18. Roman
Chapter 18
Roman
“Come sit on it, Auds,” I instruct, with a pat to the tattoo on my thigh. No sooner do I say the words, she’s sitting up and climbing in my lap. Dreams really must come true because Audra fucking Hart is about to ride my cock.
She’s straddling my lap, holding herself up with a grip on each of my shoulders. I reach between us, fisting my cock in my hand, and lining it up with her entrance. As the tip pushes inside, her eyes flutter closed, head tipping back. I take the opportunity to kiss and lick down her neck. She’s still using me to hold herself up, hovering over me. I take her hands from my shoulders, holding them in one hand.
“Sit,” I rasp in her ear. She nods, burning her big green eyes into me. Slowly she lowers herself, inch by inch.
“Good girl.” The feeling of her sinking down on me has me wondering if somehow, I’m in heaven. When she is fully sitting in my lap, filled to the brim, and she lets out the most delicious moan, that’s when I know. Yep. I’ve died and gone to heaven.
“Oh my God,” she moans, attaching her lips to mine. Her words are fuel to our fire. If this is my only chance with her, I’ll make sure she never forgets it. I pick up my pace, driving into her from underneath. The sweetest, most addicting sounds fall from her mouth.
“Talk to me.” I nip at her ear. “Tell me how it feels,” I insist. I can tell how good she’s feeling but I need to hear her say it. I need her to feed my ego and tell me she’s loving this as much as I am.
“So good,” she pants, throwing her head back. “ So fucking good,” Audra cries out before letting her head fall forward, forehead against mine. I lean up kissing her forehead, then her nose, then her perfect lips. I love hearing her like this, all worked up, panting, and full of ecstasy. More than that, I love knowing I’m the one taking her there. The only one taking her there.
She keeps grinding herself in my lap and that familiar feeling sparks at the base of my spine. I won’t come before her, that’s just impolite. Not to mention, if I ever want her again, I’ve got to give a good first impression. I slip a hand between us, rubbing her clit with my fingertips. Now she’s holding on to the back of my neck for dear life, probably leaving nail marks in her wake but I don’t mind one bit. Audra can mark me all over if she wants to. There’s no one else for me anyway.
“Come with me,” she whines, forehead pressed to mine. All I can do is nod because there is no way in hell the girl of my dreams is sweaty and moaning, pressed against me, asking me to come. I need someone to come pinch me. “I’m so close.”
“Me too, baby,” I assure her. Finally her eyes screw shut and she is chanting my name over and over. Her pussy is squeezing me so tight it almost hurts and that’s enough to drive me over the edge. With a loud groan and a sloppy kiss to her lips, I spill into the condom.
Audra’s body collapses into mine, dragging in ragged breaths, trying to come back down. I’m right there with her, making failed attempts to catch my breath. I reach for a strand of her hair which is currently stuck to her sweat-dampened forehead. I slide the lock from her face and tuck it gently behind her ear.
“You were perfect, Auds. How do you feel?” I ask and it’s a pathetic cover for what I really want to say. Please tell me it was as good for you as it was for me. Tell me once won’t ever be enough. Tell me you’re as ruined by this as I am. I don’t say those things though, I only wish that I could.
“I feel great. I had no idea it could be like that.” Her tone is softer, more relaxed, than usual. She wears a sated look on her face and the fear of her not feeling the same way washes away. There’s a softness to her now that isn’t usually there. One that if I’m being honest, I hope no one else ever sees.
A few months ago I was lucky to get any piece of her I could. Now though, things are different, I get pieces of her that no one else gets. I get her when she’s too in her head, because she knows I’m the one who will draw her out. I get her naked and begging in my shop. I get the softest side of her, when all her walls are down and she’s nothing but herself. Still, somehow, I wish for more. Some of her will never be enough, I know that now. I’m always going to wish I had the whole damn thing.
“C’mon let’s get you dressed so I can take you home and get you cleaned up,” I suggest, bringing the blissful silence to an end. She nods before climbing off of me. Why did I put an end to that again?
We stand up, looking for our clothes. I pull my boxers on and dispose of the condom, throwing a piece of trash over it so Beck won’t see. I reach for my sweatpants as I see her standing there, cheeks pink, fighting the urge to say something.
“What’s up?”
“I only have my wet bathing suit here.” The pink on her cheeks deepens and I can’t believe that after what we just did, she’s embarrassed to tell me she doesn’t have clothes to wear home.
“Don’t go shy on me now, Auds. Not after what we just did,” I say, tossing her my t-shirt. “Wear this over your bathing suit,” I suggest and she nods, throwing it on over the black bikini that barely covers anything.
We spend a few minutes getting our things together, hanging up the wetsuits, and locking up. I follow her out to my Jeep and get the passenger door for her. She smiles politely and gets in. Something feels off. Something feels disgustingly similar to when she kissed me and left me on the beach. I don’t think I can survive it again. I barely survived it the first time and now that I’ve had her I don’t think I can be without her.
I need to think about what I’m going to do this time because whatever I did last time didn’t work. I have to get this right. Convince her we aren’t doing anything wrong. We aren’t doing anything wrong. So I do probably the smartest thing I can, in the moment, and I shut up and drive. Every time I glance at her she’s staring out the window, knees tucked to her chest.
“Auds?” I ask gently. I don’t even know my plan of action. I just know silence won’t help.
“Hm?” She hums in response. Her attention doesn’t shift from the window.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask, glancing over at her again before flicking my eyes back to the road.
“Nothing,” she mumbles under her breath. I pinch my eyebrows and huff a sigh.
“Please talk to me,” I plead. I don’t care if it sounds desperate. I am desperate. Her eyes flick to me then back out the window. I know as soon as she looks at me what this is. She’s going to try to leave again. Shit. Shit. Shit.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” she admits, refusing to look at me. Don’t freak out.
“Why?” I ask, despite already knowing all of her reasons. Maybe I’m stalling until I can think of a reason for her to stay.
“Roman… You know why.” She exhales harshly. “Ares, what if this hurts Ares?” she says quickly. I know it’s one of her reasons but it doesn’t feel like enough to be the reason. It feels like we could easily talk to him if that was all. I hum a dissatisfied sound, locking my eyes on the road again. She shifts uncomfortably in her seat before speaking again. “It’s just a bad idea, we can’t do it.”
The words ‘we can’t do it’ send my heart into overdrive. I feel like something is missing in her explanation. I can’t wrap my head around why she is so hellbent on running from something that obviously makes her happy. If I thought for a second this was what she really wanted I wouldn’t even ask questions. I would just respect her decision and leave her alone. That isn’t the case though. I know it when she’s laughing with me, when she calls me instead of her best friends of over a decade, and I definitely knew it when we were tangled up in each other.
“What’s your real reason, Auds? I know you. I know that isn’t it,” I push. There’s a solid couple of minutes of silence. I don’t push. I don’t speak. I just let her think.
“I just got out of a toxic—No, abusive—relationship.” Her voice shakes and she pauses for a moment. “What does it say about me if I do this? If I move on already? If I get with literally the first guy I saw when I left.” I hear the crack in her voice and I can’t pull her into my arms like I want to so instead I reach a hand across the center console and she takes it. To my surprise, she puts up zero resistance to holding my hand. “You want to know what I think it says?” she asks and no, I don’t. I know it’ll either break my heart for her or break my heart because of her. I don’t say that though. I just nod.
“I think it says that I deserved it. That he was right about the things he thought about me.” A sob crashes out of her. My heart fucking cracks in half. “I just feel like I have to prove to myself that I wasn’t someone who deserved that. This doesn’t feel like proving it to myself.” For a moment, I’m so taken aback that I do the only useful thing I can. I pull over to the side of the road and put the car in park so I can give her my undivided attention.
“Is that really what you think?” I ask turning to face her. She’s nodding, tears pouring down her face, and knees tucked to her chest. My heart squeezes so hard I almost feel like I can’t take it. Seeing her like this feels a lot like the night she showed up at the house, except now she means even more to me. Knowing this is what has been in the way the whole time, that every time she’s tried to pull away, this was why. My heart just breaks for her. “Baby, tell me you don’t really think that.” Her eyes snap shut like the words hurt her and I wonder if I shouldn’t have called her baby.
“Of course I think that. I’m sure it’s what everyone thinks!” she cries out, dropping her head into her knees. I feel like I could die hearing her talk about herself this way.
“That isn’t true, Auds. You should know that,” I say, stroking her hair. “You never deserved it. I know that deep down you know that, even if you can’t see past all of the pain right now. There is nothing in the world you could have done to deserve what he did. Tell me you know that,” I plead with her. I don’t know which of us is more shocked when my voice breaks and tears fall from my own eyes.
“This is what I didn’t want,” she sobs out, gesturing to me with her hands. “To hurt you,” she says softly like the little bit of fire in her has gone out. I could throw up. Seeing her fall apart right in front of me. There’s nothing I can do and it’s nauseating.
“Tell me you don’t want this,” I say, pulling her hand to my chest. “If this isn’t what you want, I’ll let it be. We’ll be friends and nothing more. We can even go back to not talking if it’s really what you want, Auds.” I’m crying, she’s crying, it’s raining. We’re a mess. I push her palm flat to my chest, letting her feel the way it’s slamming in my chest. I give her a moment to speak, but she doesn’t. She just sits there, eyes wide, tears falling, waiting to see where I take this.
“If you do though, baby, I’m ready to fight for this. I’m ready to tell you all the reasons this could work until you run out of reasons it can’t. I’m ready to sit with you on your darkest stormiest days and be the one to draw a laugh out of you. Whatever you need, it’s yours.” I take a deep inhale and blow it out. She’s stopped crying and is now just staring at me wide-eyed. “Don’t make me walk away from this when I know how right it is. Don’t push me away because of what that piece of shit might think of it. Be selfish for once, Auds. Make this about us. If you’re worried about what people would think, we’ll lay low for a while.”
“I don’t know…” she mumbles.
“Tell me what you want.”
“I can’t,” she says, pulling her hand from my chest.
“Why?”
“Because I want you,” she admits. The admission comes out loud and firm. I’m damn proud of her for it too. “I want this.” She shakes her head. “But I shouldn’t.”
I reach across, taking her hand back in mine and pressing it back to my chest. My chest is heaving and my pulse is racing. It feels like I’m sitting on the bank of a river watching my dream float by, just out of reach. I know it’s right there, I know I could have it, but still, I can’t force it.
“Whatever you choose, I’ll still be your friend. I just hope that you’ll choose to let yourself be happy,” I say and it comes out more defeated than I want it to. I don’t know what else to say to her though. I want to beg but it isn’t right. She can choose whatever she wants and I have to learn to live with that.
“I want to be happy,” she says quietly, looking down, almost like she’s saying it to herself, not me. Then she looks up at me. “I want you. I want to give this a chance.” She speaks louder, with more confidence this time. Fucking finally.
“Thank God,” I say with a sigh of relief. A smile peaks at the ends of her mouth.
“But I don’t want to make a big thing of it until we see where it goes. I want to know this is going to work before we go rocking the boat,” she says. As much as I want to scream it from the rooftops that I have her finally, I get it. So I nod, agreeing with her.
“That makes sense.” I nod. “So for now, we’re…” I trail off, hoping she’ll fill in the blanks for me.
“Seeing where things go.” She shrugs. “Casually.” She nods. Fat chance anything between us will be casual but if that’s where she wants to start, so be it. I don’t mind the idea of starting from the beginning instead of jumping right in. I’m just happy to have her.
“Then we’ll see where things go.” I nod, agreeing with her. “Tonight things are going to my house.” I laugh. Starting the car.
“What about Ares?”
“He’s not home,” I assure her.
The drive home feels lighter with each passing moment. I’m high on the feeling of Audra Hart wanting me the way I want her. When we get back to my house, all of the lights are off except for the porch and living room lights, which means Mom and Dad are probably fast asleep. Ares and Ravyn were going to some music festival but I chose not to mention that to Audra, not wanting to make her feel left out. All that really matters is that they won’t be back until tomorrow.
I open her car door and she gets out in nothing but my big t-shirt, covering her bathing suit. Seeing her in my clothes never gets old. I walk her up the porch steps and in through the front door. Mom’s head turns from the couch to see who’s coming in. Busted. I might be 24, but I feel like I’m 16 getting caught sneaking a girl in the house. Her eyebrows raise, and her eyes go wide before a knowing smile creeps up on her face.
“What are you two doing out so late?” she asks and I can hear the laugh she’s fighting back. Few things that look less suspicious than Audra and I walking in after midnight with wet hair. Not to mention, I’m missing my shirt, and Audra is the one wearing it. Bright red spreads across Audra’s cheeks.
“We were night surfing,” I say, clearing my throat. My mom lets a small laugh slip before correcting herself.
“I had no idea you surfed, Audra,” she says, turning her attention to Audra. I can still see the look on her face, she’s teasing us. I hope Audra can see it too and doesn’t think Mom is mad.
“I don’t really, I was trying to learn,” Audra explains and I can hear her nerves when her voice shakes.
“At night?” she tests.
“We were just hanging out,” I butt in. Mom looks between Audra and me before bursting out laughing.
“I’m just messing with you guys. You can do whatever you want.” She laughs. “Secret’s safe with me.”
After the weirdest interaction I’ve had with my mom since she gave me the sex talk, we go up to my bedroom. I walk over to the bed taking off my sweatpants leaving me in just my boxers. As I’m about to get in the bed I realize Audra is just standing there, awkwardly.
“What’s up, pretty girl?” I ask, walking over to her. She uses her hands to gesture to her clothes.
“All I have on is a wet bathing suit and a wet t-shirt. I can’t get in your bed like this.” She laughs. She isn’t wrong; I’d really prefer she not get in my bed in her wet bathing suit. In fact, I wouldn’t mind her getting in with nothing on.
“Take it off then,” I say, smirking. She swats at my arm.
“Can I have clothes, please?” she asks with a little bit of attitude. I nod, walking over to my dresser and pulling out one of my t-shirts. As soon as I hand it to her, she pulls my wet t-shirt over her head and unties the bathing suit top she’s got on, letting it drop to the floor. I just saw her like this an hour or two ago, and I still feel like my brain is short-circuiting. She pulls the bathing suit bottoms off leaving her with nothing on. All while I watch. The hottest part of it is that she sees me watching, and it doesn’t make her stop. She pulls the new t-shirt over her head and crawls into my bed. If you told me a year ago that Audra Hart would be in my bed wearing my t-shirt with no panties, I would have called you a fucking liar. Then I would have gone to bed and prayed it would come true.
No more prayers needed, she’s really in my bed wearing nothing but my t-shirt and I’m really lucky enough to sleep next to her while she is. It doesn’t last long though before I have her out of the shirt again and moaning in my ear.