14
WHEN ASTRID GOT back to Gudrun’s after the puffin trip, the euphoria that she’d drifted home on disappeared when she remembered that tonight was the night she had to tell her sister she was moving out.
She’d been putting it off, because they were finding their way again after not having seen much of each other over the past few years and Astrid didn’t want to put an end to that.
She was going to have to phrase it very carefully.
‘Have you been out on the boat all day?’ Gudrun asked while they made dinner together in the kitchen. They’d settled on a risotto, and Gudrun was dutifully stirring the rice, adding a ladle of stock every so often while Astrid was grating some cheese to stir through it.
‘Yes. I thought we might just go out and back to see how the boat was running, but he took us to Andriesey Island.’
‘To see the puffins! Oh, that’s amazing, As. I haven’t done that in years.’
Most of what Astrid remembered from the trip was the last half an hour or so when she’d given in and leant against Leifur’s chest while they headed back to Reykjavik harbour. It was one of the most romantic things that had ever happened to her. And so unexpected .
‘It was wonderful. I could have watched them for hours.’
‘And you got on okay with Leifur after the other day?’
‘He’s a really nice guy. It’s a big change for him, and he’s been worried about the boat. It was his father’s boat. As soon as he realised she still felt the same as she did before all the work, he relaxed. You could almost see it.’
‘Oh my god. You’re in love with him!’ Gudrun had stopped stirring and was staring wide-eyed at Astrid.
‘No, of course I’m not.’ She laughed, but she knew it wasn’t convincing. And Gudrun was very shrewd at reading this kind of behaviour.
‘Okay, maybe not in love with him yet, but something happened today, I can tell. Something that’s made you fall for him. Tell me I’m wrong.’ She pointed the wooden spoon at Astrid.
‘Don’t stop stirring. It’ll stick.’
‘See? You can’t even deny it. Come on then, tell me what happened.’
Despite thinking that the episode in the wheelhouse was something she’d keep close to her heart, Astrid found herself sharing the whole story — if you could call it that — with Gudrun. As she told her how she had leant into him, she surprised herself by how dreamy she felt about the whole thing.
‘I can’t explain it, and I’m not in love with him, but I do like him.’
‘And did he kiss you goodbye?’
Astrid shook her head. ’That would have been weird.
’ But she’d been disappointed that he hadn’t.
All that had happened was that they’d been in very close proximity to each other for a while.
Except in her heart, it was more than that even though she knew he might not have the same feelings for her.
He might have thought they were just cosying up in the wheelhouse since they were the only two on the boat and it was a fairly choppy sea.
It was ridiculous to have expected that might lead to a goodbye kiss. They were colleagues. Friends.
‘When will you see him again?’
‘I don’t know. I suppose when we’re sorting out the boat over the next week or so?’
Gudrun scooped some risotto onto a teaspoon and held it out for Astrid to taste.
She blew on it and then tasted it. ‘It’s ready. Delicious.’
‘Aren’t you desperate to see him?’
Yes, she wanted to say. Desperate to be held by him properly. His arms wrapped around her so she could feel his whole embrace. ‘No. I’m not going to force anything. It’s a busy time for him, getting everything up and running. We’ll just see what happens. Shall I dish some up for Olafur?’
‘Yes, please. He’ll be in soon.’
The two of them sat at the table. Astrid wondered whether to wait until Olafur got back from work before she announced she was moving into her own place but then thought better of it.
’So you know Jonas offered me a contract for the summer.’
‘Mmm hmm,’ said Gudrun through a mouthful of rice.
‘Since it’s more money than I thought I’d make, I can afford to rent my own place.’
‘Why would you pay when you can stay here for free?’
It was a perfectly reasonable question, and it somewhat took the wind out of her sails. She hadn’t expected Gudrun to be calm and reasonable, but then neither of them were teenagers anymore. She had to remember that.
‘I love it here, you know that, but I’ve never had a place of my own here. I’ve never had anywhere that I’ve chosen. And now that Reykjavik is starting to feel like home again, I want to feel like I’m really living here. And I love staying with you, but it feels more like being on holiday. ’
‘That makes sense,’ said Gudrun. ‘I get staff discount at Snug.’
‘My new place is mostly white, so I do need to break that up a bit.’
‘You’ve already found somewhere?’
Astrid nodded sheepishly.
‘Oh, As. I would have loved to house hunt with you.’
‘I know, but it was the only place I looked at. I emailed the agent, and they called and asked if I could see it straight away, so I did. There wasn’t any time to tell you.’
Gudrun looked glum for a minute or so, then she said, ‘Can I help you choose things?’
‘Of course you can. I have no idea what looks good, and I definitely want some scented candles.’
‘I don’t want you to move out, but I’m happy you’re feeling at home here. I always felt as if you didn’t want to be here when you visited before.’
Astrid had always felt like a stranger when she’d come home.
It felt like so long since she’d lived here, and being away while her sister was busy growing up, becoming an adult and being in a serious relationship had always made Astrid feel as if she’d missed out on too much to catch up with.
As if the distance between her and her family was increasing with each visit home.
‘It wasn’t that at all. Every time I came back, things had changed so much while I was away, it felt like I was being left behind.’
Gudrun got up, came behind Astrid and hugged her. ‘Oh, As. I didn’t know you felt like that. To me, you were so lucky to be living abroad doing your dream job, and I was stuck here, waiting to be old enough to do the same.’
‘It’s fine.’ She rubbed her sister’s arms, trying not to think about how it might have felt if Leifur had taken his hands off the wheel and embraced her like this. ‘You don’t need to feel bad for me.’
‘I’m happy that you’ve got a place,’ Gudrun said. ‘I’ll miss you, but I love that Reykjavik is feeling like home to you. Maybe you’ll stay longer than the summer.’
‘Don’t get carried away. I haven’t seen an opening for a marine biologist in Reykjavik yet.’
Later that evening, when Olafur was home, Astrid said goodnight and retreated to her room to give them some time alone.
They were so welcoming, happy to share their home with her, but it was hard to relax at someone else’s house the same way you would at your own.
Astrid was so glad that Gudrun had understood why she wanted to move out.
Now she could start looking forward to it.
She imagined inviting Leifur over to her new place.
She could picture him there, lounging on the sofa while she made them a coffee, or sitting on the small balcony sharing a beer.
And she liked the thought of that. Could that happen?
She felt as if they were friends now, but it seemed like a big step to go from where they were to inviting him round to her flat.
Something else needed to happen between those two things, and for her own sanity, she could do with seeing him sooner rather than later to get a feel for how things were since the puffin trip.
Before she could change her mind, she texted him and invited him for coffee the following morning. He replied straightaway and agreed.
Astrid arrived at Te his beard was soft; he smelled great; that was brave; he liked her.
They made their coffee orders, and Leifur insisted on paying, then went back to their table.
‘I was pleased you suggested this,’ he said.
‘Really? You didn’t think it was weird?’ Straightaway she was annoyed with herself for not playing it cooler.
‘Not at all. I had a great time the other day.’
Did he mean the puffins or the trip back?
‘Me too.’
‘Can I be honest with you?’
She nodded, bracing herself in case it was honesty she didn’t want to hear.
‘I’ve never worked with a woman before. Actually, I haven’t worked with many people I wasn’t related to.’ He dropped his head into his hands and ran them over the back of his head. ‘This is more awkward than the hello kiss,’ he muttered.
‘If it helps, I feel as awkward as you, I think I’m just better at hiding my feelings.’
He looked at her and laughed. ‘Okay. That does help.’ He took a sip of coffee and exhaled, seeming to relax.
‘Is that the honest part, because I was expecting something more than that you’re used to working with family. That’s not a massively shocking revelation.’
‘No, that’s not it.’ He grinned and shook his head. ‘I like you Astrid, and I’m not smart enough to know whether that’s because I’m not used to working with women. And who knows, maybe I’d react to any woman like that, or maybe it’s you.’
Astrid took a deep breath. Did he admit he liked her?
‘As a comparison, I’ve worked with quite a few men and never felt like this about them.’ She watched his reaction.
‘So I was right. Not just any woman.’ He spoke softly but seemed more self-assured now. ‘And you feel the same.’
She nodded. His eyes were focused on her, as if he could see inside her soul.
It took her breath away for a moment as she realised this wasn’t something she’d imagined.
They had a connection. It had been there from the first moment they’d seen each other on the fjord, not that she’d tell anyone that, especially not Gudrun.
‘I don’t normally believe in fate or anything like that,’ she said. ‘But from the first time we saw each other, there was something. Even though all we did was wave. I mean, I wouldn’t normally remember every stranger I wave to. But I remembered you. ’
‘And the morning when we met to go on the whale watching tour, I’d already made my mind up that I didn’t need someone on the boat. I thought it was pointless. But then I saw it was you.’
She opened her mouth to point out that it hadn’t felt like that, but he beat her to it.
‘It took me a little while to do the about-turn in my head, but I was so happy to actually meet the beautiful woman I had seen on the fjord, looking for whales in a little wooden boat.’
They stared at each other for a minute. Astrid could hardly take in what he’d said. He’d said she was beautiful.
‘To be clear, I didn’t think I would actually see a whale that day,’ she said.
Leifur threw his head back and laughed. ‘An important clarification.’
‘I’m a marine biologist. I just like being out on the water.’
He smiled, his eyes twinkling and full of understanding. ‘So do I.’