Spring Challenges
The heavy spring rains transformed into warmer and sunnier days, which led Ilona back to tending her garden.
Happily, she returned to walking with Rathnon in the forest; while he hunted, she searched for herbs and healing plants.
Ilona collected plants she could use for dyeing wool yarn.
She shared her bounty of healing herbs and plants with Liv, who appreciated all she brought.
As her pregnancy advanced, Ilona found it more difficult to weave nonstop for hours on end.
Instead, she needed to take a break, get up, and engage in other activities.
Ilona spoke to Ivar, who reassured her. Ivar would complete her cradle with plenty of time in the remaining weeks of her pregnancy.
One day in early spring, Rathnon received a summons to attend to the king. This brought great worry to Ilona.
“Did his missive to ye indicate what he needs ye to do?”
“Nae, he did nae. But I suspect he wishes to discuss plans as his wife is due with their bairn soon, like ye. He wants to keep his commitments light so he can attend to his wife’s needs with their first bairn.”
“I ken he is anxious over his wife and their bairn’s birth.”
“Aye. I have nae heard there are any special concerns in our relations with other kingdoms. Aspects of our trade agreements need to be initiated when the weather allows. The king may wish to confer about how best to proceed, since I helped to obtain these agreements.
“If I need to travel, I will try to prevail on his compassion to have us travel to a nearby country. Hopefully, that would enable me to be here for the birth of our bairn. Or mayhap I could persuade him to send someone else. I do nae wish to leave ye at all, but the king commands me to attend to him today. I will try to prevail so I can be back soon.”
Rathnon saw the tears streaming down Ilona’s face and felt her trembling as he held her in his arms. He kissed her and pulled back to study her face. He gently brushed the wetness from her cheeks.
“Do nae worry my love. I will return to be with ye. Sigrid and Liv are here to help ye while I am away. Please take care of yerself and our bairn. I love ye with my life, Ilona.”
“Sigrid helped me send a letter to my parents while ye were away, but that was a long time ago. Will ye take a letter to my parents with ye to give to the captain of a ship? A ship sailing to Orkney or the West Coast of Scotland would reach them more quickly. I wrote to tell them I am safe, ye care for me very well, and we are expecting our first bairn any. time now. I need for them nae to worry about me and to ken what happened to me the day I disappeared.”
With a fierce expression, Rathnon gazed at her intently. “Nae one will rescue ye, lass. If they try, they will meet my sword. Ye are mine and ye belong to me. I protect what is mine.”
“Ye can break my seal and open the letter and read it, husband, if ye cannae trust me. I did nae ask to be rescued. I wanted to allay their fears about me.” Abruptly she said, “Safe travels, husband,” trying to hold her anger in check.
Rathnon sensed the heat of her anger as it emanated from her eyes and saw it in her clenched jaw; he hadn’t intended to anger his wife.
He had said that he would protect her and keep her no matter what, and he hoped that when she fully understood the depth of his love and his intention to keep her safe, she would forgive him.
In a low voice only Ilona would hear, Rathnon held her and said, “I love ye, wife, and I will keep ye safe.” With a passionate kiss, he demanded entrance to her mouth with his tongue that tangled with hers.
Rathnon left no doubt of his fierce love for Ilona.
He released her and mounted his horse. “Keep well, wife. I will return.” On top of his stallion, with a proud and erect back, he kneed his stallion and rode away.
Rathnon and his steed were fluid in motion as they moved—both graceful.
Ilona’s eyes welled with tears. Her heart ached at her husband’s leaving despite her anger.
Ilona kent he wanted to protect her and keep her safe, but it was extremely annoying.
Rathnon made her feel like she was his property.
I do nae belong to anyone but to myself.
I am nae property like a horse or chair.
I never asked to be stolen. Nae one asked my permission.
Ilona kent how ridiculous her thoughts were, but her heart and her will kept arguing with each other.
Ilona turned away with a sorrowful heart. Wiping the tears from her face, she hoped to keep herself busy and distracted. How long will ye be away, Rathnon? Ye kidnap me yet leave me on my own for months at a time.
Sigrid observed the interactions between her nephew and his wife and overheard part of their conversation.
Her nephew needed to learn how to bend to his wife and communicate how important she was to him.
Telling a woman simply that she belonged to him did nae make it true.
Sigrid kent how attentive and protective Rathnon acted toward Ilona, more pronounced after the bear attack and her advanced pregnancy.
“Ilona, I ken ye are angry with Rathnon. It is nae that he does nae trust ye. Rathnon does nae want to lose ye. He loves ye with a fierce heart.”
“My husband cares for me, but he protects me because I am his property.” Angrily she said, “I am nae man’s property.
He stole me from my parents and home. Now, I am with child, and my parents are nae here to meet their grandchild after safely delivered.
Again, he has left me, and I do nae ken when he will return.
I know the king commands him. But will he return before our bairn is born?
” Sigrid hugged her and let Ilona cry on her shoulder until she had nae more tears.
“I understand. Rathnon is always true to his word. He will do everything in his power to return to ye in plenty of time. If the king commands him to leave, I ken he will either return first or send ye a letter informing ye of the king’s plans.
” Ilona nodded, trusting Rathnon to keep his word to her.
“Despite what the king commands, Rathnon will do his best to persuade the king to allow him to return to ye soon. Please be patient with him, child. Rathnon loves ye and fears ye will abandon him. He does nae ken how to handle his feelings, thinking about life without ye.
“As a man, he fears appearing vulnerable. Newly married, he struggles to contain his feelings instead of giving in to his feelings and expressing them. Warriors especially, ye ken, are stoic and fierce and do nae vent their feelings, unless it’s anger, rage, or frustration on the battlefield.”
“Aye, I will try to be patient. I do nae wish to leave him. But I do nae want my parents’ fears to be put aside. Instead, I want them to ken what happened to me and where I am, their only child—I cannae imagine their pain.
“Anyway, I will make bread dough and churn butter today. I can safely take out my anger on the dough when I knead it and churn the butter. I fear if I weave or spin yarn, I will make the weave too tight or break the yarn.”
“Aye, child,” Sigrid said with a wry smile. “Many a time I ken I kneaded the bread vigorously in my anger. The bread was forgiving.” They parted to work on their respective tasks for the day. As Ilona mixed the ingredients for the bread dough, her thoughts turned to Rathnon.
Ilona did nae want to miss him, but she did. Her heart was a traitor. Fire burned in her heart with simultaneous anger and longing in his absence. The unknown time Rathnon would be on the king’s business caused her anxiety, a feeling she had little experience with.
In the past, she had never lost control of her feelings until Rathnon.
Ilona had found comfort in the structured work on the farm with her parents.
Now, she never kent what to expect with Rathnon’s work for his king.
Ilona heaved a gigantic sigh as she left the bread dough to rise.
Then she churned the butter for an hour, tiring herself with her effort.
Ilona was adrift without Rathnon here with her.
He comforted her and made her feel safe and loved with his presence.
Rathnon shared with her every day how he loved her.
Her heart, heavy with guilt, made her realize she should have sent off her husband to do his duty with understanding.
Nae her ire. She heard her mother’s words echoing in her head.
“Nae husband wants a fishwife who takes her ire or frustrations out on him. A man wants a woman who believes in him and supports him.”
Hanging her head, Ilona recognized she had let her husband and herself down by her actions. He had his pick of any woman here and wherever he traveled. Rathnon was handsome, a fierce warrior, and charming.
She blushed at her thought that he was a skilled lover.
Because of her actions, would he discard her?
She still did nae ken all the customs of the Kingdom of Norway.
Could he leave me to fend for myself? Then would his clan reject and banish me without my child?
Even when infuriating, I need to be more supportive.
Her heart grew heavier with mortification and worry for her bairn and herself. My father would be even more ashamed of me if my husband rejected me.
Ilona left the longhouse and strolled to her garden.
She had nae appetite, disgusted with her actions.
Chewing on the leaves of a few plants in her herbal garden and drinking from her waterskin, she skipped the mid-morning meal.
In the afternoon, she worked in her longhouse and ground newly collected herbs.
Later, she returned to the longhouse and sewed, trying to slow her tortured thinking.
At dinner, Sigrid joined her. “Liv has been called away. She’s caring for people who are ill in the next village.
I do nae ken how long she will be gone. People here may seek yer aid to help them since ye are a healer. ”