Chapter 13 #4
“You'd better answer it, we’ve been ages.” I ran my eyes along his perfect profile, feeling the need to pull him into my arms and make him feel better. It was a rare thing, seeing Phoenix looking vulnerable.
“OK, be there in five. We’re outside.” He then ended the call and twisted the keys from the ignition.
“Dinner’s ready. They’re waiting for us.”
As Phoenix pushed his door open, I grabbed his arm. “Will you look for him? You’re father? Maybe you shouldn’t.”
Nix glanced over his shoulder, “I don’t know. Let’s get inside. I can’t be dealing with this shit right now.”
My hand fell away as he jumped down from the car. Phoenix didn’t rush around to open my door that time. I could feel the picture I had stolen, heavy in my purse, like a hot rock.
He appeared calm as we walked up to the house, but Phoenix’s calm had always been more concerning than his anger. It was the same with Hudson.
When we got onto the front porch, I put my hand on the doorknob, and Nix covered my fingers with his own. The broken skin on his knuckles was still red and sore, angry-looking.
I chewed the corner of my mouth in silence. Phoenix’s touch was gentle, and I twisted my face sideways. I was just about to speak when he beat me to it.
“Thanks,” he said. It was so quiet that I hardly heard it.
“For what?” I whispered.
He shrugged, “Well, first for letting me in and taking me to see your place. But also, for coming with me today and listening to my shit, especially when you have enough of your own to deal with. And for not giving me the third degree.”
Phoenix’s thumb ran along the back of my hand, his warm body almost crowding me against the door.
I took a deep breath. “That’s fine. I imagine you need time to get your head around it,” I replied in an understanding voice.
“Yeah, something like that.”
As my eyes scanned his face, I could see the pain written across every crease.
“Let me know what you need, Nix. You know I’m here for you, right?” I explained in a tight voice.
He took a deep breath, his thumb continuing to skim across my skin. “I just need a bit of time to process.”
“I get it. Take all the time you need.”
He then lowered his hand, and I dropped the handle, turning to face him fully.
Seeing him look so tortured made me want to drive back to his mother’s house and claw the witch's eyes out.
“Phoenix?” I questioned softly when he didn’t say anything else.
“I think I’ll go for a walk. Try to clear my head. Will you tell Ma that I’ll eat later? Say, I have a headache or something?”
Phoenix had always preferred to lick his wounds solitarily. That was always the way at the Jacksons’ house. He’d only ever joined me on the roof of the house when I was in pain. I remembered how we used to look at the stars together.
“Does Ma know where we were today?”
“No. I know she would have talked me out of going, so I didn’t say anything,” Nix replied truthfully.
“OK.”
Just before I could turn away and open the door, Nix raised his arm and ran his bruised knuckles down my cheek. I leaned my head against his touch, savoring the smell of his skin, and then he surprised me by saying, “I know things are complicated between us right now, but could I ask you a favor?”
I stood rooted to the spot. “Of course,” I smiled with a tilt of my head, searching his features.
Nix’s eyes had softened. “Wait for me?”
My face faltered, “What do you mean?”
His lips pressed into a thin line before he replied, “Just don’t give up on me—on us.”
“Us?” I echoed.
Nix slowly nodded, his eyes hooded. “Yeah, I want to sort this shit out in my head before…”
“About time!”
Before? Nothing, as the door was suddenly yanked open and Micah appeared with a massive grin on his face, belting, “Where the fuck have you two been? Reed’s about to eat his own fist.”
My mouth hung open as we pulled back from each other, both stunned.
Micah’s energy sliced straight through the tenderness of the moment, as both Nix and I snapped to our senses.
We were clearly so overcome with the surprise of Micah’s presence that our dwell in the dark moment evaporated at light speed.
“What are you doing here, man?” Nix volleyed back.
“I heard you were all pining for me, like pussies. So here I am.” Micah did a grand sweeping gesture with his arms, motioning towards his body as if the fricking king had just arrived.
I watched, grinning like an idiot as the big, beautiful black man barged onto the porch and threw himself at Phoenix. You couldn’t help but smile with delight as the two men hugged each other like a couple of girls.
They both pounded each other’s backs in greeting, chuntering away before Micah finally drew away and turned to look down at me. His dark eyes roamed over my body from head to foot.
“Fuck me, when did you get hot?” he replied with a chuckle, dragging me into his arms. I wasn’t a hugger by any means, but my hands automatically circled his shoulders as I sank against his chest. The embrace was almost suffocating, but I let myself be swept up in that feeling.
I had always been closer to Micah than the others, as he used to help me with my science homework.
His hug was literally squeezing the stuffing out of me, and I wiggled away. “Er, air would be good right about now. Unless you’re trying to kill me.” I thought it amusing that he called me hot, like we hadn’t been on call recently.
After a bout of playful banter between the boys, we all entered the house, Ma shouting from the dining room that supper was going cold. Reed added to that with a less-than-polite comment and got what sounded like a slap across the back of the head for his troubles.
I watched as Micah and Phoenix trudged across the hallway towards the scent of Ma’s cooking, laughing, and joking.
They didn’t even glance back to see if I was following them.
I found it interesting that Nix’s desire ‘to clear his head’ had gone, as had that moment between us.
My stomach knotted as I once again felt invisible.
So, all it took to make Phoenix feel better was the appearance of one of his brothers.
I had always envied the bond between them.
They were tight, and I had never really managed to slot into that.
Not that I had tried that hard in the past. I’d been nothing but a whiny bitch towards them all. Maybe that’s who I was now?
My afternoon had started to nose-dive in a less-than-spectacular fashion.
“Don’t give up on me,” Phoenix had whispered.
He wanted to sort his shit out before—before what?
As I clutched my bag against my chest, I knew I had my own demons to slay and decided against pushing it anymore with Nix for a few days.
The thought of discussing what happened between us in his room again was nerve-racking.
“Harper?” Ma called from the dining room.
“Just a minute, I need to wash up.”
“Be quick then, we’re serving up.”
Racing up to my room, I took my trophy out of my bag and placed it in the drawer of my nightstand next to my stash of Tylenol and chewing gum.
My eyes glanced at Tate Parker’s Louis Vuitton wallet, which I’d taken last year.
It still sat in there, partly covered by underwear.
I hadn’t even transferred it to my secret place back at the Manor.
I couldn’t risk anyone seeing me with it.
I knew better than to flaunt expensive-looking stuff around the house.
I had fuck all money, and so questions would have been raised.
All her credit cards were still in there, and some cash.
I remember how amazing it had felt when she noticed she had ‘lost’ it.
After splashing my face with cold water in the bathroom sink, I went downstairs and joined my family for dinner.
Pfft. It was as if the Sawyer Brothers’ importance was baked into the air along with Ma’s cooking.
I entered mid-conversation, Nix glancing at me briefly as I plonked myself into a seat at the end of the table. Ma was serving up. It sounded like Micah had come to visit and was staying for the week.
Everyone was chatting noisily and handing plates around. Micah’s appearance had broken the tension, and the house was alive again.
As I thanked Reed for handing me the vegetables, I watched all of Nix’s muscles relax one by one, but he didn’t look at me. I swallowed back a lump of hurt.
Everyone then shot the shit, with Ma beaming at us all whilst we enjoyed the feast she had prepared.
It was pot roast, Micah’s favorite. He was sitting at the other side of Reed, and they were extremely touchy-feely, theirs being a proper bromance.
Hudson and Nix were on opposite sides of the table.
I tried to catch Phoenix’s eye once or twice, but he was too wrapped up in the return of the prodigal, so I studied him on the sly. It appeared he had shelved what happened with his mother to the back of his mind, for now.
It was like that moment on the porch had never happened, and so I sat back and attempted to soak up that positive vibe. It still didn’t stop me from wanting to hurl my bread roll across the table to get the fucker to look at me.
For a little while. I joined in as much as possible, but it wasn’t easy. The boys were so fired up; it was hard to get a word in edgewise. In all honesty, my high was blown as soon as I’d sat down; that familiar feeling of loneliness blooming in my chest.