Chapter Thirty-Nine
‘Should you be in work?’ Roo asked Zennor in the office that same Monday morning.
‘I absolutely should be in work.’
With folded arms, Roo frowned down at her. ‘I thought you’d need a couple of days off. That fire was a hell of a shock and you were trying to play the heroine.’
‘Well, I’m taking this afternoon off to be with Mum. She’s catching an early train.’
Roo nodded approval. ‘Good. You need a break. It’s been absolutely manic lately. Thank God the season is almost over – just Christmas to prepare for now.’
Zennor smiled, a rarity over the past few days.
‘How’s Sybil?’ Roo asked. ‘I sent flowers.’
‘That’s kind of you. She’s on the mend,’ Zennor said, feeling guilty that she hadn’t been in contact with Sybil or Matt since rushing off the previous day.
They must be so worried, yet Zennor couldn’t find a way of speaking to either of them that wouldn’t end in recrimination.
She’d told Matt she loved him. She’d opened herself up against all her better judgement. Now, while she still loved him, she was struggling to come to terms with the secrets he’d kept from her.
She remembered the way he’d physically carried her away from the flames; away from danger. She had been angry at the time, angry and grateful – and all the conflicting emotions Matt had always incited in her.
‘Wanna talk about anything? We can shut up shop or go for a walk or a coffee?’
‘Thanks, Roo. I would talk, I really would, but I’ve got an appointment.’ She grimaced and her stomach churned.
‘Not one you’re looking forward to? Root canal? Or is it an appointment for … down there?’ She shuddered.
Zennor winced. ‘Far more painful. It’s with Trev.’
‘Oh. From the look on your face, that doesn’t sound as if it’s going to be fun. Do you need a wingwoman?’
‘Thank you, Roo. Afterwards, I really will need a hug, but then I’m going straight to collect Mum.’
‘That will be something to look forward to after … you know … whatever …’ Roo said cautiously.
‘Yes, it will be,’ Zennor replied, unable to give Roo any more detail about her meeting with Trev, largely because she had no idea how it would go. ‘I haven’t seen Mum for ages and – well, let’s just say there’s a lot we have to catch up about.’
Trev strode towards her over the lawn that once held the wedding pavilion.
Now furnished with flower tubs and fancy white iron benches, it was still used for photos.
In one way, it was the last place she should be having this conversation with Trev, but she didn’t want to sully the memory of anywhere she loved.
So she’d chosen a place she would never have to come back to again – the St Piran’s itself.
He reached her, face carefully creased into concern and ducked in to kiss her cheek.
She flinched away and his caring expression melted away. Was that concern even genuine? She’d spent the night struggling with what was real or pretend with so many of the people in her life. It had left her exhausted.
‘Zennor? Are you OK? What’s happened? I’ve been trying to speak to you properly since the fire. You look shattered.’
‘I’ve had a lot on my plate,’ she said briskly.
‘I bet. You must be traumatised. Is it true that one of those fire-juggling idiots caused everything? I heard one of them was drafted in at the last minute. We all know how that ends.’
He smiled but Zennor’s mouth remained in a rigid line.
‘There’s going to be an enquiry to establish exactly what happened. I don’t want to speculate.’
He snorted. ‘They need suing or locking up. You could have been killed! I almost had a heart attack when I saw that tent go up. I ran down to the beach as soon as it all kicked off. I looked everywhere for you; then someone said you’d gone to hospital with Sybil.
How is she? I heard she had a very lucky escape. You tried to help her …?’
‘I did.’
‘You look shattered. The shock must have been awful.’ Trev took a step forward and reached for her again but she moved out of his reach.
‘Zennor?’ He frowned, his eyes full of hurt, or probably what he thought approximated to concern.
‘Aren’t you going to ask about Sybil? She’s the one who was hurt. She came out of hospital yesterday. I took her home. With Matt.’
She waited for the flicker of alarm in his eyes but instead he smiled. ‘That was kind of you. You’ve always been good to her, considering she’s no blood relation.’
‘She doesn’t have to be related for me to care about her. And I do care about her … and for your information, she’s OK, physically anyway. She’s on the mend from the smoke inhalation and she will recover because she’s strong.’
‘I’m sure she will. So, is that why you’re here, to tell me how Sybil’s getting on? While I appreciate the update, I doubt it’s the main reason.’ He indicated a bench. ‘Why don’t you sit down?’
She didn’t want to sit but refusing looked as if she was angry and not in control. She was determined to take the lead in this conversation no matter what tactics Trev tried.
‘When Sybil was in hospital the last time, you sent those flowers to her as a warning, didn’t you? They were a threat.’
‘Flowers? A threat?’ He scoffed. ‘That’s one hell of a leap.’
‘Laugh it off all you like, but I know everything, Trev. I know that Sybil saw you with your PA at a hotel, and I know you blackmailed her because you knew she was sleeping with my dad. I know you warned her to stay away from our wedding and I know that you’ve lied to me again and again.’
Did he grow pale under his tan? Zennor wasn’t sure but he was, momentarily, struck dumb. That took something with Trev. His expression hardened and he opened his mouth but Zennor cut him off. ‘You manipulated me and blackmailed Sybil.’
He feigned hurt. ‘I have never “manipulated” you or “blackmailed” anyone.’ He bracketed the words as if they weren’t real.
‘No one could make you think anything you didn’t want to.
And as for Sybil: she was sleeping with your dad and more than once.
She was doing the same thing – only worse because it was with your own father. We’re two of a kind.’
‘You will never be like Sybil!’ Zennor snapped, losing her temper in a way she’d vowed she wouldn’t.
He stared at the ground, and then curled his lip at her. ‘OK. OK. I do regret lying but what good has it done you to know the grubby truth?’
‘I now know what kind of a man you are.’
‘And Sybil and Matt? They all lied to you.’
‘Because they love me. Not because they need to score points and get what they want at any cost. You don’t love me, Trev, you care about winning and about getting one over on everyone else. I can forgive people who do the wrong thing from the right motives, but not … Have you ever really loved me?’
That question was the last one Zennor had planned to ask when she’d been on her way to see Trev. Somehow it had slipped out against all her expectations. She was angry because it sounded needy when it wasn’t meant to be.
His eyes widened in surprise and then he snorted. ‘What? Have I ever – Christ, Zennor, isn’t it obvious that I have always and still do love you? Haven’t I been trying to make you see exactly that since I came back here?’
‘I don’t really know what you’ve been trying to do. You said your mum’s death had given you a new perspective on life.’
‘It has. It did. It’s made me not want to waste any more time, which is why I’ve come back here and tried to reconnect with you.’ He sneered. ‘I guess I’m not the only one.’
For the first time, Zennor wondered if Trev had come back to Cornwall precisely because he’d heard Matt had returned.
‘But I guess Matt’s off the list, along with me, now you know the truth.’ He couldn’t keep the gleam of triumph out of his eyes.
‘Matt has nothing to do with how I feel about you. Whether he came back or not, I had no intention of us ever getting back together – and that was even before I knew our marriage was built on a lie.’
‘It wasn’t a lie. I never saw Tara again after that night at the hotel and I got rid of her.’
‘Actually, I feel sorry for Tara now. You always have to be top dog and get your own way. People aren’t trophies.’
Trev shook his head, injecting sorrow into his voice. ‘You’re wrong if you think I don’t love you or that I looked – look – on you as a trophy to be won. From the moment I saw you, this ethereal, otherworldly woman – I fell for you.’
‘Then why did you cheat?’
He shook his head. ‘Don’t think I haven’t tormented myself about this many times. I still don’t know. Tara flattered me and I knew, because I was engaged, it couldn’t go anywhere. I thought it might be good if I got it all out of my system before I settled down for a lifetime of faithfulness.’
‘Got it out of your system?’ She gasped. ‘And were you – faithful – after we were married?’
‘Oh yes. Yes, miraculously I was – and believe me, I had plenty of opportunities not to be.’
Zennor could barely believe it: he sounded almost proud, though whether he was proud of the offers or his self-control, she couldn’t decide. Both, knowing Trev, especially now that she was fully realising the extent of his narcissism and arrogance.
‘I was faithful until the moment you walked out of the house and told me you were starting the divorce proceedings. You can hardly blame me for seeking solace once I knew I’d lost you.’
‘I—’ Zennor was momentarily speechless. This man she’d fallen for and thought she’d loved would never change. ‘We could never have lasted.’
Trev shook his head. ‘You know, I have tried to make you happy and show you that I care. Donating to the club and theatre, giving your clients gigs at the hotel, even when …’ He paused as if he was about to add something and checked himself.
‘I never asked you to do any of those things,’ Zennor replied.
‘I know but it still helped all the people and things you care about. I was trying, can’t you see that?’
‘And I am glad on behalf of all those people but if you carry on doing it, do it for you, not for me. Because it makes you feel happy and it’s the right thing to do.’
He snorted. ‘I hate to point this out but that does sound a little bit sanctimonious, which isn’t like you.’
‘I’m afraid I don’t care if it does.’ She got up, suddenly realising with horror she might have just deprived the Surf Club and theatre school of a lot of money.
It was too late now. She’d have to find some other way of helping.
Their futures couldn’t depend on her living a lie to appease a man like Trev Jameson.
‘I have to go and pick up my mum from the station.’
He laughed nastily. ‘That’s going to be an interesting conversation.’
‘I hope so. It’s time we all talked honestly.’ She didn’t tell him her mum already knew about Sybil.
His fingers closed around her wrist. ‘I did everything for you. I loved you. I still do.’
Zennor almost faltered. Finally, there was a trace of genuine pain in his eyes that almost stopped her from walking off. She believed that he loved her, in his own way – but that would never be the way she wanted to be loved.
She pulled her arm away from him. ‘I never wanted to hurt you or anyone. I’m sorry that we can’t be friends or … anything else. A clean break is the only way for both of us to move on.’
He folded his arms and sneered. ‘You’ll never feel the same about them, you know.
Not about Sybil – or Matt. You’ll always remember that they let you down.
That they lied. That’s your problem. You expect people to live up to your standards and they can’t.
No one can. You’ll always be disappointed; always be searching for some impossible ideal of love that doesn’t exist. People are flawed. ’
‘Maybe I will be disappointed, but you’ll always be trying to keep on top of them and control them. Goodbye, Trev. I don’t think we’ll be seeing much of each other after this. To avoid any awkwardness for everyone concerned, I’m removing the hotel from my client venue list.’