Chapter 23 Hudson
HUDSON
Adrian really is good at everything. He had no trouble with the diaper, he picked up swaddling in no time, and now he’s mastered, like, four different burping positions while I’m still worried about hurting the fake baby doll they have us using.
It just seems so tiny in my giant hands even though I know newborns are even smaller. Still, I’m used to throwing my body into another grown man’s as we fight over the puck, being aggressive and physical. I’m definitely not used to being so delicate.
“Hudson, don’t look so afraid of it,” Adrian teases, carefully placing his baby in front of him. He reaches out to cover my hands with his, maneuvering me slightly until I have a better angle. “See, you were so close.”
I know he’s just trying to help, and I appreciate it, but touching me is far too distracting to be productive while I’m trying to learn this.
“I don’t know. I’m worried about what will happen if you’re not there to help me when it’s the real deal,” I admit.
He laughs like I’m joking. “I can be there if you want. We’ll still be neighbors, right?”
Right. Neighbors. That’s fine. Good even.
But I still want him closer than that.
Like on the other side of my bed.
Chill. It’s good that he seems so eager to still be around after I become a parent. That’s a great sign for all the dates I’m planning with him on the off chance there will also be an infant joining us.
Just need Adrian to agree to them first.
Details.
“Great job. everyone. Now let’s practice the transition from burping to feeding.
Remember, you’ll want to offer the feeding break to burp every couple of ounces if you’re using a bottle, or every time you switch sides while breastfeeding,” the instructor says as they walk through the classroom we’re in.
I look over at Adrian, who effortlessly cradles the fake baby in one arm, rocking slowly back and forth, and soothing the child as he pretends to feed it. “God, you’re a natural. You really are good at everything.”
He smirks. “Glad you finally caught on.”
So am I. I can’t believe I’ve known Adrian for years and never realized just how much I like him.
Granted, we weren’t as close as we are now, and I wasn’t single for most of that time, and I also assumed I was straight.
But now, I can’t imagine looking at Adrian, with how warm his blue eyes are, how soft his styled hair looks, and not wanting to stake some sort of claim over him.
“It might help if you actually try to feed the baby,” Adrian teases. Right. I should focus on the class, not how incredibly distracting Adrian is in the best way.
I try my hardest to position the doll to feed, yet I still feel like I’m risking crushing it with how giant I am in comparison.
But the instructor comes around and confirms I’m doing well, so maybe I just need to be more confident and channel some of Adrian's energy. The rest of the class passes by pretty quickly, but I find that I’m not eager for it to be over.
I’m happy to be learning this stuff, and joking around with Adrian while doing it makes it really fun. I assume he won’t want to come to the adoption-specific classes with me, but ask anyway.
And he keeps coming with me. To all of them.
Luckily, we’re able to find multiple classes on the days I’m free and in town, some days doing back-to-back info sessions to fit it all in.
His steady presence combined with his charm and positivity makes each one so much better than if I’d gone alone.
Having Adrian at my side makes anything better.
February
Before I know it, I’ve managed to complete all the required education and paperwork, and I’m following Adrian around my house as he explains to the person inspecting it exactly how much time is left on the current projects.
All the structural projects are completed, and now it seems like every room is being re-painted or wallpapered, or molding is being added.
They agreed to come for the inspection even though I’m not living there yet since the next phase of the process can take so long actually matching with someone.
They said it would be alright to do a first inspection now, and another if and when the match happens, as long as they also inspect Adrian’s house since that’s where I’m currently living.
Adrian was fine with that, and that tour went well last week.
He’s also already been interviewed as one of my references and even agreed to the requested background check since we’re currently living together.
“Alright, guys. That seems like everything,” the inspector says, tucking his clipboard under his arm as he heads to the front door. “I was told this was the final step, so someone will contact you shortly with more information. Have a great night.”
“Thank you so much.” I wait until he leaves and sink against the back of the door as I close it with a relieved sigh. “We did it! That was the last thing I needed to do before I could be approved to make my adoptive parent profile.”
Adrian chuckles. “You did it! Congrats, Hudson. I bet you’ll be a parent in no time.”
“Thank you. And thank you for all your help. It probably would have taken me twice as long to finish everything if I’d been doing it on my own.”
He smiles, dimples popping, drawing my attention like they always do. “Don’t mention it.”
“We should celebrate!”
“Right now?” he asks with a chuckle.
“Yeah, we can pick up some champagne on the way home and celebrate finishing the home study phase, and my divorce being finalized.”
“I thought we celebrated that yesterday by going to that fancy place for dinner?” he challenges.
“I think it deserves an extended celebration.”
“Would you even have any? You barely ever drink.”
“It’s the NHL break; I can have a glass or two,” I say with a smirk. “Plus I know you like it, so I don’t think it’ll go to waste.”
He grins conspiratorially. “Alright. Just don’t tell your trainers I’m a bad influence or anything.”
I wink. “Never.”
We lock up and head down the block to the liquor store. I’ve been so focused on being on our league’s break that it isn’t until we’re inside that I realize what week it is for everyone else.
“Holy shit, what day is it?” I ask, looking around at all the decorations.
“Uh, Thursday,” Adrian answers absentmindedly as he searched the sparkling wine section.
“No, like the date,” I clarify as I take my phone out to check for myself. “Charming, did you know tomorrow is Valentine’s Day?”
That gets his attention, and he turns to face me fully. “Why would I care about Valentine’s Day?”
“Oh come on, you love holidays!” I insist. “I’ve lived with you through the multiple Halloween costumes in one night.
I got to hear you sing a Christmas carol on the ice before a game because you lost the game of football on Thanksgiving.
You got yourself three different advent calendars to count down to Christmas. ”
“Yes, well, those were fun holidays about spreading joy.” He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. “Valentine’s Day is for people in relationships to rub it in the faces of single people.
I feel like I’m back in school, and I’m the last to get chosen in gym class.
I get it, I’m no one's favorite person, but I don’t need it shoved in my face with heart decor. ”
“But that’s not true,” I blurt out, heart aching at how sad he sounds.
He raises a brow at me skeptically. “Which part?”
I know I should be casual right now. I’m not ready to tell him everything.
But he seems so defeated. I never want him to look like that. Adrian is strong and independent. I had no idea his lack of romantic relationship made him feel so alone.
I might not be able to tell him everything yet, but I can give him something. “You’re my favorite person,” I answer honestly.
He rolls his eyes again. “No, I’m not.”
“But you are.”
He uncrossed his arms. “Hudson, there’s just no way.”
“Then who the hell am I forgetting? Because I say it’s you.”
“I don’t know! Maybe your parents?”
I can’t help but chuckle. “They don’t count. We’re related, we have to love each other. You’re looking for someone who doesn’t have to be in your life but chooses you as their favorite person anyway. That’s me.”
He stares at me for a moment, jaw hanging open, brows furrowed in confusion. Finally, he clears his throat. “Well, that’s very kind of you to say, but it’s still different. You’re my roommate, not my valentine.”
I spin and walk away toward the register where there’s an elaborate candy display set up for the holiday. I pick up the box of chocolate hearts and head back to Adrian.
He still looks confused, but he’s laughing now as I approach. “What the hell are you doing?”
I give him my biggest smile, the one I save for when I’m really desperate for his help with something. “Adrian, will you be my valentine?”
His eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen them as his gaze flickers between me and the chocolate.
“Seriously, what the actual fuck is happening right now?”
“I thought I was pretty clear.” I hold the chocolates out toward him. “Just waiting for your answer.”
He shakes his head, but he’s smiling so I don’t think I completely fucked this up if that defeated expression he had is gone.
“Fine,” he finally agrees. “If you’re buying me champagne and chocolates, then I guess you’re a pretty good valentine.”
“Just pretty good? I need to step up my game.”
He glances down at the wine again. “Maybe a fancier bottle?”
“You can pick out whatever one you want, Valentine.”
“If you insist,” he says with a smirk before he picks up one of the more expensive ones.
Whatever keeps him smiling.
When we’re back home, I pour us glasses and make a toast. “To my valentine.” Adrian laughs, completely unaware of how much I want this night to be for real.
But we’re also celebrating moving onto the next step in the adoption process, and I know I need to focus on that and stick to my plan.
I’m so close to moving out, and I still think that it’s for the best to wait until we’re no longer living together to ask him out.
There are too many ways it could go wrong otherwise.
I can wait a few more weeks to offer him what he deserves.
I think.