28. Audra
Chapter 28
Audra
“How do you not know what a gay island is?” Ravyn exclaims. Ares rolls to the edge of his bed to face us on the floor.
“Audra, please tell her she only knows what that is because she’s gay,” Ares groans. I can’t believe this is a real conversation we’re having.
“Sorry, no can do. I’ve had my gay island locked and loaded for years.” I shrug. He lets out an exasperated sigh.
“So everyone has one but me? No fair, tell me what it is.” His pouty little lip is pathetic.
“It’s a made-up game where you have to choose three people of your same sex to be deserted on an island with. It’s called a gay island because it’s kind of implied that you’d be sleeping with at least one of them at some point,” Ravyn explains.
“Basically the only way to get straight men to admit who their man crushes are,” I add in. Ravyn points to me and nods. Ares’ eyebrows pinch together.
“Not me. I’m comfortable in my sexuality. Ryan Reynolds, Johnny Depp, John Legend. Easy. Might even do it if I’m not stranded,” he says with a shrug. Ravyn bursts out laughing.
“Ryan Reynolds? What a basic answer.” Ravyn laughs at him.
“Why is it that these things only ever come up when we’re all supposed to be trying to sleep.” I laugh. Maybe I’m a little impatient for everyone to fall asleep. I may or may not be itching to go down to the kitchen where I know Roman will be waiting for me like he has been since we were teenagers.
So maybe I caught on to that pattern and occasionally faked insomnia to go talk with him in the kitchen. It was the only time in my high school years that I felt like my brain was quiet enough to hear myself think.
I can remember being in high school and daydreaming about Ares’ hot older brother. That’s all it was back then, though. Daydreams and knowing it never would come of anything. We were in completely different circles. My best friend’s brother was so off the table. So I just lived in a fantasy world some nights and snuck into the kitchen to make small talk with the boy I could never have.
Fast forward some odd years and it turns out he was into me the entire time. I guess there’s a lesson in there somewhere. If one of us had spoken up, maybe I could have avoided the whole Tyler situation.
I get so lost in my thoughts that by the time I come back to reality, Ares and Ravyn are sound asleep. So I do what I do best and I sneak out of the bedroom and head straight for the kitchen.
I walk into the kitchen and in the dim light of the stove, is Roman. Immediately I feel ease settle into my whole body. My heart slows to a comfortable pace and all the tension falls away. He really is my safe space. He’s facing out the window, back turned to me. No idea that I’m standing here watching him.
“Come here often, pretty boy?” I ask, stepping behind him and sliding my arms around his abdomen. He turns his body and hugs me.
“Hm, I thought if I stayed here long enough I might see a pretty girl.” He hums, settling his chin on the top of my head.
“Yeah? What’s your plan now that you found one?” I ask, tipping my chin up looking at him. The way he looks down at me has my stomach doing somersaults.
“I’m going to ask her what her favorite sea and land animals are, duh.”
“Bet it’s something boring like a dolphin.” I roll my eyes jokingly. He pulls a hand to his chest and gasps dramatically.
“My girl would never. She likes whale sharks,” he says proudly.
“If you remember why do you always ask?” I ask.
“You told me it was your favorite question.” He shrugs like it’s just that simple. If I like something, he’ll do it. I think things are that easy with him, somehow. So easy that without my own permission, it slips out. The exact thing I was holding on to for the right time.
“I love you.” As soon as it slips out of my mouth my eyes go wide. I pull my fingertips to my mouth, hoping I’ll find that magically there is no mouth there and someone else must have said that.
If I’m shocked, he’s fucking flabbergasted. The only eyes in the world wider than mine, are his. The difference is the sunbeam smile he’s wearing.
“I didn—I was going to wait,” I blurt out. Somehow the smile gets even bigger and brighter.
“Say it again,” he demands, taking my face in his two hands, burning his eyes into me.
“I was going to wait,” I repeat. This was not the moment I had in mind. Not even close.
“Please.”
“I love you.”
“Thank fucking God. I love you.” He breathes out like he’s been holding this in much longer than I have. He brings his lips to mine. Sparks rain down on us, doves are let out of the cages, the symphony starts to play. It’s everything. I know right then, there is nothing but this for me. Nothing will ever feel like this. I think it’s been Roman since before I knew it was.
“I was so scared I was going to slip and say it too soon and scare you off.” A laugh ripples out of him. “But you slipped and said it too soon.” He’s full-on laughing at me now.
“I don’t think it was too soon. Maybe too late if anything,” I admit. He bites back a smile but it’s still apparent on his face.
“I think so too. I think we both deserved to have this sooner.” I turn my body out of his grip and push my back against the kitchen island for something to lean against.
“I’m all in on this,” I assure him. He follows me over to the island, bracketing his arms on either side of me. He doesn’t make a move or crowd my space. He just stands there and watches my face as I look at him.
“When can we tell Ares?” he asks. I can tell by the shake in his voice and the way he looks away when he asks that he’s scared to ask me. I get it though, I’ve given him every reason to be. However, I’m ready now.
“I’m ready. I just want to wait for a good time. But as soon as there is a good time, I think we should tell him.” His eyes light up like a Christmas tree.
“Really?” he asks, leaning down and planting a kiss on my nose. I nod.
“Yes. Really,” I confirm. His big, happy, puppy eyes turn to deep and lustful ones. He cranes his neck down once more and kisses me again, this time on my mouth. As soon as our mouths connect it’s like an explosion. I wrap a hand around the back of his neck pulling him closer to me. He bends to wrap two hands around my thighs and plants me on the kitchen island. He’s wedged between my thighs. I feel like every cell in my body is on fire.
He pulls his mouth from mine and licks a stripe down my neck and I can’t help but tilt my head back in ecstasy, also giving him better access.
“We could get caught,” I huff out.
“Good. Let them see.” He kisses a line from my ear to my collarbone, leaving me panting. He kisses back up my neck and finally to my mouth. He swallows a moan of mine as his tongue traces the edge of my lip and teases the tip of my own tongue.
“We should stop,” I breathe out. There isn’t much conviction in my words. I’m not sure even I believe that I want that.
“You want me to stop, Auds?” he asks, slipping a hand between us and trailing a feather-light touch from my knee to my mid-thigh. I can’t find the words to tell him I want him to stop. Mostly because it’s the actual last thing that I want.
“Oh God.” Another voice from the other side of the room calls out. Ravyn’s voice. Quickly I pull away from Roman and turn around to see her there. “Oh no,” she says throwing her hands over her eyes.
“We’re clothed. You don’t have to cover your eyes,” Roman says, confusion in his voice like he doesn’t know what the big deal is. I whack his arm and he throws two defeated hands in the air that screams “I was just trying to help.”
“No,” she says, peeking through the crack she’s created between her fingers.
“It’s not what it looks like,” I add. I don’t know why. I guess it’s always what they say in the movies so it seemed like it might be a good thing to blurt out in the moment. Except it’s not because it’s pretty much exactly what it looks like.
“Oh, so you guys weren’t making out and getting handsy in the kitchen?” she asks. I give her a sheepish half-smile and shrug. “No no no. Tell me Ares already knows,” she whines, throwing her head back like this is the worst thing she could have come across.
“He doesn’t know.” I sigh and she drags her hands down her face, walking over to the kitchen island where we are.
“Fuck,” she says under her breath. I jump down off the island and stand between her and Roman.
“I know this is a big ask, Ray, but please don’t tell him. Let it come from us,” I plead. She groans loudly.
“Fuck. Fine. I hate this though. Please let it be noted that I hate this,” she says, leaning up against the island.
“I’ll note that,” Roman says, pulling out an invisible notepad and pen. Ravyn and I roll our eyes in unison before both whacking his arms.
“I could kill you,” Ravyn says pointing a finger in Roman’s face. His eyes go wide and his eyebrows shoot up an inch.
“Me? What did I do?” He shrugs innocently.
“She’s supposed to be healing right now. Not falling in love with you. If you hurt her, I will kill you,” she says keeping that same finger pointed in his face.
“That’s the last thing on my agenda. I’ve been in love with her since we were kids. I’ll take care of her. I promise.” His words are sweet. Ravyn looks over at me seemingly for confirmation so I give her a nod.
“I do remember you being in love with her in high school.” There are those words again. Another person confirming that he was in love with me back then.
“Exactly. See, I won’t hurt her. This is all I’ve wanted for a long time,” he says and she lowers her finger. She gives him a nod.
“This is really a mess. Ares is going to flip his lid,” she says.
“I know. That’s why I’m waiting for a good time to tell him,” I assure her. She laughs. More of a scoff really.
“Audi, you know as good as me that there was only one good time. Right away. It doesn’t matter now when you tell him. He’s going to freak out regardless,” she tells me. I know she’s right but part of me wants to live in the delusion that if I find the right time he’ll understand.
“Shit,” I huff under my breath. “Yeah. You’re probably right,” I admit. She nods giving me a look that screams duh .
“Do I get any input here?” Roman asks. We both turn our heads to him.
“No,” We say in unison. Then we look at each other and burst into laughter.
“No uterus, no opinion,” Ravyn adds, sticking her hand up to stop him.
“What? I thought that was just about abortion rights?” he says with a pouty face.
“I prefer men stick to that all the time, personally.” She shrugs. All I do is laugh. Ravyn is pretty anti-men in all aspects of her life, not just romantically. Except of course, Ares. Probably because they’ve been friends since elementary school and she’s properly turned him into one of the girls. I take a little credit for that but for the most part, Ravyn had already done the work by the time I came around.
“Not fair! I have totally normal opinions.” He sticks his bottom lip out.
“Yeah, but they have testosterone on them,” she says with a dramatic cringe followed by a fake gag. Roman turns to me, mouth wide open and hands in the air waiting for me to come to his defense.
“Ohhh no, I don’t argue with Ravyn.” I shrug like there’s nothing I can do to help him.
“Well, now that I’ve successfully offended the only man in the room and seen some shit I absolutely should not have—I’m going to head back to bed,” she says, pointing over her shoulder at the stairs. She turns on her heels to head up the steps before she whips around and points at us.
“Oh and when you finally do tell Ares, leave me out of that mess,” she says pointing at us both.
“Yes ma’am,” Roman says with a salute.
“That’s the only way men should address me,” she says under her breath on her way out of the room.