Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Crew
I was not a man of words. That wasn’t who I was and frankly, having to talk about my feelings and what I wanted made me want to walk right out of my own damn kitchen and never look back. There was a reason my friends ribbed me about my dark and stoic attitude. It was what I did and what made sense. If someone needed to know what I thought, I’d tell them.
Or they didn’t need to know at all.
Stating my intentions sounded as if I were speaking from far away, wondering what the hell I was doing.
I’d been so good about pretending I knew what I was doing with Aria Montgomery, that I knew if I didn’t stand my ground, I’d regret it for the rest of my life. Or I’d lost my mind, and I clearly needed her to be the one to walk away .
Aria was my addiction. My drug. And whatever she fed me coursed through my veins and it was all I could do not to beg for another hit.
I hated the fact that Aria looked at me as if I’d gone crazy. Or maybe I was projecting. I didn’t want her forever. A full on romance with complications and responsibilities? I had way too much going on in my life to have someone lean on me like that.
And yet I knew even thinking those words was just denial.
Because the hidden part of me wanted to lean on her in return even though I knew it was a mistake.
Everything I did for my friends was a responsibility. And just the fact that Aria and I had been sleeping together off and on for months was a complication that neither one of us had faced for all this time.
But I was done hiding.
Yet that seemed like all talk and no action. So maybe it was time to actually do something.
“I thought you hated me.”
The words were like a punch to the gut, but I didn’t blame her for them. After all, I wasn’t a nice man. And I hadn’t been kind to her. We had used one another when we had needed to feel, or perhaps not feel at all, and now we needed to face the consequences of those choices .
I knew her body, knew what she needed, but sometimes I felt like I didn’t know her—let alone myself.
So how was I standing here?
“I don’t hate you, Aria. I hate how I am when I’m around you.”
She blanched, and I cursed under my breath. She spoke before I had a chance to. “I don’t want you to change who you are. You’re one of my best friends, Crew. And I feel like I screwed everything up by kissing you. By leaning on you when I felt like you couldn’t lean on me. Or maybe you felt like you couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough for you.”
I shook my head, then leaned forward, cupping her cheek. My hand was so big compared to her face, it just reminded me how gentle she was. Breakable. Oh, she could fight back, that was clear. She was so damn strong. But she used that as a veneer. A shield against the world. Her family loved her, and they understood her, but I didn’t think she understood what they saw.
It wasn’t my problem to fix. Wasn’t my responsibility.
But I wanted to.
And that scared me more than anything.
“You’re not weak. If I needed help, I would ask.”
She raised a brow at the lie, so I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. She gasped into my mouth as I swiped my tongue along hers, deepening the kiss for an instant before taking a step back.
The heat between us had never been a problem. But that heat scorched, left scars. And I needed to figure out exactly what to do about that.
For Aria.
“Let’s just get some sleep, I know you haven’t been getting enough, and we’ll talk in the morning.”
“I feel like I’m three steps behind.”
Same . “You’ll be better after you sleep.”
“Are you ordering me around?”
“Maybe you should let me for the moment. Because you’ve been trying to lift up everyone else around you for so long, you forget about yourself.”
“That’s not true. My family doesn’t do that to me.”
“They don’t. But you also don’t let them help you. Don’t lie. You keep them at arm’s length, just like you do everyone else. Just like you do me. But unlike your family, I’ll call you out on your bullshit. So go put on one of my shirts, get into bed, and we will both sleep. I won’t touch you unless you ask. But with those dark circles under your eyes, you need to catch a few Z’s.”
“Why are you so bossy?”
I leaned down and kissed her hard on the mouth. “Because you like it. Bed. Now. ”
She stared at me for a moment, before shaking her head and doing exactly like I had ordered.
I didn’t know why that pleased me so much.
I cleaned up our mess in the kitchen and gave her a few moments to herself. It took everything within me not to go in there and help her. It wasn’t that Aria couldn’t do things on her own. It was that she had put so much into keeping Travis alive, that she had forgotten about herself. And she had punished herself for not being enough in Travis’s eyes.
I didn’t know if I was the punishment, and I didn’t care if I was. Because I loved her. And that wasn’t something I planned on saying aloud any time soon—if ever. Especially when I had no idea what the hell she was thinking. I might like to pretend, but she was still a mystery.
I finally made my way into my bedroom. She stood on her side of the bed, tugging at the bottom of my old T-shirt. She looked so damn sexy standing there in it that it was hard to breathe. I needed to know if she wore panties or if she was bare. When my cock pressed against my zipper at the thought, I willed myself to calm down. Tonight wasn’t about that. Tonight was just about sleep. To remind myself that she was okay. That Travis couldn’t touch her .
And that she could make her own decisions.
She looked up at me then with wide eyes. “I don’t know why I keep going along with whatever you say. It should worry me.”
In answer, I stripped my shirt up over my head. I watched as her gaze traveled over my body—the ink, the scars, the rigid planes that came from countless hours of working out. She knew some of the history behind those scars, but not all. Nobody did. Nobody needed to know.
Of course that just reminded me of the man who had screamed at me, and the woman who had done the same. But I wasn’t going to think about them in that moment. Instead, I shoved off my pants, keeping my boxer briefs on, before walking into the bathroom to brush my teeth.
I splashed water on my face, hoping it would cool me down. But as I looked down at my waist, my cock stood on end, tenting my boxers. We were both just going to have to deal. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen all of me anyway.
I made my way back out to the bedroom, where she had gotten into the bed but hadn’t lain down. Instead I watched as her nipples pebbled against the too thin T-shirt.
It was going to be a long night, but all I wanted to do was hold her and remind myself that she was okay. Except I saw the bruise on her cheek, the ridge of her lip slightly swollen—same as my knuckles. And that reminded me that we weren’t okay.
Without a word I turned off the light and got into bed beside her. It was still early, but I was just as exhausted as she looked. I hadn’t had a full night’s sleep since the night I had said it would be our last time. Since part of me had broken because I had known if we kept doing what we’d been doing to one another, we would shatter.
But everything had changed when I had seen Travis’s arm against her neck. And I refused to let her go. So she was going to have to figure out what she wanted, and I was going to have to find a way to make sure that was me.
“Lie down, Aria.”
“You’re really bossy tonight.”
“I’m always bossy. You like that about me.”
Underneath the slight glow from the moonlight glancing through the blinds, I saw her lips lift into a smile. But she did indeed lie down, but instead of turning away from me, she faced me.
When she let out a deep breath and slid her fingers beneath mine, I licked my lips. It was hard for me not to lean forward and take more, but it wasn’t the time .
“I’ve missed you.”
Those words were like a balm to my soul, and I squeezed her hand. “I’ve missed you too. Just sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.”
“I love the fact that I believe you.”
And with that, she closed her eyes, our hands twined together, and I listened to her breathing even out. And thankfully, as she continued to sleep, I fell right beside her. The tightness in me easing, my breaths coming slowly, I finally slept.
The next morning sunlight scattered through the blinds, waking me before the alarm I had forgotten to set. I cracked open one eye and realized that Aria was firmly against me, her backside pressing along my morning erection, and her hand gripped around my wrist. She lay pillowed on my arm, and my free hand was underneath her shirt. In my sleep I must’ve cupped her breast like a damn security blanket.
Aria Montgomery was just supposed to be my friend. Just like the rest of them. And though the others had joked that I wanted to be part of the family so damn much that I would marry in, none of them realized how close that taunt was to the truth .
I wasn’t meant to fall first, only I had without thinking.
While I knew that this probably wouldn’t lead to anything but heartache, considering where I came from, I wanted to be selfish enough to at least try it. I wanted to wake up like this every morning until we both realized we weren’t better apart.
I was a self-centered asshole, and I didn’t care in that moment when I had Aria’s tit in my hand and that sweet ass pressed against my dick. Aria moaned and arched into me.
I held back a groan, my fingers slowly moving against her breast, plucking at her nipple gently. When she rocked into me again, my dick sliding between her legs, I licked my lips at the heat pressing against me.
“I need you awake, baby. Tell me you want this.”
The little moan sliding through her lips nearly made me come. “Please. I always want you. Just make me feel good.”
I smiled at that and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “I can do that.”
“As long as I can do the same for you.”
My Aria. So giving even when she thought she was selfish.
I groaned, rocking my hips so the friction of that already wet pussy against my dick tempted me beyond reason. “You always make me feel good, Aria. Even when you’re annoying the hell out of me.”
That startled a laugh out of her, and a broad smile covered my face.
“You are such a jerk.” Her voice turned breathy as I continued pinching her nipple between my thumb and forefinger.
“And?”
“Nothing really.”
“Good. Because I know you like when I’m a jerk.” I pinched a bit harder, and she gasped. “Do you want me this morning?”
“Yes.”
Do you want me every morning?
I didn’t ask. I wasn’t even sure I wanted the answer to be yes.
“Does your pussy want me?”
“Crew. Stop teasing me.”
“I bet your pussy is hungry for my cock. Why don’t you use that free hand to slide beneath those drenched panties and tell me. Come on, Aria. Touch yourself for me.”
With the moan, she slid her fingers underneath the seam of her panties, and I watched as her arm moved slightly, trying to get herself off. I removed my hand from her breast and reached down to grip her wrist .
“Don’t. Your orgasm is mine. I’m the one who lets you come. Now tell me. Are you wet?”
“You know I am.”
“Show me.”
I let her slide her hand back out from under her panties, and she lifted her fingers up to me. I slid them into my mouth, tasting that tartness that nearly sent me over the edge. Controlling her arm by my hold on her wrist, I sucked every last drop off her fingers before moving my hand to where hers had been. I speared her with two fingers before she could even take a breath, and she gasped into me.
“You’re such a fucking dirty girl. Already wet for me and I haven’t even touched you. Do you want my cock? Tell me if you want my cock, Aria.”
“I always want your cock.”
“That’s a good girl.” Then I worked myself in and out of her, slowly at first, finding that bundle of nerves. I wrapped my other arm around her, cupping her breast as I finger fucked her. She let out little moans, little gasps, and I soaked in every single one.
And when she came, her body quaking in that way that told me she was all mine, I rocked into her, the friction of her thighs pressing around my dick nearly as tempting as her wet heat.
I pulled my fingers out of her, and then shoved them into her mouth. She gagged, but I saw the excitement in her eyes as she lay back in my arms.
“Lick them. Taste yourself.”
She nodded, gorging on my fingers before I pulled them out.
Then I shoved the comforter off us, and rolled us so I was on my back and her thighs were around my shoulders.
“Hold onto the headboard. I need my breakfast.”
She shook her head, her eyes glassy. “Crew. I just want you. Please.”
“And you’ll have me. But if you aren’t riding my face in the next thirty seconds, I won’t fuck your ass later while you beg for it.”
She blushed that pretty blush I knew spread all over her skin, and I winked at her.
“And take off my shirt. As much as I love you drenched in my scent, I want to see those pretty tits bouncing as you ride my face.”
She blushed again but whipped off my shirt in an instant. Her breasts were large, full, her nipples tight. I loved sucking on them and bruising them with my mouth. They looked like a masterpiece when I came on them, painting them with my cum. It was territorial as fuck, and I didn’t care.
I gripped her thighs, and then looked up at that beautiful pink pussy above me. So sweet, and all mine. I licked and sucked as she moved against me, her hips doing that little rocking motion that told me she was once again close to the edge.
I wrapped my lips around her clit and twisted, and her thighs shuddered. When I dipped my tongue inside her, she gasped and continued rocking. I gorged on her, eating every ounce of her, before she finally came again, calling my name.
I ignored the squeeze of my heart at that sound, because I knew she was just in the moment and I had no idea what she felt. Nor did I want to know because that meant I would have to face my own feelings.
So I shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind before adjusting us once again on the bed. I slammed my feet on the floor and pulled Aria to her back so her head rested slightly over the edge.
“Open up. I told you I would feed you.”
She smiled wide at me before chuckling. “I thought I was just having mac and cheese last night. But dick? I’ll take that too.”
“Yes, Aria. You’re going to take it. Now open up so I can fuck that pretty face of yours.”
She smiled up at me and opened. I slid the tip of my cock into her mouth as she teased the slit with the tip of her tongue. I squeezed the base of my dick, groaning .
“Hold on to my thighs so you don’t fall. I’ve got you.”
She nodded, my cock in her mouth, as I slowly worked my way in and out of her. I was too big to go balls deep inside her this way, but I didn’t care. Her mouth was so warm, so inviting, that I slowly moved in and out of her, loving the way that her throat worked as I filled her. She gagged slightly, and then swallowed, the tip of my cock going deeper down her throat.
I used my free hand to cup her breasts, pinching each nipple, before trailing my thumb along her throat as I filled it with my cock.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.”
And then I continued to work my hips as I leaned over to rub two fingers over her clit.
I slid three fingers in her in one move, and her pussy clamped around me, swollen and pink. And when she came again, and I knew I was close to the edge, I pulled out of her.
Both of us sweaty, and Aria nearly spent, I moved us around once again before shoving her ass to the edge of the bed and wrapping her legs around my waist.
“Are you ready for me?” I asked.
She gave me a lazy look, that cat and cream smile the most beautiful thing I had ever seen as she cupped her breasts. “Always. ”
“Do we need a condom?” I asked, telling myself I needed to hold back.
She shook her head. “We’re both clean. I’m on the pill. It’s just us.” She paused. “Always has been.”
I swallowed the emotion in my throat, telling myself it was just the high of a near orgasm, before I nodded tightly, gripped her hips with bruising force, and thrust it into her so hard her breasts bounced and her pussy tightened around me. I let out a groan as she let out a scream of pleasure.
Balls deep, I sat there for a moment as I tried not to come right then and there. One stroke and I was already nearly ready to fill her.
“Look down at us,” I ordered. “Do you see how your pussy is grabbing my cock? It wants me.”
“ I want you ,” she corrected as a small smile played on her face.
I grinned right back at her before pulling out and slamming back in fully.
“Crew! My God.”
I froze, remembering exactly what had happened to bring us here. I looked down at the bruises on her neck and face, and at where my hands gripped her. Because I would leave similar bruises if I kept this up.
She must have seen the horror spilling onto my face at the mere thought of hurting her. “Don’t stop. I’m not fragile. This is exactly what we both like. I love your marks on me. Because they’re the ones I want . And because you give them to me with my consent. You’re not him .”
I nodded tightly, knowing she said that for both of us, not just me, before doing exactly as she asked and going as rough as she wanted.
As rough as I wanted.
I rocked in and out of her, hard and fast so she nearly fell off the bed, and I grinned. She sat up, gripping my shoulders, so I moved my hands under her ass and lifted her.
“You want like me this?” I asked, teasing.
“I just want you. Please. Come, already. You’re going to need to catch up.”
I shook my head, laughing. Because of course I could laugh with Aria while I was fucking her. Even when we hated each other, we could make each other laugh.
“I’m going to make you come two more times for that remark. You don’t think I can last?”
“We both know what I think.” And then she rolled her hips again, nearly making me come.
I lifted her over my cock and slammed her back down, over and over until we were both panting, sweaty. Nearly ready, I set her back down and continue to move my hips as I crawled over the bed. We laughed together, the movement slightly jerky, unpracticed, until we found a rhythm again. And then my hands were tangled with hers, our mouths pressed together as we kissed and licked and sucked. And when she came again, her cunt clamping down around my dick, I followed, meeting her.
I groaned into her mouth as we clung to one another, both of us still as the orgasm washed over each of us.
It had always been amazing with Aria. That was the problem. Because at first it had just been because we wanted it. It was a test to see exactly what we could do to each other.
When it became more, we had run. But not far enough.
Without another word, I kissed her temple, her nose, her forehead, and then the tears from her cheeks, before finally pulling out of her. I stood up on shaky legs, and then lifted her into my arms, cradling her as I walked us to the shower.
“Crew,” she whispered, her voice breathy. “Why are you so sweet sometimes?”
“I’m not sweet. You just made me come so hard I was seeing double. It’s just the endorphins.”
She shook her head, and neither one of us believed my words. But I turned on the water, and we each reached for the soap.
It was odd as she washed my body and I worked on her hair. It felt as if this was our routine, and perhaps it had been somewhat. Only I didn’t shower with women. It wasn’t my thing. But somehow it had become that way with Aria. Because we were friends, of course we were. And yet it had become more when I hadn’t been watching.
When we were finished with the shower, I turned off the water and grabbed one of my fluffy towels that I knew she liked and wrapped it around her. Then I wrapped another around my waist and walked out into the bedroom so I could grab some clothes.
I tossed her a pair of jeans and a T-shirt she had left here once, and she pressed them to her nose, a small smile playing on her face.
“I love the smell of your detergent.”
I snorted. “I’m pretty sure Lex bought that detergent. Sorry.”
She licked her lips and nodded before we finish getting dressed, and awkwardness settled in. “So what is this?” she asked after a moment.
I shrugged, trying not to put too much into it. We were friends. I couldn’t hurt that. Pushing her away as I had before because I had needed an ultimatum had hurt her. But watching the way that she had tried to save Travis repeatedly had been worse.
“Whatever you want it to be.”
Aria reached out and gripped my forearm, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. “I was never with Travis.”
I froze, my world shifting in an instant.
“I thought I needed to be. I thought he was my friend. And I could maybe save him. But he was just a man who took advantage. And I don’t think he was ever my friend.”
My heart thudded in my chest. “Aria. You’re a good person. That’s why you kept trying. Even if we hated that you did.”
“Everybody hated that I did. But it wasn’t because I loved him. I didn’t. Even though the family thought I did.” She met my eyes and swallowed hard. “You aren’t a rebound, Crew. You never were.”
That rocking motion hit again, and I pushed it down. I didn’t know where this would lead, and I knew it probably couldn’t lead to anything good. I was the product of my parents, so I knew exactly what happened when you wanted more than you deserved. But for now, I could have it all. I hope to hell I didn’t fuck it up.
“Good,” I finally said, before kissing her hard on the mouth and tugging on her belt loop. “Now time to feed you again. This time food, my cock later.”
She burst out laughing, her eyes finally full of such emotion, rather than the wariness that had been there for so long. And for once, I let myself relax.