Chapter 32
Kyle
James’s work parties are unbearable. I used to think they were glamourous, but now all I see is a bunch of pretentious, rich assholes.
I’ve checked in with the babysitter three times already and I’m sure everything is fine, but Lu has a cold and I’d rather be home with her.
She begins school next week and I don’t want her to miss the first day.
I lean sideways to whisper into James’s ear. “Hon, when can we leave?”
“But Lu’s not well, and I’d feel more comfortable being home with her in case she gets a temperature. You know how quickly they come on when she’s sick.”
James sighs. “Kyle, she has a cold. Stop fussing over her all the time.”
“What about I catch a taxi home? That way you can stay as late as you want.”
James swiftly pivots to face me, jaw clenching tight.
“You will not. As my husband, your place is by my side. Supporting me. Showing everyone what a great family man I am.” James leans in closer and drops his voice.
“Don’t you realise everyone is looking for a reason to bring me down because I’m gay? These people are conservatives, Kyle.”
“So are you,” I snap back.
He grabs my wrist, gripping it so tightly it hurts. “I expect you to support me. Get a drink and mingle. And put a fucking smile on that insipid face of yours.”
I do as I’m told, my fake smile in sharp contrast to the hateful glare I direct his way. “Better?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“Much.”
James releases his hold on me, and I turn away, scanning the room for the least annoying person here. I spot one of the partner’s wives, Jacqui, who is tolerable. Weaving through the crowd towards her, I’m suddenly bumped in the shoulder with enough force to push me sideways.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” The man places his hand on my elbow as if to steady me, but then leaves it there.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about it,” I reply.
He’s almost my height, with black hair, bronze skin, and deep brown eyes. Perhaps in his mid-twenties, he’s undeniably attractive.
“Let me get you a drink to make up for it. I’m Aviraj, by the way.” He holds out his hand and we shake.
“Kyle. Nice to meet you. I haven’t seen you at one of these before.”
“I’m the new paralegal. Feel a bit out of place actually. Not sure how I got the job if I’m being honest. Everyone here seems to come from old money. How about you?”
“I’m married to one of the partners—James Johnson,” I reply. “Well, not legally, of course, but we have a five-year-old daughter together.” I pull out my phone and show Aviraj a photo of Lu.
“She’s beautiful. And lucky you, landing a big shot lawyer. I still haven’t found my Prince Charming.”
He downs the rest of his wine. I’m not surprised he’s gay, it was kind of obvious.
“I’m sure he’s out there somewhere,” I say, smiling.
Aviraj’s gaze drifts down my body, a flirty smile curling at his lips. “Are you and your husband open?” he asks.
“No,” I reply immediately. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I was attracted to him. And if I was single, I’d definitely fuck him. But James and I have always been monogamous.
Aviraj’s hand squeezes my bicep, then he leans in close enough that I can feel his breath on my neck. “You sure? I’m happy to be the third. Or even better, just the two of us.”
“Kyle! Please introduce me to your new friend.”
I jerk away from Aviraj at the sound of James’s voice. He’s pissed off. This is all I fucking need tonight.
“I’m Aviraj Singh,” he says, holding out his hand to James.
James looks down his nose, which is no mean feat considering he’s shorter than Aviraj, and then he refuses to shake the man’s hand.
“Hmm, and who invited you here tonight?” James asks.
“I’m the new paralegal. I start Monday. Mr. Jones interviewed me today.”
James hums disapprovingly, looking from me to Aviraj then back to me. “Darling, please go wait in the car. I’ll be there in a moment.”
I don’t bother arguing. There’s no point when he’s like this.
By the time James slips into the driver’s seat, I’m ready for the fight. I wasn’t flirting but James won’t see it that way and I brace myself for the onslaught of accusations.
But he’s silent the entire drive home. The closer we get, the more agitated I become. Silence before an explosion is always the worst. I hope we don’t wake Lu up.
Once inside, I head straight upstairs to check on her while James pays the babysitter and sees her out the door.
Lu’s a little warm when I touch her forehead, and her nose makes little sniffling noises with each breath.
I consider climbing into bed next to her rather than face James, but I fear he’ll only come looking for me and disrupt her sleep.
When I enter our bedroom, James is standing in the sitting area, hands in pockets. “Sit,” he says, motioning with his head to the armchair in front of him.
“Can’t this wait until tomorrow? I’m tired and would like to go to bed.”
“No, it can’t wait. Sit down, Kyle.”
Taking a deep breath, I walk across the room and lower myself onto the chair. James remains standing. I wait.
“You want to tell me why you were flirting with that man right in front of all my work colleagues?”
“I wasn’t flirting. Maybe he was, but I wasn’t. I was trying to be polite, and I just wanted to talk to Jacqui. He bumped into me.”
James leans forward, getting right up in my face. “You expect me to believe that? Were you trying to make a fool of me? Is that what it was?”
I look James straight in the eye and try to keep my voice steady. “It doesn’t matter what the fuck I say, you won’t listen. So do what you gotta do.”
“Once a whore always a whore. Right?”
I stand, shoving James backwards. “I wish I never told you what I went through. I trusted you and now all you do is throw it back in my face every chance you fucking get!”
James grabs me by the neck and shoves me back into the chair, knee coming up into my groin, pressing against my balls. “I wouldn’t have to bring it up if you didn’t make it so obvious you wanted to suck every guy’s dick. You’re my husband and you need to remember your place.”
The grip around my neck is tight, but not so tight that I can’t breathe. He’s usually very careful not to leave marks where people can see.
“Get the fuck off me. I’ll sleep in the spare bedroom tonight.
” I start pushing his knee and hand away, having to put all my strength into it.
Truthfully, I’m stronger than James, and I could lay him out.
But he’s made it clear time and time again that if I do, or if I leave him, he’ll make sure I lose all parental rights and access to Lu.
He’s a lawyer, he knows my past, and I’ve been stupid and reckless when manic.
I can’t lose Lu. I can’t lose the one person I truly love in this world.
Once I’m on my feet, I rush out of the bedroom, heading towards the stairs.
“Get the fuck back here,” James growls behind me, in pursuit.
Not wanting him to wake Lu, I turn at the top of the stairs, ready to placate him. “I’m sor—”
The sting on my cheek is instant, my head knocked sideways with the force of the slap.
My face burns with the humiliation of it.
I’d rather he punched me in the stomach or held my arms so tight he leaves fingerprint bruises—both of which he’s done before.
“I fucking hate you,” I say, tears blurring my vision.
“Leave me the fuck alone.” I shove him hard in the chest, then turn to make my way downstairs.
The hands between my shoulder blades take me by complete surprise.
Then I’m falling, hands grabbing at air before my brain can understand what’s happening.
The first hit hurts the most, then I tumble, body getting knocked over and over again on the sharp marble steps until I finally come to a stop at the bottom.
He takes me to the hospital. My arm is broken. My body throbs with pain. The doctor questions me alone and asks me if it was an accident. I lie. I say, “I tripped at the top of the stairs.” I say, “Lucky my husband was there to take care of me.”
The next morning, when I step gingerly out of the shower, I inspect my body in the mirror.
There are large, swollen, black and red and blue bruises on my shoulder, hip, elbow, knee, and one over my spine that hurts like a motherfucker.
I don’t want Lu to see them. When I try to dress myself, I cry, because I can’t and I’ll have to ask him.
It’s useless, I realise. Trying to fight. And I can’t leave. So I need to agree with him and comply. I vow to focus only on my beautiful daughter from this point onwards.
“James,” I call out. “Can you please help me dress?”
A few seconds later he sweeps in with a concerned smile on his face. “Of course, darling. How about fresh pyjamas and back to bed to rest? I’ve taken the day off to look after you. Breakfast in bed to begin with.”
James helps me dress then guides me back to bed. He brings breakfast, then a hundred red roses arrive with a card attached. It says how much he loves me, how sorry he is about the accident and how things will be different this time.
After lunch, another delivery arrives; this time it’s a white gold bracelet, gaudy with too many diamonds.
After dinner he allows Lu to sit between us in bed while we watch Paddington, her favourite movie. When she accidently bumps my bruises, I smile, regardless of the pain. I’ll do anything to protect her from the truth.