Chapter 26
Kyle
Now
Iwatch Bren leave, unable to take my eyes off his receding form.
“He’s gone?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure you know what you’re doing, Dad?”
Closing the door, I turn to face Lu, who’s halfway down the stairs, leaning on the banister. “I guess only time will tell.”
“I like him,” she says, nodding in approval as she comes down to join me in the foyer.
“Really?”
“Yeah. There’s something about him. He comes across kinda like a tough guy, all rough around the edges with his tatts and stuff, but then his eyes are… I don’t know…” Lu tilts her head to one side, thinking. “Kind maybe. Gentle even.”
My lips curl into a fond smile. “Yeah, he acts tough because he had to, to survive. But he’s the most caring person I’ve ever known. He’ll do anything to protect the people he loves.”
Lu studies me carefully for a moment. “Does Papa know about him? Like does he know he was your boyfriend and that you’re seeing him again?”
“Pumpkin, I’m not seeing him,” I say defensively. My relationship with Lu is only just beginning to heal. I don’t want this thing with Bren to destroy that.
“Relax, Dad. What I mean is, I don’t want to accidently mention it in front of Papa if he doesn’t know. Or if you don’t want him to know. The last thing I need is for things to get any worse around here.”
I exhale with relief. “No, he doesn’t know. I never talked about him because it was too painful. Look Lu, Bren is married. There’s nothing going on between us, okay?” I know that’s not entirely true, but it seems like the best possible answer to give her right now.
“But you do want him back, don’t you?” she says, raising her eyebrows.
Jesus, why does she have to be so damned perceptive? “It doesn’t matter what I want,” I counter. “He’s married and I need to focus on finishing the course and getting a job so things can change around here. You do want that, don’t you?”
“God yes, more than anything,” she says, eyes flashing wide before she smiles.
I gather her up in my arms, placing a kiss on the top of her head. “Thank you, pumpkin. Hey, I don’t suppose you wanna watch a movie together tonight? You’ve finished packing for camp, right?” I step back and look at her.
“Yep, all packed. But do I get to pick?”
“Of course.”
“Can we eat pizza for dinner while we watch?”
“Done.” I pull my phone from my pocket and start placing the order.
I spend the next thirty minutes setting everything up in our theatre room, where we have a one-hundred-inch screen mounted to the wall and four cinema-style luxury chairs that recline all the way back.
I’m overdoing it, but I can’t help myself.
Atop our built-in tray tables are popcorn, chips, lollies and chocolate, along with two large glasses and a bottle of Sprite.
There are two empty plates ready for the pizza and napkins too.
Lu has been busy scrolling various streaming services and has cued up a movie ready to watch.
Once the pizza arrives, we sit down, and I pour her a glass of lemonade.
“Dad, you’ve gone a bit overboard,” she says laughing. “This is a lot of food for just the two of us.”
“I know, but I wanted to make it special. I’ll miss you while you’re on camp.” Also, this is only our second movie night, so I want her to love it so much it’ll become a regular thing.
Lu places a slice of pizza on her plate, then looks at me, concern etched on her face. “You’ll be okay on your own, won’t you? I mean I know you’re low-key happy Papa’s away this week, but this is a big house for one person.”
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, just go and enjoy yourself. I’m glad to have time to study and just eat frozen meals for dinner.” I slap a slice of pizza on my plate before adding, “Hey, how’s school? Are you and Amanda still fighting?”
“School’s fine. Not really friends with Amanda anymore. She’s kind of a shallow bitch. I’ve been spending more time with Bella.”
I nod. “Fair enough. What’s this Bella like?”
“I think you’d like her. She’s on scholarship and wants to be a doctor.
Amanda and some of the other girls give her shit because she doesn’t have expensive clothes and the latest iPhone.
I remember you telling me what it was like growing up poor, so I had a go at Amanda for bullying Bella. Let’s just say she didn’t like it.”
Pride swells in my chest. “I’m really proud of you, Lu. You should invite Bella over. I’d like to meet her.”
“Okay. I’ll invite her over after we get back from camp, but we should start the movie now. I have to be up at 6:00, remember?”
“Okay, what’s the name of this movie you’ve picked out?”
Lu picks up the remote and clicks play. “Bottoms.”
“Excuse me!” I exclaim, then promptly start choking on my pizza.
Lu roars with laughter while she slaps me on the back. “It’s okay, Dad. It’s not gay porn! It’s a teen comedy. Although it does have some lesbians I think.”
I groan in horror. I don’t even want to live in a world where my baby girl knows about the existence of porn. “This better be appropriate,” I warn. “What’s it rated?”
“Dad,” she whines. “I’m fifteen and allowed to watch MA movies.”
I huff. “We’ll see.”
“That cute actor you like is in it. You know, the one from Red, White and Royal Blue.”
“Henry or Alex?” I ask, suddenly a little more interested.
“The one that plays Henry.” Lu raises her eyebrow at me. “God, Dad, settle.”
The following morning, I embarrass Lu by waving the bus off as they leave for camp. I’m not the only parent, but I am the only dad.
I’m glad to have four days to myself, not only so I can study, but also for the peace and quiet. When James is around, I’m never truly relaxed, always having to watch what I say to avoid a potential argument.
As I slip into the front seat of my car to head back home, I can’t help but smile about my evening with Lu.
In my opinion, the movie had been way too old and explicit for her, so I was very happy when she got so embarrassed at watching it in front of me that she asked to turn it off.
We ended up watching Wicked instead. As far as I know Lu hasn’t had a proper boyfriend or girlfriend yet—thank God—and if I have it my way it’ll stay like that for a good while longer.
She’s had a sheltered upbringing in many ways, so unlike my own. Sometimes I can’t believe what I was getting up to at fifteen. When I look back on my teen years, I can see that I experienced things way too young.
But Bren and I didn’t have parents who protected us, let alone love us, so we grew up fast. Bren was the only light in my life back then, and loving him was a lifeline. I held onto him, both emotionally and physically, as if my life depended on it. And perhaps it did.
The following day I spend studying, even getting a jump on next week’s assignment.
Around 7:00 PM, I decide to call it quits, my mind so fried that the words on the page begin to blur.
Since I can’t be stuffed cooking, I throw a frozen dinner in the microwave then settle on the sofa to watch a movie while I eat.
My mind wanders to Lu, missing her, but hoping she’s having a fantastic time.
The kids weren’t allowed to take their phones, so I can’t even text her and check in.
By midway through the movie, I stop paying attention, my thoughts returning to Bren yet again.
I’m confident he’ll want to talk at some point in the future.
But for now, I need to give him the time and space to process what still lies between us.
We can’t afford to have another fight, so I won’t push it no matter how much I want to.
When we were young, our relationship was passionate and explosive.
We’d often fight then fuck, the intensity of our love almost bordering on toxic.
Jealousy and possessiveness were an accelerant we doused ourselves in, and we lived in a constant state of push and pull.
It was addictive in a way, and the hunger with which we loved made me feel wanted.
Something I had never felt before Bren. My parents didn’t want me, and I’d never had a close friend I could rely on.
While my siblings did the best they could, they were facing their own battles, trying to survive just like I was.
It’s only been over the last few years that I’ve truly come to understand the effects of my childhood trauma.
Dr. Riley would talk about it, but it didn’t sink in for the longest time.
I realise that since Bren has come back into my life we’ve been triggering each other into fight or flight all over again, and it needs to stop.
Because if we get a second chance at this, I want to do it right and have a healthy, stable relationship.
Pushing off the sofa, I head into the kitchen and pull the tub of ice cream from the freezer.
While I wait for Bren to be ready to talk, I have plenty to keep myself busy.
On top of completing the course and getting a job, I need to check out rental house options so I can budget for my and Lu’s future without James.
We’ll need some new furniture, and I’ll have to hire a removal company to get our personal possessions out of the house.
This, of course, is all dependent on the assumption that she’s coming with me, which I’m feeling more and more confident about with each passing day.
I feel certain we’ve turned a corner and are genuinely connecting again.
I don’t plan on telling her any details ahead of time, not until I have all my ducks lined up in a nice straight row.
James is strategic and arrogant and hates to lose.
He’ll pull every legal move in the book to take Lu from me, so I need to stay one step ahead.