2. Roman
Chapter 2
Roman
Sunlight beams through the windows of the living room, drawing me out of my sleep. I open my eyes to black and white hair splayed all around me and the smell of breakfast filling the house. I look down to Audra and find her fast asleep, breathing softly with her head laid on my chest.
The mark on her cheek faded overnight, now looking more like she slept too hard on it. Her eyelashes flutter, eyes sweeping and perfect button nose scrunching slightly. She starts to grumble, huffing loudly as a small whine emerges from the back of her throat. Someone isn’t a morning person.
I shush her and hold her closer, rubbing my arm slowly over her back. Her face relaxes and she sinks further into me.
I could really get used to this.
Immediately, I know it’s a bad thought. I know it’s the last thing I should be thinking right now, but all I can think about is the years I’ve spent dreaming of this. I don’t let myself go too deep down that rabbit hole, instead I focus on the smell surrounding us. Mom and Dad must have gotten home late last night or early this morning.
I nudge Audra slightly. “Hey, my mom made breakfast, do you want to get up and eat?” I ask quietly in her ear. She groans and burrows herself into me, pulling the blanket over her head. Oh fuck me. If she isn’t the cutest goddamn thing.
I resist the urge to smack myself. I have to stop thinking about her like that. It was okay when she was single. It was even justifiable when she was in a relationship, so long as I kept it to myself. But now that she’s fresh out of a shitty relationship? Now is absolutely the worst time for me to be thinking about how fucking adorable Audra Hart is.
“C’mon, we should get up,” I suggest with another small nudge. She groans again and peaks out of the blanket.
“Do I have to?” she whines. I give her a halfhearted laugh.
“You don’t have to do anything, but I think we should.”
She nods reluctantly and we get up off the couch. I follow her to the kitchen, mentally swatting myself the whole way there for thinking about how absolutely divine she looks wearing my clothes and rocking a serious case of bedhead.
We step into the kitchen and all of the quiet chatter goes silent. Ares and Ravyn don’t say a word, and Mom pops an eyebrow as she looks at me and Audra. Not a word, just a look that tells me everything she thinks she knows.
“It’s not what you think,” is all I give her. If they want to know anything else, they have to get it from her. All I get is a hum in response.
Audra takes her regular seat between Ares and Mom, and I take mine on the other side of the table between Dad and Ravyn. Everyone eats in uncomfortable silence. I watch discreetly as Audra picks at her food, mostly just pushing it around her plate. It takes everything in me not to say something, but Mom doesn’t hold back. Unlike me, she doesn’t have to.
“Audra honey, you always eat my cooking. Are you feeling alright?” she asks, genuine concern lacing her words. Audra just nods.
“I’m okay, just not feeling great,” she says, but she can’t look my mom in the eyes. I know if I clocked it, so did my mom.
“Are things alright with you and Tyler?” my mom asks. It’s an innocent question, nothing abnormal or unkind about it, yet time comes to a halt when the words leave her mouth. She’s always been like a second mother to Audra. It makes sense that she would ask, given the context. But Jesus. Fucking. Christ . I want to press rewind and stop my mother before she speaks.
Nobody makes a fucking sound as we wait for Audra’s response. I’m not sure if anyone even breathes as I watch shock, then embarrassment, then pure sadness wash over Audra’s face. I struggle to keep it together, clenching my jaw to avoid saying a single word, until I watch one single tear escape from Audra and slip down her pink cheek.
“Mom,” I mumble in a tone that can’t be misread, adding a subtle shake of my head. I love you, but stop talking. She catches on and nods.
“Oh! Sorry, we don’t have to talk about this right now,” she assures Audra. But it’s too late. The dam breaks as Audra stands and excuses herself before walking hurriedly up the stairs.
I don’t think this moment can get any more tense until Ares and I stand at the same time to follow her. We lock eyes, a look of confusion on his face as his brows pinch together. I turn and walk from the kitchen before anyone says anything, the sound of Ares’ footsteps following closely behind.
We walk in silence up the stairs and down the hall to Ares’ room. He opens the door and to both of our surprises, she’s not there. The bathroom door is wide open and empty, which leaves me knowing exactly where she is.
“Let me talk to her,” I plead. It comes out desperate, but I don’t particularly care. My brother rolls his eyes.
“She’s in your room. Don’t really have a choice,” he counters.
“Just me. Let me go talk to her alone. She told me about what happened last night. I’m sure she’ll tell you in her own time but right now, I already know. So please. Just let me talk to her,” I explain, begging him silently to allow me to do this my way. Ares pauses for a moment, thinking it over, and then nods.
He turns to leave, giving me a pat on the shoulder before he goes. I know it’s as close to a thank you as we can share. Maybe it’s a thank you for being there last night, or maybe for handling this while his hangover is still obviously raging. Either way, I’m just grateful he’s left and that I can get to what really matters; making sure Audra is okay.
I walk into my bedroom and close the door behind me. The most beautiful girl in the world is crying in my bed and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. I sigh, equal parts sympathy and worry escaping from me. I climb in next to her and pull her into my chest.
“Wanna talk about it?” I whisper into her hair.
“I just didn’t expect to be asked that.” She shrugs. “I don’t know why, I mean, it’s common sense that they’d ask me. I just wasn’t ready. I’m not ready,” she chokes out. The words come quick like they’re hot in her mouth. “I’m not ready. I don’t know what to say. What do I say?” she asks, frantic and muffled.
I go to speak but she’s not done. “I can’t tell anyone, but I can’t lie either. I don’t know what to do.” She shakes and cries harder into my chest. “I’m so scared, Roman.”
When she says my name, it slashes across my chest, stinging like someone’s stabbed me right in the heart. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt pain like this, hearing her sob out my name.
I steady myself, holding her tighter to me. I run my hand up and down her back to offer some comfort. “You don’t have to be scared here. You can tell them you broke up and it was ugly and you’re not ready to talk about it yet. They might have suspicions, but they wouldn’t make you talk if you’re not ready. You know that. It’s all going to be okay, Aud,” I reply as I rock her small frame carefully in my arms.
“You can’t always be around,” she says softly. It’s true. I know it’s true, but something in my brain goes full caveman, wanting nothing more than to stomp around next to her every day standing guard. I’d do it too, as crazy as it is.
“I’ll only ever be a phone call away.” It’s the only sane thought I have to offer, the rest reeking of testosterone so heavily I have to question myself.
We spend another fifteen minutes in my bedroom, but we aren’t talking about what’s wrong anymore. Instead, I’m in full distraction mode now, making stupid small talk with her like we used to in high school, just to hear her talk.
“Favorite board game?” I ask. We’re both lying on our backs. Audra’s staring at the ceiling, and I’m staring at her, catching myself tracing the contours of her face with my eyes.
She flips over to face me excitedly. “ Candyland , duh! What kind of question even is that?”
She laughs and suddenly I’m seventeen again, standing at the kitchen counter and staring at her green eyes as she peers over her mug of tea, telling me anything I can coax out of her.
“Favorite animal?” I question. I’m staring at the ceiling now, but I can feel her eyes burning into me.
She sighs. “You know, you don’t have to distract me. I’m okay,” she says quietly. I nod.
“I know, but it’s still nice to get out of your head before you go and face people,” I add, and she hums in agreement.
We spend another half hour just talking and pretending like everything isn’t falling apart. When we finally head back downstairs, breakfast is already cleaned up. It seems everyone has gone on with their day but us.
I’m overly aware of the fact that those moments, tucked away in bed and hiding from the world, were likely the last ones I’ll have like this with Audra. Ares is home now and life will go back to normal. She’ll lean on her best friend and I’ll go back to just being Ares’ older brother.
The thought stings, but it’s not like there’s any other outcome. This is how it’s always been. Me pining after Audra, and her not having a single clue about it. Endless hours of sitting in the kitchen when she’d spend the night here, hoping we’d run into each other so I could spend that little bit of time with her.
As long as I can remember, I’ve been hopelessly waiting for the day Audra Hart put me on her radar. But the day never came. She never did.
* * *
The rest of the day plays out pretty normal. Audra spends her whole day hanging out with Ares and Ravyn next door, and I sit in my room listening to my R&B music.
A quiet knock on my door grabs my attention. Had I been a little less in my head about Audra, I might’ve known it was her. Instead, like a complete idiot, I groan from the bed where I’m lying and call out, “Come in!”
“Wanna take me home?” Her soft voice echoes from the door frame. She’s cracked the door just enough to show her short and slender frame. On her face she’s wearing a small, sheepish smile. God, seeing that smile on her face feels better than anything I could hear on this record player. It feels fucking amazing to see her smiling on her own after last night.
“Ares doesn’t want to take you?” I ask. I don’t know why I do it, why I can’t just take the win. She steps through the door before speaking again.
“He did. I told him I thought you might want to, and that I wanted to thank you either way.” Her voice is sweet and she sounds almost normal, almost like the Audra I knew before last night at the front door.
“Well, who can say no to being thanked.” I stand up and grab my keys. “Come on,” I laugh, walking out the door with her.
* * *
I don’t remember ever having Audra in my Jeep, at least never by herself. I might’ve taken Ares, Audra, and Ravyn somewhere a time or two, but that changed when Ravyn got her license a few months after I did.
“Do you know how to get to my house?” Audra asks.
I nod. “Yeah, I only picked Ares up from there a thousand times in high school,” I tease.
She laughs and I feel the muscles in my chest loosen. I was so worried about her after she showed up at the house like that. Hell, I’m still worried about her, but it feels like a tolerable amount now.
“Is your mom going to be there?” I ask. I hope it doesn’t come across as invasive, I just want to know she won’t be alone so soon after everything.
She gives me another small smile and nods. “Yeah. She doesn’t have another trip for a few weeks.”
Good. Is all I can think. We drive the rest of the way to her house in comfortable silence, and I find myself wanting to take her hand. I try to convince myself it’s because I want to comfort her, but it’s a weak excuse when I think about the fact I’ve wanted to hold her hand since middle school.
We pull into her driveway a few minutes later. I draw blanks thinking of something thoughtful to say to keep her in the car just a little while longer. Instead, I look over to her and say, “I believe I was promised some thanks if I drove you home.” She laughs, a full blown belly laugh this time.
“I can’t thank you enough. I don’t know how last night would’ve ended if you hadn’t been there or if I’d tried to walk straight home. I was in a really bad place. You’ll never know what you did for me by sitting with me while I cried,” she gushes. My heart squeezes in response.
“Please call me if you need me, Audra. No one has to know, okay?” It’s not great, but it’s the only response I can come up with in the moment.
She offers me another one of her small, sweet smiles right before she leans across the console of my Jeep and kisses my cheek. Kisses me right on the fucking cheek. I used to pray for times like this ! My face is red hot. I must look like an idiot, lost for words over a kiss on the cheek.
Audra puts me out of my misery and speaks.“You’ve been lovely, Roman. I promise if I need you, I’ll call,” she says, opening the door and climbing out of my car.
All I can do is nod before she closes the door and walks up to her front porch. She opens the front door, turning to wave at me slowly before walking inside. I watch the door close, unaware that I’m still waving back. As I move to reverse out of her drive, I catch sight of myself in my rear view mirror. I’m wearing the dopiest smile on the planet, blush still stained across my face.
Oh shit.