Chapter 16 Cleo
cleo
. . .
I took my time climbing up, making sure I wasn’t going to end up falling and landing on my back.
When I finally reached the top, I popped my head and saw Charlie sitting in the corner.
Her knees were pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them.
My heart broke as I noticed the dried tear tracks on her cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, Miss Cleo. I’m so sorry,” she cried. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to see the treehouse.”
I was over to her in an instant, pulling her into my arms. “It’s okay, Charlie.” My hand rubbed small circles across her back as she clutched my shirt, soaking the fabric with her tears. “It’s okay.”
“I’ve never seen one before, but my daddy used to tell me stories of one when I was little.
He said the treehouse was magical.” I closed my eyes, trying to keep my own tears at bay as she spoke.
“He said there was a princess up there who made wishes come true, and I wanted a wish to come true, Miss Cleo, so I climbed up here, but it was empty. There was no princess. There was no magic.”
Oh god, how could I do this? How could I pretend like her words didn’t tear me the fuck up inside? Why oh why did he ever tell her about this place? A place so inherently special it tied me up in knots that he’d share its magic with his daughter. Because that’s precisely what it was.
But she was right. There hadn’t been any magic here in a long time, and the princess had lost her crown to another.
“I could’ve saved you a lot of trouble if you’d asked, you know,” I said. “It’s been a long time since this place had any magic in it.”
Charlie pulled back. “But it was here?”
There was no point in lying, so I nodded. “A really long time ago.”
Her eyes widened. “And the princess?”
“I don’t know that she thought of herself as a princess, but yes.”
“What happened to her?”
I gave her a sad smile. “I don’t know. I think she got lost. Maybe you could take her place.”
Charlie shook her head. “No way. I don’t think I like being up here that much. I’d much rather stay on the ground.”
I could help but laugh, remembering similar spoken words that seemed like a lifetime ago. “You’re just like your father, you know? He’s afraid of heights, too.”
It wasn’t until I looked down at Charlie that I realized my mistake. I wasn’t sure how much Grady had told her about our past, or if he’d told her anything at all. “You must know my daddy pretty well,” she said.
“Why do you say that?”
“He doesn’t tell anyone about the things he’s scared about except for me and Mommy.” She shrugged. “And I guess you.”
And I guess you.
There was so much I could add to that statement.
Some deep, twisted, jealous part of me wanted to scream it was me, that I was the princess in the story, and her dad was right—it was magical and wonderful and all those things.
I wanted to tell her that he loved me before anyone else, and maybe, just maybe, he still loved me now. After all, he was here, wasn’t he?
But what good would it do? It wouldn’t change the situation. It didn’t matter if he loved me now because he was still married. This perfect girl in front of me was a reminder of that. If I could do nothing else, I would protect her from the ugly depths of my soul.
“Well, it was a long time ago,” I said, waving it off. “Your dad and I went to school together. That’s all.”
“I think my daddy likes it here,” Charlie said, toying with the hem of her shirt. “He’s always excited to bring me here in the mornings. When he picks me up, sometimes he seems sad. Like, he doesn’t wanna leave. And I feel like that, too.” She looked up at me. “Do you like it here?”
Lie, Cleo. Tell her you love it. Tell her this is your dream, that you’re happier than ever.
But I couldn’t.
“Sometimes I do,” I answered honestly. Shakily. “Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I worry I don’t fit in here.”
And that was my truth. The one I’d never even voiced to Rachel or Laura, because how could I explain how I felt like I needed to love every aspect of this ranch like my family did to deserve the love they gave me in return?
That I’d always felt like I needed to compensate for not entrenching myself in the life they held so near and dear to their heart?
It wasn’t their fault. Realistically, I knew if Mom and Dad lost everything tomorrow, their love for me would go on like it always had.
I knew if I told Josie and Lennox that, other than an occasional hard ride on the back of my horse across the pastures, I hated everything about working this land, they wouldn’t look at me any differently.
The issue was me. It was my mind, and the way it twisted the most inconsequential thoughts into these vicious lies I found so easy to believe.
Charlie’s little hand covered mine. I looked up, hating the frown I saw tugging on her lips. “I think you should find somewhere you like, Miss Cleo.”
“Yeah,” I choked out. “I think so, too.”
“Everything okay up there?” Lennox called out, shifting my thoughts back to the real world awaiting us outside of these four walls.
I wiped away the tear, hoping Charlie hadn’t seen it fall, and poked my head out of the hatch. “All good. We’re coming down now.”
But as we moved toward the hatch, I heard the softest sound. A sweet chirp.
Bird song.
“Do you hear that?” I asked, turning my head toward the window.
Charlie stayed silent for a moment, eyes widening in surprise as she nodded her head. “I do!” She tried to whisper, but her little voice was loud in the quiet of the treehouse.
I pressed my finger to my lips as I beckoned her forward. She tiptoed in front of me, carefully conscious of her movements as we both peered through the window.
There, in the worn planter box just below, was a large bird nest with three tiny baby birds inside.
They squawked angrily, tilting their heads to the sky and demanding food.
In the blink of an eye, one of the parents swooped in, ready to feed their young.
Its chest puffed out, displaying a bright, vibrant blue that had emotion clawing at my throat.
“Look, Miss Cleo!” Charlie said excitedly. “It isn’t empty at all!”
This time, I couldn’t fight the tears. I couldn’t fight the memories, the longing, the adoration.
Instead of snuffing them out like I did every other time they came around, I let myself feel each and every one.
The sunshine warmed my face, and I prayed its warmth would sink into my skin and touch my soul.
“You’re crying,” Charlie said. I looked down and noticed she was staring at me instead of the tender family moment taking place beneath the window.
“Happy tears.” I dabbed at the moisture with my palm. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
Charlie chewed on her lip. “Maybe there’s some magic here after all.”
“Maybe so,” I whispered.
“Do I need to go get the tractor?” Lennox called out once more. “Are y’all stuck?”
I moved over to the hatch, sticking my head out. “Patience is a virtue, you know.”
“Not one of mine,” she snapped back. “I’m much more about instant gratification.”
I narrowed my eyes as she smirked, knowing all too well what was on the tip of her tongue to say. “There is a child present, Lennox.”
She shrugged. “Better hurry and get down then.”
I could feel Lennox’s stare on my back as I started to climb, carefully ignoring it as I coached Charlie on how to get down.
The time for answering questions was coming quickly, but I wasn’t any closer to figuring out what to say.
The truth felt too heavy, but I didn’t want to lie.
Not to her. Not when I knew Lennox was one of the few people who’d never dare judge me.
It still didn’t make it any easier to show the rawest parts of me, the parts I’d kept hidden even from the people who loved me wholly and completely.
“You’ve got this, Charlie,” I called up as she made the descent. “Nice and slow. Keep your eyes forward, don’t look down unless you have to.”
Charlie clung to the rungs like her little life depended on it, but she gave a nod and moved slowly. Every so often, I’d call up, telling her to breathe when I saw her muscles stiffen from fear, her hand tremble as she tried to find the proper footing before letting go.
Her smile was wide by the time she finally made it to the bottom, turning triumphantly to Lennox and me and shouting, “I did it!” at the top of her lungs.
We both laughed as she barreled toward us.
I didn’t think when she launched herself at me, only opened my arms wide and let her leap into them before giving her a little twirl.
“I’m so proud of you! It wasn’t that bad, was it?” She shook her head. “See, I told you. I bet you’re a natural now.”
I set her down, watching as she scrunched up her face.
“No, I think I’ll be like my daddy and stay on the ground.
” And then, like a million-dollar idea just popped into her head, she started jumping up and down.
“Ooh! Do you think we could have a treehouse on the ground? Do you think he’d build me one, Miss Cleo? ”
“I think that’s a wonderful idea, Charlie,” I said, sticking my hand out for her to take.
She did so eagerly and tugged me back toward the barn. “If he did, would you come visit me and see it? Maybe that can be your place!”
“Your place?” Lennox asked, stepping up beside me.
“Yeah, Miss Cleo said she gets sad sometimes, so I told her she needs to find somewhere that makes her happy. Maybe we can share my treehouse.” Charlie said it like it was the simplest thing in the world, like she hadn’t just outed my unhappiness to my sister.