Chapter 18
18
“ S tarting now until the end of the scene, you will not speak unless I ask you a direct question, or if it’s to use your safeword. Do you understand?”
The authority in Blair’s voice is staggering. “Yes.” I’m not sure if she wants me to add something like Mistress after, but she doesn’t seem displeased by my reply, so I leave it off.
“Good. Tell me your safeword.”
“Calico.” I spent way too much time overthinking what I should use, and I don’t love what I settled on, but there’s no judgment in Blair’s expression.
“If you don’t use your safeword, I’ll explicitly tell you when the scene is over.”
I’m not sure if nodding is allowed, so I hold still. I’m pinned by her gaze, my body tingling with trepidation and excitement for what’s coming. Will she make me undress? Will she touch me? Will she have me touch her?
“Go get a glass of water.”
It’s so out of left field that I almost slip up and ask her why. Why the heck does she want me to do that? Is she going to pour it on me? I swear I see a hint of a smirk forming on her lips as she watches the confusion cross my face.
I go to the kitchen and do as she asks, then return to stand in front of her. “Drink it.”
I fight the urge to furrow my brow at her order, and bring the glass to my lips and start to drink as quickly as possible.
“Slower.”
This time I can’t hold back my bemused reaction. I slow down and drink at a normal pace, with Blair watching my every movement.
When I’m finished, she nods. “Good. Go fill it up again.”
This is so weird. I hesitate, mind failing to determine what the point of any of this is. I grumble a little to myself as I’m filling the glass again.
“Did you say something?” Blair’s tone is sharp and I freeze at the warning.
“No, Mistress.” This time, it feels appropriate to add the honorific at the end. I hurry back with the water, my legs a little shaky this time from the small surge of adrenaline I felt at almost disobeying Blair’s command.
“Hand me the glass.”
I keep my eyes downcast and pass it over, cheeks burning even though I have no clue why.
She circles around me, glass in hand. She isn’t really going to pour it on me, is she?
“You’re doing very well, Grace.” Her casual praise pours over me like honey, leaving me feeling warm all over. She takes a small sip from the glass, her lips closing over the spot I marked with my lipstick. The strange intimacy of the action makes my breath quicken.
Why is this turning me on?
She moves away and sits down in my armchair, then takes one of my throw pillows and places it on the ground on the side of the chair. She gestures down at it. “Sit here, facing the same direction I am.”
I follow her instructions, moving beside the chair and sinking down to sit on the pillow. I can only barely see her in my peripheral vision, but I don’t dare to turn my head to look at her.
“Very good,” she purrs. “Hold this with both hands, keeping it a level that won’t hurt your neck.” She hands the water glass back to me and I take it. It’s absurd how my hands tremble as I do, but I can’t help it.
A minute passes, and I’m on edge the whole time, waiting for her next command. Another. I shift slightly, trying to get more comfortable on the thin pillow. My eyes dart to the side as I freeze, wondering if she’ll reprimand me for moving without her order.
She reaches out and takes the glass from me, and I think we’re finally moving on to something else, but she just takes another tiny sip and hands it back to me. I didn’t even know vampires could drink water.
She doesn’t look uncomfortable. No, Blair is entirely at ease. She sits back in the chair and pulls out her phone. “Eyes front.”
I look away, feeling a sting of chastisement despite her not sounding upset. The odd sensation blends with the heat that’s been slowly building inside me. My nipples harden, pressing against the thin fabric of my shirt. I flush. Can she see that this is turning me on? Is it weird that I want her to know?
I startle when she reaches out and runs a hand over my head, petting me like I’m my safeword’s namesake. The dull heat flares to life even more at this small touch and I almost gasp.
I want her to do it again. I want to feel it everywhere.
She lets out a low chuckle, no doubt reading my thoughts from the way I unconsciously lean into her hand.
“So beautiful. You’re doing so well.”
The words are so genuine, it takes my breath away. She pets me again, then removes her hand and goes back to whatever she’s doing on her phone. Her praise is like a weighted blanket, quieting my mind.
I don’t know how long it goes on like this, Blair occasionally sipping water then handing it back to me, with small touches in between. I’m floating in a strange feeling of warmth and anticipation, with barely a thought for the dull ache that’s building from sitting on the floor.
“How do you feel, Grace?” Blair’s voice feels distant, and I have to pull myself out of my reverie to formulate a coherent reply.
“Good.” I turn my head and smile at her, my heart stuttering at the matching one I see on her face. She looks so pleased, and I made her feel that way.
“Wonderful. Let’s stop there for tonight.”
I blink back at her, confusion seeping back in. “What?”
Blair gives me an indulgent smile. “It’s been almost an hour.”
My mouth falls open. “No way. Really?” It felt like maybe twenty minutes max. I look down at the glass in my hands to see that it’s empty.
Her lips curve up. “You’re a natural.” She stands and offers me a hand, which is good because my legs are stiff from sitting on the floor for so long.
“But I didn’t do anything,” I protest. I don’t get why she’s praising me for sitting on the floor and zoning out.
She narrows her eyes. “You submitted to my orders. You let go enough to lose track of time. I wouldn’t call that not doing anything.”
“I guess I expected more…” Touching? Sex? I mean, I’m ridiculously turned on for someone who just spent the last hour being a living cupholder, but it’s not at all what I was anticipating.
Blair cocks a brow at me and I change course. “I wasn’t lying when I said I’m interested in the things I picked on the list. I know I’m not experienced with them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try them. With you.” After she seemed confused by my interest in sex, I feel like it’s necessary to tack on that clarification again.
She nods. “I know. And I want to do them with you.”
The surge of pleasure I get from hearing her confirm she wants me like that is a little embarrassing. But what can I say? I like being desired. Being desired by the hottest woman I’ve ever met, who could probably have anyone she wants, is a heady rush.
A soft smile spreads across my lips. “Then why didn’t you do them?”
“Patience, Grace. You had a shitty first attempt at trying out kink. I wanted to give you a chance to experience the feeling of submission without any elements that would make you worry you weren’t doing a good job.”
That’s… kind of brilliant.
I snort. “You think the only thing I wouldn’t worry about screwing up is drinking a glass of water and sitting on the floor for an hour?”
She smirks back at me, sitting down on the couch and gesturing for me to join her. Even though we’re out of the scene, it’s natural to follow her lead. Once I’m seated, she reaches out and places her hand on my thigh. It’s a casual gesture undoubtedly meant to comfort, but fuck me, if it doesn’t kick up a flutter of excitement in my stomach.
I fight against the blush threatening to darken my cheeks as she leaves her hand resting there and speaks. “Some people would’ve fought against my commands. You didn’t. Your list told me you want to submit and serve, and you did that beautifully tonight. We have plenty of time to explore the rest.”
“Y-yeah,” I murmur, losing the battle against showing how her praise affects me.
Her hand on my thigh squeezes almost imperceptibly. If I weren’t so aware of her touch, I wouldn’t have noticed. I wet my lips, and she tracks the movement with intense focus.
“Tell me. How did it make you feel?”
“Wh-what? It was good.”
She shakes her head. “Good could mean anything. Good is what you tell someone when they ask you how your week’s been and you don’t want to take the time to detail how it sucked.”
I laugh, but she’s right. It was more than good. It was… “It made me feel strange. At first I was tense because I was confused. Which, by the way, what was up with the water?”
“You never remember to drink enough water. I thought it’d be good to start the scene off with some hydration.” She shrugs, a twinkle of amusement behind her eyes.
“I thought maybe you were going to dump it on me. Or make me drink until I had to pee my pants,” I grumble.
Her brow furrows. “You said no watersports or humiliation on the checklist. Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know!” I say, throwing my hands up. “I always think about the worst-case scenario. It’s kinda like that weird feeling you get when you’re up high and looking over the edge of something that tells you to jump.”
“The call of the void.”
“Huh?”
“That’s what that phenomenon is called.”
“Oh wow, really? That’s pretty metal.”
“Yes.” She squeezes my thigh purposely this time, refocusing me. “Now, let’s go back to my question.”
“Right. Sorry.” There’s a flicker of embarrassment about the way my mind likes to chase random conversation topics rather than stay focused, but I can’t always help it. “After I realized you weren’t going to do that, I felt a little awkward. Shocking, I know.” I pause for a beat, gathering the courage to be fully honest. “Then I felt… warm. Every time you said something nice, it was like you were caressing me the same way you did when you stroked my hair.”
Blair turns to face me more, and as she scoots a little closer, her hand slides up my thigh. I’m not sure she’s noticed, but that’s all I can think about now. “That’s exactly how I hoped you’d feel. Was that everything you experienced?”
The loaded question and the way her eyes lock on mine make me feel like I’m going to spontaneously combust. I can chicken out and say that’s all I felt, but I think she already knows the truth.
“No.” My heart thumps so hard I think it’s going to burst out of my chest. “It turned me on. It made me wish you’d touch me other places.”
“Fuck,” Blair whispers, the curse so soft it sounds involuntary. Her eyes drop to my lips. I shift closer, and she leans in.
She’s going to kiss me. I want her to kiss me. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more in my life.