Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Lavina’s hands were cold despite the warmth in the stables. The scent of fresh hay mingled with the musky smell of horseflesh and oiled leather, wrapping around her like a shroud, but it did nothing to ease the tremors in her limbs.
“I…” she started as Theo’s gaze bored into her.
She felt exposed, as if he had stripped her bare before God and country.
“I’m sure whatever ye have to say is important,” he said. He tore his gaze away from her and continued mucking out the stall. “But I have work to do, and ye’re nae sayin’ anything.”
“I’m sorry,” she blurted, desperate to hold his attention.
It was almost as if she would wither away without his gaze on her. Never in all her life had she felt more nervous, not even standing before her uncle.
Her fingers curled tightly into her skirts, wringing the fabric as though it might steady the wobbling world.
She watched as Theo stood like a sentinel carved from granite. His gaze was as unreadable as it was guarded. But there was a comfort about the way he glared at her that made her hair stand on end.
“Is that so?” he asked, his voice husky and deep.
“Aye,” she answered, trying to muster the courage she needed to scrape the words off her tongue. The words stuck in her throat and tasted bitter with shame. “For accusin’ ye. I believed what I was told. But since I came here, I’ve only witnessed the complete opposite.”
Theo’s jaw ticked, but he said nothing.
The silence pressed down on her as if she were a grape. Theo’s lack of response was unsettling. She didn’t know if he just chose to remain silent or if something was lacking in her confession.
Lowering her head, she searched her heart for the truest confession she could give. Swallowing hard, she let the words come out.
“I was wrong,” she continued, forcing the words through a tightening throat. “But ye must understand, the things I was told—”
“Who told ye?” Theo interrupted softly, pulling her out of her mood. It was the gentleness in his voice that caught her off guard.
She looked at him, expecting to find some condemnation, but discovered only curiosity and a steadiness she couldn’t understand.
“Johan, me faither’s man-at-arms. He had barged into the castle. I thought it was the storm that had rattled him, but when he looked at me with those sorrowful eyes, I kenned it wasnae the storm. And he told us, Maisie and meself, what happened to our family.”
“And ye believed him without question? There’s nay reason in yer mind to doubt his word?”
Her stomach twisted. “He’d served me faither since I was a child.
He was loyal. Brave. He carried me faither’s body to his grave.
He was only second to me faither, when it came to rulin’ the clan.
” Her voice broke faintly, and she hated the sound of it—weak, uncertain.
“He was all we had left when the dust settled.”
Theo exhaled through his nose. “Is he the Laird now?”
“Nay.” Her tone turned colder, more brittle. “That honor fell to Uncle Micah. I only wish…” She bit down the last words, but they slipped out anyway. “I only wish it had been him who had died instead.”
Rage shot through her like a sudden downpour. Her limbs went numb as she glanced over her shoulder at the open door. Guilt pummeled her.
She knew it wasn’t right to want someone’s demise, but her uncle was the exception. He was beyond cruel; he was a sadist.
Just thinking of him sent an icy chill down her spine.
Her body trembled uncontrollably as her attention turned back to Theo. Something in his eyes shifted, shocking her.
Out of all the things she envisioned flashing through his mind, she had never thought to see a flicker of recognition and perhaps a hint of pain as her inner demon recognized his.
Theo turned his attention back to his work as he continued his questioning.
“And where were ye when it happened?” he asked, daring to steal a glimpse at her.
Lavina closed her eyes, remembering the sun on her skin, her sister’s dirt-caked hands. “In the castle, cleanin’ up from our time in the garden. Maisie and I had just planted foxglove as we do every spring, expectin’ the storm to water them for us. We had just stepped in when the rain came.
“Maisie had gone to change in the other room when I spotted Johan ridin’ hard through the side window.
Something in me lurched when I saw him, and I just kenned something wasnae right.
” Her voice cracked with the emotion she tried to keep under control.
“Then, Johan came runnin’, blood on his face, sayin’ that our parents were gone as well as our braither. ”
She looked away, blinking furiously. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Theo’s head bobbing slowly as his stoic expression shifted.
“Did ye get a chance to see the bodies before they were buried?”
“Nay.” Her voice was barely a breath. “They were buried before we were allowed to go to the hall to mourn. Johan said the bodies were too…” Her lips trembled. “Too broken.”
Theo’s silence rattled her. She wished she knew what was going through his mind.
He paused his work and leaned on the rake, his eyes fixed on her. There was no malice or contempt in his gaze, but there was something she couldn’t put her finger on. Something in the way he tilted his head and looked at her.
“That’s rather convenient, wouldnae ye say?” he asked with an arched eyebrow.
“What are ye sayin’?” she demanded, her voice rising with an anger she couldn’t quell.
It was as if she had stepped into a fiery furnace; every inch of her skin burned as her blood boiled with ire, threatening to cook her alive. But no matter what she did to calm herself, the memories of those dark days tormented her.
“That I shouldnae have believed him? That I should have questioned a man who swore to give his life for me faither? I was sixteen and terrified! Me world collapsed that night.”
“Ye came into me home, accusin’ me of killin’ them, when ye didnae even see their bodies,” Theo mumbled quietly as he propped the rake against the wall.
He moved toward her, closing the space between them in a flash. Lavina’s eyes widened as he towered over her.
“Ye already had it in yer head that I was a monster. Granted, I may carry the scars, but Lavina, I dinnae think that makes me the beast here.”
She flinched as though his words had struck her. “I didnae mean to—”
“But ye did.” He stepped into her, his frame a towering wall of restrained fury. “Ye looked at me and saw the man ye needed to blame. And I can understand that. Hell, I’ve even played the part for me clan. But I didnae murder yer family.”
She backed away, her heart pounding, but her pride jabbed her like thorns. The fact that he remained calm and collected while her anger smoldered only added fuel to her fire.
“And ye ask these questions like ye ken something I dinnae. Well, just tell me.”
He stared her down. “And what do ye want to ken? What secret knowledge do ye think I have over ye?”
They circled one another slowly, like wolves sniffing out the truth in the other. Lavina’s body tingled as if her ire was hot oil popping from water dropped on it.
“Where were ye five years ago?” she asked, her voice laced with accusation. “During the spring?”
Theo stiffened. His eyes darkened, and his lips thinned. “How many ways must I tell ye the same thing?”
She arched an eyebrow, watching him carefully. “Until I’m convinced otherwise.”
“Ye came out here to apologize for accusin’ me of murderin’ yer family, and yet here ye are again, doin’ the exact same thing,” he huffed, throwing his hand up in frustration.
“I dinnae have time for this. If ye want to go around in circles, go play with Amber. I’m sure she’ll love the game. I have more important things to do.”
“Why cannae ye answer the question? Where were ye five years ago?”
Theo hesitated, clenching his jaw. “I wasnae in a good place.”
“I deserve a better answer than that,” she insisted, folding her arms over her chest.
His voice was raw when he spoke again. “I was lost at sea. A storm caught me boat off the northern coast. I was stranded for weeks without proper food and water, and nearly lost me sanity. Me boat was destroyed, and me leg was nearly shattered. I had to drag meself across rock and tide to survive.”
Her breath caught. “That’s how ye got yer scars?”
He laughed, but the sound was devoid of mirth. His gaze seemed to drift to some place far away. “Nay. I got those long before.”
He turned his back on her, the ire fading from his tone. Lavina watched as he lost himself in his memories.
“I was eight. Bandits had stopped us on the highway leading to the keep. They demanded our things, so we gave them what we could. I was told to hide under the floorboards, so I did. I didnae ken I’d get a front-row seat to me parents’ demise.
The bandits took everything and set our carriage on fire. ”
Lavina’s eyes widened, and her hand flew to her mouth to stifle a gasp.
Theo looked at her. There was no hiding the pain and torment in his eyes.
“I heard it all. Every scream. Every plea.” He paused. “They found me in the end. They thought I was dead when they left me, but I wasnae. I was just too stubborn to let this life get the better of me.”
Lavina’s chest tightened as his words sucked the ire and rage out of her. “I’m so sorry.”
“Dinnae pity me,” he said. “But trust me when I say that I had nay reason to kill yer parents. Nae when I ken what it’s like to lose them.”
She stepped forward as if unable to resist the urge to soothe him. He was hurt. She could see it as if it were mud caked all over him. She reached for him, her hand barely brushing his forearm.
His breath caught in his throat.
Their eyes met, and she saw it all lurking in the depths of his gaze. All his sorrow, rage, and longing—it was all there just beneath the surface, ready to spill over. But it was his desire, which flickered to life like a torch catching flame, that stunned her.
He leaned closer, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear. She didn’t recoil as his fingertips grazed her neck.
“I didnae ken,” she said, her voice barely over a whisper. “I’m… sorry for yer loss and for…”
“I appreciate yer apology,” he returned, his voice hoarse with restraint. “But what’s done is done. Ye cannae bring yer parents back any more than I can mine.”
“But if ye didnae do it, who did?” Lavina asked.
“I cannae say, lass. One blade is just as good as another. Unless there’s something more ye can go on, or maybe a reason yer faither wasnae liked.”
“Me faither was loved by all. His death hurt the whole clan,” Lavina snapped.
“Aye, I’m sure it did. It only happens when a good laird passes to the next life. But how about this?” Theo folded his arms over his chest. “Ye help me with Amber—teach her, get her to read the whole lot, and I’ll investigate yer family’s murder.”
“I can do that,” she agreed softly, though part of her wanted to scream when he dropped his hand to his side.
How she wanted to stay with him in that broken, beautiful moment.
Theo offered a faint smile, the corner of his mouth twitching. “It’s a big task.”
“I’m nae afraid of challenges,” she replied, leaning back. Her curiosity festered under her skin like an itch she couldn’t scratch. “How did she become…” She paused for a moment, hoping her question wouldn’t trigger his ire again. “Mute?”
“That’s how she came to me six months ago.
A lass by the name of Melanie came claimin’ the child was mine.
I wasnae about to turn the child away. But Amber was just as silent that day as every day since.
And dinnae get me started on her clothes.
Do ye ken we’ve been tryin’ everythin’ we can think of to get her out of the mess she’s wearin’?
But nothin’ we do convinces Amber to change,” Theo glanced down at the ground before returning his gaze to her.
“I dinnae ken what happened to her, but at least she’s safe here.
Maybe one day, she’ll come out of her shell and be normal. ”
Lavina’s throat tightened again as the call to help Amber rang like a church bell through the air. “I can help with that.”
He looked at her, long and hard. His skeptical stare did nothing to rattle her nerves. If there was one thing Lavina was certain of, it was her ability to help Amber.
“I wouldnae put too much hope in it,” he cautioned. “The ladies in the kitchen have been tryin’ to get her to speak to nay avail.”
“I dinnae need luck,” she declared proudly. “Just time.”
“As do I,” Theo said as he flashed her a crooked grin, “if I’m goin’ to help ye find who murdered yer kin.”