Chapter 13 Mia
THIRTEEN
MIA
I wake the next morning with him wrapped around me as if there’s no beginning or end to either of us. His legs are heavy over mine and his hand is splayed over my belly, as if he can hold our baby, me, and all the broken pieces we glued back together last night.
Our fight was intense. We’ve never argued like that—not in all the years we’ve been married. Not even before, when we were dumb teenagers with no idea how to manage our emotions.
I still feel bruised, tender beneath the bandages I’ve wrapped around my heart, but lighter than I have all week.
That fight needed to happen.
I couldn’t keep swallowing my needs under his for the rest of this pregnancy. Still, it broke me a little at how hesitant he was at bedtime, as if he thought I wouldn’t let him sleep next to me.
I shift, and his grip tightens around me. He pulls me against his chest, as if he’s scared to let go.
“Stay.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I say, trailing my fingers over his arm. And I’m not. There is no future I can imagine without Jensen in it. I just need him to calm down a little.
“Promise?”
I twist so I can see his face. I hate how broken he looks. So I give him the words he needs, because some part of me needs them too. “I promise.”
His hand flexes against my belly, and he lets out a breath so ragged it sounds like he’s been holding it inside all night.
Then he turns me to face him, his thumb stroking over my hip. His eyes trail over every inch of me, as if he’s expecting to see blood or bruises from our argument.
My fingers thread into his hair, like I can soothe the tension out of him with my touch. He leans into me, like I’m the only thing keeping him stable.
“When it comes to you I don’t think rationally,” he admits, his voice a low rasp.
He guides me onto my back. I’m not sure what he’s doing, but he pauses and flicks his gaze to me. “Can I…”
“Can you what?”
“I want to touch you, but—”
Oh.
Oh…
Fuck. I hate that he would even question it. “Jensen.”
He lets out a shaky breath. “I don’t want to do anything else to upset you.”
I grab his hand and push it against my breast. “I was mad at you, but I didn’t stop loving you.”
His hand stays on me, like he’s scared to let go. “We’ve never argued like that before.”
“Then it was probably long overdue.”
“I’ll fix it,” he says. “I don’t know how, but I promise I’ll fix things between us.”
“You don’t need to fix anything. You just need to calm down.” I give him a teasing smile. “We can’t both be crazy during this pregnancy. One of us has to stay sane and rational. And since I’m the one dealing with hormones and growing a literal human, I’m taking that role.”
His fingers knead me through the thin material of my sleep shirt as his lips twitch. “It’s all yours.” He lifts the hem up over my belly, over my boobs, settling it under my chin.
I whimper as he bends low and presses a kiss over my nipple.
“I love you.”
“I never stopped loving you,” I tell him. “You just pissed me off.”
He snorts a laugh, but it’s threaded with emotion that makes my chest ache. “Hardly surprising. I’m sorry I’ve been so intense.”
His fingers spread over where our baby is growing. He touches me like he’s scared of hurting me, like he already thinks he’s damaged us beyond repair. So I grip him, holding him there. There is no bump yet, just a softness around my hips and abdomen that I didn’t have before. It doesn’t matter.
Our world is growing under our hands.
I close my eyes as he kisses my belly with such reverence it makes my throat burn.
“Hey little one,” he murmurs. “It’s your dad. I’m sorry I’m an idiot. You’ll probably have to put up with a lot of idiotic shit from me as you grow up. It’s just because I love you and your mom so much.” My heart is full watching him talking to my stomach. “We both love you so much.”
“And I love you,” I say, just in case he still doesn’t believe me.
“I know.” He kisses me, our mouths fused together as if we can erase the last twenty-four hours from our history. I feel lighter. The weight that was on my shoulders yesterday is gone and in it’s place is hope.
I want this with him.
I want him to love me and take care of me.
I want him to feel like he can.
I just… don’t need a six man team trailing me every time I sneeze.
The way he’s claiming my mouth now sends heat skittering down my spine. The kiss is more than intimacy. It’s reaffirming what we are to each other. It’s resetting the walls around us.
He slants his head, kissing me like he hasn’t touched me in years, and my pulse stumbles. I lean into him because resisting Jensen feels impossible, even with the ghost of our fight in the back of my mind.
When he pulls back, his eyes are soft. “You hungry?”
“Maybe. I’m a little nauseous, but I’ll try to eat something.”
“That’s all I ask.”
We take our time getting up. Once I’m dressed, I make my way into the kitchen. The light is streaming through the windows, bright and warm. The city bustles beyond our four walls, but in here it’s just him and me.
I slide onto the stool, watching my husband as he moves between the stove, the toaster, and the fridge.
He still has that weight on his shoulders, that uncertainty pulsing beneath his skin, but when he glances at me, my stomach flutters.
“You want coffee?”
I shake my head. “Water’s fine.”
He grabs me a bottle, uncapping it and he presses his mouth into my hair as he puts it down in front of me.
I eat the toast he gives me, and it’s a miracle that it stays down.
Just before 8:30a.m I hear the door open, as it always does on a workday. I expect Theo and Mike to step inside, but this morning, it’s just Theo.
I glance at Jensen, who’s watching me carefully.
It’s only a small thing, but it feels like a huge win. It feels like he saw me, like he listened. Like he respected my choices.
My throat’s clogged as I step into his arms, hugging him tight. “Thank you,” I whisper against his chest.
Jensen cups my face with one big hand, his thumb stroking under my eye. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Mia. Nothing.”
Theo’s gaze slides between me and Jensen, his brows drawn together. “Mrs. Rivers, are you ready to leave?”
My smile’s warm as I untangle myself from Jensen’s hold. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
Jensen’s hand slides to my hip, holding me in place for a moment. His eyes are wild and intense, ruined with need, and wrecked with desire. “If you want to walk, grab coffee or lunch, then all I ask is that you take Theo with you.”
I don’t reiterate that I’m not reckless, and that my need for freedom isn’t about walking into danger.
Instead, I press a kiss to his cheek, his stubble rough beneath my lips. “I’ll be careful,” I assure him.
By the time I get to work, I feel lighter.
Theo doesn’t hover or crowd me when we get inside.
He goes to the monitors, taking up his usual spot, while I join Juno.
She’s flicking through a brochure about canvasses, but she lifts her gaze to look at me.
“You alright?” There’s none of her usual sass, which tells me how worried she must have been.
I nod. “Yeah, I’m… Good.” I sink onto the desk chair, getting comfortable. “I’m sorry you had to see that yesterday. I didn’t mean for you to get dragged into mine and Jensen’s problems.”
Juno waves this off. “Please. You think that bothered me? I have five sisters. I’m used to drama.” She puts the brochure down, looking at me properly. “I know someone who can get you a fake passport.”
I blink, not sure if she’s joking. It’s hard to tell with her sometimes. “That’s… Kind of terrifying.”
Juno grins. “And resourceful, right?”
I snort and load up my laptop. “I’m pretty sure ‘proficient in counterfeit documents’ wasn’t in your job description.”
“Honey, I know a lot of artists. I’m pretty sure they could forge my mother’s birth certificate if I asked nicely.
” Her expression fades into something more concerned and her eyes drift to the ceiling—to the cameras—before she focuses on me again.
“Seriously, are you okay? If you need help to escape the demented husband, just say the word. Or, you know, burying his body after you murder him.”
I laugh, loud and obnoxious. Theo glances in our direction, suspicious. It makes us both laugh louder.
“I appreciate the solidarity, Juno. But I’m okay.” I rest my hand over my stomach, remembering how excited he was to make this baby. The way he looked at me when he found out I was pregnant. The way he looked at me the night we got married. “We talked and sorted things out.”
“Okay, but if you ever change your mind…” She wiggles her eyebrows.
I shake my head. “You’re my first call,” I assure her.
At lunchtime, I’ve got a craving for one of those chicken and avocado bagels from the coffee shop down the street. Perfect time to test whether Jensen really has loosened the reins.
“You want to grab lunch with me?” I ask Juno as she wanders over from the displays.
“Yes!” She groans dramatically. “I’m so sick of these four walls today.” She glances toward Theo and then back at me. “Are you allowed to go?”
I pause for a beat. “I guess we’ll find out.”
I walk over to Theo, who watches me approach warily. “Everything okay, Mrs. Rivers?”
“I need to pop out.” I brace for the argument, for him to get on the phone to Jensen, for there to be a protocol I’m breaking or something that needs to be scheduled.
But he just stands. “Make sure you grab your coat,” he says. “It was cold this morning.”
I raise a brow before I glance at Juno, who shrugs.
“Really? I can go?”
“As long as you get me one of those cookies with the little white chocolate bits in.”
My eyes soften. “I’ll get you two.”
By the time my day ends, I’m itching to see Jensen. Things between us still feel tense. He’s messaged a few times today, but he’s kept his distance, too. Given me the space I asked for.
Theo takes me into the apartment, like he always does, and when he sees Jensen standing in the window, his back to the room, he leaves.