not sure he liked the sound of that.
‘Maybe we were both stuck in a rut. I’ve been attached to your coattails for as long as I can remember. I stopped being me. Doing things for me. My default was always, What would Jack think?’ Her mouth hardened into a flat line.
If he were totally honest, hearing it said out loud bruised his ego just a little. To his shame he realised he’d rather enjoyed the teenage adulation. Maybe he had had things too easy for too long.
‘I’m sad about that,’ he said, genuinely meaning it. ‘Maybe we got together too early and shouldn’t have stayed together as long as we did.’
Bets gave him a gentle smile. ‘Teenage romance that got stuck.’
‘Yeah,’ he agreed quietly.
‘Doesn’t make it any easier, though.’
‘I’m sorry.’ And he was genuinely sorry but he had no idea how to fix things. For the time being he was stuck, back in the very place he’d wanted to escape from, hurting the last person he wanted to hurt. What a bloody mess – and he had no one but himself to blame for it.
‘Do you think we can be friends?’ he asked.
Bets shrugged. ‘We can try.’
It was more than he deserved but he missed her, more than he’d realised.
And being friends again would ease the ache in his heart until he could work out what he was going to do with the rest of his life.
The Bets he’d let go was not the same as the Bets standing in front of him right now.
His heart lurched sideways in his chest as it suddenly dawned on him that he might have made the worst mistake of his life.