Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
That Night
HOLDEN: Hey, babe. So far so good. Billy rented a party bus, but our first stop was bowling at Chelsea Piers. Me and your dad and Eddie against Declan, Nolan, and Billy. And I don’t want to brag or anything, but we won because your boyfriend is legendary when it comes to rolling a strike. We’ve only had two drinks each, so maybe they’ve all slowed down now that they’re parents.
HOLDEN: Oh, and I have a nickname! Billy calls me Haircut. But I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I might even be home before midnight.
PIPER: I am SO happy to hear this! smiling face with three hearts emoji partying face emoji crossed fingers emoji
EDDIE: Bro. Do not drink anything from the bar in the party bus. I brought us a six-pack of Guinness with twist-off caps. I filled them with Yerba Maté. You and I will be the only ones drinking from these bottles. Do not let on that we aren’t drinking alcohol. Just act a little drunk, you know?
HOLDEN: Hey, man, that’s a great idea. I mean, I have a pretty high tolerance for alcohol, but I like the idea of pacing ourselves. Appreciate it.
EDDIE: I’ve been partying with these bozos for years, so I’ve learned a few tricks. The pretty boys must stick together. raised fist emoji
HOLDEN: Okay, so Nolan and Billy figured out Eddie and I were drinking herbal tea from the Guinness bottles that Eddie brought, so they’re making us shotgun the Guinness they brought. Needless to say, thanks to four years of college, I am holding my own. You have nothing to fear.
Also, now I understand why you asked me if I liked Tubthumping because I have heard it five times tonight.
PIPER: That is mostly good news, I guess! grimacing face emoji Love you!
HOLDEN: Love you so much, Poops. Gotta go. Nolan’s opening a bottle of Jameson and pointing at me.
HOLDEN: Hey!!! I’m on a butt!!!
HOLDEN: face with tears of joy emoji
HOLDEN: Boat!
PIPER: skull emoji
BEX: Did Holden or your dad send you the pic of them on the boat?
PIPER: What?! No! Show me!
BEX: image attached I think it was very kind of your boyfriend to let your dad be the Jack to his Rose.
PIPER: Wow. laughing face emoji They look so happy together.
PIPER: Wait. What flag is that behind them?
PIPER: Are they in Bermuda?!
BEX: Shit. Not again.
PIPER: Again?!
BEX : It’s fine.
BEX: It’ll be fine.
Sunday, 12:03 a.m.
“Hey, bayyyybeeeee! I miss you so much. I think I said I might be home by midnight, but I just wanna say that I’m not there. I don’t…I’m not sure where we are now, but there was a beach that we had to run around naked on and an aquarium that was closed? I met some really nice sea turtles but I am not allowed to bring them home, so that made me sad, but it’s okay. I got their email address so I’m gonna keep in touch. And also I met Jerry Seinfeld in the men’s room and I sold him my car for five thousand dollars. But I think I don’t have a car, so remind me to buy a Jag, okay? It has to be a yellow one from 1979.”
“Pah! That was not Jerry Seinfeld! He said he was Johnny Steinberg! He never said Jersey Seinfeld!”
“That was Jerry Seinfeld, Eddie Can of Olleeeee! You’re just jealous because I’m better at Romeo than you!”
“Noooobody is better at Romeo than meeeeee!”
“Psssshhhh! Okay, Boomer! Check this out… ‘O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art / As glorious to this night, being o’er my head, / As is a wingèd messenger of heaven…’ Mic drop.”
“Enh. Good, but… ‘I defy you, stars!!!!’ Boom.”
“You know what—you know what—you know what—we are both super handsome and talented as fuck.”
“Yessss! ’Specially me, but you also, too.”
“Wait—did I call…Piper? Did she hang up? … Hey, where are my shoes?”
“Hey, Piper! Your boy can pahty wicked hard! I bow to him! I bow to you, Haircut!”
“If you ain’t first, you’re last!”
“Ha! I fucking love you, man! I fucking love this guy!”
“I love you, man! Hey, Billy Boston, have you seen my shoes? The ones from my feet? Wait, where are you taking?—”
Sunday, 2:17 a.m.
“ Ohhhh Danny Boy! The pipes, the pipes are callin’ . Hey! I’m callin’ Pipes right now! Wait. Is this on? Hello? Pipes? Piper? Now you, Dec! You sing the next one.”
“ From glen to glen and down the mountain side! ”
“Okay, together, together! The summer’s gone, and all the roses falling. It’s you, it’s you must go and I must bide… I am so sad. I want to go home. Piperrrrrrr!”