31. Audra
Chapter 31
Audra
It’s been three days since Ares talked to me. Five since he talked to me without yelling at me. I told him he needed to find a way to talk it out with me without insulting everyone and yelling.
Now, I kind of wish he’d just yell at me. At least he’d be talking to me. It sounds stupid, but this is the longest we’ve ever gone without speaking. The fear that he might never talk to me again is still there.
I’ve got about five minutes until I clock out of work at the rescue, and I’ve decided against my best judgment that I’m going to show up at Ares’ house and demand he speak to me. I’m tired of moping around, crying about our friendship. I’m the one who fucked up, so I’m the one who’s going to make it right. Maryanne makes her way over to my desk and drops a stack of papers on the corner.
“These don’t have a strict deadline, just whenever you can get to them between your daily tasks. You’re out of here in just a couple of minutes, right?” she asks.
“I’ll get them done as soon as possible. And yes, I’m about done,” I confirm.
“You headed to go see that gorgeous boy who keeps bringing you lunch?” she asks, wiggling her brows.
“Roman. His name is Roman.” I laugh.
“And he’s the best friend’s brother, yeah?”
“Yeah. Except the brother knows now and won’t talk to me.” I sigh.
“You think he has feelings for you too? Jealous?” she asks. I shake my head.
“No. Everyone kind of found out before him by accident. I think he’s just hurt because now it seems as though we were keeping it from him and only him.,” I explain.
“Mmm. I could see how that might sting. Just make sure he knows that his brother is filling a different spot in your life. That his spot is still reserved for him, you know?”
“Yeah, thanks. I will.” I check the time on my phone. “That’s actually where I’m headed now. To go try to fix this.”
“Good luck, sugar. A friend like that is never lost, he just might need time,” she says with a comforting rub at the top of my back.
* * *
When I pull into their driveway, I can see that Allison and Ken are home and Roman is home. I walk up the steps of the front porch and take a deep breath before knocking on the door. I make a mental promise to myself that I will not lose my edge. That I will not cry, and I won’t let him talk to me however he wants.
The handle of the door shifts slightly before the door swings open. It’s Roman on the other side with a big, goofy grin plastered on his face. I don’t miss the irony that this whole thing started months ago with me showing up here looking for Ares and getting Roman instead.
“Hi baby, what’re you doing here?” he asks, smiling ear to ear. Planting a kiss on my lips. Unfortunately, I have to be the one to kill that smile and tell him I’m not here for him.
“I’m here for Ares, actually.” His smile falters for a second, but quickly returns.
“You guys made up then?” he asks. I shake my head.
“Nope. That’s what I’m here for.” I shrug, walking past him into the foyer.
“Oh. Right,” he says, thinking for a moment. “I should warn mom,” he says, nodding to himself. I shake my head, rolling my eyes at the drama.
“You do that. I’m going to go talk to Ares.” He nods and makes his way to the back deck where Allison and Ken must have their friends.
I walk up to Ares’ bedroom door, which is closed, and I consider barging in, but I decide not to add any flames to this fire. So I do the respectful thing and knock on his bedroom door. All I hear on the other side of the door is shuffling and then a quick “Who is it?” from Ares.
“Audra. I just want to talk,” I call through the door.
“I don’t want to talk right now,” he says.
“If you don’t let me come in, I’m coming in anyways.”
“I’m not ready to talk yet,” he says. Nope, we are talking today. I grab the handle and push the door open. Ares and Katrina sit on his bed. He’s in nothing but his boxers, and she’s fully dressed in one of her fancy dresses and heels. He looks like he’s been caught in the act, and she looks like it’s a normal Friday I walked in on.
I tuck my tongue into my cheek to bite back a laugh. If we weren’t fighting right now, I’d be hysterically laughing at him. He groans and throws his hand over his face.
“Hi, Audi,” Katrina says, smiling her normal model smile and waving at me. If I wasn’t so focused on getting Ares to talk to me, I’d be so damn proud of him for having her in his bed.
“Hi, Katrina,” I say back. The words come out unsteady, still fighting a laugh.
“You can call me Kat, you know?” she adds.
“Kat, right. I can do that,” I add. This is so awkward, the kind of awkward that if there was less at stake here, I would probably turn around and go home.
“So, I came to talk. I see now that I’m not the only one hiding things,” I say, throwing a hand on my hip. A smile dares to make an appearance at the corners of Ares’ mouth.
“We’re not—I’m not—” Ares pauses, searching for words. “If I say we’re good, will you come back another time?” he asks, looking at Katrina and then back to me. Clearly, he has some business he’d like to finish with her. So I nod, even though I’m dying to talk this out.
“Yeah. I can go,” I say, throwing a thumb over my shoulder. Katrina stands to her feet quickly.
“Wait, no. I’ll go,” Katrina calls out, stopping me in my tracks. “You guys should talk,” she adds. I turn my attention back to Ares, trying to gauge his reaction.
“Don’t leave,” he pleads with her.
“Then talk to her. Or I’m going,” she says, throwing her hands on her hips. He groans, pulling himself off of the bed.
“Fine. Let me put some clothes on,” he says.
“Right. Yeah. I’ll wait in the hall,” I say, walking out of Ares’ bedroom and closing the door behind me. I turn to my left, and Roman is standing there just to the left of the door.
“What are you doing out here?” I whisper-yell at him.
“Listening. Obviously.” He shrugs. I grab him, turning his body toward his own bedroom.
“You’re going to piss him right back off,” I say, giving him a shove toward his bedroom. He huffs and walks into his bedroom. A few seconds later, Ares pops open his bedroom door.
“C’mon, we can talk,” he says, standing out of the way and letting me walk past him into the bedroom. I feel like a doctor just called me back to an appointment. Katrina is sitting on the papasan chair in the corner of Ares’ bedroom. She’s curled up into herself with a book, unbothered like we aren’t about to hash out all of our problems. Not that I particularly mind, I’m not an overly private person.
I walk over and consider sitting on the bed, but then I remember the scene I walked into, and I decide to just sit on the floor. Ares walks over, and I expect him to take a seat on the bed, but instead, he joins me on the ground.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, starting the conversation. “I shouldn’t have told people before you.” He rolls his eyes.
“Why do you guys think this is some fit I’m throwing over being the last to know? That’s not what this is.”
“I don’t know, I just assumed. I don’t know what else you’d be upset about,” I admit.
“Really? You don’t know what else I’d be upset about?” He pauses, waiting for a response that I don’t give. I don’t know what to say. “I’m mad because after everything with Tyler you kept it from me. I don’t care about being the last to know. I care about knowing you’re okay. I care about trusting you’ll tell me when things are going on. I just can’t believe you’d keep such a huge part of your life from me again.” Realization smacks me in the face. Of course, that’s why he’s upset.
“I wasn’t intentionally keeping it from you. It just snuck up on me. It just kind of happened—” He cuts me off.
“I asked you, more than once. You lied. You didn’t just not tell me. You lied , Audra,” he adds.
“It was so fresh then, I didn’t know what was going on with us. I knew there was something there, but I didn’t know what. We hadn’t even kissed yet. I just wanted to be sure before I threw a wrench in things,” I admit.
“Why wouldn’t you just tell me that? Tell me you didn’t know what was going on?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug sheepishly. I should have, I know that. I learned my lesson about lying, especially to my best friends. I shake my head as if to shake that answer away. “That’s not true. I guess I do know. I felt as though if anyone knew I moved on that fast, they might feel like I deserved what happened. Or, think that I was exaggerating what happened with Tyler if it was something I could move on from this quickly.” All of his edge washes away, and his face softens.
“What?” Disbelief threads into his tone.
“I know.” I run my hands down my face. “I know. It’s stupid. I just really couldn’t handle anyone thinking I earned it or that I was lying.” He doesn’t say a word he just pulls me into a hug.
“Audi. I would never think of you that way. I don’t think anyone ever does anything to deserve what you went through. I think people like him just have issues that they take out on innocent people,” he assures me. It’s something I know now. After months of Roman pounding it into my head, I know that I didn’t do anything to deserve it. I know that it was no one’s fault but Tyler’s. Still, hearing it from Ares’ voice and reflecting on the last few months causes tears to prick at my eyes.
“I love you,” I sniffle.
“I love you too. Stop keeping shit from me, though. I’m not trying to be in your business; I’m trying to protect you. It makes me sick when I think about all the time you were with Tyler, and I just had no idea what was going on. If I had just known, I could have done something,” he says, pulling out of the hug to gauge my reaction. Tears slip down my cheeks. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but maybe this is okay since they aren’t exactly sad tears.
“It’s not your fault that you didn’t know. I hid it. We’ve talked about this,” I say. I hear Katrina snap her book closed beside us.
“Yeah. So have we. I tell him all the time,” she chimes in. It’s a bittersweet feeling that settles in my chest. My heart breaks that he’s been upset about this for months and having to talk it out with Katrina. On the other hand, my heart warms with the idea that she’s been comforting him this whole time about it.
“I know. It’s just hard, you know? Like we’ve been best friends for so long, I feel like you’re my sister. Then it feels like what kind of brother or best friend—whatever you want to call me—doesn’t even notice what’s going on, let alone protect you.” My heart breaks for him. For once, though, I don’t take the weight of it on myself. I don’t feel like this is something I did to him by being in his life. I know now that, like a lot of other things, this is Tyler’s fault. Tyler did this.
“I get it. I’m sorry you feel like you failed me. But Ares, you didn’t. I promise,” I assure him. He wipes away a single tear and snaps his eyes to Katrina.
“You’re making me cry in front of a hot woman, not cool,” he huffs dramatically. She scoffs.
“You cry more than I do, tough guy,” she says, leaning forward and giving him a halfhearted rub on his upper arm. He rolls his eyes.
“One more thing,” I say, drawing his attention back to me.
“Anything,” he says. I know he’ll regret that momentarily.
“You have to apologize to your brother. What you said to him wasn’t nice, and it wasn’t fair either. He’s been amazing to me. I don’t think I could have made it through the last few months without him.”
“Oh, come on, we’re brothers. Brothers don’t really apologize. Plus, I didn’t even say anything that crazy.”
“Ares.” I give him a look. “You told him I was just another girl he was toying with and that that’s all he knows how to do.”
“Well. I mean, the first part isn’t true, but—” I cut him off.
“No. He’s been amazing. I’ve been the one trying to run out on him and trying to jump ship every time a new level of commitment has come up. He’s been consistent.” He sits there, taking in the words but not saying anything. “I love him,” I blurt out. His half-interested eyes snap up to me.
“Love?” he asks like he must have misheard me.
“Love,” I confirm. He nods for a second like he’s mulling over the idea of me loving his brother.
“I’ll apologize to him,” he says with a nod. “I’ll go talk to him now,” he says, standing up off the floor.
“I’m sure if you just say out loud that you’re ready to talk to him, he just might appear,” I say with a laugh. Ares pinches his brows together.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“I know you’re listening at the door. You can come in.” I call out a little louder than my normal talking voice. The doorknob twists, and Roman opens the door.
“Hi, guys!” he exclaims, smiling cheek to cheek like he didn’t just eavesdrop on an entire conversation. I guess I can’t say anything, though, since we let Katrina sit in on the whole thing.
“Nosey fuck,” Ares says under his breath. If looks could kill, I would have just killed my best friend. Katrina takes the tip of her heeled boot and kicks his leg softly. “Right, sorry,” he says, correcting himself.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said you don’t know how to settle in a relationship,” Ares tells Roman. Roman shrugs.
“I don’t care about that. Maybe I didn’t before, I don’t know, I never tried. I don’t like the way you talked to Audra. I don’t like that after months of putting it into her head that she isn’t hard to love, the first thing you said to her when you were mad was that she was impossible to be friends with. You have no fucking idea how hard it’s been to break that.” Roman loses the happy tone in his voice quickly. The words come out more aggressive than I’d like. This feels like a slippery slope back into fighting.
“Fuck. I did say that, didn’t I.” Ares looks over at me and then back to Roman. Roman hums in response.
“Mhm,” Roman confirms.
“Audi, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean that. I was so drunk I would never ever try to make you feel that way.” His eyes turn bloodshot and a single tear drips down each cheek. I nudge Roman, hoping he’ll pick up the cue to hug his brother.
“I’m not mad about it,” I assure him. I nudge Roman again, and when he looks at me, I gesture my head toward Ares. This time, he nods and pulls Ares into a hug.
“You’re okay, dude. I just don’t want her thinking she’s hard to love. I find it pretty fucking easy,” Roman says, comforting his brother.
“I don’t want that either,” Ares says, and his voice shakes. Roman’s hand rubs over Ares’ back, and it’s nice to see this side of him. He’s not Roman, the friend, or Roman, the boyfriend. Right now, he’s Roman, the older brother.
“The last few months have been hard for all of us to navigate. You’re okay. We all did what we thought was best when we could. And when we didn’t, we did what we could. That’s all you can really ask of someone going through a hard time, yeah?” Roman’s words are aimed at Ares, but I don’t think he’s only talking to him because the words apply to us as well. He looks at me over Ares’ shoulder when he says it. I nod, and so does Ares.
I can’t help myself, so I slip myself between the two of them and wrap an arm around each of them.
“I love you guys. I’m sorry my shitty ex put all of us through the last few months.”
“I guess we can forgive you.” Ares shrugs me off, pretending to be nonchalant. I give him a playful shove, and he hugs me.