Chapter 10
Charlie
1 year later
It felt like I had been waiting for this day forever, but really, it had only been three hundred sixty-five days. Even though there was a heaviness because of it being the anniversary of my nana’s death, I was also excited to finally (maybe) find out what Nana had written in my mom’s note.
When we pulled into my parents’ driveway, I grabbed the envelope and shoved it into my back pocket. We had already dropped the kids with Jamie and Ethan, so it was just me and Reagan with nothing to soften the blow if this didn’t go well. Oh well. Totally worth the risk.
I knocked on the front door, but instead of waiting for someone to answer, I walked right in. “Anyone home?” I shouted while looking around for any signs of my parents.
When my mom came around the corner, her eyebrows were furrowed. “Charlotte? Is everything okay? I thought we weren’t getting together until tonight.”
“That’s still the plan. We are going to go get the kids in a little bit and come back, but I need to give you something first.” I grabbed the envelope from my back pocket and held it out to my mom.
My mom stared at the envelope for a long time then looked back at me. “What is this?”
“It’s a note from Nana. She included it with my stuff and was very insistent in the letter that she wrote me that I wait a year to give it to you.”
My mom grabbed the envelope from me, but instead of opening it, she stared down at it. “Why would she want to wait a whole year to give it to me?”
Because she loves fucking with you. Instead of telling the truth, I shrugged. “I’m not sure. All I know is that she told me I absolutely couldn’t say anything and I had to hold onto this until today.”
My mom still didn’t open the envelope. She simply shoved it inside the apron she was wearing. “I guess I’ll read this at some point over the next year.”
“Wait. What?” No. No. No. I’ve been waiting too long for this.
“Oh, come on, Charlotte, it’s clearly not that important if she waited a whole year to get it to me. What difference does it make if I read it now or wait until some other time?”
The difference is I’ve been waiting, and I’m desperate to find out what that letter says. “It’s Nana. This is a part of her. You need to read it.”
“And I will, Charlotte. Just not right now.” My mom pointed her thumb down the hallway.. “I have some fresh cookies in the kitchen if you want any. Why don’t you come sit down rather than standing by the door all day?”
I shook my head. What a disappointment. “We’ll be back later. We need to get back to Jamie’s house to make sure the kids get ready in time.”
Before my mother could say anything else, I turned on my heels and opened the door. Once I was in the car, I slapped the steering wheel. “All that waiting and wondering for nothing. Now we’ll never know what the letter says.”
“Who knows. Maybe she’s just saying that and she’s going to read it as soon as we leave.”
“Maybe, but if that’s the case, I highly doubt she’s going to let me see it.”’
By the time we got back to my parent’s house, I had given up all hope of ever seeing that letter, but as soon as we walked inside, my mother asked if she could speak to me privately. I agreed and followed her upstairs where she led me to her bedroom and closed the door behind us.
“I want you to read the note your nana wrote to me and tell me what you think.”
I didn’t know what was crazier—the fact that my mom was willing to show me the note or the fact that she wanted my opinion on it. But I definitely wasn’t going to give up this opportunity. “Oh? Really? I didn’t even think you were going to read it today.”
My mom let out a long sigh. “Your father talked me into it. Or, I guess I should say he guilted me into it.” Without another word, she shoved the letter into my hands.
I immediately started to read it because I worried she would suddenly change her mind and take it back from me.
Sharon,
I know I’ve always been hard on you (I’m not apologizing, it was well deserved), but now that I’m gone, I’d like to offer you some grandmotherly advice. Get your head out of your ass. You have a sister out there that you refuse to talk to even though you know damn well that she did nothing wrong. Since I’m not a cunt, I had the pleasure of speaking to Patricia at Charlie and Jamie’s weddings. I know you’ll probably say you also talked to her at Jamie’s wedding, but one stiff hug and a promise to call (that you didn’t keep) doesn’t count. Anyway, she is a very nice woman, and as much as it pains me to say this, you deserve to have a relationship with someone in your immediate family. From the limited amount of information I’ve gathered, it’s come to my attention that your parents were really shitty people, so I guess it makes sense that you turned out the way you did. But there’s still hope for you, because I know deep down you’re not actually the person you pretend to be. I can’t believe I’m writing this after everything I’ve seen you do, but you’re a good person (deep down… like very deeply buried where no one could ever find it, but I know it’s there). You’ve made some really awful decisions (Okay. Many really awful decisions), but there’s still time for you to make this right.
Take it from someone who doesn’t have much time left (and by the time you’re reading this, it means that time has already run out) — you don’t want to end your life with any regrets. I know that’s going to be nearly impossible since you skipped your own daughter’s wedding and missed out on years and years of having a relationship with your sister, but you can’t go backward, only forward. And it’s time for you to finally become the woman I know that you wish you could be. You put on a good front, but it’s killing you to be the person that you are. You might not think I ever noticed that since I never really liked you very much, but I did. I see everything, even the good in you.
I’ve watched you grow a lot over the past few years, but you still have a lot more growing to do. I’m only going to write this once, but I hope you take it seriously, because believe it or not, I actually mean it (at least, I think so. I’m practically dead. Maybe I’ve become senile). I’m proud of you. You’re working on getting rid of the prejudices that were ingrained in you by your parents (who were emotionally abusive assholes by the way. Just in case no one has ever told you). It’s taking a while, but I know you’ll get there. I know you’ll eventually become the person I can be proud to call family.
Please think about what I said. If you’re considering not taking my advice and finally mending your relationship with your sister, remember that this was my dying wish. Are you really going to ignore a woman who has been dead for a year? You better not because I swear to god I’ll haunt your ass.
I love you (yes, believe it or not, it’s true) and I really do want what’s best for you. Don’t waste anymore time. There will come a day when you don’t have any.
Grandma Olivia
(or “Nana” as the most important people in my life call me)
The note was so very Nana that it actually felt like she was standing in that room with me. I didn’t know whether to smile or cry, but my body decided to do both.
My mom rubbed my arm. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to make you emotional. I just…” My mom looked toward the ground and for the first time in a really long time, I swore I saw a human there. “I want to know what you think I should do.”
Why is she asking me this? “I think Nana was very clear in this letter about what you need to do.”
Honestly, I had no idea why my mom hadn’t reached out to my Aunt Patty yet. It had been years since I first developed a relationship with her, and I had seen her multiple times since then. The only time my mom saw her was at Jamie’s wedding, and as Nana’s note pointed out, she barely even talked to her.
“Do you really think she’ll haunt me?” my mom asked as if that was actually the important part of the letter.
“Honestly, probably. But even if she doesn’t, she’s still right. Aunt Patty is awesome, Mom. She’s awesome and still willing to give you a chance after all this time. You’ve refused to have a relationship with her for over forty years and she still hasn’t given up on you. That’s pretty amazing if you ask me.”
“I don’t know, Charlotte.” My mom rubbed her hand over her forehead. “I don’t harbor any hard feelings toward my sister anymore, but it’s just been so long. I don’t even know if we’d have anything in common.”
“You’re sisters. I’m sure you’ll find something.” I took my mom’s hand and squeezed it tightly until she finally looked at me. “You’ll never know unless you try. You should just call her.”
“It’s not that easy, Charlotte.”
“Maybe it is.”
“Fine. I’ll do it… sometime.”
I knew my mom too well to actually believe that, so I pulled my phone out of my pocket. “No. You’ll do it now.”
My mom shook her head. “No. No way. I haven’t even prepared. What would I say?”
“Start with hello and go from there.”
“No. I can’t.”
I scrolled through my phone and clicked on my Aunt Patty’s name, then hit the call button. If this was what Nana wanted, I was going to respect her wishes, especially because I knew she was right. This needed to happen. “Too late.”
My mom looked at me with wide eyes as if she was a deer in headlights. After three rings, my Aunt Patty picked up the phone. “Hi, Charlie! It’s been a bit. How are you? Is everything okay?”
I waited for my mom to say something, but after almost a minute of silence passed, I knew that wasn’t happening. “I have someone here who wants to talk to you.”
“Oh! Is it Carter? Olivia? I doubt it’s Ronan since you never get him to stay still long enough to talk to me.” My aunt laughed, completely unaware of what a big moment this was.
I held my breath while I waited to see if my mom would actually say something this time. After a few seconds, she finally spoke. “It.. it’s me.”
“Sharon?”
My mom nodded. “Yes.”
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
Wow. This is going well. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes because at least my mom had said something. That was a start.
“My mom is ready to talk, but I think it’s better if we do it in person.” I looked right at my mom as I said the next part. “And as long as it’s okay, I think I’ll come along.”
My mom gave me an appreciative smile, so I knew volunteering to come along was the right decision.
“That would be wonderful,” my aunt said after a moment. “Is it really what you want, Sharon?”
I nodded at my mom and she nodded back at me before she finally spoke again. “Yes, it is.”
We spent the next few minutes comparing schedules and finding a date that worked for all of us that was a month away. After I hung up, my mother sat down on her bed and put her head in her hands. “I’m scared, Charlotte.”
I was pretty sure my mom had never admitted that to me before so I knew this moment was important. I sat down beside her on the bed and took her hand in mine. “What are you scared of?”
My mom shrugged. “I don’t know. Talking to her about the past. Disappointing her. Losing her again. It was easy to get by when I was able to blame her for everything, but this talk could change all of that. I know we haven’t had a relationship in years, but she’s still my big sister. After all this time, when I throw out all my prejudice and blame, I still love her so much and want her to love me, too. Even if I don’t deserve it.”
“I didn’t know you felt that way,” I told her honestly. I truly thought my mom still blamed my Aunt Patty for everything that happened. I was sure she still lived in the fantasy world where she believed she didn’t do anything wrong. “When did it change?”
“It’s been changing slowly over time. You and Jamie have never hesitated to tell me how great she is and of course your nana made a few snide remarks. But the biggest change came after Jamie’s wedding. It was so nice to see her again and I’ve thought about reaching out multiple times, but my fear has always held me back.”
“Well, not anymore.” My mother and I might not have the greatest relationship, but I still knew how important family was, whether it was blood family or chosen family, so I wanted to help her with this.
And who knew? Maybe this could strengthen our relationship even more than the pot brownies did all those years ago.
***
Since Aunt Patty and my mom lived over seven hours apart, we chose a halfway point in Connecticut to meet up. Since it still wasn’t a short drive, we decided to stay in a hotel for one night. Luckily, no one complained when I suggested all getting separate rooms. I knew I would need that space after what was sure to be a mentally taxing day.
My mom and I left early in the morning, so we could meet my Aunt Patty for a late lunch. The restaurant we met at was a small seafood restaurant that had excellent reviews. As soon as we walked inside, I could tell the reviews hadn’t lied. It smelled excellent, so I had to assume the food tasted just as good.
“Charlie?”
I turned around to the sound of my aunt’s voice and found her by the entrance looking completely shell-shocked. When my mom’s eyes met hers, she wore the exact same expression. With both of them standing motionless as if they didn’t know this reunion was taking place, there was no question that they were sisters. Their blonde hair was styled differently and my mom was a bit more stout than my Aunt Patty, but everything else about them was exactly the same.
“Sharon.” Aunt Patty laughed and shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re standing in front of me. I never thought this would actually happen.
My mom held her arms around her body as if she was trying to protect herself from my aunt. “We saw each other at James’s wedding a few years ago.”
My aunt took a tentative step closer to us. “I know, and that was great, but when I never heard from you again after it, I assumed you still wanted nothing to do with me.”
My mom opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, the host interrupted. “Are you ladies ready to be seated?”
“Of course,” I said right away since I was pretty sure the other two women with me weren’t going to answer him.
“Great.” The host gave me an awkward smile as if he could sense the tension between them.
But then again, who couldn’t? If tension was fire, this whole town would be up in flames.
The host grabbed three menus then waved his hand at us. “Follow me.”
Once we were sitting, it seemed like the very small baby steps we had made by the door had completely vanished and we were back to square one. I cleared my throat and looked at my mom. “Mom, I think you have a lot you want to say, so why don’t you start?”
“Okay.” My mom brought her hands onto the table and kept her eyes on them as her fingers fidgeted with each other. “I’m not sure where to start or how to put everything I’m feeling into words, so please bear with me.”
Aunt Patty reached across the table and put a hand on top of Mom’s. “Of course. Take your time.”
My mom took a deep breath and blew it out. “First of all, I want you to know I’ve missed you. And even though I spent years convincing myself that I hated you, I never really did. You’re my sister and I’ll always love you no matter what.”
“I’ll always love you no matter what too. I always have.”
“When everything happened… back when I was a teenager… I didn’t understand. All I knew was that my big sister—my best friend—had left without looking back because she had decided that she liked other girls.”
My Aunt Patty shook her head. “It wasn’t like that at all. I didn’t want to leave. With the way Mom and Dad were treating me, I didn’t feel like I had any other choice.”
“Also, Mom, she didn’t decide to like girls. Please try your best to stay away from those deeply ingrained homophobic beliefs.”
“Oh… I… I didn’t mean it that way, I guess. When you spoke about your preference.” My mom looked at me. “Is that better?”
“Yes.” Minimally, but I’ll give it to you since you’re clearly trying.
“I’m still trying to make sense of how a woman could fall for another woman, but I feel like I’ve made progress. Charlotte might disagree, but I am trying.”
“I can tell you are.” Aunt Patty nodded at me. “You raised an amazing daughter by the way.”
“I don’t know how much I had to do with that, but thank you. She really is wonderful.”
As pathetic as it was, I had to blink back my tears. I think that was the first time my mom complimented me just for being myself. The compliments I received from her growing up came when I was doing the things she wanted me to do, not when I was being true to myself.
“Anyway,” my mom’s hands were still pinned down by Aunt Patty’s so she began wiggling in her seat instead. “I guess I don’t know the whole story of what happened around the time you moved away. Do you think you could share it with me?”
Aunt Patty nodded, her face becoming solemn. It was clear how hard it was for her to relive that time. Still, she did it. She told my mom about the year of conversion therapy her parents put her through. She explained how they made her feel like a stranger in her own house. She let my mom know how badly she wanted to confide in her, but their parents had sworn her to secrecy. With no one to turn to, it got to be too much, and the only choice was to leave.
“My intention was never to leave you,” my aunt explained. “It just so happened that they explained everything to you before I could, and by the time I talked to you, they had already convinced you that I was a monster.”
My aunt removed her hand from my mother’s, then rooted through her purse and grabbed a tissue that she dabbed on her eyes. “Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.”
“I… I didn't know any of that. They painted a completely different picture.”
My aunt chuckled through her tears. “Oh, I know. That’s what they did. It was like that our whole lives. They were always just very good at covering it up.”
“I can’t hate them.” My mom shook her head. “I’m not happy that they did that, but after being without them all this time and only having the memories, it’s not possible for me to see them as monsters—whether that’s what they were or not. So, if that’s what you want, I can’t give it to you.”
My aunt took my mom’s hand once again. “I would never ask you to hate them. Even after all this time and with all of the hard feelings I harbor toward them, I wouldn’t say I hate them. Just like I never hated you. I’ve just missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” My mom smiled for the first time since arriving at the restaurant. “Tell me about your family.”
The rest of lunch was spent swapping stories and making up for way too much missed time. The food was just as amazing as I expected it to be, but it was far overshadowed by watching two sisters mend their broken relationship one story at a time.
After lunch, we stopped by a few shops in town, then went back to the hotel to relax and freshen up before going for dinner at the hotel restaurant.
After showering, I threw myself down on my bed, happy to have some time to myself to breathe. I grabbed my phone and facetimed Reagan, unsure if she would be able to talk when she had all three kids. I was pleasantly surprised when the phone only rang twice before she picked up.
She was sitting on the guest bed at Jamie and Ethan’s house looking completely relaxed, and much to my surprise, there were no sounds of children around her. I lifted an eyebrow at her. “Did you finally do it? Did you murder our children?”
Reagan threw her head back in laughter and it was the most beautiful sight in the whole world. It made my heart sting though because all I wanted was to be sitting there beside her.
“Believe it or not, your dad and Ethan volunteered to take them somewhere special so Jamie and I could relax.”
“My dad and Ethan? Doing something special? Just the two of them?”
“Well, the two of them and four kids, but yes.”
This was crazy. My dad didn’t have a bad relationship with Ethan per se, but they also never shared a tight father and son-in-law bond. “Huh. Is the world coming to an end? Because neither of my parents are acting like themselves.”
“Speaking of which, how was lunch?”
I perked up at the mention of the meal. “It was great, actually. Mom and Aunt Patty really cleared the air. I think they might actually have a relationship moving forward.”
Reagan’s face lit up. “That’s amazing, babe! There’s hope for your parents yet. Wait a second.” Reagan smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Are you naked right now? How did I miss that at first?”
“I am. I just got out of the shower.”
Reagan licked her lips as she stared wide-eyed at the phone screen. “Move the phone down. I want to see more.”
My body immediately heated up as if her request had set me on fire. There was only one problem. “Where is my brother?”
“He literally just got in the shower. You know how long he takes when he gets one. We have plenty of time.”
Now I was the one who raised my eyebrow. “Plenty of time for what?”
“I think you know exactly what.”
I slowly moved the phone down my body and back up again while Reagan made sounds of appreciation.
“How are you so hot?” she asked when I brought the phone back to my face. “Seriously, you’ve only gotten sexier with time.”
I blushed at her compliments. It was nice to have someone who saw me like that, because I definitely didn’t see myself that way. All I saw were stretch marks and the scar from my c-section, but when Reagan looked at me the way she was looking at me now, I truly felt beautiful.
I nodded my head at her. “I think one of us is a little overdressed.”
“One sec.” Reagan must have laid her phone down on the bed because the screen turned completely black. It stayed like that for a minute or two before she picked the phone back up.
She moved the phone up and down her body in the same way I had and just one look at her had me so turned on I wanted to scream. My pulse was pounding in my center and I had no doubt that I was already wet. I was in desperate need of release, but I didn’t want to touch myself until Reagan told me to. This was her idea after all. I owed it to her to let her take control. She only stayed on her face for a second before sweeping the phone across her body again.
I groaned as I stared at the spots on her that I wish I could touch. “I’m sexy? God, Reagan, have you looked in the mirror lately? How are you almost forty? You’re a literal goddess.”
“Do me a favor?” Reagan asked, her voice heavy with lust.
I licked my lips. This is when it gets good. “Anything.”
“Move the phone down between your legs to a spot where I can watch you touch yourself but you can still see the phone to watch me touch myself at the same time.”
Good lord . For as sexy as that sounded, I didn’t feel quite as sexy as I fumbled around trying to figure out the perfect position to put the phone in so everyone could see what they needed to, and I’d still be able to get the job done. Luckily, after a minute or so of trying different positions, I finally found one that worked. It apparently didn’t take Reagan as long so she already had the phone directed right at her center, which was already glistening.
Without another word, we both began touching ourselves. I watched Reagan run her fingers through her folds as I did the same thing. I imagined the fingers I was watching on the screen were the fingers touching me right now. I let myself believe that I was touching the beautiful woman I was watching.
I moved my fingers up to massage my clit and picked up the pace when I noticed Reagan doing the same thing. I was already finding it hard to catch my breath and my clit was throbbing underneath my fingers, so I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer.
I was somehow able to push out words between my deep heaving breaths to let Reagan know what I needed. “Inside. Go inside.”
I almost forgot what I was doing as I watched Reagan shove two fingers deep inside of herself. I lost the ability to think as she moved those fingers in and out, first slowly and then much faster. After a moment, my pounding center reminded me that I had stopped touching myself.
I used two fingers to mimic exactly what Reagan was doing. I had to fight to keep my eyes open because it felt so damn good I could hardly take it. There was no way I was going to miss the moment she hit just the right spot and sent herself over the edge though. Luckily, it only took a few more thrusts for that to happen. Reagan’s body shook as her fingers stilled. Watching her come was enough to push me over the edge and soon I was screaming out in pleasure.
I dropped my phone and let my body fall flat against the bed. “Holy shit,” I said when I finally caught my breath.
“Holy shit is right,” Reagan said with a laugh. “I can’t remember the last time I came that hard.”
“Apparently I need to work a little harder the next time we’re together, if you’re giving yourself the best orgasm.”
“Trust me, babe. That was all you. My fingers were at your body’s will.”
“Well, thank you, because that’s exactly what I needed. Lunch went even better than I expected, but that doesn’t mean there weren't some awkward moments. I’m feeling refreshed and ready for part two now.”
“Part two of what?” Reagan asked, the sexual innuendo dripping from her voice.
“Unfortunately, not the part two I wish I could have. That will have to wait until I get home. Right now, I have to get ready. I’m sure my mom is going to want to talk to me before we meet my aunt for dinner.”
“Definitely holding you to part two, but have fun tonight.”
“Thanks! Have fun with my brother.”
Reagan pushed her bottom lip out in an exaggerated frown. “I’ll try, but he’s not nearly as hot as you.”
“Goodbye, Reagan.”
Reagan blew me a kiss before ending the call. As predicted, my mom came to my room an hour before dinner so we could discuss lunch and make a plan (her words, not mine) for dinner. In the end, I reminded her she just needed to be herself and not overthink anything, which is exactly what she seemed to do.
With most of the awkwardness out of the way, dinner went even better than lunch had. My mom and Aunt Patty even started to make plans for future get-togethers.
“Charlotte, didn’t you say the kids wanted to have their birthday party at the skating rink close to your house this year?” my mom asked as we ate dessert. “You must invite your aunt.”
Funny since you are the same woman who told me not to invite her in the past. “That’s what they had agreed on after the last time we took them there, but it’s still a few months away, so that could definitely change.” I smiled across the table at my aunt. “But my mom is right. Whatever we end up doing, you should definitely come.”
The smile that spread across my aunt’s face could have lit up the darkest night. “I’ll be there.”