Chapter 1 Healing Wounds #2
Of course people didn’t believe me. How many people there even knew me, really? And despite the evidence, it wasn’t in their interest to accept the truth. I could live with that, though. What hurt was my mother calling me a liar. She should have known better.
When I got to my room, I pulled out my suitcase from under the bed. I didn’t know what I’d do when I walked out the door, but I knew I couldn’t stay there another second. I wouldn’t allow people to question my actions when I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Monty had gotten what he deserved. I remembered the mistreatment, the crazy messages, the humiliation and insults.
I remembered him tearing my clothing and breaking my glasses.
I couldn’t live with the fear of something like that happening again.
I couldn’t get back on the escalator that led from screaming to grabbing, from grabbing to shoving, from shoving to slamming me against the wall.
One day, I thought, Monty would come for me again.
I’d thought I was safe from him at home, but now I knew otherwise.
And I wasn’t just going to sit around and wait for him to hurt me.
Downstairs, everyone was shouting, but I didn’t know what they were saying.
I thought I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye.
Spencer came into my room and shut the door in my father’s face just as Dad appeared behind him, yelling.
I’d never seen my oldest brother looking so indignant, and knowing that he was fighting for me, that he believed me, made me want to throw myself in his arms.
“Don’t worry, Jenny,” he said in a soft tone, almost a whisper. “I’ll get you out of here, OK?”
I’m not sure if I answered him. I just remember jumping off the bed, opening my closet, and stuffing a bunch of clothes into my suitcase.
When I had what I needed, I zipped it shut, and Spencer took it from me and carried it downstairs.
I couldn’t see the car keys in his other hand, but I could hear them jingle, and that meant we were really going.
My parents shouted at us. The twins did too, I think.
But neither of us cared. I got into Spencer’s car and he sped off—I didn’t yet know where he was headed.
Only when we were alone did I let the tears flow.
He reached over and rested a hand on my shoulder, but he didn’t say anything, and I was grateful for it.
He parked in front of our grandmother’s house. She was sitting on the porch waiting. He must have talked to her before we left. As soon as she saw us, she stood and walked over with a melancholy smile.
“Come in, honey. Do you want a hot chocolate?”
That same night, I moved in with her.
It wasn’t ideal. I was scared of being a burden for her.
She was getting old, and she had her own problems to deal with.
I kept offering her part of my wages, but she wouldn’t hear of it, so I finally gave up and just tried to make sure the fridge was stocked with prepared foods so at least she wouldn’t have to cook.
My parents talked to her that first night, and Dad kept calling afterward, but Mom cut me off completely.
That night had divided the family. Shannon and Spencer grew distant from my parents. The twins, I guess, wrote me off. I understood, sort of. Anyway, it’s not like I wanted to talk to them.
I had stayed in touch with Naya after leaving school.
We usually phoned each other once a week.
I convinced her I was living my very best life: working as an assistant phys ed teacher, living with my grandmother to help her out around the house, with a family that adored me…
She’d have liked to hear that Monty had fallen off the twentieth story of a building, but I didn’t dare make up that much.
I already felt bad for lying about everything else.
But the thing is, knowing Naya, if I’d told her the truth, she would have shown up at my doorstep and dragged me back to the old apartment.
One night, I had gone out on the porch to give her a ring, and in the middle of a conversation, she asked, “Are you sure you’re OK?”
“Yeah,” I said, sitting on the porch and hugging my knees. “Of course, why?”
“I don’t know, you seem a little…quiet.”
I wanted to tell her not to worry, but I couldn’t fake it anymore.
“I’m tired,” I confessed.
Naya didn’t know how tired I meant, or that it wasn’t just my body that was exhausted, but my soul, too. I hadn’t told her I couldn’t take it anymore. But she must have sensed something, and she consoled me as best she could. That’s just how she was.
“Jenna, whatever it is that’s bothering you, I can promise you it’s not worth it. You deserve to be happy.”
“Thanks,” I said. “But I’ve got to be honest. If I’d known this conversation was going to get all deep, I’d have opened a bottle of wine before I rang you.”
“I can wait,” she responded, “but don’t thank me. I’m just trying to make you feel better. But while I’m at it, let me give you some advice. You need a change of scene. I can feel it. Where you’re living is part of the problem. I don’t know why, but I can tell.”
“You’ve hit the nail on the head, Naya. I’m sure of it.”
“You could come back, you know? Give it another try for a semester. Disconnect from home, distract your mind with your studies.”
Weirdly, it didn’t seem like such a bad idea. I really did feel like getting the hell out of there. I wanted to forget everything for a couple of months. My worry was…
“I don’t want to run into Jack.”
“I know, but I don’t think it will be a problem. When you guys split up, he went to study in France. There are days when I hardly remember he was ever here.”
I knew that. He left not long after I did. Will had texted me the day he left. I was happy for him. I’d wanted him to pursue his dreams, and now he was doing it.
“Yeah,” I told her, “but who knows if he’ll decide to come back, to see his family or whatever. He still owns the apartment, and the program in France is just a year, I think. I’m worried if he ran into me, it would be uncomfortable for him.”
Naya sighed. “I don’t think that’s an issue. Ross hasn’t come back even once.”
That surprised me. “Does he still talk to you guys?”
“Will calls him once in a while, but that’s about it…
And I’ll tell you one thing: you should put Jack aside and think about you.
I don’t want you just sitting around there spinning your wheels, OK?
The spring semester hasn’t started yet, you’ve still got a few weeks to register. I know I’d love to have you back here.”
“I’ll think it over. But I’m not promising anything.”
“Cool!” She sounded so legitimately excited that I could have hugged her. “When you do decide to come back, I want to be the first to know!”
“You always are!”
“Thank you, bestie!” she said.
I could imagine her smiling, and I told her, “Call you tomorrow, Naya. I’ve got to have dinner.”
“OK. Hug your grandmother for me!”
“And you hug everyone else for me. But be careful with Sue. I heard she bites.”
“I’ll put on a hockey mask and a bulletproof vest,” Naya said.
After hanging up, I looked at my phone for a few seconds before coming back to reality.
I loved talking to Naya. She was my oasis.
With her, everything seemed easier, as if my problems weighed less and my joys lasted longer.
Maybe that was why she was the first person I thought of when I felt bad, and I liked knowing that went both ways.
But my good mood vanished as quickly as it arrived. It was an intuition—I didn’t hear anything, but a shiver ran up my spine. I looked up and to my horror found myself face-to-face with Monty.
He was standing at the gate with his hands in his coat pockets and a hard-to-read expression on his face. All I could think was that I needed to take off running, now.
I stood and pointed at him, and before he had a chance to open his mouth, warned him, “Don’t come a step closer.”
Monty sighed, stepped back, and said, “Jenny, I only want to talk.”
“I’ve got a restraining order against you, so I hope you feel like talking to the police.”
I was too scared to turn my back, so I edged slowly away, my hand reaching out to grab the door.
“Stop running away, please.” His tone didn’t change, but he took a step toward me, and I got really scared. “I told you, I just want to talk.”
I ignored him. I’d finally reached the door.
But the worst thing I could have imagined just then happened: it was locked.
And I hadn’t thought to bring my keys with me.
Dammit! Usually, when this happened, my grandmother would come out in five minutes or so to see what was taking me so long.
But I’d talked to Naya for close to an hour, and she hadn’t peeked out once.
In a panic, I rang the doorbell. I hit it three times while Monty was walking over with his hands raised to show he was harmless.
“I told you, stay back!” I wished I could sound less scared.
I rang the doorbell again desperately. By now, Monty had climbed the stairs.
What should I do? Jump off the porch and run down the street?
I was a phys ed teacher, so I could manage that, couldn’t I?
But could I outrun him? Could I even get past him?
Or would he trap me with those long arms of his?
I wasn’t sure, so my best option seemed to be standing my ground and begging him to go away. Monty was close now, hands still raised, looking almost sad that I was so afraid of him. And that fake sympathy only pissed me off worse.
“Go,” I grunted.
“I heard you were having problems with your parents,” he said, now lowering his arms.
“Just leave! I don’t have anything to say to you!”
“I don’t know if you heard, but I’ve been helping out your brothers in the garage sometimes to make some extra pocket change,” he went on as if he hadn’t heard me. “I guess your mom really appreciates that, and…”