Chapter 38 Adrian
ADRIAN
Idon’t want to brag—who am I kidding, yes I do—but this baby shower could be featured in magazines.
Hudson has never cared about learning the gender of the baby, though I’m sure Emily knows since she’s seen the ultrasounds and is basically a doctor, so everything has been very gender neutral.
Obviously, everyone can be a hockey fan, so I’ve put together the most elaborate Werewolves themed baby shower I could.
There are signs that say “Welcoming The Newest Cub to the Pack” with the Werewolves logo and balloons everywhere in red, black, and white.
With it being the playoffs and there being so many players in attendance, there’s a huge array of healthy food options alongside the more fun ones for us nonprofessional athletes.
My personal favorite is, of course, the giant chocolate fountain with fruit and other desserts to dip in it.
Everyone is dressed to the theme, easy enough when most of the people here basically live in Werewolves merch, and even though Hudson could afford to buy everything himself and asked people to donate to the adoption agency instead, people couldn’t help themselves, and almost everyone brought something for Emily, as well as an outfit or other small gift on top of their donations.
The party is in full swing, and as I look away from the conversation I’m having with some of the WAGs, it’s like my gaze is a magnet drawn right to Hudson.
He looks so happy, smiling as wide as I’ve ever seen as he talks to Clark, one of our D men, and his wife and son.
That’s the whole point of this, right? That Hudson is happy.
I think today was so important for him. I know he’s close with his team, but as their captain, I think he feels separate from them sometimes, and he forgets how much they all adore him.
He might be retiring, but these men and their families aren’t going anywhere.
He mentioned how hard it is for him to keep up with his hockey friends because of their busy schedules, but a lot of his ex-teammates are also retired, and a lot of them even came today.
Everyone loves Hudson, and I’m so glad he can have this reminder of all the support that exists in his life before he starts this next chapter of parenthood.
He’s going to be the best dad, I know that as a fact, but no one should have to face life alone. If he does decide that a relationship isn’t what he actually wants from me when our current arrangement is done, I want him to remember that I’m not the only person who wants to be there for him.
I’ve been trying to repeat everything Beck said to me about Hudson’s loyalty and about not letting my past get in my way.
But anxieties aren’t always logical, and as much as I try to pretend like my childhood wasn’t a big deal, that I got over the way my parents so easily kicked me out of their life after ignoring me for so long, apparently, I’m not as unaffected as I’d hoped.
I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to believe that Hudson really wants to be with me while I’m the easiest option.
I’ve been calling it a crush for a long time, but I know I’ve been downplaying my feelings, even to myself.
I’m in love with him. I have been for a long time, and our time being together physically has only made those feelings harder to ignore.
He really is my dream man, a fantasy come to life.
I used to think of Shelby as a black hole, sucking away the best parts of him and dimming his light.
I’d like to think I could be the one to reflect it back at him, that our time as roommates has made us both happier people even though we haven’t actually been together.
I know I’ve never been happier.
And I want to believe him when he says he wants to date me. I want that desperately. I haven’t been able to stop myself from fantasizing about what life would look like if he really does still want to be with me and if I admitted how much I want that too.
But wanting it doesn’t eliminate my concerns, so I need to continue on with our plan.
I’ve tried so hard to not think of today as a possible celebration for a child that could someday be mine, but I couldn’t help imagining myself at Hudson’s side while opening presents instead of being the person who recorded who got him what gift.
I pictured everyone also congratulating me, gushing over what a great dad I’ll be, too.
Even if things do work out perfectly, and we do end up together after Hudson’s had that time alone to figure things out, I know that wouldn’t be any time soon. So, I’ll continue in my role as supportive friend and keep the focus of today on Hudson.
It isn’t hard when he’s always my focus.
I just hope no one else catches on to the hearts that I can feel in my eyes every time I look at him.
That no one realizes just how in love with Hudson I am.