Chapter Twelve #3
“Nolan!” Tucker shouts in glee as he crosses over to my side of the entrance. “You made it.”
Nolan tugs his sunglasses down his nose to reveal his sparkling eyes. “You called, I came.”
“Oh my God, Nolan,” the man in the passenger seat says with a tight laugh.
Pushing his sunglasses back up, Nolan smiles a perfect rockstar grin. “Where can I park? I need to grab my guitar out the back. Did you bring yours? I am not playing alone.”
Tucker grins. “It’s in my car.”
“Hell yeah. You hear that, Sunshine? We’re making music tonight.”
Laughter flows out the windows as Nolan navigates the car to the parking lot.
Nobody at the festival right now knows that the biggest rockstar on earth is parking and ready to play a live acoustic set for them.
What world am I living in right now? A notoriously reclusive rock star is at the lantern festival for what’s basically a private show and my boyfriend is going to be on stage playing with him? I have to be dreaming.
Tucker grabs my hand and drags me toward the parked Mercedes.
Despite my own fame, I’ve never been really good at meeting other famous people.
I normally get nervous and ramble, making a fool of myself without even trying.
But something about Nolan Hastings doesn’t inspire rambling or nerves.
The blond guy with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen comes around the car to firmly shake my hand.
“Benji,” he says in greeting. “My friend Jackson wanted me to tell you that he lost a hundred dollars the second year you won the Super Bowl. He bet against you.”
I can’t help but snort. “A lot of people did. I was young with too much to prove to lose.”
Benji’s grin is breathtaking in its honesty. “That’s exactly what Jackson said. He said he should’ve known better.”
“Now I have four Super Bowl rings.”
“Only four?” Nolan asks curiously as he rounds the car to grab his guitar case out of the back. His voice is a hint sarcastic, but also honest to the core. I’ve never heard someone accomplish both at once.
“Oh my God, Nolan,” Benji says, smiling. “Four is a lot. It’s like four Grammys for best album.”
Nolan sighs dreamily, eyeing me up and down carefully. “That’s a lot. Are you single?”
Benji grunts, probably in some form of jealousy, but stays quiet.
Nolan grins. “I’m married to this stud.” Nolan hooks a thumb toward Benji with a crooked smile. “I just like to rile him up.”
Benji blushes hotly and rubs his left hand over his mouth, revealing a wide platinum band on his ring finger.
I slide my gaze over to Nolan and notice a matching band.
What an amazingly well-kept secret. I’ve been a Nolan Hastings fan for over a decade and never knew he was married, let alone to a man.
“I’m private,” Nolan says as if reading my mind. “And Benji is mine. I don’t like to share him. Ever.”
“I can understand that,” I empathize.
Nolan’s gaze cuts between me and Tucker, who is standing a little too close to me, his jaw set firmly. “Show me the stage. I want to do one of these lantern things first though, yeah? I have wishes to make.”
“Do you?” Benji asks softly as we make our way toward the small stage set up close to the shore. “What sort of wish could you have?”
“Remember that time in Ibiza when you—”
“SHUT UP!” Benji interrupts with a rumbling sort of laugh. They make eyes at each other, whispering softly as Tucker leads them toward the stage. Nolan quietly sets his guitar down, runs a hand through his wavy black hair, then takes a slow breath.
We’re all quiet as we head toward the shore, where River stands about to make the speech that’ll lead to the lanterns filling the sky.
Hundreds of people dot the shore, lanterns and markers clutched in their hands, the promise of something on the horizon.
Tucker’s hand curves into the pocket of my jeans, a steadying presence against an overwhelming moment.
River stands up on a picnic table with a megaphone. His smile is radiant, but his hands tremble with nerves.
“He hates public speaking,” Tucker says nervously.
I cut a look toward Tucker. “Should we do something?”
“He practiced a lot,” Tucker reassures me.
I hum and lean against Tucker’s side, enjoying the weight of him against me.
“Thank you for coming! Selling this out was a dream come true. We couldn’t have done it without some special people’s help, but they’d hate me for thanking them, so I’ll leave it at that.
” Everyone laughs, and River’s smile turns serious.
“This means a lot to some of us. It’s a tradition that marks the start of a new year for many.
Write your wish on the lantern, feel it in your heart, then let it go into the sky.
I hope all your wishes come true, but if they don’t, it’s not our fault.
Just means you’ll have to try again next year. ”
River hops off the picnic table but stays where he is, despite me expecting him to make his way toward us. For some reason my chest feels a little tight as I grip the lantern in my hand tighter.
“Come onto the beach with me, toward the water.”
Tucker leads me toward the shore, away from the thick crowd. We stand in the water, bare feet cold and wet. The water is dark since the sun is gone, and the waves are gentle. Tucker’s eyes shine as they meet mine.
“Can I use your back to write my wish?” Tucker asks softly, voice a little thick.
I nod wordlessly, turning around to give him my back. He takes his time, then his hands firmly grip my biceps and spin me around. I want to say something stupid, but this moment is too precious to Tucker to ruin.
So, I stay quiet, even when Tucker spins around to offer me his back.
I’ve thought about my wish a lot, and it feels right to give Tucker my wish.
But he doesn’t need to know that. My hand trembles as I write I wish for Tucker to never go a day without being loved ever again.
When Tucker spins around to look at me, I want to kiss him so bad that it takes every ounce of restraint to hold myself back.
I swallow hard against the emotion choking me and take a small step back.
The corner of Tucker’s lip twitches up in a hesitant smile.
I do my best to match it, but it feels tremulous and far too shaky.
We spend a second popping out the lanterns, then Tucker procures a lighter from his pocket.
I glance behind Tucker toward the crowd, easily spotting Nolan and Benji since everyone around them keeps sneaking glances their way.
Nolan’s grin is crooked as he and Benji share a lantern, only letting it float into the sky when others around them start first. Then suddenly, the sky is full of lanterns.
The sight is so beautiful, so hopeful, that I have the odd urge to cry.
But when I look back at Tucker, he’s staring at me, not the sky full of lanterns.
Once our lanterns are lit, we hold them up, and my heart does another little shimmy when Tucker slides closer, until it feels like we’re one person standing on the shore of something much bigger than the both of us.
It started at sunrise, and it’ll continue forever with a wish on a paper lantern.
A small cry escapes Tucker when we let the lanterns go, so I do the only thing I can: I curl my arm around his shoulder and hold on as the lanterns blend into the sky.
I don’t want to look at him and embarrass him, so I keep my gaze away.
Instead, I brush my thumb up and down his bicep, hoping to comfort him with my touch.
He leans harder against me, and the action feels hard won.
I think I can spend years learning all the nuances of Tucker, all the things that make him smile, make him tick, and still somehow always feel like he’s a mystery to me.
But life is long, and we have a lot of time, so I’m kind of excited to keep learning about him for the rest of my life.
“Okay?” I ask softly, voice just barely audible over the waves.
“Okay,” Tucker quickly confirms, arm a tight band around my waist.
“Ready to play some music?” Nolan calls out from a few feet away.
Tucker stays quiet and pulls out of my grip, disappearing with Nolan toward the stage.
I watch him disappear, wishing I could’ve kept the moment between us forever.
But again, there’s a lot of time—and lantern festivals—for years to come.
I never knew I was one for such yearning before, that there was so much love inside me.
Maybe I’ve always been waiting for Tucker to come along with his spark to catch fire to that part of me.
Everyone gravitates toward the stage in unspoken agreement. Pride and happiness war in my chest at the sight of Tucker on the stage beside Nolan. They make a striking pair, Nolan with his dark hair and tattoos and Tucker with his bright green hair and light pink cardigan.
“You ever loved a musician before?” Benji asks when he sidles up beside me.
“Never loved anyone before.”
Benji makes a noise that sounds a lot like that’s adorable. “They’ll stop the world for you if you just love them and give them a safe space to land.”
“How long have you been together?” I’m so fucking curious. How have they kept it a secret? Secrets like theirs don’t exist anymore, at least I didn’t think they did.
Benji’s smile is warm and content. “We’ve been together for around seven years now. Married for two.”
I do the math in my head real quick, but Benji seems to know because he just shoots me a knowing smile before turning back to watch the stage like a proud dad. “We fell in love on the canceled tour. We saved each other.”
Nolan picks that moment to search Benji out in the crowd, grin widely, then strum a chord to a very familiar-sounding song.
Ah. “Wildflowers” by Tom Petty. Benji’s cheeks flush and he tucks his hands into his jean pockets.
Tucker strums along with Nolan as he sings a song that has everyone swaying.
Everyone’s staring at Nolan, but I’m watching Tucker.
His head is ducked as he watches his fingers slide down the neck of the guitar, no doubt concentrating on perfection.
But when he finally flicks his gaze up, seeking me out in the crowd just as Nolan had with Benji, all the air wooshes out of me at once.
His soft smile, the one that’s for me when we’re alone, sneaks onto his lips, then disappears just as quickly when he goes back to watching his fingers.
“Ah, it’s all gonna be okay,” Benji says softly. I turn to look at him, but Benji is still watching Nolan, and the words seemingly weren’t for me.
When they finish, the crowd roars, and despite everyone watching Nolan, I still can’t keep my gaze off Tucker.
His head of bright green hair is easy to watch through the crowd as he makes his way back toward me.
He’s breathless and excited, eyes lit up seemingly at the reminder of being on a stage in front of hundreds of people.
Tucker’s an amazing teacher, but I’m struck with the thought that he belongs on a stage, belongs in his element.
I’m going to support all his dreams, even if it takes him away from me.
“Think about what we talked about,” Nolan says with a light punch to Tucker’s shoulder before turning to me. “I’ll send you some merch.”
Not even a question, just a promise. Nolan disappears into the crowd like he isn’t a megawatt rockstar who will stick out like a sore thumb.
He takes two photographs with fans who are brave enough to ask, and Benji is relegated to photographer.
But the pride that radiates from him is obvious for anyone to see.
“Did you know…”
Tucker furiously shakes his head. “Nah. I mean, I knew he was gay. We signed nondisclosure agreements for the tour. But I didn’t know he was married.”
“What did he talk to you about?”
Tucker bites the inside of his cheeks instead of answering. “Let’s talk about it later. Can we go back to your place? Will Courtney be there?”
I seek Courtney out in the crowd and find him with Orson again. I don’t get the vibe he’ll be coming home for a while. He’ll probably sneak in late like he did last night. “Courtney will probably stay out late. Are you okay?”
Tucker grins, but it looks tight. “I’m great. I miss Cupcake.”
Something doesn’t feel right, but I’m not going to push. Pushing Tucker is worthless. He comes to me when he’s ready, or not at all, and that’s how it’ll always be.
“Should we help clean up?”
“River said for us to go.”
“All right,” I reply quietly, suddenly feeling a little off foot.
Tucker takes my hand in his and tugs me toward the parking lot.
Stars are starting to dot the sky, the sound of the waves somehow louder the farther away we get.
There are so many things I want to say, but none of it feels like enough for the moment.
So, I do what feels most familiar—I stay quiet.
Tucker keeps his hand on my thigh the entire drive back to my place, then keeps his hand on the small of my back as we make our way into the house.
Cupcake wanders slowly up to us, and something cracks open inside me when Tucker dips to his knees to bury his face in her fur.
Something feels off, something terribly wrong.
But pushing Tucker will only push him away, and I want to keep him as close as possible, for as long as he’ll allow. Even if that’s only for tonight.