Chapter 19
19
Silas
Even though the flight took nearly seven hours, we landed at LAX and were waiting at baggage claim before eleven in the morning.
“How far is your apartment from here? When we came before, we flew into Burbank.” Something flashed across his features when he said ‘we,’ and I couldn’t imagine it was easy talking about things he’d done with Britt so soon after the breakup.
“Yeah, that airport is closer, but I couldn’t find any nonstop flights there.” I lifted one of my suitcases from the carousel. “My place is only fifteen miles from here, but with the traffic on the 405, the drive could take us close to an hour.”
He nodded. “I read an article recently that said Boston and Houston are in the top ten cities with the worst traffic along with LA. Guess I’m just destined to stay in places where the freeways resemble parking lots.”
“That’s one of the nice things about being on the tour bus. You don’t even notice the traffic. ”
The last of our luggage came around, and once we had all of our stuff, we found a guy holding a sign with “Mr. Hale” printed on it.
Rina was always careful to not have our full names on signs to avoid fans hanging around waiting for us to show up.
“You here for Silas Hale?”
The driver nodded.
“That’s me.”
He reached for my suitcase. “Great. Let me help you with your luggage.”
Cash and I followed him with the rest of our bags to a black Lincoln Navigator and climbed into the backseat.
As our SUV pulled onto the road, I turned toward Cash. “Other than the two times you came out after my—” I glanced at the driver. Thanks to the media, it was common knowledge I’d overdosed and gone to rehab, but it wasn’t something I liked saying out loud, let alone in front of a stranger. “Other than the two times I know you came to California, have you ever been here before?”
He shook his head. “Nope, those were my only two trips, and as you know they were quick turnarounds. There wasn’t really any time to take in the sights.”
“A California virgin,” I teased. “I’ll be sure to show you a good time, then.”
For a brief second, I wondered if I crossed a line with the innuendo, given what he’d been through the last twenty-four hours, but I relaxed when he chuckled.
“I’m looking forward to it.”
Luck must have been on our side because we reached my apartment complex in forty-five minutes. As I pushed open the door, I was hit with conflicting emotions. I got comfort from being back in a familiar space, but my life was certainly different since the last time I had been there. Going forward, I wouldn’t be stumbling in at all hours, sleeping off a bender from the night before, or waking up next to random women.
I didn’t realize I’d stopped in the entryway until Cash squeezed my shoulder. “Is something wrong?”
“Nah.” I shrugged. “It’s just a little strange coming home. A lot has changed since I left. Not physically, but my life is different now.”
“Maybe it’s a good thing we came back earlier than planned.”
I lifted a brow. “You don’t really think that, do you?”
He gave me a tight smile. “Oh, the circumstances totally suck, but since I’ll be leaving before the tour is over, this will give us a chance to get you set up with a good routine before you start living here again on your own.”
While I had every intention of maintaining my sobriety, hearing him mention me being on my own caused me a little anxiety. I’d just have to take advantage of having Cash to help me so I’d be ready to handle my shit when the time came.
“That’s probably a good idea. Now, let me show you the spare room.” We walked to the first door down the hall to the right of the living room. He and my family had stayed at a hotel when they had come before, and I wasn’t sure he’d even seen the inside of the room. I pushed the door open. “My house cleaner has still been coming by every week, and I asked her to get the room set up for you, but if you need anything, just let me know.”
He pushed his suitcases through the doorway. “I’m sure it’s fine. Thanks.”
“We can figure out lunch as soon as you’re done unpacking. I texted the guys last night that I was coming home, and they wanted to drop by this afternoon, so maybe I can see if they want to eat with us.”
He nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”
An hour later, Malachi, Jasper, Jesse, Olivia, Elliott, and Savannah huddled around my kitchen island as we piled our plates with the pizza, salad, and garlic bread they’d brought. I grabbed some glasses from the cabinet, filled them with ice, and handed them out. I opted for water, as did Cash, while everyone else poured themselves sodas. The absence of alcohol didn’t escape my attention.
“Thanks for bringing the food over, but I noticed no one brought any beer.” I was grateful my friends were supportive, but I also didn’t want them to feel they needed to change their way of life to accommodate me.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Cash glance my way. Did he think I was complaining? If so, he had nothing to worry about.
“I just wanted to say that you all don’t have to stop drinking just because I’m not,” I continued. “It won’t bother me. We can even go out and I’ll just keep things low-key.”
Malachi wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”
“We’ve also asked Rina to only book meet and greets with the fans and skip the after-parties altogether,” Elliott added.
“Are you sure?” I asked. I would never ask them to give things up because of me, but I appreciated that they thought to make changes without me asking them to.
“I’ve never cared about them,” Jesse replied. “And now, Malachi and Jasper are together as well as Elliott and Savannah, so it’s not like they’re looking to hook up with fans. Which just leaves you and Cash. We all assumed you were a no-go right now, and Cash is dating your sister.”
Cash grimaced. “Actually, I’m not with Britt anymore, but I think it’s great that you guys are supporting Silas by putting a stop to the parties.”
“Sorry, man. I had no idea. Now I feel like an ass for saying anything,” Jesse said.
“Don’t worry about it.” Cash clapped him on the back. “It was bound to come out eventually. It’s my understanding there isn’t a lot of privacy on the road, so I’m sure you guys would have caught on soon enough when I didn’t talk about her.”
He was right, but hearing him mention the lack of privacy made me wonder if the dynamic I had with Cash would change once the tour started up again. For the better part of three weeks, it’d mostly been the two of us, and I felt we’d grown really close. Would that all change once we were surrounded by several other people most of the time? And why was I suddenly worried about not having Cash all to myself?
That was some shit I needed to sort through, but not while I was hanging out with my friends. Instead, I focused back on the conversation as everyone talked about what they were most looking forward to as we wrapped up our concert dates. For me, I just wanted to make it through without a relapse and return home stronger than I’d been when I moved to LA four years ago.
We’d been back in California for over a week, and Cash hadn’t been joking when he said we’d use the time before heading to San Diego to get me started on a routine. I’d finally met up with my therapist in person and set up my sessions for the next couple of months. Then Cash and I attended two NA meetings where I met Jason, who agreed to be my sponsor. We also created a daily routine for me that included waking up earlier than I was used to, practicing yoga, going to the gym, and setting reminders to meditate and journal.
On paper, it seemed like a lot, but I found a schedule helpful and believed it would keep me on track even after Cash was no longer with me. I hated thinking about the day he’d pack up and leave, not because I was overly dependent on him for my sobriety, but because I enjoyed his company. We always seemed to share some laughs together, and I got a little bummed whenever I thought about not having that every day.
The roar of the blender started up, and I headed out to the kitchen.
“Good morning,” Cash greeted when he turned off the machine.
“You’re way too happy in the mornings,” I teased.
“Nothing better than starting the day with a good attitude.” He handed over a glass filled with his daily green smoothie concoction.
“Well, to keep that good attitude going, how would you feel about hitting up Magic Mountain today?”
We were heading out on the road in two days, and I wanted to have a little fun before we left. Since my old idea of fun was out of the question, I thought a day of thrill rides might be a good option.
He lifted a brow. “What’s that? ”
“It’s an amusement park. You want to go?”
His eyes lit up. “Hell yeah.”
“Great. Let’s finish up breakfast, and then we can leave.”
Two hours later, I found a parking spot for my red Porsche Taycan that I rarely ever drove, even though I bought it a couple of years ago. Grabbing my backpack from the backseat, I pulled out a bottle of sunscreen I’d found in my bathroom and shoved in there. The sun was already beating down on us, and I’d learned my lesson several years ago that playing drums with a sunburn was pure hell.
I squirted some into my hand. “I prefer the spray stuff, but this was all I had. The sun can be brutal here, so you might want to put some on.” I tossed the bottle to Cash.
“Thanks.” He caught the sunscreen and popped open the cap.
Once we were protected, we headed for the front gates.
As we waited in line, I felt Cash’s hand touch my neck. “Looks like you didn’t rub in all the sunscreen back here.”
My mind instantly thought of some other spots he could rub as his touch sent a shiver down my spine.
Damn, I needed to get laid because clearly jerking off wasn’t cutting it if I was reacting to his innocent touch.
“Uh, thanks,” I replied.
After we made it through the metal detectors and my bag was searched, we passed a couple of concession stands, and the smell of fried food nearly made me salivate. “Just so you know, the smoothie you made this morning was the last healthy thing I plan on eating today,” I announced. “Because I plan on indulging in as much junk food as I can.”
He snorted. “That’s fine, as long as you don’t puke on me on any of the rides.”
“No promises.” I smirked. “But I’ll do my best.”
We made a beeline for Full Throttle and didn’t have to wait too long before getting on.
“I gotta ask. Are you a screamer?” I grinned.
“On roller coasters?” He shook his head. “No.”
If I didn’t know better, I would think he purposely made that sound dirty, but before I could tease him about his answer, we were slammed back into our seats as the car launched us forward.
I gripped the safety bar, laughing as we sped through loops and sharp turns. By the time we came to a stop, my heart was still racing.
As we walked off the ride with huge grins on our faces, Cash said, “That was awesome. It’s been years since I’ve been on a ride like that.”
“That was just a warm-up.” I led him to the next roller coaster that tilted forward so you were face down and felt as though you were flying.
We spent the rest of the day getting on as many rides as possible, and like I’d told Cash I planned on doing, I ate practically everything in sight. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had so much fun doing something that didn’t involve drugs or sex.
By the time we got back to my apartment, I could barely walk. We stumbled through the door before we both collapsed on my couch.
“Today was a blast. I’m glad you thought of that.”
I rubbed my stomach. “Yeah, but I might have overdone it on the food.”
He chuckled. “You think? I could have told you that when you bought a second funnel cake. You’re gonna have your work cut out for you at the gym tomorrow to burn all of those calories.”
“I can think of a better way to burn off the calories tonight,” I joked.
He shoved me playfully. “You’re ridiculous. I’m going to shower before I crash. Be ready to hit the gym at nine.”
“Got it.” I stood and started walking to my room. “Goodnight.”
“Night,” I heard him call out before closing my door.
My comment about burning calories had been said in jest, but as soon as I was alone in my room, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep without some sort of release.
Damn, my hand was getting quite the workout these days.