Session Sixteen
“Okay.”
I wore Cole’s promise ring like a badge of honor.
Even Marigold seemed impressed, eyeing the band like a golden egg. “Our very own workplace romance,” she tapped my desk. “Good work. He’s a good man.”
And there was a sadness in her voice that I couldn’t place. I stared at her as she walked away, and wondered.
What was Marigold’s story?
She saved me.
So I hope, with everything, that she too gets her happy ending.
***
Fawn gagged with awe over the ring, as if it’d been carved by Zeus himself on Mount Olympus.
“Just think about how outrageous the diamond will be,” she winked, sipping her chardonnay. “How many carats, you think?”
“I’m not thinking of shit,” I smiled, taking a big swig of champagne. “I’m just happy.”
Fawn stared for a moment, a slight smile on her face and leaned over the dinner table. She grabbed my hand. “I can’t tell you how nice it is to hear you finally say that.”
“Fawny,” I swallowed, squeezing her fingers. “I’ve had two glasses and I’m an emotional wreck right now so if you don’t want me crying in this very public Italian restaurant I suggest you zip lip and chug.”
We clinked drinks and indeed, chugged.
I never wanted the night to end.
We were celebrating Fawn’s big donation to the YU Lions swim team – our alma mater – and she’d made almost six figures by signing a contract with our old college to collaborate on one-pieces.
It was a pride moment, you know? I’d known Fawn for what felt like forever, my soulmate, my rock.
And she was growing, blossoming into this beautiful, charismatic, hustle-badass CEO.
She’d always been, but to see her reaping the rewards for her success bloomed a flower in me so tall it could touch the sun.
“I need your autograph or something, it’s surreal.” I’d felt elation before being tipsy, but my God, I couldn’t believe how good my life was.
Really good.
My best friend was a fucking superstar, work was flowing as it should and I was promised to the love of anyone’s life because Cole was perfect and passionate and wonderful –
“I’ve been meaning to tell you this but I just didn’t know how.”
Fawn.
Oh, Fawn.
You couldn’t have kept your mouth closed.
“I ran into Jace yesterday.”
Whatever alcohol I’d just consumed threatened to fly out of my mouth and projectile over the fucking table.
“You what?”
What did he say? What could he possibly want? Where did he come from?
Why do you still care?
Every terrible thought began brewing.
Brewing.
Hotter. Hotter.
I pinched my skin and began to countdown from ten.
Nine. Eight.
The promise ring suddenly felt too tight.
Seven… Six.
Why now?
Why was he constantly ruining my life?
Five. Four.
“Please don’t freak out, we’re having a nice time,” she pleaded.
But how could I not? “You couldn’t have told me yesterday? Fuck, last night?”
“I was busy, B. I knew I wanted to tell you today, but I –”
“What did he say? What did he want? How? Just –” My breath quickened. “How?”
She explained to me that Mel, Jace’s best friend was seeing a new girl who happened to be the YU swim coach, and he accompanied her to the donation gala which Fawn was obviously a part of and then –
“He was just there, like, right in front of me, asking to talk.” Fawn bit her lip, swirled her glass.
I wanted to scream.
“So I said, literally never, and he kind of looked at me like a puppy –”
“Fuck I am so mad right now,” I couldn’t help but interrupt. No, I couldn’t, because I remembered those eyes and the way he’d use them like a weapon to get whatever the hell he wanted from me.
“I know, B. I know, so he asked how I was doing” – she sipped her drink, rolling her eyes – “formalities, right. And then he asked about you.”
My jaw twitched and every part of me wanted to storm out of this restaurant and run to his fucking apartment and bang on the door and punch him in the face kiss him on the mouth key his car lose myself in the eyes I hate.
Because it – him – was all too familiar.
And suddenly, my ring felt like the chains Jace left me in.
“Are you going to say something?” Fawn took me out of my head. “Look, I’ll just say it. He asked how you were doing.”
“And what did you say?” I gritted through clenched teeth.
“None of your business, that’s what I said.”
His name rang like an alarm bell that wouldn’t shut the fuck up. “Just rip off the band aid, Fawn. Tell me everything.”
She looked around the restaurant. “Should we go?”
“No,” I snapped. “You started it here, let’s end it here. At least a public place can hold me accountable if I rage.”
“B,” she said softly, grounding me. “I’m not the villain here.”
I swallowed, tempering my breath. Inhale. Exhale. One. Two. “I know, I’m sorry. His name’s like a reflex and I feel everything all over again.”
She shrugged. “I wanted to tell you because if he somehow got in contact with you and mentioned running into me, and I didn’t tell you, I’d carry that forever.”
“Running into him isn’t a big deal.” Lie.
“No, but he is.” Truth.
I nodded, attempting to stabilize, rationalize. My fingers wrapped around the stem of my glass, and I stared at the promise ring.
When you forget who you are, I will always remind you.
And I am no longer a hue of Blu. No.
I am Beatrice Henderson.
And I do not belong to Jace Boland anymore.
Repeat it. Feel it. Let it go.
Everything else is water.
“So.” Inhale, exhale. “He just asked how I was and that’s all?”
Fawn nodded. “Surprisingly. I think he could sense I was done with the conversation he was trying to have.”
And I said one word.
One word among a thousand I could have said.
Because I am Beatrice Henderson.
And I will not let you anymore, Jace.
My grip tightened around the glass again, just for a second. One second.
Remembering.
Then –
I let go.
“Okay.”