Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Arkin
A short drive later, we pull down a small dirt road. Weeds sprout from the grooves in the soil, and branches of silver birch slap the side windows. My body jostles as the car rocks gently on the uneven ground.
Zach pulls up in a small clearing, cuts the engine, and unclips his seatbelt. “It’s a short walk from here.”
We exit the car. Tall trees tower over us, their leaves rustling softly overhead in varying shades of green.
“This way,” Zach says. He saunters ahead down a small trail surrounded by a carpet of wild blueberries. Twigs break underfoot as I soak in my surroundings, amazed by the beauty. The forest stretches endlessly, a sea of towering trees with trunks as wide as barrels and bark roughened by time. Mushrooms grow on some, while invasive vines crawl up others. The air is fresh, scented with pine and damp leaves.
Where is he taking me?
We reach another clearing. “This is our town’s little secret. Not many people know about this place,” Zach says, a blush heating his cheeks.
He quickly turns away and walks ahead, but I stay where I am, staring after him until he spins around again.
Behind him, nestled in a cluster of cedars, the old ruins of an abbey rise like a shadow against the blue sky. The walls, fractured and hollow, jut toward the sky like skeletal remains.
What is this place? I wonder as the soft trail underfoot makes way for cracked and uneven cobblestones.
Zach reads the question in my eyes. “The abbey was once known as St. Conwyer’s Sanctuary. The monks who lived here were said to be healers and scholars. Pilgrims traveled here to bring gifts to the abbey’s altar, where a sacred relic was kept, but then, according to lore, whispers of darker practices began to spread.”
As we walk closer, I glance up at the ruins.
Arched windows, empty of glass, stare out like vacant eyes, and ivy crawls over the broken stones, entwining the past and present, like Zach’s fingers threading through mine.
Then what happened? I want to ask, but when I try to form the words, panic slithers through my veins instead, so I stay silent, letting the squeeze of my hand be my voice.
Zach squeezes back. “Some claimed the monks performed rituals in secret beneath the abbey’s foundation. Others spoke of strange lights in the forest at night and pilgrims who never returned.”
My heart beats harder when I see Zach's eyes light up. He kisses my knuckles and walks backward, our hands entwined.
“One day, a noblewoman who sought refuge here disappeared,” he says. He turns and strolls close to my side. “An angry lynch mob stormed the abbey, and the monks vanished into the surrounding forest. They were never seen again.”
We pause, shafts of pale light piercing through the canopy of leaves overhead.
Zach nibbles his lip, glancing around as if he’s suddenly nervous. “At least that’s how the story goes.”
I get the distinct sense he’s never told anyone this before. The way he looks at me now, with an air of vulnerability, has me in knots. Good knots.
“Come,” he says to break the silence. “Let’s look around.”
We explore the ruins—a fallen pillar here, a crumbled altar there. A faint path, barely more than a disturbance in the grass wind between the ruins, leading to what might once have been the cloisters.
Zach’s shoulder brushes up against mine. “This is where the monks would have meditated and studied.”
How do you know all this? The question is on the tip of my tongue, but Zach steals a kiss, a quick peck on my lips before he strolls forward.
In the center, a sunken grave marker tilts at an awkward angle. I try to read the inscriptions, but they’ve faded beyond recognition.
Zach leads us to a partially collapsed archway, with a stone bench beneath, tucked away in what might have been the cloister garden.
He sits down, his throat bobbing on a swallow as he reaches for my hand. I lower myself beside him on the worn and weathered bench. Around us, wildflowers have sprouted through the cracks in the stone.
“This isn’t weird, is it?” Zach asks.
My eyes fly to his. What does he mean… weird? It’s perfect.
“I don’t…” He takes a deep breath, scratching the back of his neck. “I’ve never done this before.”
Done what? I keep studying him, so he chuckles awkwardly, grabbing his neck now like he wants to disappear through a hole in the ground.
“I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve never…” His cheeks take on a red hue. “I’ve never tried to impress anyone before.”
Zach wants to impress me?
“Fuck, I wish you’d say something, so I’d feel less embarrassed,” he mumbles quietly with a soft, nervous laugh, then slides his fingers through mine.
His touch is hesitant and a little awkward, and I love it.
“I like you, Ark.”
I like you too.
He chews on his lip and looks over at the remains of the abbey’s fountain. Its basin is cracked and weathered and overgrown with moss and wildflowers. But I don’t care about the aged beauty around us. All I see is him.
“Let’s play a game,” he suggests, shifting to face me. “I know nothing about you, Ark. Let’s change that.”
His deep voice drifts over me like a vagrant breeze.
“I’ll ask you yes or no questions. Is that okay with you?”
A rook caws somewhere in the distance as wisps of clouds drift across the pale blue sky, but there’s no sign of a bird.
My heart thuds against my ribs as I nod my approval. The idea of letting Zach know me is both thrilling and scary. No one except my siblings knows me, and it’s safer that way. Information can be used to hurt me and the people I love.
But Zachary is my ocean.
He’s as blue as the sky above.
“Okay,” he says before trapping his lip between his teeth while thinking. “Do you like it here?”
My smile says it all. Of course, I do. No one has ever done anything this nice for me before. Zach smiles warmly, too.
“Good.” He nods slowly like he’s letting the moment sink in. “Do you like music?”
A small chuckle. Who doesn’t?
“I take that as a yes,” he replies with a dangerous smile that’s more flirtatious than anything I’ve seen previously. “What type of music? Rock?”
I shake my head.
“No? Not even alternative rock?”
I bite back a smile, then shake my head again.
He shifts to rest his ankle on his knee, the breeze teasing the curls at his ears. “Hip hop?”
I do a so-and-so gesture with my hand. Who doesn’t like Eminem and Tupac? But is it something I listen to on the regular? No.
He clicks his fingers. “I know. You like electronic music?”
I can’t stop my smile when he looks at me like that. This is a side of him I doubt many get to see.
“That’s a yes, isn’t it?”
I lean in close, hand on his thigh, and whisper “yes” against his ear.
A shiver runs through him, and then he grabs hold of my neck, kissing me deep and unhurried, savoring my taste like it’s the last gasp of air he’ll get before he drowns.
The moment ends too soon. He breaks away and smiles another one of his bright ones that rival the sun. “Do you like barbeque ribs?”
I blink at him, dazed by the kiss. Barbeque ribs?
“It’s a deal breaker.” He nudges his nose with mine. “If you say no, there’s no future for us?—”
I cut him off with another kiss, and he reciprocates, his fingers dancing up my chest and into my hair. He pulls me closer, nips my lip, and thrusts his tongue into my mouth with a groan.
“Answer the question, Ark.” He no longer sounds like himself, his voice octaves lower. “Yes or no.”
I nod as he kisses a trail from my lips and down my neck.
“Good,” he whispers. He bites my Adam’s apple and palms my aching, rock-hard cock. “Do you like movies?”
Another frantic nod, my hips chasing his touch. Zach lifts his head to study my face while he strokes me through my jeans.
“Will you tell me about yourself one day?” His touch softens, his eyes dropping to my parted lips. “I’d do anything to hear your voice.”
Another soft nod. I shouldn’t make promises I can’t keep, but I want to. I want to be what my ocean desires.
“What do you want now, baby?” he asks softly, his hand on the outline of my cock, where a wet patch is forming.
He slides off the bench to kneel between my legs, then trails his fingers over the damp fabric. “Do you want me to kiss you here?”
The answer is written all over my face as clear as day. He reads it, then bends to press his lips to my crotch, beside the zipper. Even through my jeans, his hot breath heats my skin, and it takes a herculean effort to stay seated.
He stares into my eyes, kissing the hardness, and then presses his tongue flat against the fabric. I almost combust, my knuckles white on the edge of the bench seat.
Fuck me.
Zach drags his tongue up the length, ending in a teasing flick before he grabs me by the hips and then flips me over. Next thing I know, his front is draped over my back, and he rips open my jeans with frantic movements.
Lips pressed to my ear, he whispers, “Tell me you want me as much as I want you.”
Rough fingers yank my jeans and briefs down, and then he palms my ass, nipping at the shell of my ear. “Tell me you want me inside you, baby.”
My head nods, but he’s not satisfied.
He grabs hold of my nape, his hot breath rushing down my neck. “I’m going to need more than that, Ark.”
The thump in my balls is almost painful. I whine, but Zach tightens his grip and says, “Your voice, Ark. My cock for your voice.”
I swallow hard, my dick achy and heavy. What’s the worst that could happen? We’re alone. There’s no one out here to hear me talk. Besides, my uncle is in jail. He can’t hurt me anymore. Even so, when I open my mouth, fear crawls up my spine, and I clamp my lips shut.
Zach must notice because he drops his head to my shoulder and exhales. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t pressure you to do something you’re not ready for.” He reaches beneath me to wrap his fingers around my throbbing length. “You’re hard, Ark.” His voice lowers to an erotic whisper that makes my dick jerk. “Very hard.”
He strokes me in a slow tease, up and down my length. “This big cock wants me to touch it, doesn’t it?” He sucks my earlobe into his mouth with a hum.
My mouth is dryer than sandpaper. I fuck his hand with swift rolls of my hips, and he buries his nose in my neck with a soft whimper.
“I want to fuck you so bad,” he says in a voice laced with desire and raw need.
I want that, too. I want that more than anything.
“Lie down on your front in the grass, baby.” He moves back, and I settle amongst the wildflowers, the remains of the abbey’s fountain up ahead.
My fingers dig into the blades of grass, and my heart thunders as he rests his knees on either side of my thighs. This is a public place. We’re out in the open. Someone could see us.
He unbuttons his jeans before sliding his zipper down, the sound sheeting my skin in goosebumps. He shifts, pushing his jeans and briefs down his thighs until his cock springs free.
“Can I have you, Ark?” he asks, palming my ass with his big hand.
A blade of grass tickles my nose. He sucks his middle finger into his mouth to make it nice and wet before sliding it between my cheeks and pressing past my tensing ring of muscles. “Relax,” he says, his voice gruff. “Let me in, baby.”
Surrounded by the scent of grass and wildflowers, I savor the slight burn. After Zach spits on my tight hole, he adds a second finger. It’s degrading, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Can I have you?” he asks again, the burn intensifying as he works a third digit inside me.
I dig my fingers into the soil and nod.
“Thank fuck… Unfortunately, I didn’t bring lube, but I have a small tin of Vaseline in my pocket,” he says, pushing his fingers deep. “Tell me to stop if it hurts, okay?”
Another nod, though I think I want it to hurt.
“Good,” he replies. He shifts behind me to lube his cock and then rests his elbow beside mine as the crown nudges my entrance. With his erection gripped in his hand, he pushes past the tight barrier until his swollen crown pops inside, and we both moan in unison.
“Fuck me,” Zach whispers, his voice pained. He lets go of his cock to grab my hip. “You’re so tight.”
After a few shallow thrusts, his fingers twitch on my hipbone. “Does it hurt?”
It burns, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like pain with Zach. I wiggle my butt to encourage him.
“I don’t ever want to hurt you, baby,” he whispers. Then snaps his hips, sheathing himself to the hilt, and drops his forehead to my shoulder. “Jesus, fuck. Please tell me it feels amazing for you, too.”
A mild breeze drifts through the flowers while a bird chirps somewhere in the distance beyond the ruins. Zach trembles on top of me, his cock buried so deep I almost feel him in my stomach.
“Arkin,” he whispers, a puff of breath teasing my nape, and then he pulls his hips back before driving back in.
His deep groan fills the open area, and he pins me to the grass by the back of my neck, fucking me slow and deep, ensuring each mind-blowing glide of his fat cock draws a moan from my chest every time his balls slap against my ass.
Warmth blooms in the pit of my stomach, turning me into a puddle of desire. Nothing has ever felt this good. I say that every time, but it’s the truth. Nothing turns me on more than Zach’s breathy moans and string of curses when he’s balls deep inside me—the way he relents control even when he thinks he’s in charge.
“You feel so good, so good, sooo good!” he chants. He thrusts harder, deeper, then fists his hand in my hair tight enough to cause my scalp to prickle deliciously.
I rut my own hips into the ground, seeking friction, needing the pressure on my throbbing, leaking crown.
Zach notices and grabs my hip. “You like that, baby? Does it feel good when I fuck your prostate?”
“Mppfgh,” I moan, ripping up clumps of grass.
My dick aches—I’m that close. Zach drives so deep that I slide forward on the grass with each snap of his relentless hips. When I whimper, he fucks me harder, deeper, angling his hips to hit that sweet spot that makes my eyes roll back.
As I shift up on my knees, Zach curls his fingers around my hips. This position feels deeper. So much deeper. Zach must think the same because he makes a sexy, choked sound, his hands twitching on my skin.
He pulls me onto his big cock almost aggressively and collapses forward.
With his forehead against my spine, he says, “I’m so close, Ark. Fuck, I’m so close.” His cock throbs, his fingers quivering briefly before he reaches down to play with my nuts. “I don’t want this to end just yet.”
My heart pounds as he rolls my balls between his fingers before drifting his hand up the length of my weeping dick and wrapping it around the swollen girth. “You’re so aroused,” he says, pumping it with a tortured groan.
I whimper, and he mirrors the sound, sounding just as turned on.
We stay like that, joined in the ruins of the abbey while Zach fucks an orgasm out of me with his hand.
Just as I’m about to tip over the edge, he slides his cock out to the tip. And then, as jets of hot cum shoot all over the grass, he drives back in deep.
His massive cock pulses inside me, and he hisses, “I’m coming, Ark,” while rocking his hips and fucking his cum into me. But I barely hear him, afloat on a blissful cloud of untethered pleasure. Moments later, when I finally return to planet Earth, I’m flat on my front, and Zach has collapsed beside me.
He strokes my damp hair away from my brow. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
A soft, satiated smile. You could never hurt me.
After we pull up our jeans and briefs, he settles on his side and traces my lip with his fingers. “Why do you like me so much? I’ve been a dick to you.”
His touch travels lower, trailing through the stubble on my jawline, and then he leans down to kiss the shell of my ear, his breath warm and teasing. “Are you happy?”
I nod, eyes still closed. Very happy.
A kiss on my cheek. “Do you feel safe… with me?”
My heart thuds harder.
“Do you, baby?”
I open my eyes, and he drifts the tip of his nose across my cheek. “Yes.” The word takes flight from my lips and escapes into the woods. Zach stiffens, then eases back to look at me. His throat rolls, and I push up onto my elbows. “I feel safe with you.”
My voice barely carries in the mild breeze drifting through the wildflowers, but it’s the most I’ve spoken in years. One moment, Zach stares at my lips like he can’t believe what he heard, and the next, he crushes his mouth to mine with such force that I topple onto my back.
“You spoke,” he says, his mouth trailing down my neck and back to my lips. “You spoke to me.” Another sweet, sweet kiss. He palms my cheek and drifts his eyes over my face. “You have no idea how much that means to me. What you mean to me.” He hesitates a moment, then asks, “What happens now? Between us?”
I don’t know.
“My parents can’t find out about this. They’d throw you out.” His jaw hardens with regret.
It’s okay. No one has to find out. I turn my head to kiss his palm, and his expression softens.
He whispers, “Fuck, Arkin.”
I love his deep voice when it turns breathy like that. From the first time I laid eyes on him, I couldn’t look away.
He’s had my attention since. Call it a fixation, if you will, but Zach’s hostility only made me want him more. I felt drawn to him in ways I couldn’t explain, and now it feels like I’ve won a prize.
He lies down on his back, and we stare up at the wispy clouds in the sky. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this content before.”
Warmth spreads through my chest at his confession.
Zach interlaces his pinky with mine. “Don’t you ever feel like you’re just going through the motions? Playing the part that people expect you to? I’m tired of it.”
Nibbling on my lip, I roll my head on the soft ground to study the side of his face while a bumblebee buzzes nearby.
Zach points up at the sky. “See that? It looks like a rhino.”
My lips twitch at the change of subject, but then he smiles at me, dimples and all, so I gaze up at the sky to see what he means. I notice it immediately. He’s right—it almost looks like a rhino. And now I’m grinning too, which feels good. There’s not been much to smile about these last few years, but that’s also scary because I know firsthand how fast good things can be snatched away.
Sometimes, it’s safer not to be happy. But as I lie beside Zach on the grounds of an old abbey, amongst all this tragic history, it’s hard not to feel the tendrils of happiness wrap around my heart like ivy.
Sooner or later, despite its beauty, ivy kills.
Here’s the thing: all beauty cuts like a deadly blade when it meets its inevitable end.
So, the question is?
Is it worth the wound?