13. Chapter 13
Chapter thirteen
Erik
“Would you like to explore more?” I ask, trying to break the tension in the car. I promised to take her wherever she wanted to go, and I want her to know I have every intention of following through. “Or would you like to go back to the house?”
“I…”
Raina bites her bottom lip as she thinks. When I give her a quick glance, some of the overwhelm I noticed in the coffee shop is back in her eyes. This has been a lot, and I can’t deny that, but I need her to know she’s not trapped with me.
“Exploring, please,” she says after a moment. “But I’m not sure where to go.”
“Have you heard of ice skating?”
Raina nods. “I’ve seen it in a movie or two. I always thought it looked fun.”
“How about we try that?”
She hums happily, and I can feel the excitement radiating from her. This is how I want her, focused on the present, not worrying about repaying me for getting her away from Charles. She doesn’t have to do that. I don’t want her to.
It only takes a few minutes, and then I’m pulling into the empty parking lot at the rink. They’re closed since it’s a holiday, but I booked it a few days ago just in case she said yes, so we have the entire place to ourselves until noon. It cost a pretty penny to rent it out at the last minute, especially since it’s Christmas Eve, but everyone has their price.
Inside, I guide us past a sign in the lobby that says, “Closed for Private Event,” but Raina tugs on her hand.
“I don’t think we can go in, Erik. The sign says they’re closed.”
“We can.”
“But—”
“We are the private event, little rose.”
Her jaw drops. “Oh.”
“Erik Hawthorne?” a man calls as we get closer to the rink.
“That’s me.”
“Come this way. I’ll get you set up with skates.”
We follow him to a counter, and I give him our shoe sizes. A moment later, I’m guiding Raina to a nearby bench, our skates in my hands.
“What do you mean, we’re the private event?” Raina asks as we slip out of our boots.
“Places like this can get crowded. I didn’t want you to get overwhelmed or risk anyone knocking into you and hurting you. Well, that, and they’re usually closed on a day like today.”
“Oh. Thank you.”
Once she has her skates on, I tighten the laces for her. She’s capable of doing it herself, I know, but I can’t stop myself. I love taking care of her.
“Let me do yours,” she says when I finish. She’s on her knees before I can stop her.
“What—no, Raina, you don’t have to do that.”
She sighs, sounding a little frustrated. “You didn’t have to do mine, either.”
“That’s different. You—”
When she looks up at me, the protest dies on my tongue. This isn’t a picture I expected to see outside of my head. Raina, on her knees in front of me, gazing up at me with those blue eyes so full of determination.
Dammit. We may be alone, but this is the last place I want to deal with an erection.
“I what?”
“I—” Clearing my throat, I scour my brain for what I was about to say, but it’s gone. “I lost my train of thought. Here, just…” I hook my arms under hers and pull her up. “Thank you for tying them for me.”
She smiles, satisfied. “You’re welcome. Now we skate?”
“Now we skate.”
I step onto the ice first. It’s been years since I’ve done this, but I still remember the basics. Knees slightly bent, feet not too far apart, and weight centered.
“Hold onto the wall to start off,” I tell Raina.
She does, practically clinging to it from the moment she gets onto the ice. “This—this didn’t look so scary in the movies.”
“You just have to get the hang of it, that’s all. Move your feet so they’re not so far apart. There you go, that’s it. Now bend your knees just a touch.”
“But how do I—ohhh!” She slips but manages to get her weight back underneath her.
“It’s all right.” I skate a little closer, holding out my hand. “Let me show you.”
She grabs onto me, still gripping the wall tightly with her other hand. I coach her gently, teaching her all the things my dad taught me when he brought me here. It feels like a lifetime ago, yet the pain is still fresh.
Soon enough, Raina is gliding on the ice. She still has a hand on the wall, and she’s not going quickly, but it’s progress.
“Am… am I doing it?” she asks breathlessly.
“You are, little rose. I’m so proud of you.”
She turns to look at me, her lips parted in shock. The break in her focus causes her to lose her balance, and she topples over, taking me with her. I manage to pull her on top of me so I take the brunt of the fall, shielding her from the hard ice.
“Ohhh!” she cries when her head hits my chest.
“Are you all right?” I ask, checking her over.
But she ignores my question, blinking down at me. “No one’s ever said that to me before.”
“Said what?”
“That they’re proud of me,” she whispers. “You really mean it?”
“I do.”
A wide smile takes over her face, and she leans close, her lips brushing my cheek. Her being this close to me has wild thoughts running through my head. Ones of pinning her down right here on the ice and kissing her until she’s forgotten her own name. That and so much more.
I almost do it—almost let go, consequences be damned. But I find it in me to stop myself just in time, instead focusing on getting us both back on our feet.
Raina said in the shop that she never let me go. I believe her, but it’s not the same. My uncle was right. For the past thirteen years, Raina has consumed me. I can’t expect her to match that—especially considering we haven’t even been reunited for an entire day.
She needs time to sort through her feelings. To figure out what’s gratitude and what’s desire. I can’t rush that.
I’d never forgive myself if I did.
. . .
We skate for another hour or so. By then, we’re both tired out and ready to head home. Even though there’s no one here, I can see it in Raina’s eyes that she’s getting overwhelmed. New environments, learning a new skill, not having to appease her father—it’s a lot.
The moment we step into my parents’ house, a chill settles over me. Screams echo through the rooms, telling me to go, to run, to not look back.
Something soft and warm touches my palm, and I almost yank it back before I realize it’s Raina. She clasps her hand in mine and watches me, her brows furrowed with concern.
“You can’t stand being here, can you?”
“It’s… difficult. But I needed to be close to you, and it’s not time to leave yet.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to pull you away from everything that’s familiar to you too quickly. And… there’s something I have to do.”
“What’s that?”
I swallow. “I know I said that I’d only kill Charles if he got too close to finding you. But the more I learn about how he treated you, the more I realize I can’t let him live. Any of them. I’m going to kill them all, Raina. Everyone who’s had a hand in hurting you.”
When she sees the anger burning in me, she doesn’t back away. If anything, the corners of her mouth tip up in a half-smile. “I’d like that.”
I blow out a breath of relief. At every turn, I expect her to finally realize who I truly am, to try to run away from me. But she’s stayed firmly planted by my side, embracing every dark part of me.
“I have one request, though,” she says.
“What?”
“Don’t kill Marissa. She doesn’t deserve it.”
“She abandoned you. She left you there with that monster .”
But Raina shakes her head. “Father was a monster to her, too. I didn’t realize it at first—I was always jealous of how he treated her. But the night before the auction, I saw the truth. She’s afraid of him, too. He’s always manipulating, finding ways to pull people’s strings and turn them into his puppets. It’s not her fault that she had to escape.”
“And what about your brothers?”
Her expression changes to one of indifference, but not before I see the pain. Her hurt. “Maybe they were victims once, but not anymore. They’re just as cruel as he is.”
“And the staff? Should I spare any of them?”
“One. A maid. She was only hired a few years ago. She sneaks in new books and candy for me whenever she can.”
“Not anymore,” I murmur, tipping her chin up with a bent knuckle. “Remember that, little rose. No more. You can have as many books and as much candy as you’d like with me.”
A smile blooms across her face, and she loops her arms around my waist, burying her face in my chest. My arms lock around her automatically, pulling her into me. Every moment I have with her, I feel myself coming back to life. I didn’t realize how lost I was. How desperate I was for this. For her .
“When will you kill them?” she asks.
“I’m not sure.”
“Tonight?”
I raise a brow. “You want it done that quickly?”
“I don’t want you trapped here.” As she says it, she pulls away from my embrace so she can gaze up at me. Her eyes are clear, her expression sincere, caring.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be—”
“No! I know what a place can do to you. How it seeps into your bones and drags you into the dark. You freed me from my cage, and now I’m freeing you from yours. We kill them tonight, and then we leave.”
“As long as you feel ready.”
I’ll have to make some arrangements, but it should be doable.
She takes her hands in mine. “As long as I’m with you, I will be.”
My heart aches. All I’ve ever wanted was for someone to care about me the same way I care about them. And here Raina is, embracing every aspect of me. It feels different than everyone who’s come before her, but what if it’s not? What if it’s all a trick my mind is playing on me?
And god, what if I lose control? I almost kissed her, for fuck’s sake. Multiple times. Hell, I wish I had. But not having her is more bearable than watching her realize she fell into this out of a sense of obligation.
I couldn’t survive that. Not again.
“You know you don’t owe me anything, right?”
With a frustrated huff, she pulls away from me. “Why do you keep saying that?”
“Because I need you to know.”
With a sigh, Raina tilts her chin up, but instead of the hard expression I’m expecting, her eyes soften when they meet mine. “You really don’t understand, do you?”
“Understand what?”
“My heart. How I see you. How I feel about you. I want you, Erik.”
I laugh, but the sound is devoid of humor. “No one has ever wanted me, little rose. Not in a long, long time.”
She steps back in shock. “That can’t be true.”
“Oh, but it is. I’ve spent an entire lifetime not truly fitting anywhere. Since my parents were killed, the only love I received was out of obligation. Family helping family because we’re blood. Because what happened to my parents was horrible. But… no one loved me for me.
“And then I grew up, and most people stayed away. Anyone who did get close had some other motive. Money. Sex. Proximity to a ruthless man who earned himself that reputation at a startlingly young age. People were fascinated. Afraid. But curious, too.
“It all left me feeling used. Caged. Like I was something to peer at through thick glass, only to be taken out when it was advantageous. So… no, Raina. I don’t understand. I can’t. Because no one has wanted me for me since…”
“Since what?”
“Since you. But that was a long time ago, and we were both so young, and I don’t even know what’s real anymore or what I made up in my head.”
Blinking back tears, Raina shakes her head. “But you fit with me. We fit with each other, don’t we?”
“I’d like to think so, but I can’t stand the thought that this is all because you feel like you have to. That, at some point, you’ll wake up and regret me.”
“Erik.” She cups my face in her hands, gasping when she realizes my cheeks are wet. “Oh, Erik.”
“I can’t be something you regret, little rose,” I whisper. “Please.”
“You never could be.”
But she doesn’t know that. How could she?
I pull away and wipe at my face. “It’s almost one. Are you hungry?”
“Erik…”
Turning away, I shed my coat. “Let’s just eat lunch, all right?”
“All right.”
The defeat in her voice kills me, but I walk away.
In the kitchen, I throw some sandwiches together while tension buzzes between us. I expect Raina to stay upset—for her disappointment to morph into anger. But when I place her food in front of her, she locks eyes with me, and I’m almost startled by what I find there.
Determination, not anger, burns in her eyes, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a more beautiful sight.