Chapter 19
Maybe She Could be Happy
River was cozy and warm all over. She burrowed into the blanket wrapped around her, unwilling to leave the comfort it provided.
Despite her earlier troubles, she had slept like a rock. For the first time in what felt like forever, she hadn’t been haunted by waves or screams or storms of any kind.
She felt rested. Invigorated, even.
River took in the room, her lips tilting up.
She’d traded her pillow for Nikhail’s chest, and his arms were wrapped around her tightly, holding her to him.
She visually traced his well-defined muscles, admiring his form as he slumbered.
There was a softness about him that she rarely saw when he was awake. A peacefulness that she envied.
River could stay here forever. There was a pleasant soreness between her legs, and a soft sigh slipped out of her. She’d always known Nikhail would be good in bed, but he’d exceeded every expectation.
“Morning, beautiful,” Nikhail murmured, looking handsome as ever as he woke.
“Hey,” she whispered, resting her chin on his chest and gazing up at him.
His mouth slid into an unguarded smile. “How’d you sleep?”
“Amazingly. You?”
He tugged her up and brushed his lips against hers. The kiss was soft, yet it reverberated through her. “I’ve never slept better,” he said when they broke apart, nuzzling her nose with his.
River grinned, running her fingers down Nikhail’s chest. Exploring his scars. Learning the feel of him beneath her fingers. He watched her with amusement and affection.
Several minutes passed before she asked, “Do you think it’s weird?”
Nikhail’s brows knit together. “What?”
Her hands stilled on his chest. “That we’re comfortable together so soon?”
On the rare occasions when River indulged in a partner, before she’d sworn off casual sex altogether, she’d never wanted to sleep naked with them. It felt far too personal and intimate, a line she hadn’t wanted to cross. But with Nikhail, she’d fallen asleep without a stitch of clothing.
She wasn’t bothered by that. In fact, she wasn’t bothered by anything. This felt… right. Perfect, even. There was a strange warmth in River’s core that hadn’t been there before.
Nikhail flipped them so River’s back rested on the mattress. He held his weight on his arms, gazing down on her.
“I don’t think it’s weird.” His lips brushed hers. “I’ve been dreaming about waking up with you in my bed for years.”
River’s breath caught. Nikhail kept saying things like that, dropping these massively life-changing statements as though he was simply pointing out that the sky was blue.
“Really?”
“Mm-hmm.” His lips quirked up, and he kissed her cheek. “Look at you, making my dreams come true.”
Dreams.
Because Nikhail wasn’t scared of her. He’d seen the depth of her storm, the danger that resided in her veins, and he wasn’t frightened. To him, she wasn’t the stuff of nightmares.
There was a part of River that, even now, wanted her to run. To gather her things and flee from this man, in case she hurt him. Even with the prohiberis, she knew it was a possibility. Magic trickled in her veins, a reminder of the power she’d been born with, of the storm she was capable of.
But Nikhail trusted her. He wanted her.
River desperately wanted to trust herself, too. She wanted to believe that she wouldn’t hurt Nikhail, that they could be together despite her brokenness.
When River was with Nikhail, she forgot about her curse and the peril she could unleash upon the world. He made her feel treasured. Special.
Loved.
“What are you thinking about?” the air fae in question murmured.
“You,” she whispered. “I was thinking about you.”
His lips twitched. “Good things, I hope.”
She pushed herself up on her elbows and kissed him softly. “Very good. The best kind of thoughts.”
The ones that she hadn’t truly let herself consider for more than a few fleeting moments at a time since that awful night when she was fifteen.
For years, they’d felt like silly dreams, but they didn’t seem out of reach right now.
Less of a fantasy, and more like something that might actually be attainable one day.
For the first time in her adult life, River could see a future for herself that wasn’t a lonely, solitary existence.
Her mind was brimming with possibilities, and they were good.
Maybe one day, she could be happy.
Maybe one day, the clouds would disappear, and the stars would remain forever.
Maybe one day, River would be able to live with her power without fearing it.
Nikhail tucked a lock of hair behind River’s ear and rested his forehead against hers. For a long moment, they remained there, sharing the same air and existing in the same space, together.
“I’m glad to hear that, because I don’t see how I could be any happier.” His breath ghosted over her lips, and she exhaled, eyes falling shut.
River waited for Nikhail to draw her close and for his mouth to fall on hers. She could feel his hard cock pressed against her thigh. She yearned for him to fit his hardness at her entrance and show her exactly how good their life could be together.
Except his kiss never came.
A cool breeze brushed over her, and when River peered at Nikhail, he was sitting beside her. His head was tilted, as if he was listening.
A knock came from the door a moment later.
“Nik?” Atlas called out. “You in there?”
River’s cheeks heated. She had almost forgotten that the earth fae was here. Now that she thought about it, he probably heard them last night.
They hadn’t exactly been discreet.
“I am,” Nikhail answered.
“And is… fuck, this is awkward.” Atlas made a sound that was part-chuckle, part-groan. “Is River in there, too?” He paused. “Not that it’s any of my business if you are… if the two of you… Gods. It doesn’t matter. Ryker is on his way over. That’s what I was trying to say.”
River threw off the covers and planted her feet on the floor. “Wait, what?”
“Ah. Well, that answers that question,” Atlas said through the door. “Hello, River.”
She bent, picking up her long T-shirt from the floor and pulling it over her head. “Hi.” Her cheeks felt like they were on fire. “Ryker’s coming right now?”
“Mm-hmm.”
River peered over her shoulder, exchanging a worried glance with Nikhail.
Do you know what’s going on? she silently asked him.
She wasn’t sure he understood, but he shook his head. No, his gaze seemed to say.
“Did he mention something about the rebels?” Nikhail asked, pulling on a pair of grey sweatpants.
I didn’t even know he owned sweatpants, River thought. They look good.
She chased the thought from her mind. Gods, she needed to focus. Her brother was on his way. This was not the time to be lusting after his best friend.
Even if that best friend looked like a god brought to life.
“No, nothing like that,” Atlas said. “Apparently, Ryker has been trying to call River all morning. When she didn’t answer, he got worried.”
River patted her thigh reflexively, checking for her phone, before she remembered that she’d left the device in her room last night before venturing into the kitchen for snacks. Then Nikhail had found her, and…
Well, who needed a phone when they had a handsome air fae lavishing them with attention?
River knew that she should probably have more questions, and maybe she would soon, but right now, her words seemed so far away.
Honestly, it was unfair to ask her mind to function properly so soon after waking up.
She would do a plethora of indecent things for a cup of coffee and an hour of silence right now.
Those would be ideal for figuring out how to properly deal with her brother.
Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to be in the cards today.
Thank all the gods, Nikhail didn’t seem to suffer from the same affliction. He crossed the room and leaned against the wall, opening the door a crack.
His back was as sculpted as his front, and River couldn’t stop herself from admiring him. Was ogling him appropriate right now? Probably not.
Did she trace his muscles anyway? Absolutely.
“How long do we have?” Nikhail asked.
Atlas hummed. “Fifteen minutes. Maybe twenty.”
It was only because River was watching Nikhail closely that she noticed the slight tightening of his shoulder muscles. “Okay. Thanks, Atlas.”
“Of course.” The earth fae slapped Nikhail on the shoulder. “I’m going to put on a pot of coffee. I’m glad it’s the weekend. I have a feeling this is going to be the most entertaining day I’ve had in a long time.”
“Fuck you,” Nikhail said affectionately.
“You wish, Galebringer.” Atlas’s low chuckle could be heard as the door snicked shut, and he made his way down the hall.
“So,” River said as Nikhail turned around.
She had plans to keep speaking, but her mind completely blanked at the sight of Nikhail’s chest. It was as distracting as his back. More so, in fact, because of that delicious trail that led beneath the waistband of his—
Focus, she mentally chided herself.
This was not the moment to be admiring Nikhail’s abs. Even if they were the most superb abs she’d ever seen.
A smirk danced on the air fae’s lips, and he leaned against the wall, one ankle crossed in front of the other.
“So,” he echoed. “Ryker is coming.”
Yes. That’s right.
River needed to concentrate on that, not on Nikhail.
“I heard,” she said.
“I can talk to him on my own, if you want,” he offered. “You don’t have to face him if you aren’t ready.”
For a moment, River considered letting Nikhail do just that. It would be easier to hide away and avoid Ryker. She was certain their conversation would be challenging, and River had already dealt with so many challenging things lately.
But Ryker was her brother. He’d done so much for her in her time of need when she was younger, and it didn’t feel right to let their relationship fracture because of this.
Not when he was the only family left who loved her.
“That’s kind of you to offer,” River said. “But no. I think we should talk to him together.”
Nikhail pushed off the wall and closed the distance between them.
“I love hearing that word from your lips.” His mouth slid over hers. “Together.”
“I’m rather fond of it, too,” she said when they broke apart.
It sounded right, like the word itself had been created to describe whatever it was that connected River and Nikhail. They shared another kiss. A third. They probably would’ve ended up back in bed if River hadn’t groaned and excused herself to shower.
She stripped in the bathroom and went to turn the water on. Her hand hovered over the knob, and she froze. She’d been showering in cold water since her last storm, thinking she wasn’t deserving of luxurious comforts like hot water, but maybe…
Maybe she had been wrong.
She imagined that if Nikhail knew she’d been doing this, he’d put a stop to it immediately. He’d tell her she was beautiful and strong and that her curse didn’t rule her. That she was worthy of warmth and care and love.
And River let his words, imaginary though they were, seep over her. She drank them in, then turned on the water.
It was hot as it ran over her, and heat sank into her bones.
Yes, her world was heavy and dark.
Yes, she was cursed, and her mother hated her, and her father was gone.
Yes, she was broken…
But none of that seemed as terrifying as it once had. Because even the darkness couldn’t keep Nikhail from her side. It couldn’t stop the stars from shining beyond the clouds.
Even the darkness, it seemed, couldn’t stop her from finding happiness.