Chapter 24 Adrian
ADRIAN
“Am I completely insane to think he might actually be into me?” I ask my friends after spending the entire break between the first and second period telling them all about our Valentine’s moment.
It’s a Tuesday game, one of the first back after the break, and we’ve pretty much secured our playoff spot, so the Caldwell box we’re watching the game from is fairly empty.
Beck and Cody aren’t even here. They’ve been meeting closely with a company they’re hoping to help take over the old Kyla headquarters, so they’re back in Montana.
Before this season, Beck almost never missed a game, but after everything that happened last summer, he’s only made it to about half of the home games this year.
He acts like he’s doing it all to make Cody happy, but I know him better than that. He found out firsthand how easy it was to fall into Kyla’s trap, and he cares about helping the other cult victims. The people there are lucky to have him fighting for them.
Jordan, Oakley, and Parker are all here, though, staring at me with varying levels of amusement.
“Well?” I prompt again “Give me something! Am I being delusional? What completely straight man would ask me to be his valentine with champagne and a chocolate heart, and then spend the night watching romcoms with me?”
“Hudson?” Jordan deadpans.
I playfully smack his arm. “That isn’t helpful! I have no idea if I’m reading into things that aren’t there or if there’s a chance he’s slowly working up the courage to tell me that he’s madly in love with me,” I say, only half joking.
“Madly in love might be kind of a strong thing to start with,” Oakley cautiously points out.
“Yeah, well, you’re not exactly the best person to be giving advice on this,” I remind him. “How long were you into your best friend before you guys did anything about it?”
He smirks. “Well, we did something about it way before we ever talked about it.”
“Are you saying I should make a move? There is absolutely zero chance of that happening. I’m not throwing myself at a straight man, no matter how many times I trick myself into thinking I’ve caught him checking me out.”
“That’s a good point,” Parker says, putting his hand on Oakley’s knee. “Don’t be like us. You should talk about it instead of potentially wasting months that you could be together.”
I take a deep breath as I imagine all the ways that could play out.
“See, that sounds great and all, but what about the very real possibility this is all in my head and I ruin an amazing friendship? He could move out early because he’s so uncomfortable.
He could ask me to stop helping with his house!
I’m not risking that. His future children deserve the perfect home. ”
Jordan nods along as I’m talking, so I assume he agrees. But then he opens his mouth. “And does any part of you also want them to be your future children, too? Because correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t you gone to every meeting and class with him? Didn’t they even inspect your house?”
I sink back all the way in my chair, letting out a big sigh. “Yes, they did. And I have.”
“Are you sure you aren’t applying with him?”
I roll my eyes. “Yes, I’m sure. They always inspect all the residences of the applicant, and those classes are open to public enrollment. I was there for moral support.”
“Uh-huh.” Jordan sarcastically agrees. “I still think you two are acting way too much like a couple for him to not be into you. Even if he’s never claimed a rainbow label.”
“Maybe it’s new for him, and he’s still processing his attraction for you,” Parker suggests.
“Ugh, if that’s the case, I’d like him to process things a lot faster.”
“Faster than asking you to fly across the country to meet his parents?” Jordan asks.
“Minnesota is hardly across the country.”
“You hear yourself talking, right?” he teases.
“You flew to meet his family. You helped him buy a house that he asked you to renovate. You’ve been at his side for the entire adoption process.
And he has been the one asking for you to do all of that.
There is no way that man isn’t into you.
He might not have said the words, but the actions are speaking very loudly. ”
The horn sounds, drawing our attention back down to the game as the starting line takes the ice for the second period.
“But what if we’re wrong? Or what if there’s a tiny chance of that possibly being true, but I manage to fuck it all up because I rush him?” I ask Jordan.
“I really doubt that’s possible… but I do understand your concerns. Maybe give it a little more time, follow his lead. But also trust your gut. You know him way better than any of us do. I hope it works out for you though. He’s a great guy, and you deserve a great one.”
“Thanks.” I can feel my cheeks heating as I focus my attention on the ice, watching as Joshua Martin gains possession and successfully crosses the blue line.
Hudson and Oliver race after him. Oliver is faster, going straight toward the goal, while Hudson effortlessly accepts a pass from Joshua who hadn’t even looked his way.
God, losing Hudson really is going to be a blow for the team. I know I’m going to miss watching him play, but hopefully I’ll still get off-ice time to see him. Oliver and Joshua are going to have a really hard time replacing him on their line though.
Hudson is able to avoid New Jersey’s defenseman, passing to Oliver at the last second. He fakes out the goalie, getting him to shift right, the wrong direction, and manages to send the puck in on his left side.
No one would think it’s a chill weekday game with how loud the Caldwell Center is after the horn sounds and the goal music starts playing. My friends and I are all right there with the rest of the fans, on our feet, shouting the goal song.
I really am so lucky to have ended up where I’m at. I love my job and the team I work for. I’m surrounded by a great group of friends who feel more like family. I know that I’m where I’m meant to be, living my best life.
And if that life eventually involves Hudson as my person, then I’ll be thrilled. But I doubt it could even be a possibility, so if it doesn’t, and I was only the side character in his story who encouraged him to adopt, well, that’s still really fucking cool.
As much as I pride myself in being a person who takes action and goes for what I want, as much as I hate waiting around, my gut is telling me that it’s what I need to do.
I can’t pressure him into anything. And with our roommate arrangement right now, I don’t think I could even trust that he wanted anything long term.
I’ve seen the romcoms, I know a forced proximity situation for what it is.
Maybe my friends are right and living with a gay man has led to Hudson questioning things about himself.
But while we’re living together, if he actually did make a move physically, I don’t think I would be able to trust that I was anything more than an experiment.
Maybe the wait will be worth it. Maybe I should focus more on the journey I’m already on and the time I get to share with Hudson now instead of wondering how our story will end.
If it could ever even be our story at all.
I wouldn’t have dreamed of our current friendship a year ago, though, and I’m so grateful for it.
I’m happy, and I’m going to continue to choose to focus on the good things, to be happy whenever I can.
Does that mean I’m suddenly not desperate for him? No. Does that mean my heart doesn’t stop every time he’s thrown into the boards? Absolutely not.
But I’m not willing to risk what we do have for the slim possibility of more. So I’m not going to make any major changes any time soon.