Chapter Thirteen
TUCKER
It’s killing me how unsure Charlie looks, even standing in his own kitchen.
I leave him alone as I take Cupcake outside, needing a moment to myself to make sure I’m everything Charlie needs.
The moon is full overhead, gleaming against the sparkling waves.
Cupcake yips, does her business, then returns to me.
I dip down to my knees, rubbing her head and kissing her face.
“Your daddy is something special, huh?”
Cupcake pants excitedly, like she’s in total agreement. I rub beneath her chin, having to fight a laugh when her leg starts to kick like I’ve gotten a particularly good spot.
“What if we have a secret between us, old girl?”
She eyes me carefully, as if she understands every one of my words.
“What if I keep you both forever? How does that sound? What if I just never leave?”
Cupcake presses her warm nose to my cheek, and I take that as a resounding yes.
I hug her tight, centering myself in the moment that feels far too small, yet so very large at the same time.
I look up at the moon one more time, sending a different sort of wish up to the sky.
Let me keep him, I wish as fervently as I’ve wished for love my entire life.
Let me keep him, let me be enough, let us find our way to each other over and over again, until the idea of leaving doesn’t stand a chance.
Make this runner into a chaser, I beg the moon, as if she has the same powers the sun has always seemed to have.
When I head back inside, Charlie is standing in the kitchen, eyes downcast and a glass of water in his hand.
“I want to fuck you tonight,” I say evenly, hoping my voice doesn’t wobble.
Charlie lifts his confused gaze to mine. “I figured.”
“And we’ve both been tested, so no condom.”
“Okay.”
“Do you need some time?” I ask. I know the protocol better than most after years of being a mostly exclusive bottom. Anthony hated mess, so I became a professional at ensuring no mess would ever be made. In more ways than one.
Charlie blushes furiously and nods, and I can’t take that at all.
I walk up to him in the kitchen, caging him in against the counter.
His lips are soft and supple as I take his mouth in a lush kiss.
The groan he lets out zings right up my spine, and his fingers curling into the waistband of my pants, tugging me close, threaten to undo me before we’ve even begun.
He brushes against the skin at the small of my back, hesitant and hot.
I reach up and curl my hand across his jaw, opening his mouth enough to lick into him, tasting all of him that he’s willing to give.
This cavern inside of me where all the love I’ve been holding back for years threatens to crack wide open and fill up with Charlie.
It’s dangerous and scary, to feel on the precipice of something life-changing that could undo me forever.
No one has ever felt so large, so able to break me if given the power.
Not even Anthony, who I always kept at a careful distance, because every barbed word felt like a gunshot to my already forever broken heart.
But every word from Charlie puts me back together, when I never knew I needed healing.
How can someone be so perfect for me, but so frightening at the same time?
Charlie lets out a needy moan against my mouth, so I pull away, just far enough to look at him.
His pupils are blown wide, a flush high up on his cheeks, and his hair is messy from my fingers gripping it at the end of our kiss.
There’s a question in his eyes that I’m not ready to answer, so I just kiss him again.
But this time I tug him away from the counter and back him up toward the bedroom, kissing him all the while.
I kick the bedroom door closed behind us, ignoring Cupcake’s soft whine because she’ll be fine for a few hours.
Charlie chuckles against my mouth but moans soon after when I shove my hand into his underwear.
I stroke him once, twice, then yank my hand back out.
I kiss him softly once more, fighting back all those scary emotions when he keeps his eyes closed, a soft smile on his face.
Tossing myself on the bed, I lean up on my elbows and grin at him when he looks my way.
“Go get ready, Charlie.”
Charlie swallows loudly but does as I say, which gives me a rush that I never once expected.
Maybe my entire life I’ve been a top and never knew it.
Whatever this dynamic is with Charlie works, in more ways than in the bedroom.
I want to hold on to him forever and never let go, while simultaneously running far away so he can’t hurt me.
The idea of Charlie causing me pain is strange and foreign, but the idea of it alone could send me into a spiral.
The lantern festival always has me a little emotional, but something about this one was different.
All I can narrow it down to is Charlie. His perfect smile, his gentle company, the pride shining in his gaze as I played on the stage with Nolan.
No one has ever looked at me like that before besides my parents. I’ve got to hold on to it. I think.
I wiggle out of my shoes and clothes, and toss them to the floor, moving my hand slowly over my cock as I wait for Charlie to return.
It doesn’t take him long though. He returns to the bedroom with a confident swagger to his hips, all in his naked glory.
I take him in from head to toe, holding back a moan when he climbs onto the bed to lie on top of me.
I love his large body and how willingly he bends for me.
I curl my palm around his neck, squeezing hard before tugging him down the rest of the way to give him a starry-eyed sort of kiss.
Charlie goes pliant and needy against me, his weight pushing me farther down into the bed.
I’d had plans to fuck him into the bed, but suddenly I kind of want him to ride me so I can watch every single emotion splash across his beautiful face.
I skip my fingers down his spine as we kiss languidly.
No hurry, no goal but to be together in the promising darkness of Charlie’s bedroom.
When I slip a finger inside him, finding him already lubed and wet, he groans against my mouth.
It’s kind of a trip to have a four-time Super Bowl winner trembling over me, waiting eagerly to take my cock.
If I had any semblance of an ego, it’d sure be puffed up right now.
But I’ve never had much of an ego, and all I want is Charlie, for as long as he’ll let me have him.
Once I’ve got two fingers inside him, working them in circles, then gently rubbing over his prostate, Charlie knocks his forehead against mine with a tired exhale.
“I want you so badly,” he admits, like the words cost him something.
“You can have me.”
Charlie pulls far enough away to blink wide eyes down at me.
His eyes skip between mine, only closing when I gently pull my fingers out.
Charlie reaches under his bed, leans back, then sits back and pours lube over my cock from the lube he magically procured.
My little sex magician. Although not so little, but still very sexy.
I bite my lip hard as he glides his hand up and down my cock because all I can do is imagine what it’ll feel like once I’m finally inside him.
His abs contract tightly as he leans up to notch my cock against his entrance.
Yeah, technically I’m fucking him, but it doesn’t feel so much like it when I sink inside him at his leisurely pace.
Every single emotion that washes across Charlie’s face is honest and true: fear, joy, need, and the final word that does me in, love.
Love shines in his intense gaze, through the gentle curve of his mouth, through the bite of his nails against my pecs when he slowly glides down my cock.
I want to live inside him, freeze this moment in a snow globe for all time.
Instead, I tamper it all by grabbing his neck and pulling him down for a wet, messy kiss.
The kind of kiss that says more than any word ever could.
Charlie groans into my mouth as he rolls his hips, somehow taking me even deeper. A shiver rolls through me at the sheer pleasure of the feeling. Our lips stop gliding, and we stay pressed against each other as we share breath in a moment that feels more precarious than I can ever explain.
Suddenly overcome, I grab his hips and still him. Charlie pulls far enough away to look into my eyes, and I come undone.
“Just let me be inside you for a minute,” I whisper, voice so low I almost don’t even hear the words.
Charlie lifts his hand to cup my face, looking far too beautiful for words.
I reach up and brush the hair out of his eyes, then cup my hand around his ear to hold him close so he can’t pull away.
I can feel my heartbeat in my cock, feel the urge to fuck up into him and make him my own.
The feeling is so foreign, so new, that I don’t know how to rectify it with all the other feelings inside me.
For so long I’ve spent my life thinking something was irrecoverably broken inside me, making me undeserving of love, despite all the love that surrounds me.
But it took Charlie, a gentle man who accepted me into his house, soaking wet from a sudden rain, and who made his entire house gluten-free just so I’d share a single meal with him.
Charlie has so much love to give, and I want to grab it, take it for myself, and never let go.
“Charles,” I say softly, voice tight and thick with all these new feelings.