Chapter 1 Healing Wounds #4
I understood why she was asking. I’d had a hard time that past year.
It wasn’t just the arguments with Mom and Dad and the thing with Monty, it was everything.
And as for Jack, my sister knew the whole story.
She was the only person I’d talked to, the only person I’d allowed myself to be vulnerable with.
She remembered how I’d barely survived that first month back.
She knew how much I’d missed him and how badly I’d wanted to talk to him.
She knew about how I’d called Jack on his birthday, how I’d spent the whole morning fretting and checking the time in France because I didn’t want to wake him, how I’d sat there on the edge of the bed with my cell phone trying to psych myself up.
I’d wanted to tell him happy birthday, but I thought maybe he’d forgotten me, or that he wouldn’t be happy to hear from me, that he wouldn’t want to even hear my voice.
Anything could happen, but I needed to talk to him.
It may have been selfish, but I wanted him to know I remembered him on his birthday and that I wished him well.
Ten times I tried to write a message, but I couldn’t come up with anything, so I called.
Would he respond? Would he hang up on me?
Did he even have his phone on him? I remembered how forgetful he was, and how reluctant he’d been to make a big deal of his birthday.
When we were together, I’d insisted we celebrate and we’d gone out.
But now that our connection was gone, maybe it was better to leave him in peace.
I missed him so bad, though…
And I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hardly noticed when someone picked up.
“Yes? Who’s there?”
I expelled all the air I’d been holding in. It was a girl’s voice.
I couldn’t answer for a long time. That was the one thing I hadn’t prepared for. But it made sense. He must have rebuilt his life. It had been nearly a year, after all. What did I expect? That he’d still be in mourning for our relationship? Could I blame him for wanting to move on?
The knot in my throat grew with every passing second.
Finally, almost choking, I said, “Hi. I’m, uh, a friend. Of Ja—I mean, of Ross’s. My name’s Jennifer. Is he around?”
The girl paused in turn. She had a strange but elegant accent, with long, drawn-out vowels.
“Jennifer?” she repeated.
She’d clearly never even heard of me. So that meant Jack didn’t talk about me. I hadn’t mattered to him as much as I’d thought. Probably I overestimated how much I’d mattered to him.
“He’s in the shower,” she said. “Should I get him?”
In the shower? Had they…?
No—I couldn’t think about that. It wasn’t my business. I closed my eyes and shook my head. “There’s no need to bother him. Just, when he comes out, can you do me a favor?”
I don’t know why I pressed it. He didn’t want me in his life. Couldn’t I just drop the whole thing? When the girl said of course, I asked her, “Could you tell him Jen wanted to tell him happy birthday, please?”
The girl said, “Mm-hmm, I’ll take care of it, au revoir!”
I never knew if she conveyed my message, though. Either way, Jack had turned the page. The same page I kept rereading over and over.
“Jenny, are you listening to me?”
Back in the present, Shannon was trying to bring me down to earth.
“Huh?”
“All I want is to be sure you’re OK, you know? You had a really tough time, and I’m wondering, is it the best idea for you to go back there? It might be like reopening the wound.”
“Shannon, I’ve made up my mind.”
She groaned. “I guess you have. Come on, then, I’ll ride with you to the airport.”
I struggled to get my huge suitcase down the stairs. Biscuit, my dog—Spencer had brought him over—hurried up to me, looking sad. I think he could tell I was going, the poor guy. At least we could share one last cuddle.
When Shannon tried to get me out the door, Owen asked if he could come along, ending with a pleasepleaseplease!
“Sure, little guy,” I said, and he cheered, “Cool!”
My grandmother walked up with open arms, hugged me, and told me to behave. “And if you change your mind…”
“I know, I know,” I said, “there will always be a cup of hot chocolate for me here.” All my nerves eased as I held her and told her, “Love you, Grandma.”
She smiled. “I love you, too. And you’ll always have a home with me.”
“Don’t get all sentimental,” Spencer interrupted us. “We can go visit her anytime.”
It was hard, staring through the car window and watching her wave goodbye. I was leaving my comfort zone. I was scared. But I also knew I was finally taking hold of my life.
My brother, my sister, and my nephew accompanied me to security at the airport. When it was time for me to go in, Owen was the first to hug me. He could still barely reach my knees. “I liked having you here, auntie!”
“I’ll be back before you know it, buddy.” I mussed his hair. “When summer comes, we’ll make up for lost time.”
He didn’t seem convinced. “Not if you find a boyfriend.”
My brother and sister looked panicky, but not because of him—it was because of me, because I always freaked out whenever Jack was mentioned, and I wasn’t good at covering up my feelings.
Shannon reprimanded him: “Don’t bother your aunt.” Then, turning to me, she said, “Sorry. I told him not to say anything.”
Owen started whining, wiped his nose, and said, “I don’t want Jenny to go…”
Spencer asked if he wanted to go to the arcade later, and Owen stopped crying instantly, nodding his head. He was easy to bribe. Shannon gave me a bear hug and, as she was resting her chin on my shoulders, reassured me: “I’m so proud of you. Even if you’re unbearable and your fashion sense blows.”
I laughed. “I’ll miss you, too.”
Spencer stepped in, squeezed me tight, and planted a noisy kiss on my forehead. “Call me for anything you need.”
“I know, Spencer, you’ve been telling me that all week,” I replied.
“Anything,” he repeated. “And do me a favor. Don’t come home pregnant. This family doesn’t need another surprise.”
Shannon nudged him with her elbow. Owen didn’t catch the reference. He had taken out his little stuffed horse with its brown spots and was busy playing.
“I doubt that’s a worry,” I murmured.
“Still, it’s good advice,” Spencer said. “Now have fun. I know it’s not been easy here, but this is a new stage in your life, and I want you to enjoy it.”
“Yeah,” Shannon said. “It’s just a few months, and we’ll come see you whenever you want.”
It was time to go. I picked up my suitcase, looked back, and got in line. Just before I passed through the detector, Owen tugged at my hand and said, “Auntie, take Spot.”
That was the name of his stuffed horse. Surprised, I kneeled down and asked, “Are you sure, buddy? You’re not going to miss him?”
He shook his head and shoved the horse into my hands.
It was so soft! When he told me to keep the toy so I wouldn’t forget him, that almost pushed me over the edge.
Spencer smiled at us, Shannon’s brows wrinkled with sorrow, and I assured him, “Owen, I could never forget you. But I’ll take Spot along anyway.
He’ll be my perfect companion at bedtime. ”
Owen loved that, and then he turned quickly to his mother and said, “Mommy, we need to go buy another Spot, so Jenny and I can both have one to take to bed!”
Spencer laughed when he saw the frustration on my sister’s face—Owen was spoiled, there was no denying that—and then I had to leave before I missed boarding.