Chapter 19 This Is What It Feels Like
THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
LUELLA
Soft as a cloud, Luella awoke. She peeled her sleepy lids open with great effort, blinking blearily.
Dappled light shifted upon the wooden floor, catching the silver shine of something large on a cherry oak desk, glimmering metallic strips wavering in the light—almost too bright.
Her head throbbed faintly, and she let her lids fall closed against the pounding behind her eyes.
Rolling onto her back, her tangled hair caught under her nape… along with something else.
Luella gasped aloud, sitting up with a start.
Her wings were still folded closely to her back, immobile—but they no longer ached.
Her lips parted as she reached behind her to graze a hesitant finger over the tip, the feel of it sending shivers down her spine and making the delicate white feathers twitch.
Light played over the feathers, making them sparkle in the brightness flooding the room.
She did it again. And again. Each stroke of her finger made her breath hitch and her eyes widen.
It didn’t hurt.
Was this what it was supposed to feel like? Like they had always been a part of her—a limb. One that was not forced onto her or some pretend costume… But wings. True wings. Wings that she could touch without bracing for pain, could accidentally lie on and not feel agony ripple down her spine.
Luella felt a drowsy, satisfied smile tug on her lips.
Her attention turned to the room she was in, finding simple white sheets pooled around her waist and tangled around her legs. It was a bed. A real bed. Not a hammock. No wonder her body felt so rested.
She felt refreshed… for the first time in what felt like an eternity, she had no dreams, no nightmares, and had not awoken with a start to screams and chaos.
This awakening had been languid and peaceful. Long overdue.
The vestiges of sleep clung to her body, and she was reluctant to shake them away.
Her limbs were almost sore from how well she had rested.
A soft ache bloomed beneath her breastbone.
She parted her dry lips absently as she touched the source of the ache, half-lidded eyes falling on the rest of the room.
The bed was set against the wall. Nearby, a desk held stacks of papers, rolled-up parchment, a cup of quills, and a large, gorgeous globe.
White gold laced the lines of the continents and kingdoms—the shimmer she had seen when she first awoke.
And the source of the light… Her eyes found a concave window set into the wall that the bed faced.
Thick white curtains fluttered, barely concealing the bright gleam coming in.
Slats of wood broke up the window, but beyond, she could see nothing but the glimmer of blue and white.
Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she placed her feet on the wooden floor, carefully rising.
A pleasant sort of soreness filled her limbs, languid contentment making her movements slow as she stood.
The weight of her wings dragged her back, and her arms swung uncertainly by her sides as a soft cry of shock fell from her lips.
She had forgotten how hard it was to walk. She felt like a newborn, stumbling her way through her very first steps.
Rising on the points of her toes, she felt some of the tension pulling her back relent, and she delicately tiptoed to the window, fear rising in her throat. The ache in her breast stirred the closer she grew to it. But she had to see this through.
The light coming through warmed her arms and exposed legs, the hem of her large shirt—she was still wearing Az’s, she noted—tickling her upper thighs.
The golden sheen made her pale skin glitter as she stepped into the gleam, hands falling on the ledge of the window as she lowered onto the balls of her feet—it was tedious to walk on tiptoe like that.
She could only manage for a few paces at a time.
Luella stared at her feet, unable to raise her head. Her breaths were shallow and uneven. Tumultuous emotions roiled inside her, battering against her ribcage, desperate to be let free. But she felt, for the first time since the day in the throne room, when Vale had shared that she was…
Since her storm had broken free and made the castle crumble, she felt like she had control of those feelings. Unbidden, she felt a part of her, untrained but masterful, rise against the tempest within her, shoving down those feelings and keeping their cage locked, reinforced with her will, alone.
It was strange… She did not actively will the tempest down, but it cowed against her, nevertheless.
That strength made her head raise as she looked out the window.
An endless ocean beneath a sky strewn with clouds.
The soft blue of the water was peaceful and flat, dotted with the occasional ripple of white.
It stretched on and on and on. The line in the distance where the sky met the sea was indiscernible with blues and whites.
Puffy white clouds filled the sky, moving swiftly.
In the distance, they grew dark and large, hanging lower in thick, heavy blankets, ripe with storms. But no rain fell.
The window was closed, but she swore she could taste the air. Fresh and clean and warm, thick with brine. She focused on that, so she would not give credence to the terror welling at the sight of the vast sea.
Her face tipped up, feeling the sun warm her cheeks through the glass.
A hand rose, tilting before her as she reached for the sunbeams cascading through the window, fingers twirling before her in the air.
Peace.
This was peace.
"You called it back."
Luella opened her eyes, wondering when they had slipped shut, as she turned, finding none other than King Vale standing there, watching her.
He wore dark breeches, a white shirt tucked into the high waistline. The way the sun cut through the window made the material of his billowy shirt nearly transparent, granting glimpses of golden skin and cut muscles. His golden hair caught the light, green eyes sparkling like emeralds.
"Did I?" she asked huskily, voice thick with sleep.
His eyes darkened, tension lacing the quiet air. Her wings shivered.
"You did." Vale walked further into the room. Her head tipped back as he came to stand by the window, his side not quite close enough to brush hers. He stared at the sea as he said, "How do you feel? You slept for three days."
Shock filled her. "Three days?"
The King seemed unusually subdued as he spoke.
"You needed it. Your fever broke as you slept. Your storm has left us, and we sail true. We will arrive at the Fallen Isles in three weeks’ time.
" He turned to look down at her; he was so regal, even with a shadow of golden hair along his unshaven jaw, and the slightest of smudges under his eyes.
Had he been sleeping? "We have three weeks stuck on this ship together, and much to talk about… "
She swallowed. Three weeks stuck at sea.
"There is much we need to discuss. I believe the time for secrets has long passed," he said lowly, a hand raising, stilling in the air before her, the very tips of his fingers brushing over her sleep-tangled hair.
The many rings on his fingers caught the light, small rainbows dancing over the backs of his hands. "Don’t you, darling?"
She was rendered speechless before him and could only manage a nod.
Time stretched on, and the faint whistle of air outside the ship was their only companion.
She looked down at herself, finding the hem of Az’s shirt fluttering around her thighs, bare toes scrunching on the wood floor. Her hand surreptitiously raked through her hair, catching in tangles. She winced. "I need to freshen up."
The thread between them crackled with embers.
His palm finally touched her skin, warm as it cupped her cheek, while his rings were cold. She hated how that contrast made her knees tremble. She didn’t know what she wanted more: to escape him, or lean into him.
Vale forced her face up to his. "Can you manage it, Princess Luella?"
It took her a long moment to understand what he was asking of her.
The water.
Though he held her face up, he could not make her look at him—she let her lids drift closed, gathering courage.
"Get Az?" she uttered.
Smoke wafted over her face. "If you look at me."
She opened her eyes, finding the King’s to be wholly consumed with possession as he stared down at her. Dark smoke curled from the corners of his mouth, yet his hand was still against her cheek. She fumbled with the chain of the bracelet around her wrist, making soft tinkling noises.
His other hand reached down, catching hers and bringing their joined hands up between them.
His fingers encircled her wrist as he held her bracelet-clad hand up, his green eyes tracking the way the delicate chain was looped around her flesh, the sun and moon charms sparkling much like the rings on his fingers.
Entranced, he stared, forcing her arm further up, her shoulder straining as he brought her hand up to his mouth, lips lightly pressing upon the ticklish spot in the middle of her palm, making her breath catch.
Warm smoke curled around her fingers as he breathed over her skin, his thumb rubbing over the chain of the bracelet.
Luella watched him, curious and shocked as he held her hand like that. Finally, he let her go, her arm falling back to her side.
Vale stepped away from her, shoulders taut. "Do not leave from here. I will get your demon. Then, the truth will be laid bare."
Steam from the small wooden tub in the center of the room curled into her nose with every breath. Az had brought the tub in for her, water sloshing over the side as his muscles flexed. He hadn’t even broken a sweat as he set the tub down in the middle of what she learned was Vale’s quarters.
The sway of the ship made the heated water ripple, tiny waves lapping against the wooden lip. Her lungs cinched tight.
"It’s too small." Her fingers twisted the hem of Az’s shirt that she wore.