Chapter 39 #2
‘These older kites would have a co-pilot too, but heavy bombers like the Avro Lancasters they’re bringing in now have phased them out in favour of a flight engineer,’ Ernie went on.
‘Navigator and wireless operator would be in the belly behind, nose gunner up front and of course rear gunner in the tail turret.’
Bobby gave an involuntary shiver.
‘Something wrong?’ Ernie asked.
‘I was just thinking of Piotr. He was in the tail – the rear gunner. That was why he…’ She flinched. ‘Never mind.’
‘Strap yourself into the co-pilot’s seat and I’ll squeeze between you.’ Ernie watched as she did so, then crouched beside her. ‘All right, Harper, you know what you’re doing. Take us up.’
The plane juddered as it taxied down the runway like a huge, bumpy bus, then Bobby felt a sensation like her stomach dropping out of her body when it started to lift from the ground. The noise was tremendous as they became airborne. She grabbed Ernie’s arm and gripped it tightly.
‘Still all right?’ he asked quietly.
‘I just hope I don’t throw up. Some airwoman I am.’
‘Don’t worry. We’re all the same our first time out.’ He nodded to the pilot. ‘Nice and smooth for the lady, Harper. We want to keep pretty low today. Level her out at angels four. That ought to keep us clear of the peaks.’
‘Right-oh, sir.’
Bobby continued to feel queasy as the plane climbed. Her head was tight and painful, and there was a ringing sound like a telephone in her ears. Ernie was speaking, but she could no longer hear him.
‘What?’ she shouted.
‘I said, hold your nose and blow!’ he called out. ‘It’ll relieve the pressure.’
Bobby did as he said, feeling utterly ridiculous.
There was a popping sound, and suddenly she could hear the rushing of air and the deep-throated roar of the twin engines.
Soon, Harper started to level the plane out and before long they were flying smoothly in a cloudless sky.
She relaxed a little, and loosened her grip on Ernie’s arm.
‘I think you left a bruise,’ he said, laughing.
‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t worry, I can take it.’
‘It feels so gentle now we’re level.’
‘We’re travelling at a hundred and eighty miles per hour.’
‘Are we?’ Bobby blinked. ‘Gosh.’
He nodded to the window. ‘This is what I really wanted you to see.’
She followed his gaze, and what she saw took her breath away.
Spread out like a map was a glorious patchwork of fields in green, yellow, brown and red, dotted with barns and farmhouses and dappled with gold where they were touched by the sun.
Sparkling rivulets and chalky-looking drystone walls divided up the landscape.
And rising above the valleys in which little settlements nestled were the fells, painted in every shade of green, looking on like strong protectors of the landscape.
‘Oh, Ernie,’ Bobby whispered.
‘That’s what I hoped you’d say.’
And then she saw it. So fleeting she might have missed it, if she hadn’t turned her head at just that moment. The look – the same one he had given her that night on the ice, clear and unmistakeable. A yearning, tender, hungry look. But almost as soon as it appeared, it had gone.
‘What?’ Ernie said, noticing her staring.
‘I…’ She glanced at Harper. ‘Nothing.’
‘So, was this worth signing your life away in the Blood Book?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered, her gaze once more drifting to the view through the cockpit canopy. ‘I think I’ll remember it as long as I live.’
They flew for a while in silence, Bobby mesmerised by the sight of the sun-bathed countryside spread out below her.
‘We ought to take her back,’ Ernie said to Harper after a little time had passed. ‘Turn her around, Aircraftman. Bobby, would you like to take the controls for a minute?’
Her eyes widened. ‘Me? Oh, no, I couldn’t.’
‘Of course you could.’
‘Honestly, I can barely manage to keep my bike from wobbling, let alone a plane. I’m sure to crash it or something.’
Ernie smiled. ‘We won’t let you crash it. Harper, let the lady take the wheel.’
Bobby regarded the controls with horror as Harper let go. She lunged for the unmanned wheel. It was a real struggle to hold it steady.
‘Ouch,’ she said, grimacing as she wrestled with the thing. It seemed to have a will of its own. ‘You pilots must really be strong.’
The plane listed a little to one side. Ernie leaned over her and put his hands on hers.
Bobby stiffened. His arms were around her, in a way that somehow felt far more intimate than dancing. She could feel his hot breath on her ear, and smell the shaving soap he used.
‘Some turbulence to fight against there,’ he murmured close to her ear. ‘A little more to the left and we’ll have it beat.’
‘Can I stop now, please? I know something will go horribly wrong if I do this too long.’
‘All right.’ Ernie moved back, much to her relief. ‘Harper, you’re back on.’
Bobby shifted gratefully aside to let the airman take the wheel again.
‘Well, I think you can now say you’ve earned the name of airwoman,’ Ernie told her with a grin.
He kept talking as Harper brought them down, explaining what each dial measured and what everything in the cockpit did, but Bobby was only half listening.
The look she had seen him give her had been unmistakeable, this time.
She had been loved before – she knew that had been real, whatever might have happened since – and she had seen that same look so many times in another man’s eyes.
And yet Ernie had sounded completely genuine, last night when he had promised his feelings for her were strictly friendly…
After they landed, one of the ground crew brought the stepladder over so they could climb out. Bobby felt rather wobbly back on land, and gripped each step tightly while she climbed down.
‘How do you feel?’ Ernie asked.
‘A little dizzy.’
She pulled her helmet off, removed the flight jacket and reclaimed her WAAF cap.
‘I was wobbly after my first time too,’ he said, smiling. ‘Here, take my arm.’
‘It’s all right. I can walk.’
Her next steps gave the lie to this claim, however. She reeled violently, forcing Ernie to catch her.
‘Whoa. Come on, grab hold and I’ll walk you back to the henhouse.’
‘Henhouse?’
He laughed. ‘Sorry. That’s what us fellers call the Waafery.’
‘Oh.’
Reluctantly she took the proffered arm, and they left the hangar.
‘Where are we going?’ Bobby asked as he led her towards some scrubland on the edge of their camp. ‘The Waafery’s the other way.’
‘Scenic route. Best thing for post-flight wobbles is to walk them off.’ He glanced at her arm, threaded loosely through his. ‘Don’t be shy about grabbing on. You weren’t when I was taking you up.’
‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to hold on so tight. I was frightened.’
He smiled. ‘Worth it though, wasn’t it? I’ll never forget that look in your eyes. That’s where beauty comes from in a woman, not paint and curled hair. That expression of innocent joy.’
And there it was again. The look. Bobby pulled her arm away and turned to glare at him, clutching at a bush to steady herself.
‘All right, Ernie King, what the hell is going on?’ she demanded.
He frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You. You with your eyes, and your… your compliments, and all your things. Holding me like that in the plane.’
‘I was helping you steer.’
‘You were not. You were getting fresh, that’s what you were doing, under cover of instructing.’
‘Fresh? I barely touched you!’
‘You breathed on me.’
He laughed. ‘All right, I’m sorry I breathed on you. It’s a little hard not to when we’re packed in like sardines. Harper wasn’t complaining.’
‘Not only that. You… looked at me.’
‘Am I supposed to avert my eyes unless you’re veiled? I’m not that old-fashioned.’
She wanted to believe him. He certainly sounded jocular enough. But this time, Bobby knew what she had seen.
‘You bastard,’ she whispered, feeling the sting of tears. ‘You lied, didn’t you? You said… but it was nonsense. It was all nonsense.’
‘Honestly, Slacks, I don’t know what you’re talking about. If you’re still feeling guilty over this dream boy of yours—’
‘Charlie!’ Bobby yelled, with a vehemence that surprised her as well as Ernie. She swallowed hard. ‘Call him by his name, damn you,’ she whispered. ‘I know you know it.’
‘OK,’ Ernie said, looking alarmed. ‘Charlie then. You don’t need to feel guilty any more, Bobby.’
‘Please, just tell me the truth.’
‘The truth?’
‘Yes. Not that line you shot me last night while we were dancing. Tell me what’s real, Ernie.’
Ernie laughed. He turned away. Then he turned back, striding towards her with a look in his eyes that scared her. A second later, he’d grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and his lips were on hers.
Bobby’s eyes widened in shock. He pulled away almost immediately, looking as surprised as she felt.
‘Sorry.’ He rubbed his neck. ‘I don’t know why I did that.’
‘What…’
He started pacing, laughing softly even while he scowled. Bobby had never seen him lose his composure so utterly.
‘Ernie?’ she whispered.
‘OK, so I lied,’ he said. ‘Lied through my teeth, just so’s you wouldn’t run away from me screaming. And if that makes me a heel then I guess I’m a heel.’ He turned to face her, frowning. ‘Just what is it about you, anyhow?’
‘What?’
‘You.’ He gestured vaguely in her direction.
‘God knows I did my best. I’m not someone who makes a habit of going after other men’s girls.
Persuaded myself there was nothing in it – you and me.
But the truth is, I mean, if you want the honest-to-goodness, straight-up truth, I…
’ He laughed again, turning away from her. ‘I’m goddamn crazy about you.’
‘What?’ Bobby held on to the bush for support. ‘No. That was Topsy.’
‘Oh, Topsy, Topsy. Topsy’s a cute kid, yeah, but there was never any Topsy – not for me.
Maybe I wanted you to think there was, but…
’ He shook his head, as if to rid it of something, and Bobby saw that he was trembling.
‘What I don’t get is why you. You snuck up on me, somehow, and by the time I realised I was bewitched it was too late to damn well fix it. ’
‘Ernie, calm down. You’re frightening me.’
‘Yeah, I guess I would be.’ He closed his eyes as he struggled to regain his composure; then, when he was calmer, he approached to take her hands.
‘Sorry,’ he said, his voice soft now. ‘Didn’t mean to sound angry – not with you. I hurt you when I grabbed you before?’
‘Um, no,’ Bobby said dazedly.
‘Look, I don’t expect you to do anything about it. I know you’re still head over heels for the other guy, even if he is a son of a bitch who doesn’t deserve you.’ He brushed her chin with his thumb tip. ‘But if you thought there was a chance, one day, then I’d wait for you. As long as it took.’
‘But… we’re so different,’ Bobby whispered. She couldn’t help but be filled with pity for this man: pain in his eyes and his strong, powerful frame trembling. She had just had her own heart broken, and it filled her with grief to be the cause of those same gut-wrenching feelings in anyone else.
‘Are we?’ He brought one palm up to cradle her cheek.
‘I could give you a life, Bobby – fresh and pure, the sort a girl like you ought to have. A home, kids, the wide-open spaces, and so much love. My family have got money, and the farm will come to me someday. You’d never want for anything.
’ He glanced down at her naked wedding finger.
‘I’d be honoured if it was my ring you were wearing. ’
‘That life does sound wonderful.’ She met his eyes. ‘But it isn’t me.’
‘It could be. I saw your face on the plane. If you think this place is beautiful, you’d weep over Canada.’ He held her gaze. ‘Come back with me.’
‘I need more than open spaces and a farmhouse to make me happy, Ernie,’ Bobby said quietly.
‘We’re not alike, you and I – not the way a husband and wife ought to be.
I need work – work for my brain. You want a woman you can dress in ribbons and lace, who’ll be satisfied with cooking and keeping house.
I’m sure there are dozens of marvellous girls who’d be thrilled to fill that place. But it isn’t me.’
‘It’s the other guy, isn’t it?’ he said, with a sad smile. ‘I’d be a fool to think you could put him out of your heart just like that. Some girls, maybe, but not you.’
She closed her eyes. ‘It isn’t only Charlie. I’m just not convinced we could make each other happy.’
‘I can wait. As long as you need to put the old love behind you.’ He pressed her hand to his breast. ‘At least give me the chance to show you how happy I could make you. You make me better, Bobby. You open my eyes to a way of looking at things I’ve never considered.’
‘You don’t need me for that. Just your own good sense, and a little compassion.’
‘Will you at least let me see you while you’re here?
Just friends, if that’s what you want, and we can get to know each other better.
’ He stroked her cheek. ‘And if I can’t make you love me the way I do you, then we’ll call it quits.
But since we’re stuck in this place, both of us unattached, what have you got to lose by giving me the chance? ’
‘I…’ She looked down at the ground. ‘I… don’t know.’
Sensing victory on the horizon, Ernie took her in his arms. Bobby didn’t embrace him back, but nor did she repel him. A deep sigh escaped her.
It felt good to be held again by strong arms that loved her and wanted to keep her safe. To feel she was no longer alone. She just wished she could forget they weren’t Charlie’s.
Charlie had forgotten fast enough though, hadn’t he? He had been able to lose himself in the comfort of someone else’s arms, with no sickening sense of guilt to hold him back. How could his love have died so quickly and thoroughly, while hers felt like it was eating her up from the inside?
‘Well?’ Ernie whispered.
‘Can I have time to think about it?’ Bobby whispered. ‘It’s so sudden. So strange.’
‘Sure. Sure.’ He held her back to beam at her. ‘Whatever you need, kid. I’m going tomorrow, staying with Topsy and Teddy for a few days. I’ll meet you in the NAAFI on Thursday at nineteen hundred hours, OK?’
‘Thank you.’
Before she could object, he bent to plant a single soft kiss on her lips.
‘I know I’m not the guy you’d choose,’ he whispered. ‘But if you just gave me the chance, Bobby, I’d spend every minute proving to you I was worth the choosing.’