Chapter 15
Charlie
By the next morning, the whole family was back together. Normally, I would be ecstatic about this, but the reason had me less than thrilled. If going through a heartbreak is hard, watching your child get their heart broken is a million times worse.
“So, what happened?” Ronan asked as we all ate breakfast together.
Carter shook her head as she stared down at her uneaten cereal. “I honestly don’t know. I missed her so I decided to surprise her. She was acting weird from the moment I got there, but things weren’t too bad until I started talking about the future. I was curious when she wanted to move in together. I wasn’t pushing it. I just wanted to let her know that I’d be happy to take that next step whenever she was. I mean, we’ve been together so long. It seemed natural that that would come next. But instead of talking about that, she told me she didn’t think we had a future. She said that…” Carter took a long, shaky breath. “That she had been thinking about it and she felt like she wasted so many years. That… that she needs some excitement in her life and I can’t give her that.”
“What a bitch,” Olivia said through gritted teeth.
Carter shook her head. “She’s not. She told me that if we were older, I’d be the perfect life partner, but she needed to have fun right now. And she’s right—I’m not fun. I’m boring, but I’m fine being boring. And I thought she was okay with that, too.”
Olivia scoffed. “You’re not boring, trust me. I’m literally one of the most fun people ever, and you always keep me entertained. That has to say something.”
Ronan put his hand on Carter’s shoulder. “Seriously. If she can’t see how amazing you are after all these years, that’s her loss.”
Carter shrugged. “If she can’t see how amazing I am then maybe I’m not actually that amazing.”
I couldn’t take this. I could literally feel my heart breaking in response to her broken heart. I stood up and hugged her from behind. “Well, I’ve known you much longer than Marcie has, and I happen to think you’re super amazing.”
“You have to say that. You’re my mom.”
“Well, as your big sister, I definitely don’t have to say it, and I also think you’re amazing.”
This finally made Carter crack a smile. “It was four minutes.”
Olivia smiled triumphantly and I knew it was because she was proud of herself for cracking Carter’s shell, even if it was just a little bit. “Still counts.”
“So, what should we do today?” Ronan asked as he stood from the table to take his dishes to the sink.
“I’m not in the mood to do anything.” Carter moved her spoon around in her bowl, but still didn’t eat anything.
“I have an idea.” Reagan put her dishes in the sink as well, then sat down. “How ’bout Mama and I finally tell you the real story of how we met? It’s a pretty good one.”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “I thought you two met because Mom and Jamie went to college together. It’s really not that exciting and probably the last thing Carter wants to hear about.”
“There’s a lot more to it. Trust me,” Reagan said with a laugh, her eyes getting that far away look they always did when she was reminiscing.
I did my best to catch her eye and give her a look that conveyed exactly how I felt about sharing this story with our children. Sure, they were older now, but there were still certain parts they didn’t need to know.
Reagan subtly nodded at me. She then smiled at the kids. “The SparkNotes version, of course.”
Olivia put her hand on her hip and looked between her brother and sister. “That just means they’re going to cut out the parts where they had sex.”
Ronan brought his finger to his mouth and fake gagged. “Thank god.”
Carter chuckled. “Yeah, really.”
“Anyway,” Reagan sat her hands on the table and lifted her eyebrows as her eyes darted between the rest of us. “I met your mama when Uncle Jamie convinced me to go home with him for a family reunion.”
Olivia yawned dramatically. “You told us that. And it was love at first sight, yada yada.”
Reagan put her hand up. “Okay, fine, but what we didn’t tell you was that I went with Jamie to pretend to be his girlfriend.”
Ronan sat up straight, a sudden sparkle coming to his eyes. “Wait. What?”
Reagan nodded. “Yep. He wasn’t out yet, and it was a different time, so he worried about how his parents would react. I figured out once he asked me to come with him that he had been telling his family that we were dating for years.”
Olivia now sat up straighter as well and she lifted one eyebrow. “And Grandma and Grandpa actually believed what you were saying? Did you look more straight back then? Because I could pick out you and uncle Jamie as being gayer than gay from over a hundred feet away.”
I laughed, because it was true. I still couldn’t believe that I actually thought Reagan was straight at one point. “People will see what they want to, even if it’s glaringly obvious that they should be seeing something else.”
“So, Grandma and Grandpa wanted you to be straight?”
I sucked my lips into my mouth as I tried to figure out how to answer this. I never wanted to lie to my kids, but I also didn’t want them, especially Carter, to ever think their grandparents didn’t accept every part of them. Especially with what she was going through now. “Like Reagan said, it was a different time.”
“Well, I’m glad they came around,” Carter said with a smile.
I faked a smile back because had they really come around? Sure, they hadn’t said anything about Carter dating Marcie, but I still didn’t believe that meant they weren’t homophobic anymore. Not after everything else they had done.
Ronan waved his hand. “Okay. Keep going. Did you know that Jamie had a gay sister?”
Reagan shook her head. “I didn’t even know he had a sister at first. Neither Charlie nor Jamie were out to each other, which made the whole thing even more crazy.”
“So, what happened when you got there?” Olivia leaned onto the table as if she was trying to get as close as she could to Reagan so she didn’t miss anything.
“Well, as I’ve told you guys, I was smitten with your mama from the moment I laid eyes on her. Since Grandma and Grandpa thought Jamie and I were dating, they didn’t want us in the same room, so I ended up sharing a room with your mama. One night, we were sitting out on the roof, and without even thinking, I kissed her.” Reagan stared into my eyes as if it was the first time she was ever seeing me. “That was it. I was completely done after that.”
“Oh, come on.” Olivia crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You have to give us more than that. How long did it take you to finally tell everyone? How did they take it?” She giggled. “Was Uncle Jamie pissed? I bet he was, right?”
“That is actually the best part of this story.” When I stared daggers at Reagan, she nodded at me once again. “Nana caught Charlie giving me a kiss. It became this whole big thing because she thought I was cheating on Jamie with his sister. The whole family became involved and we had to clear up what had actually happened. It wasn’t funny at the time, but it’s hilarious now.”
Carter furrowed her eyebrows. “You know what’s weird? That sounds a lot like a scene in one of Laurel Lake’s books.” She pointed to me and moved her lips as if she was calculating something. “You know Laurel pretty well, right? You guys used to hang out when you first started doing her book covers?”
Reagan looked at me for backup, but when all I could do was shrug, she nodded in response to Carter’s question.
“So, did she get the idea from you guys? It’s almost the same except that in her story…” Carter cringed and smacked her hand against her forehead. “Ew. I’m never going to get this picture out of my mind.”
“Wait. I want to know.” Olivia smacked Carter’s arm a bunch of times, but Carter didn’t look over at her. “What happened in the book? What is Mom not telling us?”
“Seriously. You don’t want to know.”
Much to my surprise, Carter burst into laughter. Even though the reasoning might have had my face turning red, it was still great to hear her laugh like this. Much too soon, though, her laughter warped into sobs. “What if I never find what you two have? This was supposed to be it for me and now it’s over. Just like that. With no warning.”
Reagan shot up from the table and ran over to wrap her arms around Carter. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I didn’t tell you that story to make you feel bad. I thought it would make you laugh.” Reagan motioned for Ronan to stand, then took his seat next to Carter, leaning in close to talk to her. “If there’s anything you should take from that story, it’s that finding love isn’t easy. All of the best love stories are a little bit crazy. This is just a bump in the road. It’s not the end for you. You’ll find love. I know you will. You know how I know?”
When Carter shook her head, Reagan pushed a piece of hair behind her ear and smiled sweetly at her. “Because you, my dear, have so much love to give. It would be a shame for that to go to waste, so I have no doubt that it won’t.”
“Is it okay if we don’t talk about Marcie or the breakup for now?” Carter asked. “It makes me sick to think about it. I just want to enjoy the time I have with all of you.”
“Of course.” Reagan stood from the table and patted Carter on the back. “You just let us know what you want to do. We’re all yours.”
Carter chewed on her bottom lip as if she was nervous. “There is one thing I would really like, but I feel bad asking since Ronan and Olivia already had to travel to come here.”
“Whatever you want to do, I’m in,” Ronan answered quickly.
Olivia nodded. “Me, too.”
“So, you’d be okay with going to Maryland? It’s been a while since I’ve seen any of our family down there, and I really miss them.”
“You want to see Grandma and Grandpa?” I asked. “Today?”
If I was being honest, I was worried about what my mom would say when she found out Carter and Marcie broke up. Would she say it was for the best? Would she suggest that Carter could try men now? Just the thought of it made me sick.
“And Uncle Jamie, Uncle Ethan, and Finn if they’re around. But only if it’s okay,” Carter said, now sounding more hesitant. “I know it’s a lot to ask of everyone.”
Olivia hopped up from the table. “That sounds perfect to me. Let’s do it.”
Ronan smiled and nodded. “I agree.”
Within an hour, we were all packed into the car driving down to Maryland together. I couldn’t remember the last time we traveled anywhere with all three kids, and even though these weren’t the best circumstances, it still made my heart warm with happiness to have us all together again.
As soon as we pulled into my parents’ driveway, my mom came out the front door as if she had been watching for us (even though I hadn’t even told her we were coming). “My eyes aren’t deceiving me, are they?” she asked when we started to get out of the car. She put on her glasses and blinked at us dramatically.
Ronan held his arms out wide as he walked toward the front porch. “It’s not a dream. I’m really here.”
While my mom was occupied with Ronan and then Olivia, I fell into step with Carter. “Do you want to tell Grandma and Grandpa about Marcie? It’s completely up to you. I understand either way.”
Carter shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll just wait and see if she comes up in conversation at all.”
She didn’t have to wait long, because as soon as my mom hugged her, she told her she was surprised Marcie hadn’t come with us.
My heart felt heavy once again as I braced myself for more tears. For a moment, Carter blinked her eyes a few times as if they were about to start falling, but then she held her head high instead. “We actually aren’t together anymore.”
My mom pulled her into another hug, this time kissing her cheek as well. “Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
Carter nodded slowly. “I will be. It was her choice, and it was a huge shock, but having family around definitely helps.”
“Well, I’m glad you came.” My mom gave Carter one more squeeze before letting her go. “This is definitely her loss. Soon enough you’ll find someone new and you’ll understand why this happened.”
Someone new. Did my mom think this new someone would be a guy? It wouldn’t surprise me if she did.
Carter nodded again. “I’m trying my best to believe that, but it’s hard.”
“I know that, dear.” My mom ran her hand up and down Carter’s arm. “But trust me, there are plenty of other girls out there who would feel so very lucky to be with you. I have no doubt about that.”
A fog came over me as soon as I heard my mom say the word girls. Even after all this time, she barely acknowledged the fact that I loved women and I had been happily married to one for almost twenty-six years. I just barely made out my mom greeting Reagan, then telling everyone to head inside to see my dad.
“Are you okay, Charlotte?” my mom asked when I stayed rooted in place.
The fog slowly drifted away and after a few seconds, I finally felt like I could speak again. “Thank you for saying that.”
“For saying what?” My mom tilted her head as she studied my face as if it held all the answers.
“That there were plenty of girls that would feel lucky to be with Carter.”
“Oh. Psh.” My mom waved her hand nonchalantly as if this wasn’t a huge moment. “It’s true. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Of course I agree. It’s just, you said girls. You never said anything inappropriate about Carter being with Marcie, but I don’t know. I kind of thought…”
I let my voice trail off because I wasn’t sure how to put my thoughts into words.
Luckily, my mom understood. “That I would hope this break-up meant she wasn’t gay anymore?” My mom chuckled and shook her head. “I’m sure a few years ago that would’ve been the case, but losing your aunt last year really changed things for me. My prejudices kept me from her for so many years, and now that she’s gone, I realized I can never get that time back. Just like I can’t take back everything I put you and James through.” Her lip quivered, and I worried she might start to cry. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry. I’m so very sorry, Charlotte.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. Between Carter’s broken heart and the apology from my mom, my emotions were being pulled in every direction. I had no idea how to express how I was feeling, so instead, I broke into tears.
My mom wrapped me in a hug. “Oh, sweetie, please don’t be sad. I don’t think my heart can handle both Carter and you being upset.”
I shook my head, then tried to wipe my tears away, but it was impossible when they kept coming. “I’m not sad. Well, I mean, I’m sad that Carter is going through this, but that’s not what my tears are about. At least, not completely. I just honestly never thought I’d hear you say those words, and it means more to me than you’ll ever know.”
My mom put her arm around me. “I know it’s too little too late, but I promise to do better with whatever time I have left.”
As my heart practically beat out of my chest, I thought it might explode. My mom was saying all of the things I wished she had said for years, and while I wished it hadn’t taken so long, that didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was that for the first time in my life, I actually felt like my mom fully accepted me for the person I was. I knew I wasn’t the only person who needed to hear this though. “You need to say all of this to Jamie, too.”
My mom’s eyes fell to the ground as she nodded. “You’re right. I will. I promise.” She lifted her chin up and smiled at me. “Now, what do you say we make that little girl of ours smile?”
I couldn’t stop my own smile from spreading across my face. “That sounds perfect.”
***
The day really was perfect. Reagan called Jamie and he and Ethan came over to our parents’ house. Unfortunately, Finn was on a trip so he couldn’t make it, but the rest of us, including Carter, had a great time. Later that night, while my dad and Ethan grilled and my mom baked, the triplets, Reagan, and Jamie went for a swim in the lake.
I smiled as I watched all five of them splash around as if they were kids again. For the first time in maybe forever this place actually felt like home to me.
When my dad walked up to me and put an arm around my shoulder, I leaned into him. “Your mom told me that you two had a bit of a moment earlier,” he said as he stared out at the lake with me.
“We did. It was nice.”
“I know things have been much better between us than they were with your mom, but I hope you know that I’m sorry, too. Not only for how I acted, but for how I allowed her to act. It should’ve never happened. I’ve learned a lot about being a parent by watching you and Jamie and your significant others. You’re everything I wish I would have been.”
I squeezed my eyes shut to try to keep myself from crying. This weekend had been way too emotional already. “Thanks, Daddy. That means so much coming from you.”
My dad cleared his throat and removed his arm from around my shoulder. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go back to the grill and act like I’m not on the verge of tears.”
“Roger that.”
As soon as my dad walked away, Ronan jumped out of the lake and ran over to me, not hesitating before wrapping me in a big, wet hug. “You looked a little too dry,” he said with a laugh.
I shivered as a light breeze hit me. “Yeah. Thanks for that.”
Ronan bounced from foot to foot then leaned close to me as if he was going to tell me a secret. “So, I didn’t want to say anything in front of Carter because of what she’s going through, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m going to start shopping for rings. I probably won’t propose for at least another year, and I don’t see the wedding happening anytime soon, but I am going to ask Mallory to marry me.”
The hole in my heart from Carter’s news closed slightly from Ronan’s admission. Being a parent was funny that way. I took Ronan’s hand and kissed the top of it. “I’m so happy for you. Do you remember what you told your mama the first time we met Mallory?”
Ronan nodded enthusiastically. “Of course. I told her I was going to marry that girl someday.”
“You sure are.” I smiled contentedly as I let Ronan’s words settle and watched Carter laugh along with her sister and uncle. She was going to be okay. We all would.