Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
RYAN
THEN
I t had been six weeks since Jay died and four weeks since I last saw Lexi. I regretted not stopping her the day she left me in the cemetery, or instantly jumping on my bike and following her in the hopes of stopping her from disappearing. But I was in shock. I knew Lexi was hurting and there was nothing I could do to help her heal that pain except just be there for her. But I didn’t realize just how haunted she felt. She described everything I felt as well. Every time I rode, I looked for Jay beside me and every time he wasn’t there, I had to feel that loss all over again.
I hadn’t been able to sleep since the night of the shooting because every time I closed my eyes, I relived that night. I heard the fence break from the impact of the van. I heard the van’s tires screech as they came to a stop in front of us. I heard the van door open. I heard the gunshots firing at us. And worst of all, I heard Jay calling my name.
I was trying to hold it together for Lexi because she needed me to be strong for her; she needed to be the one to break down and I needed to be the one to help her, just like I promised Jay I would. But I failed. I stayed in her room all night after the funeral, just waiting for her to come through the door and curl back up into her bed. But she never did. She never came back and she hadn’t answered any calls from her dad, Haz or me. The only contact that any of us have had was when she messaged her dad a simple text message saying she was safe the day after she left.
I gave up after two weeks of waiting in her bedroom and Haz brought me back to the clubhouse where I had stayed for the last two weeks. The only time I left my room was to go out to the bar to get another bottle of whiskey and then I’d come straight back in. Being drunk was the only way I could escape the pain and loneliness I felt. A year ago, Jay and Lexi Davis had been just family friends and I hardly knew them; but now I had no idea how I was supposed to live in a world where they weren’t here with me. I couldn’t and didn’t want to imagine a life without them.
Haz had been trying to help where he could, but even he didn’t know what to do with me. He tried to take away the alcohol when I’d had too much, but I always found a way to get more. He helped me shower when I had drunk myself into such a state that I vomited on myself or the floor.
The Vipers had meetings about the shooting and we knew straight away that the Horsemen were responsible. Half of the club were a part of the retaliation which ended up in two Horsemen dead, and since then the two club Presidents had sat down to work out a truce to prevent any further bloodshed on either side.
“Ry, you awake?” Haz knocked on my door as he poked his head through to look at me. I didn’t move from my pillow and just grunted in return, not wanting to speak.
“Time to put a shirt on, brother. You’ve got a visitor.” Haz walked into the room and picked up a shirt off the floor before bringing it to his nose and smelling it. He gagged and threw it back on the floor. “Okay, so someone needs to do some washing. Never mind about the shirt then.”
The door opened up wider and I slightly lifted my head to see the visitor. I was hoping it was Lexi, but I was surprised to see it was a different Davis; Scotty. I tried to sit up in my bed but the fast movement made me nauseous and I quickly ran to the bathroom, aiming to spew in the toilet rather than the floor this time.
“How long has he been like this?” I heard Scotty ask Haz from the doorway as they both looked at me.
“Since the day she left.”
“I can hear you, assholes.” I removed my head from the toilet bowl long enough to speak and then collapsed next to the toilet.
Scotty came in and sat against the bathtub. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Ryan. I know you’re hurting but you’re going to end up dead at this rate and I cannot lose another son.” Scotty’s words made my eyes instantly fill with tears and it was the first emotion I had let myself feel in weeks.
“I’ve got it under control, Scotty. I’m just trying not to feel it all for a little while.”
Haz and Scotty raised their brows at each other, as if they were both thinking the same thing but not letting me in on the thought.
“What?” I asked them both, annoyed. I put my elbow on the toilet bowl and rested my face in my hand.
“You don’t have it under control, Ry,” Haz said. “Do you know how many bottles of whiskey you’ve had in the last two days?” He knelt opposite me, picking up the now empty bottle I took into the shower with me last night.
“That was the only bottle. I only had like four drinks yesterday.”
“Ryan, cut the shit. You had two bottles. Look, you know I’m always keen for a couple of drinks with you, man. But at this rate, Scotty’s right. You’re going to kill yourself. I thought last night was the night. I found you passed out in the shower and I couldn’t find your pulse straight away and I thought you were gone.” Haz’s eyes were watering and I could see in his eyes just how scared he was.
“Lexi will come back, Ryan,” Scotty interjected. “Lexi and Jay have always had this indescribable bond, ever since they were babies. Did you know they refused to sleep without each other until they were five?” He laughed softly at the memory. “She’s lost right now and she thinks running away is going to help, but we all know it won’t. She needs to learn that for herself though. But you, you need to be here when she comes back. You promised Jay that you’d protect her. How will you protect her if you’re wasted?”
“I couldn’t protect her. I failed. I let Jay down and I let Lexi down.”
“Don’t think even for a second that you let either of my kids down. All Jay wanted was to be a Viper and yes, that may be part of the reason he was killed, but you know what? He wouldn’t care. Meeting you and becoming a Viper was his greatest achievement and I have never seen him as happy as he was wearing that cut. And Lexi, you love her so fiercely and I know that you would do anything for her and that is all a father can ask for. You will only let her down if you sit here drinking yourself stupid day in and day out.”
“Have you heard from her? Is she okay?”
“She’s not okay right now. She’s hurting. She’s safe though. She just needs some time.”
Once Scotty left, Haz turned the shower on ice cold and helped me in because my body was so weak from all the alcohol and minimal food I had consumed the last few weeks. The cold water gave my body the shock it needed and I let the water run over me until I no longer felt nauseous. When I turned the water off and got myself dry, I went into my room to grab some clothes off the floor, but it was clean.
Haz had picked up all of my clothes and taken them out of the room, I’m guessing to the wash, and was standing over my bed ripping the sheets off and gathering them into a ball in his hands.
“I’m just putting them in the laundry. The prospect can do the actual washing part. Let’s go for a ride.” Haz threw my leather cut to me.
I stared down at it for a few moments before putting some clothes on and following him outside to our bikes.