Chapter 15 Hudson
HUDSON
“Damn it,” I groan as the ref blows their whistle, ending the play.
I hang my head as I enter the penalty box.
I wasn’t trying to trip that guy, but my stick did ended up under his skates, so I can’t even complain since it was a good call.
I’m not having the worst game of my career or anything.
Thanks to Bell and Martin, I’ve actually gotten two assists tonight, but I’ve been distracted.
I’m usually able to tune out the rest of the world and only focus on hockey when I need to, especially during a game, but tonight I’ve caught myself glancing up at the owner’s suite more than I’d care to admit.
I know Adrian watches most of the home games from there with his friends, and despite it being about twenty rows up from the ice, it’s easy for me to pick him out of the crowd.
Ever since Ollie suggested I might be overlooking how I really feel about Adrian, I’ve been trying to have an open mind about the possibility.
I don’t want to dismiss what he said, and I don’t think I should, because if I’m being completely honest with myself, there has definitely been more than one moment where I’ve thought about kissing him and what it would be like.
Or moments where I wanted to hold him in a way that I don’t typically think about wrapping myself around my other friends.
Now that I’ve given myself permission to go there, I’ve even wondered what it would be like to do more than just kiss him.
But I also want to be really confident in how I feel before I make any major changes.
Despite how casual I might have been with Adrian when he expressed his concerns about someone assuming we’re together, I do understand how big of an impact an announcement like that would have on my career, especially so close to the end of it.
There have only been a few openly queer professional hockey players, all of them in lower leagues than the NHL.
If I did decide that I wanted to be in a relationship with Adrian, especially if I did so publicly, that would overshadow everything else I’ve accomplished as a professional hockey player.
My multiple cup wins, any record I hold for the team on games played or points in a season, no one would care.
All I’d ever be known for would be my sexuality.
There’d be speculation about my interactions with teammates, my marriage, hell, my divorce isn’t even finalized yet.
No matter how cooperative I’ve been with Shelby’s lawyers, it would probably complicate that.
And now I want to adopt. I have no idea what implications that sort of media attention would have on my chances of being approved for adoption. I meant what I said when I told Adrian becoming a parent is my priority. I don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize that.
So I’m not planning to make any big changes as far as my relationship with Adrian goes anytime soon.
I’m just allowing myself to think about the possibility, eventually.
And apparently by doing so, I’ve become so distracted I’m earning stupid penalty minutes.
We’re up by two with four minutes left in the third.
My penalty could shift the momentum in Toronto’s favor and lose us the whole game.
I need to focus. I can think about Adrian and how perfect the tour earlier today was after the game.
Toronto’s goalie starts banging on the ice to warn them my time’s almost up, and I shake my head as I stand, trying to physically rid myself of distractions.
It doesn’t exactly work like I’d hoped; I still don’t feel as locked in as I’d like, but Anderson still manages to hold them from scoring anything else, and we get the win.
I can’t be certain with how far away he is, but I’m pretty sure Adrian is already focused on me from the front row of the box when I wave up at them.
He really is easy to spot with how much shorter he is than the rest of his friends, but he also stands out because he’s the only one who jumps as he waves back, obviously excited about the win.
His reaction is… cute. That’s the only word I can really use.
I know he isn’t excited that a player waved at him after the win.
He’s excited to be sharing the moment with me as my friend.
It makes something unexpected flutter in my chest to see how happy he is for not only me but also the team that I care so much about.
Adrian is just as in love with the Werewolves and even with hockey in general as I am.
That’s something I’ve always thought would be amazing to have in a partner, but I was convinced it could never be an option for me.
Could it be possible now? I can’t help it; I’m thinking about the house again, about how perfectly the tour went, how happy and excited Adrian was with each new room we saw.
He had a way of painting a picture for each space that was so easy to imagine.
We haven’t been living together for all that long, less than two months, and I’ve only been thinking about my feelings for him for far less time than that, and yet it was even easier to imagine sharing the home with him than it was to think about living there all alone.
By the end of the tour, I was so swept up in those thoughts that I’d pushed a little further, allowing myself to test out flirting with him again for the first time knowing that I might actually mean it.
And it was fun. Seeing him blush, joking around with him about sexual favors.
I wasn’t worried he might take me seriously, and I was disappointed when he didn’t.
I know that says a lot about my apparently obvious feelings about and for him, but today was definitely not the time to admit any of that to him.
Luckily I’m not held back for any extra press or stars tonight, so it doesn’t take me long to get back to my locker. I grab my phone first thing, hoping to catch Adrian this time before he leaves.
Hudson
Come out with us?
I leave my phone open on the shelf in front of me as I change, embarrassingly nervous about his reply.
It shouldn’t matter so much to me if he wants to join the team at the bar or not, but if the fluttering in my stomach is anything to go by, it obviously does.
I want to see him, and not across an arena.
I want to spend time actually hanging out with him.
Sure, we were together for most of the time I had off today, but it never feels like enough.
I grab the phone again as soon as it vibrates.
Adrian
IDK, I’m pretty tired.
Hudson
You don’t have to stay for long, it’ll be fun!
Adrian
Hmmm… Will there be hot hockey players there for me to flirt with?
I know he’s only joking. Adrian’s always joked around with the whole team about how attractive they all are, how he’s so lucky to work with so many hot men, that sort of thing. Everyone loves him, and I’ve never given it much thought, usually playing off his comments to join in on the fun.
But now that I’m thinking about him in this new light, and about the possible truth behind my own flirting… I don’t love the idea of him doing that with anyone else.
Hudson
I’ll be there, so OBVIOUSLY! No need to worry about talking to anyone else ;)
Hopefully the winking emoji I sent with that makes it come across as less creepy, possessive vibes and more fun and flirty.
Because apparently that’s how I want to come across to Adrian now, despite all my convictions to keep the new feelings I’m having about him to myself.
But flirting is fine. We’ve always flirted. It’s just teasing between friends unless we actually do anything about it, and obviously we won’t. I’m not ready for that.
At least I don’t think I am.