29
THE LAST DAYS on the boat before Astrid left were wonderful and dreadful at the same time.
They saw the fin whale again two days in a row, and Leifur loved seeing how excited she was about that and was thrilled she was leaving on a high.
Eva was hesitant about taking over the commentary from Astrid, but she’d done the middle tour two days in a row while Astrid manned the galley, and it had gone very well.
It was heartbreaking knowing that this was what he was going to be missing when she left.
She was the reason he looked forward to coming to work.
She’d been part of Brimfaxi since the boat had had her facelift, and there was going to be a gaping Astrid-sized hole in his day, every day for as long as he could imagine.
Worse still, Jonas had had no luck finding a suitable replacement for Eva and had suggested they use Isak. He was waiting on the quay on Saturday evening when they got back to the harbour.
‘We need someone, he needs a job and if he’s anything like you, he’ll get stuck into whatever needs doing,’ said Jonas.
Leifur didn’t feel he could disagree, especially since Jonas had already said he had run out of options and they needed an extra person before Tuesday .
‘He’ll have to be happy with running the galley then,’ Leifur said.
‘It’s up to you to decide what you need him to do,’ Jonas said, not realising that would be easier said than done. ‘And the great thing is you’ve worked together before, so he should slot into the team more easily than a total stranger.’
Astrid strolled over and caught the end of the conversation. ‘Oh, you’ve found someone! I don’t suppose there’s any chance they can start tomorrow, or even on Monday for the extra tour. I’d love to help out with getting them up to speed before I go.’
‘I doubt he’ll be able to start that soon,’ said Leifur, wanting to prolong the inevitable.
‘Let me give him a call,’ said Jonas, pulling his phone out and walking away.
‘It’s Isak,’ Leifur said to Astrid, knowing that’s all he needed to say for her to understand.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, reaching out to touch him but pulling away as if perhaps she thought he’d reject her. ‘Is he going to be happy doing Eva’s job?’
‘I doubt it.’
‘He can start on Monday. At least he’ll have one tour to see how you guys do it,’ Jonas said.
‘Jonas, Isak —’ Astrid began.
‘It’s fine,’ Leifur said firmly, laying a hand on her arm.
‘Unless you’re planning on staying, this is the best option.
’ He knew he was deliberately playing on the guilt she was already feeling, but he didn’t want to get into the details of his relationship with his brother with Jonas.
It wasn’t Jonas’s problem. All he was trying to do was help.
Leifur knew it was up to him and Isak to work things out so that they could get along.
‘Thanks Jonas. I’ll pick up with Isak about it. ’
‘Great! That’s worked out for everyone.’
‘Why would you put yourself in that position?’ Astrid asked later when Eva had gone home.
Letting Astrid leave without showing her how heartbroken he was was taking all of his energy.
Working together for these past few days had been a battle with himself not to beg her to stay every time he thought about what it would be like without her.
And now Isak was coming onto the boat instead, it felt like the final thing that was going to beat him into submission.
Over the past weeks, he’d gone from having nothing but a fishing boat to now having a share in a thriving business, a smart tour boat and the girlfriend of his dreams. Battling against Jonas’s plan to employ Isak was something he had no energy for.
He knew if he said anything, Jonas would probably listen to his views and try to find someone else.
But at what cost? At least this way they didn’t have to stop operating while they found a new person.
Maybe having been out of work for a few weeks, Isak would come into it grateful that he had a job and be willing to be part of the team.
‘I don’t have any choice,’ he sighed. ‘We need another Eva, but most students will have their holiday jobs by now. And whatever I think of my brother, perhaps he’ll be different this time.
I have to give him the chance to prove himself instead of telling Jonas what he’s been like in the past and having him be judged by that. It isn’t fair.’
‘Okay. But promise me you’ll tell Jonas at the first sign of anything you’re not happy with, the same as you would if it was anyone else.’
‘I promise.’
‘What are you doing tonight?’
He shrugged. ‘Nothing. Going home and sitting by the fjord with a beer.’ Part of him hoped she was going to suggest doing something together, but when she didn’t, he knew that was probably best.
‘That’s a good idea. I might do the same on my balcony. ’
‘You may as well get the use from it while you can.’
‘Speaking of which, I had to pay for my apartment for the whole six months, so if you want to stay there instead of sleeping on the boat, you can. Anytime.’ She handed him a key.
‘Are you coming back to pack it up later in the year?’
‘I’m not sure what will happen after Costa Rica, so I’m going to pack everything but leave a key for Gudrun, and she’ll pick my stuff up if I can’t get back.’
‘Thanks, it might be useful sometimes.’ He put the key in his pocket knowing he’d never stay there. It would be like ripping a fresh wound in his heart every time he went there, and she wasn’t there. The apartment was all her, the same way she said his house was like him.
Now that the nights were drawing out, there was plenty of daylight left when he got home to be able to grab his tarpaulin and a beer and sit down on the shore to enjoy watching the water.
The wildflowers and heathers had begun to bloom amongst the moss, making him realise how long it had been since he’d done this.
It felt as if the time from when he’d first seen Astrid in her boat to now had been a dream, which it sort of had.
The time he’d had with Astrid was so brief, it felt like he’d grasped something magical only to have it fade with the same speed as a dream.
He watched a small boat round the peninsula.
He stood up, squinting to see because the sun was lower now and behind the boat, which made it hard to make out.
But when the person in the boat waved, there was no mistaking who it was.
He waved back, his heart full of the memory of the first time he’d seen her do this.
He put his beer down, propped up against a mossy rock and walked along the shore, tracking the progress of the boat until he had to climb the path where his bay ended and the next began, and lost sight of it.
He climbed down the rocks on the other side to the small sandy inlet and looked up to see Astrid coming towards him. He pulled the boat in as far as he could. She stood at the prow.
‘You’re looking for whales? Still?’ He had to make a joke because he couldn’t let himself believe that there might be another reason.
‘Last time I did this, I wanted so badly to get out of the boat and sit on the shore with you for a while.’
‘You could have.’
She smiled and shrugged. ‘I’m not very good at being forward.’
‘Neither am I.’
‘Kind of a miracle we got to where we did, then.’
‘Want to sit with me now?’ He held out a hand. She took it and jumped onto the sand. They held hands and walked back to where he’d been sitting. ‘Take a seat. I’ll get you a beer.’
He grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and headed back outside. He stood for a moment looking at Astrid with the sun behind her, hair lifting off her shoulders in the breeze, and wondered what on earth he was doing letting her go.
‘Here.’ He passed her a beer and settled himself down next to her.
‘Thanks. And just to say, I’m not here for anything except to watch the sunset with you in the place where we first met.’
He put his arm around her and pulled her to him.
‘That’s perfect.’ It was good to be clear about where they stood.
And a relief to know there was a line drawn, because when they’d made love on the boat the other day, it had felt like a goodbye and he had accepted that.
Since Astrid had got out of the boat here, he’d been anxious that this might turn into the same thing, and while that would have been wonderful, it opened him up to too much hope that this equally might not be the last time.
He couldn’t cope with endless goodbyes, and he loved Astrid all the more for coming here and understanding that.
‘We didn’t do enough of this,’ she said, snuggling into his side.
‘We would have. We’ve only had a couple of days off since we met.’
‘I think it’s a good sign that we managed to work together and not get fed up with each other,’ she said.
‘I think so too.’ Although who knew how it would have gone if they’d had longer.
Maybe they would have seen too much of each other.
Perhaps work would have been the only thing they had in common, the only thing they talked about.
He could tell himself these things, but he knew it wasn’t true.
The truth was, they had so much to discover about each other, and they’d barely started.
He was greedy for every conversation, every moment they could be alone together and every time she smiled only for him.
‘Will you be alright with Isak?’
‘Of course. I have to give him a chance, and maybe it’ll be different this time because the work is different, less pressured.’
‘I hope so. I hate the thought that I’ve put you in this situation.’
He hated it too, but he didn’t blame her. Isak was family, and Leifur would always feel an obligation to him, or at least to their mother, to help him out if he could.
‘It will go one of two ways. He will either embrace the opportunity and be the perfect employee or he will take advantage. I hope he proves me wrong because I’m not the only boss he has to answer to anymore.
’ He took his arm away from Astrid, put his beer between his thighs and leant back on his elbows.
‘Let’s not spend our last evening talking about Isak. ’
‘Thank you for not hating me for leaving.’
‘Astrid, I’ll never hate you. I know it’s the wrong time for us.
And I also know that the right time might never come and it wouldn’t be right for either of us to wait.
I think we had something very special. Something I don’t think I will find again, but if you had the chance at that with someone else, someone who is where you are, you should take it. ’
She turned her head slightly towards him, but kept her eyes on the water. ‘I won’t find anyone else like you.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘I know that better than anything, Leifur. But I also know I can’t stay because of you. I never thought I’d have to choose between two things that I love.’
It could have hurt him to hear that he had come second, but he knew how much her work meant to her, and he couldn’t be angry about that. And it wasn’t as if he was willing to change anything about his life to make things work.
‘I’m doing the same, but staying here instead of being willing to take the risk and come with you.’
‘I wouldn’t want you to do that.’
‘I know. But that’s why I understand, and that’s why you have to go.’
She leant over and settled her head on his shoulder. ‘I wonder if we’ll always love each other because of that?’
‘Falling out of love with you is going to be hard work. I might not start right away,’ he said, planting a kiss on the top of her head.
‘Ditto.’