Chapter 14 #3
I want to tell her that I don’t want that to happen.
It’s partly true. I don’t want to leave her or Mia.
I don’t want to leave Killian. I’ve somehow managed to find another small family, like I did in Math and Cece, and the thought of never seeing them again makes my chest ache.
But I can’t remain. I can’t pretend to be my sister forever, and I still don’t know what will happen once the ransom goes missing along with Hastings.
Will Barony simply send another? Will Dorian demand an even higher price when he learns that the first payment was lost?
Will he decide that a fire bitch from his enemies is too valuable to part with, no matter how much Barony is willing to pay?
I don’t know what I’ll do if that’s the case, but I’ll deal with it when it comes. Cece always says that we don’t need to worry about the curve in the path until we reach it. So, I’ll leave the curve be for now and find a way to navigate it when I arrive.
I tell everyone goodnight, trying to sound casual but Odessa gives me a suspicious look.
“A little early for bed, isn’t it?” she asks pointedly. She has no idea that I’m to meet Killian, but I think she suspects a good many things where he and I are concerned. She’s far too perceptive for my liking.
“I trekked through miles and miles on the back of a smelly oaf of a horse today. I want to bathe and rest, thank you very much.” I suppress a smile and one of her own curls her lips.
“My mistake, princess. Goodnight.” The others take no real notice of our exchange, arguing over who cheated during the last round of cards, and call out distracted goodbyes as I leave.
Odessa mouths details later and I roll my eyes but smile.
I’ve decided that she must not be fucking Killian if she’s so keen on he and I doing.
..whatever it is we might be moving towards.
No, the more I’ve watched them, the more I’ve found the relationship to be that of best friends or siblings—normal ones, not like my bitch of a twin and me.
I grab a fresh tunic and trousers from my tent and take my turn in one of the bathing tents.
The water is frigid, but I take my time, scrubbing away all of the grime from the road and lathering every inch of my skin with the soap Odessa got for me from one of the markets in Tithmoore.
She claimed it was because she couldn’t stand the honeyrose scent I’d been using, but I know that really it was a small token of thanks for Mia despite me telling her over and over that no thanks was necessary.
It’s made from the daska flower with a petal suspended within the clear bar, the shimmering golden stars on full display, and smells absolutely divine.
I finally decide I’m as clean as I can possibly be and dry off, putting on my trousers and tunic.
It’s a deep midnight blue and cut into a low v between my breasts, thin laces crisscrossing the delicate skin there.
I chose it for…no reason at all, of course.
I make my way back to my tent, glancing towards Killian’s but not seeing him.
I tell myself to calm down, I’ll see him soon enough, and head inside.
I brush out my hair and dig through the trunk until I find the ruby-lined hair clip.
A loud caw rings out from the other side of the tent.
I yelp and spin to find Alexi standing on my cot, tilting his head at me as the clip sails past him and hits the side of the tent with a muted thud.
“You scared the shit out of me, you little…” He caws again, eyes narrowing, and I stop the admittedly unflattering words wanting to pour from my mouth.
“Hello, Alexi,” I say instead and the bird ruffles his feathers, cawing in a more affectionate way now.
I walk over and rub my fingers gently down his head.
“What are you…oh!” I realize then that there’s a letter attached to his leg.
I quickly untie the string and rip open the envelope.
Tears immediately spring to my eyes and I cover my mouth with my hand to stop the sob from escaping. Cece’s handwriting is as familiar to me as my own and I run my fingertip along the neat, looping letters as if I can somehow touch my friend’s hand through the ink.
“Cece,” I whisper.
I swallow hard and wipe away the tears so I can read what she’s written.
T –
I’m so glad you’re alright. We were so worried, but knew that you would find a way to keep fighting, no matter the situation. You always do. You are stronger than you’ll ever know.
I have always wanted to travel to the north. If now would be a good time to do so, please do write back soon.
We love you and we miss you.
-C & M
I wipe away more tears, reading her words over and over.
She’s kept things vague just in case someone else was to read this letter, but I know what she’s truly saying: they’ll journey to Duskthorne to rescue me if I ask them to.
I huff out a laugh, imagining Cece riding in like an avenging angel to fight all of Dorian’s army herself if it means saving me, Math at her side as he always is.
I quickly scrawl out a response, knowing that Alexi will get it back to Ryker who will take care of getting it to Helios once more.
I tell her not to worry, that I’m alright and that true winter is not a good time for a holiday in the north.
I promise to write soon, remind them how much I love them, and tell her to be careful and vigilant.
I still worry that Tesni might target them in this insane ploy of hers, but there’s also the threat of war now.
I can’t tell her as much as I’d like right now, but hopefully soon.
I debate on telling her to run to the islands, but hold off for now, hoping that somehow, the war will stop before it reaches them.
Plus, if I tell her to run, she’ll know there’s danger and will immediately come for me instead.
I hadn’t revealed everything in my first letter, but they know that I’m hiding in plain sight in the middle of a scheme of Tesni’s.
I told them we were headed for Tithmoore, though I was already there when I wrote the letter, because I knew if I mentioned Duskthorne they’d both already be on their way.
So, as far as they know, I’m as safe as I can be for now and that’s what matters. Besides, it isn’t a lie. I am safe for now.
I write a second note to Ryker, thanking him a thousand times and promising to write him more soon as well.
I seal both letters and tie them to Alexi’s leg.
He’s much larger than a usual raven, even larger than Barony’s messenger birds, and can handle the weight of the letters with ease.
I give him a few pieces of bread left over from my dinner before he takes off.
Feeling almost giddy, I race to Killian’s tent—only to find him walking out, in his full armor. My heart plummets.
“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing to worry about,” he tells me, flashing a smile.
“I’m sorry for missing our…appointment.” He frowns at the word and I huff out a laugh, despite the worry winding its way through my veins like an angry serpent.
I glance back to the rest of the camp and most of the soldiers are milling around, eating or laughing near the fires, not preparing for battle.
So it must be a small group going. If it’s that small, surely they’ll be fine. ..right?
“I’ll be back soon.”
“Be safe,” I tell him and he nods. He looks like he wants to say more, to do more, his hand rising as he takes a step towards me, but he quickly drops it and straightens.
“Sleep well, Tess.”
With that, he strides away and I head back into my tent, admittedly pouting.
I pull my tunic off, glaring at the top and the fact that it didn’t serve the purpose I’d hoped it would this evening, and unlace my boots.
I’d gotten some proper riding boots when we were in Tithmoore and they’re far superior to the blasted things Tesni had in her trunk or had dressed me in that first day.
I shimmy out of my trousers, pull on a short silk nightgown with thin straps, and flop onto my cot, staring through the hole in the roof until the light fades and the stars appear.
Soren slinks inside and settles on his furs.
-They will be fine. It is a small group from the enemy army. A scouting party of some sort.-
I turn to look at him. “Why do they keep sending these small groups, do you think? It seems silly to me.”
-Perhaps they are hoping to find weaknesses in Blackheart’s army, in their responses and tactics, before sending in their full contingent.-
I mull that over. It makes a kind of sense I suppose.
I let out a long, measured sigh, my head pounding trying to keep track of all of the things I don’t know or understand, all of the worries and what-ifs.
I wait for someone to come and collar me, but no one does.
I start at that, bolting upright. Now would be the time.
We could run, I could use my Gift and we can escape.
Despite their new alliance, I feel certain that Ryker would shelter me if we made our way back to Tithmoore.
But I don’t move.
I lie back and tell myself that I don’t leave because it’s probably a test of some sort and there are armed guards waiting just outside to watch me, but the truth of the matter is that I don’t want to leave. Not like this. Not without saying goodbye.
Not without him.
I turn and bury my face in the pillow, groaning.
Soren chuckles low and I curse him silently.
I sigh and roll back over to stare up at the stars once more, trying not to worry about the group going out to meet this threat, trying not to worry about the fact that I’ve lost my heart to a man who may or may not still be my enemy, trying not to worry about this war and my friends and the fate of the entire fucking empire.