Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Aria
I needed to call Crew.
It should have probably worried me that I had that thought on a constant loop in my head more often than not. And not just because I had put him in this difficult situation.
Difficult.
That seemed like such an odd word for this callous series of events. Yet perhaps it was the only word that made sense without me screaming into the abyss—something I did often these days.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, startling me out of my thoughts. I pulled it out, checking the screen once more. Noticing the familiar name, I immediately sent them to voicemail, knowing it was far past time that I blocked them completely .
Only doing that felt as if I was giving up on them, not just on who I thought they could be.
If I blocked Travis completely, and he did something to harm himself, I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to forgive myself. And while I knew I couldn’t put all of his actions on my shoulders, that didn’t help the sleepless nights. I might be pressing charges on him for the assault, but he was out on bail, had his family name to keep him out, and there was nothing I could do in this moment.
I slid my phone into my pocket and rolled my shoulders back. I had plenty of things to do today, and focusing on a friendship long since broken wasn’t going to help anyone. Instead I needed to get back to work.
While my father and his talent had made our family far past comfortable in terms of money, it wasn’t as if I was going to touch my trust after using part of it to build the family business.
Alexander Montgomery was one of the most world-renowned photographers in the world. He had won countless prizes, and people knew his name. And it wasn’t even the recognition that truly set his career apart from others. It was the depth that he brought to every single piece he showed the world. My father could bring out raw and unending emotions within his subject with the simple click of his finger. Though I knew there was nothing simple about what my father did.
My father was an alcoholic—something he told us whenever the situation arose. He had been married before he had fallen for my mother, and while I didn’t know the details, I knew the situation had been horrific. And my father had turned to alcohol in order to ignore his pain and demons. It wasn’t lost on me that Travis did the same thing. Though I knew Travis did so because he wanted to prove his art was something, and not because of the tragedy that had befallen my father.
My father hadn’t had a drink in over thirty years. He didn’t stress out about it around us, and it was just something that was part of who he was. He told us so we knew that he wasn’t perfect. That all humans were fallible.
Though in my eyes, my father was the perfect man. He was my hero, the one who could literally hang the moon if he so desired. The way that he looked at my mother made me believe in true love, happiness, and the connection that came when you found your person.
Maybe that’s why I had tried so hard to prove that I could be the person Travis needed. In the end, however, the connection we’d had paled in comparison to my parents’ happiness. And perhaps it worried me that anything with Travis couldn’t hold a candle to how I felt when Crew stood near me. But I couldn’t think about that now. Not when I needed to find a way to make things right with him.
Before I could do that however, I needed to find the words. So I stood in my studio that happened to be in the back part of the Montgomery Gallery building. I knew one day we would outgrow the place and have to move into another building, but I loved what we had now. While the other three businesses in the building were one level, ours was two story. It used to be a bicycle shop before things went terribly wrong, but now everything was family.
The Gallery was our peace. There were separate sections for different mediums and needs. If we needed the community feel of working next to another person, we had sections for that as well. Though I knew most of my family tended to want to work alone. Sometimes, however, it was nice to work on the matting for my project while my cousin Nate painted in a corner, or Colin held a piece of clay.
Sometimes Oliver would have his sketchbook in hand, leaning against the wall as he talked me through my next project. And all the while, Riley would bounce between us, making sure that we were ready for the next show and forcing us to teach these small classes pro bono. Something we would do anyway, but it was nice watching Riley get forceful in keeping us on our toes.
We were a family business, and I loved every part of it. Only it wasn’t just family. Crew worked right beside us. When he wasn’t in his home studio, he’d have his paintbrush in hand, music blaring, and he would just work . Watching the way that he painted took my breath away. And I wasn’t ashamed to say that many of my hidden photographs were of him—still photos of the intensity of his work. The way he would frown at his piece, his brows lowered, his teeth biting into his luscious lips.
Those photos would never see the light of day.
And not only because I wasn’t a portrait photographer. Instead the world was my canvas and I tended to focus on the landscape. The way that the earth shifted from our doing, and its own. Part of me knew I had focused on that and not people because I didn’t want to stay in my father’s shadow, but I had leaned into this. And I enjoyed it.
Only, I felt as if I had nothing left in me.
No art, no desire to bring my camera with me.
And that worried me.
“Aria?”
I closed my computer and looked up as my father walked toward me, a smile on his face. While it did reach his eyes, I saw the worry there. His gaze went to the bruise on my cheek, and his jaw tensed.
While Sebastian had done his best to keep the family away, there was only so much you could do to keep the Montgomerys out of your business. Especially when one of us was hurt. So the next day my parents had been over, both of them trying to act calm, and yet I knew all they wanted to do was take me home and tuck me into my childhood bed.
I didn’t blame them, but I had needed to be alone.
My other two siblings had come over as well, the second set of twins my parents had somehow brought into the world. They had been louder, ready to kick some ass. And then they had left when Sebastian forced them out.
I knew Sebastian was only giving me so much of a reprieve because I had done the same for him. I wouldn’t have much time left before the cavalry arrived. I had a feeling that some of it stood in front of me now.
Though part of me tensed, the rest of me couldn’t help but set everything down and run to my father. His eyes widened only marginally, before he opened his arms and caught me just as he always had.
Alexander Montgomery twirled me around a few times, before setting me down and hugging me tight. He rested one hand on the back of my head, as I wrapped my arms around his waist and let out a deep breath against his chest—something I had done ever since I had been tall enough to do so.
We stood there for a moment, as my breath finally eased. I didn’t cry, which surprised me, but hearing my father’s heartbeat under my ear settled me.
“That was the welcome that I wanted,” he murmured.
I smiled against him before finally taking a step back. “I always like to keep you on your toes.”
“You never have to worry about that, Aria. You have always been that way.” He winked and gestured toward my table. “Working on anything fun?”
I tried to hold back the cringe, but I wasn’t successful. My dad studied my face, frowning again.
“What’s wrong? Beyond the thing that I know you do not want to talk about right now.”
Grateful he wasn’t going to broach the Travis conversation, I let out a breath. “I’m not working on anything.” I shook my head. “I should be working on something. We have a show coming up soon, and I’m not going to have anything for it.”
“You don’t need to show something every week. Or even every year. You want me to look at anything?” He held up his hands. “Which is pretentious as fuck for me to even say. But if you want to talk about it, I’m here. Hell, my camera is in the truck. We can head up I-70 and see what we can capture.”
Tears pricked at my eyes, because I had the best father in the history of ever. I knew he had been surprised when I had followed in his footsteps. Mostly because I always hid my passion for photography. I had wanted it to be something of mine and hadn’t wanted to be compared to my father. I knew the chip on my shoulder was probably large enough to have its own zip code by this point, but I couldn’t help it.
In answer I shook my head. “Not today.” I paused, freeing my hands in front of me. “I just feel off. Frankly I need to talk to Crew.”
It was funny, because while I usually liked to keep my thoughts to myself, I also knew that I could tell my parents anything. I had never been forced to keep secrets from them. Never worried about what they would think. And yet, I wanted something just for myself. So I wasn’t even sure why I had said Crew’s name at all.
“I would offer to drive you there, but if Crew and I are in the same room, we’re going to get in the car and go do something that will probably end badly for both of us.”
My lips twitched at that, even though I knew it wasn’t a joke because my father was a boxer just like Crew and had been in fights before I was born. I was pretty sure he had been in a few afterward, but he had hidden those from us. Sebastian most likely had been to a few with him and by himself, because somebody had to train my brother before Crew had entered our lives. I had never really been interested in the whole boxing thing, except for when I watched Crew work out.
But those thoughts were for myself.
“You’re probably right.”
I looked at my desk again, my fingers itching. Maybe I should take my dad up on his offer. It would give me more time to think about what to say to Crew, and it would be nice to take photos again. Or just watch my dad do it. Maybe I’d find what I needed then.
But before I could say anything, someone I didn’t recognize walked into the back room. A woman with ruby red hair, a nice linen suit, and a broad smile looked around the space and danced on her toes. “Hello there, I don’t know if I’m supposed to be back here, but I was just looking around and couldn’t help but take a peek.”
“This is the work room, so no, it’s off-limits to guests for privacy and safety reasons, but I can take you up front to see any art pieces you like,” I said, using my most professional voice.
But the woman wasn’t looking at me. Instead she stared at my father, her eyes wide. She put her hand on her chest and staggered back. “You’re Alexander Montgomery. I saw your work in Washington, as well as Paris. The life you bring to your studies is just amazing. And amazing isn’t even a good word for it. I’m a fan clearly.”
My dad, always uncomfortable in these situations, put his hands in his jeans pockets and smiled. “Thank you. It’s always nice to meet someone who enjoys art.”
I did not look at my dad’s face because if I did, we would both burst out laughing.
Then the woman looked at me. “Oh, you must be his daughter. It’s so nice that you followed in his footsteps. He must teach you so much. You’re going to do so many amazing things one day. With those genes, you have to.”
Every word was like tiny shards of glass sliding into my skin before rubbing a rough towel over the punctures and burying that glass deep within.
I knew I wasn’t my father. I did not possess his talent. But sometimes I couldn’t help the voice that told me I had zero talent at all. That I was just playing pretend with my father’s old camera.
Then the voices would grow louder when people said things like that straight out as if they couldn’t wait to toss me in the shadow of my father’s presence.
And I couldn’t even blame them .
My smile turned brittle, but I wasn’t even sure the woman noticed. Thankfully I didn’t have to say anything, because Riley was there, running in behind the woman, a scowl on her face one moment before she smiled it away.
“Hello, ma’am. I’m going to take you out front. I’m sorry, this is where the artists work, and we need to keep it private.”
The woman sighed, but her smile stayed in place. “Um, I’m so sorry. It was lovely to meet you both.”
Riley practically dragged the woman away, and I stood there, the echoes of her words bouncing around in my head, reminding me why I hadn’t picked up my camera in recent memory.
“Aria—” my father began, but I couldn’t let him finish.
Words lodged in my throat, and my hands fisted at my sides for one moment before I forced myself to relax, or at least fake it enough for my father, before turning to my desk and grabbing my purse. “I need to head out. But thank you for visiting. I love you.”
I didn’t even realize I was running until the sounds of my dad’s footsteps followed.
“Aria!” he called out.
But I ignored him and jumped into my car, grateful that I had parked so close to the back door. I pulled out of the spot, my father staring at me, confusion and hurt in his gaze. I ignored it, because I couldn’t stand to see that pity. I was Daddy’s Little Girl, and I wasn’t good enough.
Just ask anybody who looked at my work.
I hadn’t even realized I was driving toward Crew’s gym until the building came into view. While part of me tensed, knowing I needed to speak with him, the rest of me coiled in anticipation. I needed to block that feeling. No good could come from it. And yet I had been trying to do so for years.
Knowing I should turn this car right back around and go home, or even call my father and apologize, I got out of my car instead. It was as if my body had a mind of its own, and I couldn’t help but walk toward where I hoped Crew would be.
The gym was closed since there were no classes that day, so I used my key to get in. Part of me should’ve wondered why I even had a key, but Crew had given it to me. I hadn’t asked for it, nor asked why. But he had done so anyway.
He growled while he did it, and I had taken the key.
I walked down the empty hall, after locking the door behind me, and made my way to Crew’s office. I didn’t know why I knew he would be there, but as I turned down the hall, Crew leaned against the doorway, a scowl on his face and his phone to his ear.
“Yeah. She’s here. I got her. Don’t worry.” Then he slid his phone into his pocket and moved to stand in front of me.
My breath caught, the nearness of him too much. He didn’t touch me and yet I felt scalded, embraced. His. “I need to apologize to my father for running out like that.”
Crew shook his head. “That’s between the two of you, but I don’t think you need to say you’re sorry. He told me what that lady said. She’s wrong. She was starstruck about one person, and she didn’t think about her words. But fuck her anyway.”
My lips twitched, and I let out a breath, somehow the world feeling calm for a mere moment. “Did you call him? Or did he call you?” I wasn’t sure what answer I wanted.
“He called me. Thought maybe you’d come here.” He gave me a look that I didn’t have answers for.
“I’m sorry, Crew.”
He shook his head. “For what?”
“For getting you sent to jail. For Travis. For continuing to try to help him when all it did was get you hurt. I’m sorry for being such a bitch every time I’m around you recently.” He raised a brow at that. “Sorry to keep taking you for granted. I miss my friend, Crew. And I really hope you’re still there. Even though I’m a mess.”
He studied my face for so long that I was afraid I had once again said something wrong. Something cracked deep inside, a loss I couldn’t quite grasp. And I knew it was my own fault.
He stood up and rolled his shoulders back. “Fine. Get in the ring.”
I blinked. “What?”
“Get in the ring. You’re going to need to protect yourself. If you’re not going to let me do it, then I’ll show you how to do it yourself. Get in the fucking ring, Aria.”
“Crew—”
“No. I’ll show you a few moves. That man is out on the streets even though he needs to be behind bars. I’m so damn angry, Aria. I need to get it out somehow. So, let’s go.”
He moved forward, pulled my purse from my shoulder, and gestured toward the ring.
I looked down at my leggings and T-shirt and realized I didn’t have any reason not to do as he said.
So I followed him to the ring and climbed in.
“I’ve taken your classes before.”
“I know. And I know you used your moves, but he was strong, and high as fuck. You and I are going to prepare a little more. Because every time I close my eyes, I see his hands on you. So you’re going to do this for me. Got me?”
Once again, my emotions clogged my throat, and I nodded. “Okay.”
And I did the one thing that felt right. I let Crew lead.
By the time we were done, I was sweaty and exhausted but felt a little more powerful. And Crew’s shoulders finally loosened.
“You hungry?” he asked afterward, handing me a towel.
“I could eat.”
His lips twitched. “Come on. I’m going to feed you.”
I shook my head. “You don’t need to feed me. We can get something.”
“You like my cooking. I’m in the mood. Let’s go eat, Aria.”
I wasn’t sure what to say because he was right, so I followed him to the parking lot, and then to his home. It felt almost as it once had. Before we had drank a little too much and leaned into each other a little too hard. I had finally given in to kissing my cousin’s best friend.
And every time he touched me, I felt cherished, even when I also felt a little heated. Neither one of us ever talked about it—at least not before the end. It was just something we did when the world got to be too much, and I knew it wasn’t fair to either one of us.
Crew made a quick homemade béchamel mac and cheese and grilled some chicken and zucchini, looking at home in his state of the art kitchen. He filled the space with his presence alone and I wasn’t allowed to move from the barstool. Instead I watched him work in silence, letting myself finally breathe.
“I need to go to the grocery store, so you get this.”
I rolled my eyes, because of course the man thought this wouldn’t be enough. I slid my fork through the mac and cheese and pointed at his mouth. “Open.”
He glared at me but opened his mouth. I fed him his delicious mac and cheese, and he smiled at me.
That smile always did things to me.
We ate in a calm silence, both of us sitting at his kitchen island. I loved his place, the warmness of it, even though it was daunting as well. He didn’t let a lot of people in here, and I never knew why. Maybe it was time for me to find out.
“Whatever happens now, whatever we do next, I’m not hiding from the family anymore.”
I blinked up at him, surprised and yet worried his thoughts might have been similar to mine. “What?”
He met my gaze, the tic in his jaw familiar. “You know there’s something between us, Aria. There always has been. So something happens tonight, or next month, I’m not hiding it anymore. I’m not your secret, Aria. I am not the accident that you fell into.”
Those were the most words Crew had ever said to me about what we were. And just like that, the real reason we fought stood between us.
There was no going back.