Chapter 25
It’s early morning when they get back to The Evergreen. There’s no crew that greets them and welcomes them back, but at this hour it’s to be expected. Gabriel figures it’s for the best, since James looks like he’ll burst into tears if someone were to stop him on their way to the cabin.
The disappointment isn’t unexpected and, if Gabriel’s honest, he feels a little out of depth at how to deal with it.
It’s not like it’s not shared, obviously he hoped to see the Northern Lights as well, but overall the experience in the Arctic was something he didn’t expect.
For the first few hours, the quiet was unnerving and the vast emptiness of his surroundings off-putting.
But the sledding turned out to be an activity unlike any other. The freedom from the snowmobiling is something he’ll be chasing for weeks to come, just as learning about the natives and the fierceness with which they protect their own was equal amounts of invigorating and uplifting.
The lights would’ve been the perfect way to end the trip, make the ideal conclusion to their journey and complete the list Gabriel knows James drew up for Troms?. He’d hoped that, out of all the activities and plans James penned down in that little book, this one would’ve been ticked off.
Unfortunately it wasn’t. And sneaking a glance at James now, who’s struggling with untying his shoes and getting rid of a few extra layers, he hates how it’s so clear to see that even now James is beating himself up over feeling disappointed.
As if he’s not allowed to be disheartened by these turn of events.
“Hey,” Gabriel says, sitting down in one of the armchairs to untie his own shoes, “you okay?” It feels dumb to ask, but he feels platitudes of reassurance will be falling on deaf ears right now.
He knows that, had he been in James’ shoes, he wouldn’t have wanted empty words of consolation either.
While they wouldn’t be meaningless, because Gabriel would mean every syllable of them, he knows they’re just not welcome right now.
By asking James about his state of being, he puts the ball in his court.
And right now, that’s where it needs to be.
“I’m fine,” James says meekly, clearly not fine at all. He stands up abruptly, making a grab for the set of clean towels on the end of the bed. “Going to take a shower.”
And he’s gone. It’s with a heavy heart that Gabriel tracks his movements, right up until the closing of the bathroom door.
There’s nothing he can do, other than undress himself and make himself comfortable.
He drapes his clothes, cold and damp from the snow, over his cabinet and makes quick work of slipping into his pajamas.
The shower turns on, the sound of the water ricocheting on the tile echoing throughout the otherwise empty cabin, and minutes later he feels the train start moving.
His tired body, as well as his weary mind, drift into sleep before he’s even aware of it.
The soft rainlike sound and the soothing motions of the wheels on the track lull him to a dreamless slumber.
*
When he wakes, the skyline is bathed in light and promising a clear winter day.
It’s the latest he’s woken up during the whole of the trip so far, and for a moment he’s disorientated.
His phone clearly tells him it’s just after ten, meaning he’s missed breakfast. James would usually be up and pattering about right now.
But as he listens to the sounds permeating the room, he’s greeted by calmness and silence.
With caution he turns on his back, slowly turning his head to the man at his side.
By the looks of it, James is sound asleep with his hands tucked underneath his head and silent breaths passing his parted lips.
His heartstrings pull when he spots the red lining James’ eyes and the dried tear tracks on his cheeks.
If only he could make it easier for him.
He lays back with his head on the pillow, eyes glanced up to the ceiling as he thinks about what they could do today.
Breakfast has passed, but he figures they’ll be able to attend lunch and sneak out some bits and pieces to have for dinner.
Tonight’s another buffet night, and even if he’s able to convince James to join him, he figures it’s not the best choice right now.
His hands flex where they’re lying on his chest now, fingers balling into fists when James makes a soft sound and the urge to pull him closer overtakes Gabriel.
The only thing preventing him from doing so is the barrier of pillows acting as a literal hurdle keeping them apart.
There’s another sound, a small hitch in James’ breathing and then he’s slowly blinking open his eyes.
Gabriel has to divert his gaze, knowing that the longing is showing on his face as clear as day.
If only he could gather the courage to actually tell James about his feelings. “Morning,” he whispers instead.
“Morning,” James whispers back in a similar fashion.
With sleep still filling his features, he stretches and closes his eyes again for a brief moment.
Not wanting to break the spell of the tranquility, Gabriel slowly turns on his left side so he’s facing James.
“Didn’t hear you come out of the shower yesterday. ”
It makes James smile, even if it’s a small weak little thing.
“You were out like a light. Even left all the lights on.” There’s a little giggle at his own joke, and Gabriel will take it as the small victory that it is.
Might be best to let the day play out, give James the opportunity to bring up yesterday on his own terms.
Gabriel smiles, a soft little thing that he’s found he only does around James.
“We missed breakfast.” His friend pouts.
Gabriel is utterly endeared. He reminds the other of lunch and that’s that.
The soft silence returns. James twists around a little to grab his phone from the nightstand, but rolls back onto his right side so he’s still facing Gabriel.
Gabriel can’t find it in himself to bother with his phone, content to listen to the sound coming from James’ as he abruptly scrolls through several videos.
He tries not to linger on the fact that James is deviating from his schedule by lingering in bed like this, and the severity of what that could mean.
*
Lunch is a quiet affair, but that’s mostly to blame on the both of them still being somewhat groggy from sleep.
The restaurant is packed and once again Gabriel’s content with the privacy the booths offer.
They’re driving through mountains, with snow-covered tops and rolling hills.
There are frozen lakes meandering through them and as Gabriel digs into his sandwiches, he follows it all with his eyes.
The different kinds of meats and cheese provide a nice change in between the elaborate lunches and dinners from the last few days.
Sometimes all you need is something as simple as an open-faced sandwich, with some fruit and coffee on the side.
“So,” Gabriel begins, bringing the sandwich up to his mouth, “what did you want to do today?” Across from him James has just finished constructing his own lunch with the ingredients that are in between them. He shrugs. Gabriel chews deliberately, thinking of how to cheer James up.
“Oh, I know. We’ve still got that deck of cards, could do that this afternoon?” There’s a teasing smirk on his lips when he adds, “Or we could play Monopoly again.”
A look of horror passes over James’ face, who’s quick to dismiss the idea, “No! No Monopoly. Cards is fine.”
Gabriel grins to himself, turning back toward the window, as the man across from him shudders in mock distress, happy to see some life return to James’ being.