Chapter 23 Beginnings, Endings
Beginnings, Endings
I didn’t know what it was like to watch a person grow up. With Owen, because he didn’t live with us, I didn’t follow the process slowly. Certainly not enough to understand how the people around them could affect a young person’s life.
Jane had been with us for a few months now, and she no longer cried the way she used to.
She was more manageable, and it was easier to figure out what she liked.
My white blouse with the big buttons, which she always tugged at every time I wore it.
The music Jack put on, which always made her bounce her head back and forth and gurgle in a way we thought meant more, more, until she finally got too tired and Will had to put her to bed.
Sue said she didn’t care for her much, and I had the feeling it was mutual: she frowned when she had to hold the baby, and Jane would scream and wriggle every time Naya tried to hand her off to her.
Mike was Jane’s favorite: if he was around she’d stop crying, would eat the foods she normally spit up on her shirt, and would fall asleep no matter how agitated she had been.
Whenever Will and Naya couldn’t take her wailing anymore, they’d turn to Mike.
He was resistant at first, but soon he was every bit as crazy about Jane as she was about him.
The nightmare began not long after her first birthday, when she started walking on her own.
She’d turn up out of nowhere, grab whatever was at hand, hide things in her parents’ bedroom or give them to Mike…
She was funny, too, though. She loved multicolored clothes, she loved having her hair put up in pigtails, she liked these ugly, fluorescent bracelets, and she liked her mother putting makeup on her.
They had the same green eyes, and Naya was proud that her daughter took after her.
When Jane started talking, she didn’t seem to know who mama and papa were and would use those names with whoever was holding her.
Fortunately, Naya and Will didn’t care. She also said yes, no, bye-bye, and poo-poo.
This last one was Jack’s fault, and it was her go-to word when she didn’t like something.
When she was mad, she would scream it over and over as she crawled off and hid under one of the beds.
She and I eventually got along. When she first arrived in the world, I was so busy studying that I barely had time for her.
I had to start my last year of school; Jack was traveling all the time.
Will was working, Sue was looking for work, things were hard all around.
But if I ever had a bit of free time, I’d take her to the bedroom to paint, and that opened up a new world for her.
She’d see me and start shouting Pay! Pay!
That was her way of saying paint. She loved nothing more than covering her palms with the stuff and stamping them on paper.
Before too long, she learned how to hold a brush.
We were at that one day when Jack came to the door to announce it was time to eat.
“Shh!” I joked. “Can’t you see the artist is at work?”
Jack smiled, walked in, and scooped her up. She shrieked when she had to put the brush down but started laughing when Jack tossed her up and down in the air. As he placed her on his shoulders, she waved at me and said, “Bye-bye!”
I put everything away, fixed my hair, changed into a different T-shirt, and went to the living room.
Since we had a baby in the house, we didn’t eat as much junk food anymore.
Well—most of us didn’t. Jack and Mike were far from grown-up in that regard and showed no interest in the cutlets and salad Naya had made that night.
“What do you guys want to watch?” Will asked. “A movie, a series…?”
“How about a reality show?” I asked.
“How about I kill myself?” Jack responded.
I stuck out my tongue at him. I hoped Naya would take my side, but she was too busy trying to get Jane to eat. Mike said, “Series,” Jack said, “Movie,” and we all looked over at Sue for the tiebreaker.
When she pushed her food around her plate instead of saying anything, Will said, “Everything all right there, Sue?”
She looked up, crestfallen, and announced, “I found a job.”
Everyone congratulated her, and Mike asked, “Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?”
“Because it’s in another town,” she responded. “If I say yes, I’ll have to move.”
Her expression stressed, Naya inquired, “What are you going to do then?”
“I’ve got to take it,” Sue responded. “I can’t just sit around here forever. We all knew this would happen someday, right? That we’d eventually have to move on?”
She was trying to feign indifference, but I could tell that she was upset. Her voice was soft, and she kept staring at the floor, as if she didn’t want to look us in the eye. “It’s not starting for a while,” she added, “so there’s no need to be dramatic. There’ll be time for goodbyes and all that.”
Mike couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
It hit me weirdly, too. It felt somehow like I was being abandoned.
I tried to remind myself that this wasn’t a movie and we couldn’t just go on pretending our lives had never changed.
I took for granted that we’d be friends forever, but we were growing up.
There was no getting around it. My graduation was around the corner, Naya and Will were parents now, Jack was a big director with meetings every other week.
We couldn’t hold onto the past. All Sue had done was remind us of that.
Jack was thinking the same thing I was thinking, but I didn’t find out until that night when we were in bed. We had been talking about this and that for a while when he asked out of the blue, “Do you want to keep living here?”
“Wow,” I told him, “that was abrupt.”
“Sorry. It’s just that what Sue said got me thinking. I told you we’d move a long time ago, but then it kind of fell by the wayside. I’m ready, though, I think. I want a place with some land.”
I turned onto my elbow and raised my head onto my hand. Jack looked nervous, as though he didn’t know how I’d react.
“Why do I get the impression that you’re not telling me everything?” I asked.
“I just… I had an idea, but I don’t know what you’ll think of it.
The lake house. You told me before you liked it.
And it’s Mom’s now, she got it in the divorce.
And she and I were talking the other day, and she said two houses were too much for her.
It’s a lot of upkeep, and she’s not working as much as she used to, and she said it’s just not worth it for her.
If I don’t take it, she’s just going to put it on the market. ”
“Is she just going to give it to you?” I asked, admiring the boyish grin on his face.
“Not outright. There will have to be some kind of financial arrangement. I don’t really know the ins and outs of it.
It’s part of my inheritance, but it’s Mike’s, too, so I’ll need to buy him out of it eventually.
But that’s for lawyers to deal with. Whatever it is, I can manage it.
I’ll probably need to make another film, though. ”
“I like your confidence,” I said. “I’m assuming you’ll just snap your fingers and a project will fall out of the sky?”
I already knew the answer. His manager had been on his case, studios had been chasing after him, and if he wanted the opportunity, it was there for the taking. His first film was still getting streamed like crazy. He was a success. There was no other way to put it.
Pathetically, I hadn’t even seen his movie yet. I must have been the only one. But I wanted to see it with him, I thought that would make it more special, and every time I brought it up, he changed the subject. I began to worry he was embarrassed of it, so after a while, I quit trying.
“Do you have a subject in mind?” I asked.
“I was thinking horror.”
“Great. I’ll be the first person in the world with a boyfriend who’s made two movies I can’t watch.”
“You don’t want to star in it?” he joked.
Speaking of stars, he and Vivian were still friends, despite everything. I still didn’t like her, but we were at least cordial after my explosion. We were never going to be super besties, but at least we didn’t scowl at each other every time she came around now. That in itself was progress.
“I’ll leave acting to the pros,” I said. “But please, remember to invite me to the premiere this time.”
Jack must have had the lake house on his mind for a while, because the very next day, he set up a meeting with his mother and a lawyer.
I tagged along, and when nearly everything was done, Mary walked around with me while Jack signed the papers.
She showed me her old studio and said, “I was thinking this could be yours.”
She was calm, but something in her voice, a certain sorrow in her smile, told me she would miss the place. The divorce had been hard on her, and it had done serious damage to her career. She couldn’t bring herself to paint or take photos anymore. Nothing seemed to move her.
“Maybe you and I could paint together here,” I reassured her.
“I think I may have lost the taste for it.”
“Then you can be my manager! Who knows the art world better than you?”
Mary smiled and shook her head. We stepped into the garage, which I think she wanted to show me because it had all the boys’ old things: toys, bicycles, surfboards… Everything was covered in dust, and I sneezed as soon as I stepped in there.
It was beautiful around the lake house: quiet, serene, surrounded by nature and the sounds of birds. But it was far from our friends, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. Jack must have sensed that on the drive home, because he asked me, “Are you having second thoughts?”
“No… I mean, sort of. I’m excited for us to live together out here, but…”
“You’re not ready to say goodbye to everyone?”