30. Kate
His scent hit me before my eyes opened.
Kane.
It was intoxicating and warm, overwhelming, yet it felt… like home.
That was the moment awareness smacked me in the face. The firm feeling against my back, the buttery softness against my skin, and the cushion under my head. I was lying in Kane’s bed, pulling him into my lungs with every breath.
My eyes snapped open.
The room was bright. Rolling my head, I looked out the window. I couldn’t see the sun, but his bedroom faces the west, the same way the window in his kitchen does. You can see the ocean in the distance and smell the salty air. The window was closed, but there was a hint of it inside the cabin. That smell also lived on Kane.
I didn’t have to turn my head to the other side of the bed. I knew Kane wasn’t there. I also knew he’d slept beside me.
I could hear voices coming from the front of the cabin. I didn’t try to eavesdrop. I wasn’t ready to face him or anyone else in the pack.
You’re not ready to face yourself.
But I did need to relieve myself, so I crawled out of bed and padded my bare feet into the bathroom, avoiding the giant square mirror hanging over the vanity. Afterward, I could smell myself now that I wasn’t lying in Kane’s scent, and it wasn’t pleasant. I desperately needed a shower, but something else decided to come to the forefront of my mind right then, making the fact that I stunk unimportant.
Kane used his alpha power on me.
The memory from the motel parking lot slammed into me at full force, and it pissed me right the fuck off. My wolf growled from deep inside, which surprised me, considering she always rolls over onto her back when he’s around.
Finally, the bitch is on board, I thought.
Leaving the bathroom, I walk to the door and ease it open enough for my wolf to walk through, then I shed my clothes and shift as easily and swiftly as drawing air into my lungs. We don’t shift like werewolves. For them, it’s a painful process of bones breaking and them usually turning into a feral beast as a result.
Usually, I’d take a backseat and let her do her thing, but I’m curious what she’ll do when she sees Kane. Her claws click with every slow step down the hallway, then her ears perk when we recognize the other voice.
Annalise.
Jagger’s mother.
My...
No. I’m not going there, not yet, not when I don’t know what I believe anymore other than who my mate is. From the second I woke up, I could feel the connection—a tether, though weak at best, is still real, nonetheless.
Shouldn’t that tell me everything?
Jag called me his sister, referred to Trez as Kane’s brother, and told me I smelled like them—the Bloodmoon pack.
So why can’t I believe it?
If Salem glamoured us to hide our true identities, who’s to say she isn’t doing it to make Kane think we’re his missing wolves?
My wolf stops where the hallway turns into the open living room and combined kitchen space. What I see at first makes me almost shift back into my human form. For some unknown reason, I hold back even though Kane is using his alpha power on Annalise. The anger I felt when I remembered he did the same thing to me triples seeing him do it to her.
When Kane unleashes a low growl, I see his muscles bunch, tensing in anger. My wolf’s ears flick back, flattening.
“Why hasn’t my father ever taken any of your pain away? Why hasn’t Eli?” His questions come out hard, demanding an answer, yet it’s also in a warm, caring way toward her.
That has my animal tilting her head in observation.
It takes longer than it should for me to catch on that he’s pulling her raw, suffocating emotions into himself, relieving her of whatever she’s been carrying around for who knows how long.
She lost her daughter, stupid,my conscience reminds me while I realize Kane’s anger was toward his father and Annalise’s mate.
Although I’ve never seen it done, I know an alpha has the ability to draw emotions from any wolf he’s connected to, which would be anyone in his pack. I know this only because I learned it from Annalise herself. So, if Kane’s question holds merit, and he would know, why hasn’t the former alpha or her mate ever given her the relief Kane is doing now?
If I had the same ability Kane does, that Dante still has, that her mate has always had since their bond was solidified, you better bet your ass I would’ve yanked those crippling feelings from her in a heartbeat.
Who wouldn’t is a better question?
A leader’s job is to do what’s best for their people. Compassion costs nothing, so why hasn’t anyone shown her any until now?
Those questions burn inside my chest like acid. My wolf can feel my emotions the same way I can feel hers, and she always reacts to mine, so when the rumble starts deep within her chest, I’m not surprised. Her growls never fail to startle me, though. It’s deeper when she does it versus when the sound releases from my throat in my human form. Hers sounds ferocious.
Kane’s eyes snap to us, widening just before his breath—so audible in the now silence—lodges in his throat.
Annalise whips around, pulling away from Kane’s grip. She sucks in a quick breath, then her hand covers her mouth as tears well up in her pretty eyes. Dashing toward me with a quickness I didn’t expect, her knees slam against the hardwood, and then her arms wrap around my wolf’s neck, squeezing us.
“I’m so sorry.” Her body shakes, and even though it’s against my wolf, I can feel her through my wolf senses. “I should have known, Kate.” A shuddered breath goes down her throat, and in this moment, I wish I were in human form so I could hug her back. “I-I’m sorry.”
It’s okay, I want to tell her, because what else am I supposed to say?
It’s not like I even fathomed the possibility. Sure, the first time we arrived in Moonwake, I was overcome with a sense of home. Provided I stayed clear of a few specific pack members, it felt like I belonged here. But never once in five years has the thought crossed my mind that Trez and I could be one of them. That we were their missing kids who disappeared over twenty years ago.
“Annalise,” Kane says with a softness I’ve never heard from him.
She pulls back but keeps her fingers buried beneath my wolf’s fur.
Fur that I’ve yet to acknowledge is black, not shades of silver and gray.
“I brought you clean clothes yesterday. They’re on the arm of the recliner. If you don’t like them, it’s fine. I just wanted?—”
“Annalise,” he says with more authority this time, his voice laced with his alpha power as he cuts her rambling off.
My wolf’s head tilts, telling me she’s picking up on the same thing I am from him, and it makes her want to challenge him.
Dropping her hands, Annalise pushes off her booted toes and stands, stepping away from my wolf.
“Come here,” he tells her, his voice coaxing and soft.
“No, Kane. You’ve done enough, far more than…”
My wolf’s snout lifts when her voice dies down. She’s staring at me with a mixture of sadness and heartbreak but also… warm, motherly love. I want to embrace her in the same powerful hold she had me in moments ago. I’m just not sure if my reasoning would be for her needs or my own.
“I’m here, Kate. When you’re ready, that is.”
Swallowing, she turns, pivoting quickly and then dashes to the front door like if she doesn’t leave quickly enough, she won’t be able to go.
My breath catches at the same time my chest physically starts to ache. I don’t want her to leave. She’s in pain and Kane can take it away. She doesn’t deserve the suffering she’s endured, and seeing more visibly than ever, I hope I never experience the torture of losing a child.
“Stop.” That one word from his mouth is a command directed toward the woman who may very well be my mother, halting her hasty exit. Annalise’s feet remain inside the open door, her back to us. “If it gets to be too much, come see me.”
Her only reply is a nod of her head, then she steps over the threshold, pulling the door closed, leaving my wolf and me alone with the only man who makes my heart race, whom I want nothing more than to jump into his arms and knee him in the dick at the same time—the only person who’s ever broken me.
Kane’s movement pulls my wolf’s attention to him, but he isn’t looking at us.
He grabs a plate from the cabinet and sets it on the counter next to the stovetop. That’s when my wolf sniffs the air, both of us recognizing the smell.
Meat.
Especially raw venison and cooked elk.
My stomach growls and contracts like we haven’t eaten in days.
Turning and giving us a full view of his bare chest, he steps to us, plate in hand. Bending, he sets the plate of raw deer meat on the floor.
“Eat, my pretty little wolf.”
She snarls, releasing a low warning growl while baring her canines.
Good.
She’s pissed, like I am, instead of swooning over him. Maybe my anger is more debilitating heartbreak, but the emotions are close enough.
This motherfucker is going to get bitten if he calls her little again. There is nothing petite about my wolf or me.
“Whether you’re happy about it at the moment, Kate, you are mine.” He folds his thick arms over his chest. “And I’m yours, mate.”
I would have given almost anything to have heard him call me his mate a week ago. Now…
Now, I don’t even know who the fuck I am.
What I do know is that I don’t want a partner who can so easily use harsh words and threats to hurt me. I have twenty years’ worth of that treatment accumulated to last multiple lifetimes.
Mate or not, I won’t take more. The days of biding my time and holding my tongue are over. Never again will I be someone’s doormat to kick and stomp their feet on.
He drops his arms and squats down again, this time nearly at eye level with my wolf. Cupping her large head in both hands, he holds our stare.
“Eat, wolf. Then shift so that Kate can eat too.”
Kane turns, walking back to the counter. With his back to us, my wolf scarfs down the raw meat, practically swallowing the chunk of meat whole, and I can’t blame her. I’ll probably do the same. Just thinking about the cooked elk waiting for me to devour it has my mouth watering and my teeth aching to tear into it.
But I can’t bring myself to shift.
I’m not ready to face him as me yet. Maybe that makes me a coward, and if so, so be it.
I just want to eat, shower, and find my brother; Trez, not Jagger, though if Jag is my real brother, I won’t be upset by that fact. Trez, being Kane’s brother, is a different story.
I don’t want to think about any of it. It’s too much for my brain to handle.
I’ve never gotten a headache in my life, but the pounding against my temples and above my eyebrows must be what that feels like, and I have to say, it sucks.
Hearing a scraping sound against the counter, my head snaps up, and I see Kane sliding the plate onto the island. It’s the cooked version, and it smells divine.
“It’s cooked the way you like it,” he says, talking to me, not my wolf.
Leaning his hip against the side of the counter, he crosses his arms over his chest. As mouth-watering as the meat smells, watching Kane is more appealing. Too appealing, so my wolf huffs out an annoyed breath through her nose.
“Don’t act like I don’t know how you like things cooked, mate. Every meal you’ve ever eaten in Moonwake over the last five years has been cooked by me.”
That can’t be true. Is that true?
“Besides these, that is,” he adds as he drops his arms and reaches across the counter. Lifting the object in his hand, he shows me a cookie, and I immediately know who made it. It also makes me wonder how they got past my sense of smell. “She made you a whole batch, but I’ll take offense if you eat them before the elk steak.”
I’m all about Annalise’s cookie, but meat trumps sweets any day.
Sighing, Kane tosses the cookie back onto the platter, then shoves his hands down the pockets of his jeans.
“You aren’t going to shift with me here, are you?”
His head tilts back, and after a long beat, he nods as he pulls his hands from his pockets.
“Fine. I’ll leave you be for now. We’ll talk later.” He bypasses me, walking to the door without finding a shirt to pull over his head or boots to cover his bare feet. With his back to me, I shift. “I’ll be at the body shop after I go to the lodge to change. If you need me, come find me or ask Jag to contact me.”
“Don’t turn around,” I say, hoping he gives me the courtesy, but not because I’m embarrassed by my nakedness. I’m not, but being bare in front of him will not lend me any willpower should he march back over here. “I don’t want the rest of your pack to know I’m here.”
It’s relief and torture at the same time when he doesn’t turn around. Instead, he pulls open the door, giving me a view of his side profile. Still, he doesn’t turn to look at me or even flick his eyes to the side.
“Your parents already know; mine too, probably. Ashleigh was here earlier. She knows. Our pack is going to find out sooner or later.”
“You can either agree, Kane, or by the time the sun comes up tomorrow, I won’t be here.”
I’m not sure I mean those words. It’s not like I have anywhere to go, and I still haven’t told Kane about the baby—our pup growing inside me.
“Agreed,” he bites out as his hand tightens around the doorknob. “Okay. No one will know. Just don’t… leave,” he says, only this time, his voice doesn’t hide the brokenness and pain he carries inside. Watching him visibly swallow, I’m overcome with wanting to wrap myself around him, but I don’t move to do it. Then he exhales, only to breathe back in through his mouth before saying, “You know where I’ll be.”
My heart plummets, but why?
He pulls the door closed, leaving me staring at it and alone.
I don’t want to be alone.
A whimper slips from between my lips, and I wrap my arms around my naked middle, fighting the need to go after him to sink my teeth into his neck. My canines haven’t stopped tingling since Kane’s scent was sucked down my throat upon waking.
The muscles between my neck and shoulder ache, but not in a painful, hurting type of way. There is a want… no, a need inside me that throbs to feel his teeth sink into my flesh again.
That can’t happen, though. I can’t mark him, and he can’t bite me again. Not when I’m so unsure of everything. Not when I need to know what’s real and what has been fabricated. But I also don’t want to find out what I feel for Kane was a spell created by a dark witch doing another man’s bidding.
My heart and soul ache for Kane. I want him to be mine, the same as my wolf pines for Kane’s wolf to be hers. But he damaged my heart.
It isn’t even what he said that hurt so much. It’s how he acted. He regretted being with me, and I don’t know how to get over that.