Chapter 31 #2
I lean forward, kissing him, tender and full of the love I’ve tried so hard to hide.
When I sit back up, I rock my hips, then circle my pelvis, stretching myself.
After a few minutes, when Ky is back in control, I begin to ride him.
Slowly at first, lifting nearly all the way off before sinking back down.
I roll my hips every time because that always drove him wild when we were young.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” he says. His voice is breathy, eyes shining with admiration.
When my thighs start to shake from exertion, Ky sits up and gathers me in his arms. We make out as if we’re trying to climb inside one another, two people meant to be one. Sitting in his lap feels so damn good—his cock deep inside and his arms wrapped protectively around me.
When we’ve both eased back from orgasm, we switch positions, me on my hands and knees and Ky kneeling behind.
He soon works up to a punishing speed that sends bolts of pleasure up my spine.
Profanities and declarations to God pour from our mouths and our skin becomes slick with sweat as he pulls me forcefully back onto his cock.
I may as well have died and gone to heaven it’s that fucking good.
Up until now, I’ve resisted touching myself, not wanting to come, but, regardless, I’m so close again.
I’m about to tell Ky to slow when he suddenly ceases thrusting.
“Fuck! Bren, I gotta stop. Just for a minute.”
“I’m close too. You feel too good.”
Ky’s strong arms wrap around my chest, and he pulls me up onto my knees, my back flush to his chest. I arch, turning my head to seek out his lips. He remains inside of me while we kiss, then he slowly pulls out and guides me down onto my back.
“Bren, I can’t last much longer. You need to tell me. Can I?”
I know what he’s asking—if he can come inside me or if I want him to pull out.
The fact that we’re fucking raw hasn’t escaped me.
I could’ve brought it up, but I didn’t because I wanted this, no matter how wrong it is.
It’s a huge risk, I know, and one I pray I won’t regret.
“Yeah, I want you to,” I whisper, our eyes meeting.
I spread my legs wide and pull Ky down over me, his masculine scent surrounding me. This is what I want most of all, and I know Ky does too. It’s why we’ve saved missionary for last.
He slides back into me and fucks me slow and deep, making sure I feel his entire length with every stroke.
I hold him tightly, never wanting this to end, but my body rushes ahead anyway, moving closer and closer to release.
Ky is the only man I’ve ever come untouched with—his cock’s that fucking good—and I just know it’s about to happen again.
Our lips remain locked, and we pant and moan, bodies increasingly wild and frantic as we tumble toward euphoria.
Then, just before I come, Ky pulls back so his watery eyes meet mine.
“I love you,” he says.
Those long overdue words split my heart wide open and pleasure rolls through my body in unstoppable waves. I cry out, ragged and raw, my body convulsing as my release coats our stomachs.
As I come down from my orgasm, Ky watches me with awe in his eyes, like he’s seen something he never thought possible. He looks so young, so innocent and pure, and somehow the past and present seem to converge. My sweet, broken boy is here trying to make it right.
“Bren, it’s true. I love you,” he repeats again.
My voice breaks as I reply. “I love you, too. So fuckin’ much.”
Ky sits back on his knees and begins thrusting again. I’m sensitive, but I want him to come inside me. I wouldn’t feel complete without it. His body is beautiful—abs taut and nipples erect, skin glistening with sweat as he wrecks me in the best possible way.
“Baby, I’m gonna come,” he says, thrusts becoming increasingly erratic.
“Yeah, that’s it. Fuck me, Ky. Come in me. Feels so fuckin’ good.”
Ky cries out, his cock pulsing inside me as he releases his seed. His eyes fall closed and his mouth drops open, lost in the sensation. He’s exquisite, muscles contracting with each spurt he leaves inside me.
When Ky’s body finally stops shuddering, he collapses forward and buries his face in my neck.
I feel dampness on my skin first, then realise he’s crying.
Silent tears that feel like a twisted mess of grief and gratitude, happiness and hopelessness.
Trying to bring him some comfort, I caress his back, tracing soothing circles over his cooling skin.
“It’s okay,” I murmur as a tear of my own makes a slow descent to the pillow below.
Eventually, Ky pulls out and we re-settle—Ky spooning me from behind, his lips resting on the back of my neck.
Neither of us speak, the only sound is our breaths as they fall into sync.
I’m not sure what he’s thinking, and I don’t trust my own voice to ask, afraid it will crack with my spiralling emotions.
My body aches all over, and my skin is overly sensitive, tingling like pins and needles but without the discomfort.
I can’t remember the last time I came so intensely, my mind and body aligning in perfect synchronicity, grounded in the moment.
But it had never been just sex with us, no matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise. The connection we share is rare and precious. And, as cheesy as it sounds, I know he’s my soulmate.
I have no clue how I’m going to walk out the door come daybreak. How can I leave Ky now that we’ve found each other again? But how could I ever leave Chris and hurt him like that? I know where my heart truthfully belongs, but then there’s right and wrong. And loyalty. And vows.
Ky squeezes me tighter. “Do you wanna shower now or in the morning?”
I press a kiss to his knuckles. “Let’s shower now.”
Once under the spray we quietly go about the task of cleaning each other. I can feel Ky’s anxiety building, and I know I need to put his mind at ease, so I kiss him with every ounce of love I possess. This situation is deeply messed up, and I’m not sure how I’ll ever move on.
“Bren, do you want some privacy? You know, to…” The unfinished sentence hangs in the air. I can’t go home with his come leaking out of my ass. It’s a stark reminder of what I’ve done and everything that’s wrong about it.
Nausea hits and I close my eyes, trying to get my shit together.
“Talk to me,” Ky says, taking me into his arms.
“This is so fucked up,” I say, my face pressed to his shoulder. “I know I’ve gotta clean out, but there’s a selfish part of me that wants to keep you inside a little longer.”
Ky’s fingers thread up into my hair and he kisses my forehead before stepping out of the shower and exiting the bathroom.
When I join him ten minutes later, he’s slipping back into bed under new, clean sheets. I climb in and settle against him, my head resting on his chest. We need to discuss the no condom situation, but I’m hesitant.
“Do you think… I mean, should we get tested, just to be sure?”
Ky puffs out a resigned breath. “Yeah, we should. I’ll get tested before the weekend. What time do you need to leave in the morning?”
“Um, maybe seven at the latest.”
Ky grabs his phone off the bedside table. “Okay, it’s three-thirty now. I’ll set the alarm for six-thirty. I grabbed your phone from the living room; it’s on the nightstand.”
I check I have no missed texts from Chris then set my alarm too. Once the lights are out, we move into position automatically, lying on our left sides, Ky spooning me and our fingers laced together.
“Bren,” Ky whispers, nuzzling his face in my hair. “Thank you for giving me this. I’ll never forget it. And please remember, I will always love you.”
I turn and kiss him hard, my eyes squeezing shut to stop the threatening tears. “I love you, too.” There’s no excuse for saying those three words to a man who is not my husband, but they are the truth. Chris isn’t the love of my life and never will be.
With a heavy heart, I wonder what sort of man I’ll be when I wake tomorrow.
When the alarm sounds at 6:30 AM, I quickly grab my phone and switch it off. Ky is still glued to my back and remains dead to the world. My head thumps painfully like I’ve got a hangover, which is not surprising after only three hours sleep.
Ky’s alarm sounds less than thirty seconds later, and I startle at how loud and abrasive it is. I jab him with my elbow. “Wake the fuck up and turn that shit off.”
He bolts upright, his eyes blinking rapidly as if he’s seen a ghost. “Fuck, it really happened.”
“Yeah, it really happened. Now can you turn that bloody thing off?”
“Shit, sorry.” He turns the alarm off then lays back down facing me. “How are you feeling?”
“God awful headache. Sorry for being such an asshole.” I don’t want to ruin things, but I’m agitated and angry.
Neither emotion is directed at Ky. It’s about our messed-up circumstances and having to say goodbye, then seeing Chris and lying some more.
I fear what life will be like now that everything has changed.
But what concerns me the most is the shocking lack of guilt I feel.
“I can get you some painkillers,” Ky offers.
“Nah, don’t worry. I’ll catch up on sleep in my office and that should fix it. How will you get through your course today?”
“Lots of coffee then home to bed by five.”
“Jesus Ky, be careful drivin’.”
He smiles, then rolls on top of me. “Shut up and let me kiss you.”
The kiss is soft and loving at first but then Ky’s mood shifts, and a wave of sadness wedges itself between us. I roll us so I’m on top, Ky instantly closing his eyes under my questioning gaze.
“Let’s not do this, Ky. Please, look at me.” When he does, I’m confronted with despondent blue eyes and an ocean of pain. “We had a perfect night. Let’s not ruin it. Okay?”
He nods but doesn’t speak so I connect our lips again, kissing him sweetly. As he opens for me, I gently lick into his mouth, committing every sensation to memory.
Reluctantly, we separate and haul our tired bodies out of bed. Ky heads to the kitchen to make coffee and I pull on my clothes, take a piss, and do the best I can with my hair. A few minutes later I enter the kitchen and Ky hands me a coffee. It’s almost 7:00 AM.
Time has run out.
There’s so much anger at the unfairness of it all, and I want to scream and punch and rage at the world. Instead, I clamp down on my emotions and remain silent. We both do. We avoid eye contact, and the sickening feeling in my stomach grows and grows.
After a few sips of coffee, I place my mug down on the kitchen counter and Ky walks me to the front door. Turning towards each other, our eyes finally meet.
I’m so worried about him. “Did you take your meds last night and this mornin’?”
“Yeah, I did,” he says, eyes darting all over my face.
I look down, the anguish on his face too much to bear. “I’m sorry. You know I love you and I probably always will. But I took vows.”
“I know, Bren. But it doesn’t change anything for me. I’m leaving James, getting a job and moving on with my life. I meant what I said: I’ll wait for you, however long it takes.”
He gathers me up in his arms, cocooning me in his warmth. Minutes pass and I continue to hold on for dear life. Jesus, I don’t want to cry. We had a beautiful, perfect night, and I don’t want to ruin it. I want to lock it away deep inside, cherish it, and keep it safe.
“I gotta go,” I whisper against his neck, my voice breaking. I step back, body screaming out in protest as we pull apart. Our eyes meet once more, heartbreaking mirrors of each other, then Ky places one last kiss to my forehead before I turn and force myself to walk out the door.