Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
HARPER
After dessert, the Sawyer Brothers all made their excuses and went to hang out in the den.
“Are you coming, Baby Sawyer?” Micah said as he moved to follow the others out of the room. I knew he was just being polite and that they wouldn’t want me in there. Ma and I exchanged a look, hers clearly encouraging me to join them, but I wasn’t feeling it.
“No, it’s fine. You guys catch up, and I’ll see you later. I can’t be dealing with any more male hormones tonight, and besides, someone should help Ma with the dishes.”
As shrewd as ever, Ma saw straight through that offer. “That’s alright Harper. Go with the boys if you prefer. I’m just going to stick everything in the dishwasher,” she explained over the plates she had piled up.
“Yeah, come on, little sis, we could double up and kick Hudson’s ass on Mortal Kombat.”
“No, honestly, you know I’m useless at that game. You go.”
“Hey, dickhead. Are you coming or what?” Hudson’s voice sounded from the other room.
“Language,” Ma echoed.
Micah glanced back and forth between Ma and me with a guilty look.
“Go on, scoot,” I barked with a flick of my head.
“OK. Well, I’ll see you later. I’ve got news about the Junior Physics Challenge. The deadline is November.”
I rolled my eyes, “Fine.” Micha had been badgering me to enter that stupid competition all summer. My ‘couldn’t be bothered with that shit’ vibe had clearly gotten lost in translation. Maybe I was losing my touch?
Ma and I watched as Micah left the room. “You could have gone and hung out with them, you know, Harper?”
“I know, but they’re so loud when they're all together. Plus, they clearly need some boy time.”
“They have all week for that. I hate seeing you alienate yourself. They’re your brothers.”
Err, not all of them! I wanted to shout. I certainly didn’t want to see Nix with that label, considering he had only just had his hands down my panties. I couldn’t look Ma in the eye after that.
Turning away, I nervously started to collect the condiments, the jars rattling together, “Anyways, these dishes won’t wash themselves.” And that was the last word she said on the matter, thank God.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time with them; I didn’t want to be in the same room as Phoenix and feel invisible again.
The brother he hadn’t seen for weeks just came home, so stop being a bitch and deal with it. I needed to add paranoid to my list of faults. I ignored that internal scream for common sense.
I felt a mixture of disappointment and envy. That feeling of being seen had faded, and I was once again an outsider.
It’s your fault, you bring it on yourself!
Ma was chatty in the kitchen; we spoke mostly about school and football. She explained that was the reason Micah had come home early, to see the boys' play at the weekend.
When I walked past the den on the way to my room around twenty minutes later, all I could hear was laughing and joking and the boys tearing strips off each other.
They were clearly gaming as I heard them shouting abuse at the screen, something about Micah driving like a bitch.
Flipping them off through the closed door, I slid my phone out and checked my messages.
Cash Ryan had messaged me a couple of times, and there was one from Molly, asking how the road trip with Nix went. I’d text her when I’d been sitting in Phoenix’s mother's house, attempting to take my mind off the need to steal something. Which clearly hadn’t worked.
I thumbed off a reply. I’m not sure. Nix was quiet in the car on the way back, and Micah is home, so we didn’t get to talk properly.
Molly’s reply bounced back quickly. And of course it would, as she wasn’t with her boyfriend, so she had time on her hands. If you tried to contact Mols when she and Hudson were together, you rarely got a response. Hudson said Micah was home for the game. Did Phoenix get to meet his half-brother?
Yes. I messaged back.
Wow. I bet that was weird.
I toyed with telling Molly about what had happened between Phoenix and me in his room, but decided against it over a text message. What if my phone got into the wrong hands?
Taking a deep breath at that memory of how Nix had touched me, I re-read her next message. So, is Micah enjoying New York?
I think so. He didn’t say much. They mainly spoke about the game at dinner.
Are we still going together? Molly messaged with a crossed-finger emoji.
Of course, I wouldn’t miss it. I responded.
After a bit of back and forth about the clash between Nix and Cash at Storm’s house, the subject came to a natural end. Molly then changed the discussion to clothes and asked what I was wearing to the game.
I threw my phone on my bed before going to check my closet.
I needed to make sure I looked hot on Saturday.
My hands skimmed over one of Nix’s old football jerseys.
It was the one he’d worn at Harbor Heights when he played in high school for the Hawks.
He wore the same number now, but this time, he played for the Epic Eagles, and the uniform was white and red instead of gray and white.
My fingers traced his number, forty-seven.
As I pulled it off the hanger, I held it up against my chest and looked in the mirror.
Draping it over my chair, I fought through that depressed feeling that had lingered ever since we got home. The main thing was that Phoenix was OK. The fact that had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his brothers was a hard pill to swallow.
You could never make him happy, especially when he finds out you’re a thief. My feelings for him had always clouded my judgment.
Phoenix had once again pierced that shell I had grown over the last year, and I didn’t know what to do about that.
As I piled my school books on my desk, I glanced back at the jersey, and a cunning plan started to hatch.
* * * * *
Later that evening, I managed to catch up with Micah, but didn’t see Phoenix again that night.
I toyed with the idea of going to his room, but I was worried that I might just end up pushing him away again.
He’d opened-up slightly in the car and allowed me to see his emotional side.
Not something he usually did. Nix had always been the strong one, unlike me.
It had brought me a comforting swell of peace, even if that was short-lived.
I didn’t have time to stew over anything. Phoenix and I were speaking again without fighting, and I knew I needed to bide my time. If I got my problem under control, maybe I never needed to tell Nix about it? There were also exams to think about.
The next few days were busy at school, and I felt swamped.
It was cram week, and every junior had their heads in their books.
I was assigned a new study buddy. He was new to our school and a science major, which was why he was matched with me.
I was also asked to show him the campus.
His name was Harrison Walsh; he was tall and good-looking, like a walking, talking breath of fresh air.
My first impression was that he was a nice, normal guy who came from a decent family with both parents still together and a sister, albeit an annoying one from the sounds of things.
He carried no annoying jock vibes, brooding intensity, or boy from the wrong side of the track’s aura, and it was refreshing.
We sat together at lunch a couple of times, and halfway through the week, we exchanged phone numbers.
And he probably had no awareness of the Sawyer Brothers and their stupid ass warning that all boys should give me a wide berth. I was still pissed about that one.
Molly and I caught up a couple of times during recess, but she wasn’t around during lunch, which was another reason I ate with Harrison.
She apologized, saying that cheer practice appeared to be taking over her life.
We messaged each other through Snapchat on and off, but it was usually just funny memes and pictures, nothing of substance, and I was desperate to speak with her to see if Hudson had said anything about Phoenix.
I also hadn’t had the chance to tell her what had happened between us.
On Wednesday, whilst we were at our lockers, Molly explained that Storm had asked if we were both free for a sleepover the following night.
Storm wanted to discuss outfits for the game on Saturday to ensure there were no wardrobe clashes.
Like that would ever happen, both Molly's and Storm’s sense of fashion was totally different from mine.
Plus, I had already decided. My outfit for the game was intended to make a statement and send a clear message.
One that I imagined both would understand and agree with.
I wouldn’t usually have joined in with a sleepover on a school night, but I decided to accept. Girl talk would be better than no talk. I wondered what Storm and Molly would say when I told them what I had decided to wear for the game.
As far as Phoenix went, we didn’t get to speak as there were always others present.
Hudson watched us both like a hawk, and I wondered how much he knew about what had happened.
I don’t kiss and tell, Phoenix had once said.
Thank Christ for that. I would have been mortified if he had told the boys I saw as my brothers about the sex noises I’d made.
I messaged him a few times, but just about regular stuff. He did reply, but he didn’t elaborate on anything about his mother. It was like our road trip had never happened.
The house was quiet, and so I made good use of the time to study.
All the Sawyer boys were absent from home most evenings that week, and I knew they were hitting the bars after college.
Micah was only home until the following Sunday, and so they didn’t have much time to waste.
The fact that they never invited me niggled, but I was used to it.
I’d never been able to make myself look old enough to get into the places they went.