CHAPTER THREE
HOW MUCH MORE seen could Vivienne make herself?
She huffed in frustration as she twirled the umbrella she held in wrist-length white gloves, carefully watching passersby in the royal gardens as she conversed with several other ladies of the court. Four weeks had passed since she’d said goodbye to her mysterious masked man, and ever since, she’d gone out of her way to attend every social event possible. Including dreary tea-time activities all around the kingdom.
Unfortunately, Sir Mask was elusive, a difficult man to catch. She’d practically scoured the entire kingdom for him, under the guise of being socially enthusiastic, of course.
Yet, it was as if he’d disappeared entirely. She would have run into him if he were looking for her, too.
If , she emphasized in her mind.
A part of her feared the sparks that had flown between them was only one sided. But she refused to give up hope. That night, she’d wanted more than just one evening with him, and the feeling had only grown stronger in their time apart.
Several men only a few years older than her passed by, dipping their heads in acknowledgement. Vivienne tipped her umbrella down to cover the top half of their faces while watching their mouths move in greeting.
A despondent sigh escaped her when she recognized none belonging to Sir Mask.
Queasiness rolled through her stomach at the thought of not finding him at all. This was supposed to be a fun game. But she hadn’t expected the game to stretch more than a week or two. She should have asked him his name. She regretted not doing so.
What if he left Edilann ? she silently asked herself. What if he’s gone?
Bile climbed her throat, and she took several deep breaths to calm herself. Unfortunately, the queasiness refused to abate as regret became her constant shadow.
A chilly autumn breeze picked up around her skirts, the bite of the air and the white of the skies promising a storm. Big, fat snowflakes drifted down from the heavens, twirling and leaping and flurrying around her in a dance of white powder.
She’d always loved the snow. It was cold and mysterious and filled with unspoken adventure. But now? It caused panic to race through her. Soon enough, she wouldn’t be able to venture outside at all. If she didn’t find the masked man before the snow started to stick, she might never find him at all.
“Shall we head back inside?” one of the other ladies suggested. Despite the threat of cold the snow offered, the other woman’s gaze trailed the men as they traveled down the path.
Vivienne waved the others away. “I will be but a moment. I simply would like to admire the snow for a while longer.”
The others left her in the garden, giggling as they fell into step with the men.
She lifted her gaze to the flurries of snow, watching how they danced and twirled like performers on a stage. The movement was soft and beautiful and also filled with immense loneliness in the accompanying silence.
All too quickly, her stomach churned with intense sickness. She turned, and unable to help herself, she vomited into the bare rosebush to her right.
Her eyes snapped wide open when realization dawned on her. The thought of never seeing the mysterious man again plagued her with dread, but not with sickness.
This was…
…something else.
Her hand flew to her belly as shock overcame her. As denial wedged itself into her mind and clung on with fierce talons. All she managed was to stare blankly at the path ahead as the silence pressed down heavily on her shoulders until it managed to crush her.
Because…her monthly bleeding was late. By two weeks.
“No, no, no!” she cried, frantically glancing around to make sure no one had seen her purge her insides into a rosebush. But only bare trees and shrubs stared back at her where they circled a sundial. She was alone.
What was she to do? This wasn’t supposed to happen. She wasn’t married yet. This couldn’t happen to her. Her father would kill her, and as the warlord of Edilann, she feared he would quite literally kill the man responsible.
Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she pressed a hand to her breast and closed her eyes to reach for her inner calm. Surely, this was a hoax. Just a scare. Sometimes her bleedings would arrive late for no reason other than whim. This was nothing. It would pass.
But as one week turned into two, she could no longer deny it.
She was with child.
It became increasingly difficult to keep down her meals and hide her ailing condition from her friends and family members. But most of all, it was difficult to hide it from the servants. She’d pricked her finger to coat her undergarments with blood. She’d spent nearly a week bedridden with “womanly aches,” but in reality, all her body wanted to do was vomit.
All efforts to find her masked man ceased when fear plagued her day after day. She couldn’t hide her condition for long. She knew that. Especially when she eventually started showing. But she was scared. Terrified. And perhaps there was only one person she could turn to.
She took a deep breath as she stood outside the closed doors of one of the drawing rooms in the palace. Muffled voices and laughter came from within, inspiring more anxiety to wriggle into her bloodstream and spur her heart into a fast rhythm.
She shifted her weight from foot to foot on the soft blue carpet, reaching deep within herself for the courage she needed to face this.
Finally, she turned the handle and stepped inside. All conversation ceased. All eyes turned to her.
Through the bile trying to climb her throat, she managed a smile as her gaze found her mother where she sat on an ornate settee. “What a beautiful gathering,” she said, curtsying to her aunt, the queen herself, and to several other ladies of the court. “Mother, might I steal you for a few moments? One of the family birds got out, and I can’t find it anywhere.”
It was code for needing her immediate help, and it couldn’t wait.
Mother smiled to the others as she set down her cup of tea. “I will try to make it back in a timely manner. I’ve so enjoyed all of your company.”
The woman made a graceful exit, and they fell into step beside one another before entering a vacant room filled with ornate, velvety furniture. Light spilled between blue velvet drapes over the windows, the color representing the kingdom of Edilann.
The moment the door closed behind them, her mother’s forehead creased with worry, and she smoothed down her coiffed brown hair like she always did when in distress. “What is it, dear? What happened?”
Unable to help herself when her emotions now had a mind of their own, she burst into tears. They came faster than she could wipe them away. “I made a mistake,” she sobbed, staring at the floor so she didn’t have to look her mother in the eye.
“We all make mistakes, dear,” her mother said calmly as she stroked Vivienne’s hair.
“You don’t understand.” She finally braved lifting her head and decided to speak the truth quickly to get it over with. “I am with child.”
Her mother’s mouth closed, her jaw clenching as she took a step backward. Her gaze jumped toward the door, and without preamble, she grabbed Vivienne’s arm and dragged her closer to the windows as if to prevent them from being overheard.
“You are sure?” she asked.
Vivienne nodded. “I’m quite certain.”
A long breath whooshed from her mother’s lips as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Who is the father?”
“I don’t know!”
“Vivienne!” her mother gasped.
“No, I mean I know who it is. I just don’t know his name. I don’t know where to find him.”
Slowly, her mother lowered herself onto a velvety chair and smoothed her skirts, regaining her earlier poise. “Listen carefully, Vivi.”
Vivienne followed suit and sat in another chair, dread and terror tangling in her stomach.
Continuing, her mother said, “No one, and I repeat no one , is to hear of what you just told me. Not even the father of this child.”
“But—”
Her mother stopped her words with a hard grip on her arm. “I am here to help you, Vivi. If anyone learns of this, you will doom every single one of your siblings to a life of being shunned by their peers. No one will marry your sisters. We will be cast out of polite society.”
She wiped several more tears from her face. How could she have been so selfish? How could she have let this happen? “What must I do?”
“The only thing you can do.” Her mother sat up straighter and looked her dead in the eye. “You must marry. And quickly now.”
Emotion clogged her throat. Her eyelids shuttered closed. She was eighteen years old. Of course, she knew plenty of people who were married by that age. But she’d wanted excitement and adventure and to have a little bit of fun before marriage clipped her wings.
But it seemed she’d had one bit of fun too many.
“I have feelings for this man,” she said in a husky whisper, opening her eyes to gaze back at her mother through blurry tears. “I don’t want to marry another.”
“Tell me more about him.”
So, she explained everything. Where she’d met him. Why she was so taken with him. His endearing qualities. His physical attributes. That he ran in the same circle as her.
Mother nodded slowly, taking in all the information. “He sounds like a decent man of good breeding.” But then she rolled her eyes. “I said decent . He should not have taken liberties with you.” She sighed, disappointment in her very breath. “We will try to find this man. But if we don’t… I will arrange a marriage for you. Like I said, we don’t have much time before you start showing. This must be quick.”
Vivienne understood the reasoning behind a quick marriage. But a physical ache still pounded on her chest. Hopelessness sat heavy on her shoulders. How long had she spent trying to find the masked man? It was more likely she would wed another than locate him in a timely manner.
“And what of Father?”
Shifting in her seat, Mother scoffed and smoothed down her skirts once again. “I love your father, but he will sooner blow this out of proportion than protect the family with silence. He will never find out. Otherwise, this entire family will be ruined. This is only between you and me.”
After letting out a long breath, Vivienne placed a hand over her churning belly, hardly believing something was growing inside of her. “And the baby’s father?”
Her mother’s expression became grave. “It is best he doesn’t know either until after you’ve secured yourself in the marriage. We don’t want to give him any reason to back out of the commitment.”
Another wave of dread crashed over her. She steepled her fingers together over her face and closed her eyes. She wanted to disappear, to pretend like she hadn’t fouled up so badly as to have to face the consequences of her actions.
“What now?” she asked in a barely audible whisper.
“I have several invitations from those within our circle. We will attend every single one of them under the guise of your interest in securing yourself a husband. But Vivi…I will only give you two weeks to find this man, and the wedding will go through only if I approve of him. Understand?”
Wordlessly, she nodded, her eyes still closed. As much as she regretted clipping her own wings…
She would do what she must for the sake of her family.