Chapter 10
Ten
“ C amden and Rogers are the nearest large cities to us, but they also house military installations, meaning the chances of soldiers still being in those areas are good. They would have raided the hospitals right away, and if they haven’t, we have no chance against people with military-grade weapons. I think we take too big of a risk going to either of those places,” I say.
For the past hour, Ryland, Noah, Wes, and I have sat around the small table in the bunker, staring at a map of the central-northern region of Stern. This part of the continent wasn’t populated like the cities along the coasts before the Affliction. Around here, metropolitan areas are far and few between. It’s the reason people had chosen to live in a place like Devil’s Lake. They wanted to avoid the crowds, traffic, and overall busy life that those in the city love. It also means that trips to major hospitals are a lengthy drive.
The debate over where we should go to find the medication that could save Aiden’s life has been extensive. We not only have to take into consideration the Zs, but the type of people we might run into. Then there’s the question of how far the truck can take us with enough fuel to get us home. Every suggestion is met with a scenario to counter it, making forming a solid plan impossible.
“Explain to me again why you can’t go to the hospital in town?” River asks from her new permanent station at Aiden’s bedside. A medical book is open on her lap as she tries to diagnose him for the second time. She believes his lungs have become so inflamed and riddled with an infection that they’re failing and causing him to cough up blood. She prescribed him steroids with the hope they’ll strengthen his lungs. Unfortunately, it’s a medication we don’t have.
Ryland sighs before answering her question. “Because of the increased Z sightings around the house since we got here. I worry if we continue to make our presence known, they will only get worse. It’s best to lay low and stay out of town for now. Besides, you and Quinn have said it yourselves, everything has been thoroughly ransacked around here. We’re going to be hard-pressed to find what we need.”
Noah’s brow lowers and the glare he shoots Ryland feels like it can set the room on fire. Someone is clearly not pleased with the way his friend speaks to my cousin. To defuse the situation before it explodes, I lean forward and point at the map.
“I’m sticking with Blythe. It’s our best bet. It’s big enough that we’ll have multiple medical facilities nearby, there are no major military bases in the area, and we can get there by avoiding those places that do. Also, it’s close enough that the truck will still have enough battery life to make it home if we have to take a slight detour.”
River stands with a bowl of bloody, pink water and a soaking dish towel, and takes it to the kitchen sink. “With Blythe being the capital of this region, you don’t think the city will still be crowded?”
“Most likely, but it is our safest and best bet. If we can’t find the medicine there, we won’t find it,” I say.
She glances at me over her shoulder before voicing her next concern. “You can’t take the truck all the way to the city, it will draw too much attention. You’re looking at five hours of travel time, including walking to Blythe.”
Wes chimes in, “Plus, scavenging for the right steroids, that’s at least another four hours if we’re lucky.”
All of this meticulous planning to get a drug that used to be readily available through a doctor is frustrating. Every movement we make needs to be charted out, and every possible scenario that could go wrong must have a contingency plan. Try as we might to cover all our bases, there’s going to come a moment when we give up on playing it safe and come to terms with the fact that we’re bound to run into trouble. Going into a city is dangerous, there’s no way around it.
Ryland pulls his hair back from his face, running his fingers through it. “Driving at night is risky, and I don’t want to do it unless we have to. It’s too difficult to see when you’re being hunted in the dark. If something were to happen to the truck, we’re sitting targets. We’re going to have to stay the night. Hopefully, we find a safe place to park the truck and camp out on our way there.”
“After that horde attack, I’m not leaving River overnight by herself. She needs backup,” I say.
“That’s fine, you can stay behind with her,” he counters with indifference.
What the hell? They can use all the support they can get. I was expecting Ryland to devise a plan to have us back before nightfall, not forgo my help. I understand I’ve only had the privilege of knowing Aiden for a few days, but this isn’t just about his well-being. We all have something at stake here. If this mission fails, the outcome will affect all of us. I’m a strong player on this team, and my skills are better served in Blythe and not in the bunker. If someone has to stay behind, it won’t be me.
“I think Noah should stay,” I suggest. “If he thinks he can finagle the cell phone to connect with the tower, then he needs to get to work. If we fail to get the drugs, at least, there’s a chance of getting Aiden home.”
Ryland raises an eyebrow and points a finger at Noah and River. “Do you honestly think either of them is going to concentrate on what they should when they’re left here alone?”
I lean back in my chair, cross my arms, and stare straight into his eyes. “I think you better hope they do because I’m coming with you. Besides, I know what to do if something minor goes wrong with the truck.”
Ryland mimics my posture and with an equally feisty tone says, “You forget, Noah’s studying to be a mechanical engineer. I’m fairly confident he can handle a minor malfunction, love.”
“This is a dead issue, Shaw. It’s my truck, and I’m going.”
Wes bursts into laughter. “You know it’s a pissing-match when last names are dropped.”
Ryland shoots his friend a glare which promises pain if he doesn’t shut up before turning back to me. “Why do you have to make everything so damn complicated?”
“It wouldn’t be difficult if you’d agree with me for once and stop putting up a fight every time I offer to help. I know the roads better than you, and I’ve proven over and over again that I can hang with the big boys when it comes to holding my own against Zs.”
Kicking his chair back, Ryland stands and pounds both hands on the table. Leaning in toward me, he yells, “This isn’t about you not being able to handle yourself, Quinn!”
I jump to my feet and close the distance between us. My stare bores into his as the tips of our fingers meet in the middle of the table. “You’re being ridiculous! If I stay, I’m useless in trying to improve this situation. I’ll sit here with River doing nothing, but Noah can work on the cell phone link, and perhaps we’ll have a feasible backup plan if this mission doesn’t work. You said he’d do anything for my cousin, so I’m taking you at your word. He’ll keep her safe while we’re gone.”
Ryland pushes away from the table, his rage brightening his face to a heated red. “Fuck it, Quinn! No matter what I say you’re going to override me. So go on and plan this the way you want and tell me what you need me to do.”
I close my eyes and bite my lip. Each angry stomp of his boots is like an explosion echoing in my ears as he walks out. When the basement door slams, I sink back down into my chair and cover my face with my hands. This isn’t what I wanted to happen. I just wanted him to agree to my help, to find me valuable to this mission.
Aiden’s raspy voice pulls me from my misery. “Ry doesn’t know what to do with someone quite so independent, Quinn. The lads and I can all hold our own, but he’s one of the main reasons we’re still alive. You have to understand that he’s scared and doing his best to fix a bad situation while trying to keep all of us safe, including you.”
I rest my cheek in my palm and look at my sick friend. He’s propped up on a few pillows, saving him from choking on his own blood during a coughing fit. His eyes are still bright blue, but have sunken in and are encircled by dark bags. The luster of his skin has dimmed to a sickly gray. He looks terrible, and I feel sorry for taking part in the heated argument that woke him. The mere sight of him has me on the verge of tears. The last thing he needs is to stress and not get any sleep. We fight every day against the Affliction, and now, he’s battling a sickness that used to be easily curable. Out of all of us, he currently has the rottenest deal.
“What do you suggest I do, Aiden?” If he tells me to not go on this mission, I’ll do it for him. I’ll hate it, but I’ll do it and not add to his worries.
“Go talk to him and figure it out together,” he says with a faint smile.
“He refuses to listen to reason.”
Wes scoots his chair closer to mine and rests his hand on my shoulder. “You’re going to hate hearing this, but the two of you are a lot alike. I’ve come to notice you don’t do well with being told what to do either, but you’re a bit more willing if you’re asked. Just like you, a polite please goes a long way with Ry.”
Am I acting pigheaded if I don’t ask nicely to come along? Maybe. But it’s not like they can set off to get the medicine Aiden needs without my truck. It seems unreasonable to me that I should have to ask. Perhaps it’s a stubborn take on my part. I can recognize a time and place to give in to do what’s best for everyone. As much as I hate that Ryland won’t meet me in the middle, Wes is right—it’s me who should compromise first.
I pat Wes on the leg and stand. The people in this room mean more to me than maintaining my ego. Besides, I’m not asking Ryland to make me queen, just a respected part of our tiny democracy. How hard can that be?
I find Ryland sitting on the couch in the study. He’s leaning forward with his face in his hands like he’s trying to hide from the world. I sit beside him and rest my elbows on my knees, so we’re in the same position. He doesn’t move away, but doesn’t acknowledge me either. This is going to take a little finagling on my part to get through to him.
“It’s not my intention to frustrate you. Believe it or not, I do care about Aiden, and I just want to help.”
Ryland rubs his hands over his face, and I question if I’m worsening the situation. Maybe there’s no amicable way to settle our differences. Wes said Ryland is just as stubborn as me. If that’s so, the only solution he’s going to be content with is if I give up on pleading my case. It would be easier to do just that and go with him to Blythe without his blessing. But the hard feelings it will create will only add to the difficult task we have ahead of us.
He finally clasps his hands together, resting his chin on top of them. Seconds tick by as he watches the flames consume the log in the fireplace. Finally, he says, “Have you been outside of this town since the quarantine?”
“No,” I whisper.
There’s no reason for River and me to go beyond the borders of Devil’s Lake. We have everything we need here. Also, survival 101 says, if there’s a possibility of someone looking for us, then we should stay put. Even though the chance of Josh and Amara gaining entrance to Stern is slim to none, there’s this eternal hope that they will return. We want to be where they can find us if they arrive. So yes, my experience with the new society around us is minimal at best.
“Everywhere is different, Quinn.” Ryland scrunches his face like the images running through his head are painful. “What we encountered with that guy during the supply run or even the Afflicted the other night, it’s not a fraction of the violence I’ve seen. As this sickness spread, it consumed the decency in people. I’ve seen mobs of the Afflicted surround children and the elderly, slaughtering them in the most gruesome ways. Men who used to be upstanding citizens now capture young girls and force them into serving them in repulsive acts. There’s no rhyme or reason to their self-serving motives, and I’m scared to death I won’t be able to protect you from any of them.”
“I’m not asking you to,” I say, thankful my nerves don’t betray me. Hearing him confirm my worst fears has me on edge, but I’m unwavering. I won’t let anything stop me from doing what is right.
Lifting his head, he faces me. “I understand that you’re not asking me to, but it’s impossible for me not to. I know you’re capable of defending yourself, and you managed just fine before I arrived. I see your bravery, resilience, and strength, but it doesn’t change this unrelenting need I have to keep you safe.”
Ryland reaches out and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. His touch lingers, moving to a strand resting on my shoulder. My heart speeds up and warmth pools in my lower stomach. I press my thighs together as I watch him rub the tendril between his fingers.
The feeling vanishes when a sad smile plays on his lips and he says, “The other night in the clearing, when I was surrounded, I panicked when I saw you. Then I realized you were going to give me your gun and make yourself known to the Afflicted. I was going to run and lure them away from you. I couldn’t stomach the thought of them killing or turning you. The only thing stopping me was knowing if they followed and killed me, you would be on your own. I had to stay alive and fight with you.”
His confession is unexpected. I honestly believed his qualms with me accompanying him on the trip to Blythe were because he didn’t think I was as capable as he and the others are. It never occurred to me that he fears for my safety.
For so long, it’s only been River and me. There’s no question as to where the two of us stand when it comes to the safety of the other. Sacrificing ourselves to save the other is always a lingering possibility. It’s that, or we go down together. I stay alive, so she stays alive, and vice versa. But Ryland is another side of this apocalyptic coin. There’s no reason for him to have even considered sacrificing his life for mine.
“I don’t know what to say,” I finally admit.
His long fingers slide around the side of my neck, and his thumb brushes back and forth over my jaw. His callused skin is rough against my face and a welcome touch. It triggers thousands of small prickles as every one of my nerve endings spark to life. They remind me that I’m still someone who is easily excited by the attention of a handsome man.
Ryland’s forehead creases, and he softly pleads, “Say you’ll stay. I’m begging you to give me some peace in knowing you’ll be alright.”
His expression is pained, and his words convey his torment. I don’t want to contribute to his worry. In fact, there’s nothing more I want right now than to relieve him of his unwarranted concern, but he’s asking me to save my own ass while he and others risk theirs. I can’t do it.
“I’m sorry, Ryland.”
He closes his eyes, and his chest expands with a deep intake of air. I brace myself for his rebuttal, but it never comes. “I knew you would say that, but I had to try. ”
“If it’s any consolation, I promise to not wander off without you. I’ll follow your directions. I really don’t want to get myself killed.” I finish with a small smile and pray it soothes him.
His eyes dance across my face as his thumb brushes back and forth over my cheek. I’m struggling not to lean into his touch, to close the distance between our lips. It’s been ages since I’ve felt the warm press of lips to mine. I miss the tiny fluttering in my stomach as my hands grip the hair on the back of my partner’s neck, pulling him closer. The feeling of fingertips digging into the small of my back as he tries to use his body to feel every curve of mine. I long for the slow exhale of his breath and the feel of it fanning against my lips as we draw closer to one another. That last second before my world is dancing with stars and the room spins as our lips move as one. I miss the simple complexities of things like a first kiss so very much. And I want to experience them with Ryland.
His knee skims mine, and the small spark inside of me ignites into a blazing flame. I fist his shirt and draw him closer. My eyes flutter shut as I anticipate what’s sure to be one of the most earth-shattering kisses I’ve ever experienced. They say things get better with time, and my last kiss was over two years ago, so this is poised to be off the charts.
“I guess the two of you worked out your differences.”
Ryland and I quickly push away from each other, and I jump to my feet.
River leans against the doorframe with her arms crossed. She doesn’t bother to hide her amusement, her eyes sparkling with delight. She can’t wait to corner me and extract what she believes are juicy details about Ryland and me. I wish I could be upset with her for disrupting our moment, but it’s too damn hard when she has a mischievous look on her face.
Ryland flashes a lopsided grin and says, “We’re okay. I think we can have a tentative plan mapped out before the end of the night.”
With her index finger, she points between Ryland and me, saying, “And how was that going to work into the plan?”
“It wasn’t—I mean, nothing was happening. We’re just talking.” I walk past her and out of the study. “Do you need help with dinner?”
Turning on her heels, she follows me with Ryland behind her. “No, I was coming to tell you dinner is made, so if you need to continue talking?—”
“Nope, we’re good,” I answer, followed by River’s laughter.
After everyone finishes eating, we sprawl out across the living space in the bunker and continue planning. The framework to execute the medical supply run is already in place. There are only small loose ends to tie up and minor complications to work through. All in all, it’s as solid as we can make it.
It would be a lie to say I’m entirely at ease with what tomorrow will bring. After all, this will be the first time I’ve left Devil’s Lake since the quarantine. In the beginning, there were still newscasts and ways to connect with others across the continent. Now, I’m isolated and genuinely oblivious to the conditions outside of our small town. Come morning, that will all change.