Chapter 11 – Wake Up, Dreamer
We had to leave our little reverie eventually.
We were curled up around each other for longer than we should have been, and Araxis's wristband kept buzzing.
He fluted out a long, irritated sigh and pushed himself out of bed, after I pointed out that, if something was going to be buzzing in bed, it should be more fun than a wristband.
He had gone a nice pink, though, so there was that.
Araxis pulled on his clothes again, although I noticed he left the sweater tucked carefully on a shelf.
I followed suit, stepping into yesterday's clothes with great reluctance.
"Who's bugging you?" I asked as I pulled on my pants. "And do I need to go fight them?"
The corner of his mouth twitched, amused. "Hm, Sashen, I do not believe your skills are adequate yet for you to follow through with that offer."
"I can fight them with words," I protested. "I didn't specify!"
That made him smile, and he stepped in close as I finished tugging my shirt on over my head.
He pressed a kiss to the side of my mouth.
Then another to the other side, then one to my forehead for good measure.
I reached and caught one hand and pressed a kiss of my own to the centre of his palm, soft, and he looked at me like I was made of stars.
"I am being reminded that I have responsibilities," he said as I carefully released his hand. "I must review our final approach. We arrive tomorrow in the Thenat cluster. You must tell me where… Where you would like to be dropped off."
All at once, the warmth that had suffused my skin drained away.
This was a conversation I really didn't want to have, as unwelcome as a cold blast of air under the covers.
Except it wasn't a momentary discomfort: this was reality barging in when it shouldn't have.
It was the alarm sounding to wake you out of a perfect dream. The klaxon before an airlock vented.
"Why don't we pretend we aren't?" I suggested, my fingers catching the edge of his shirt like I was a child grasping after him, but I couldn't help myself.
I wanted to touch him; I wanted to keep him here; I wanted to live in this moment, so maybe we could choose to live here for just a little longer.
I rubbed thoughtlessly at the hem, tracing the tidy stitches he'd made.
"How about, until tomorrow morning, we pretend the Thenat cluster doesn't even exist? We can deal with it then."
Araxis tilted his head, brushing his fingers through the soft waves of my hair, which he'd been holding rather more firmly not too long ago.
"Hm, I like your plan. Although I will need to review our final approach in the bridge – so I will, for a short while, accept reality, and then I will join you and we can do as you say. "
"Yeah, I'd like that." I let go of him and edged toward the door, but I found myself hanging there, suspended in time and unable to move further.
The moment I left this room, I was accepting the inevitability of tomorrow and beyond.
And I didn't want to do that – ideally, tomorrow would never come – but time waited for no one, not even sad sacks who were mooning over pretty aliens.
One more kiss for the road couldn't hurt, so I stepped in close again and kissed him, one hand curving around his neck, the other pressed hard against his chest where I imagined his heart might be.
His lips curled into a smile against mine, and I said, "So brave, going to the real world so I don't have to. Thinking about navigation and starcharts, so I can go swing a couple swords around in my galactic fantasy."
He purred against me. "It is not entirely selfless. When I find you, you'll be drenched in sweat, yes? And then perhaps you can show me the third sequence again. I am certain I have forgotten it since we last reviewed the steps. I am in need of your close instruction, Sashen."
I grinned, kissed him again – how many times could I kiss him before I got tired of it?
I didn't think there was an upper limit – and made myself leave.
I made a quick stop in my room to get changed and then trundled down to the training room.
It was good, I reminded myself, to keep practicing.
Sure, I wasn't going to survive the Tournament, but maybe I'd make some Best Of video compilation.
Ideally for doing at least one cool thing, not for dying in the most embarrassing way possible.
I hadn't been in there long, enough to get warmed up and do a few slow sequences until they flowed together like water, before I heard the door open. "Welcome back to the realm of fantasy," I said, delighted –
But it was Vivith standing in the doorway, not Araxis.
In the bright lights of the training room and on even ground, I could get a much better look at them, stationed just inside of the door.
Vivith was tall enough that, if they ever straightened to their full height from the hunched posture that seemed to be their default, I suspected they'd be a few inches taller than I was.
I finished the arc of my swords, dropping them to my sides.
Vivith's dark eyes were like holes in the white of their face, black crest like a smear of charcoal dripping down their head and back.
They were dressed in shapeless clothes, like a cloud of smoke.
"I thought I might find you alone, Sashen Solar.
" Vivith's voice was raspy. They closed the door to the training room firmly, and stepped toward me.
Something about their posture made my skin prickle with discomfort, as if they were a spider; their limbs were long and spindly, their body thin.
I had a hard time believing that Vivith and Araxis were siblings: he was solid and brimming with life; Vivith made me think uncomfortably of death.
"Araxis is coming down soon." I fought the urge to stumble back as Vivith drew near, their bony shoulders hunched forward. I could see now that their eyes were in line with my own, even with their curled-inward posture. They were tall, and I bet they were whipcord strong.
"Hm." They stepped right up to me, bare feet so close that the claws at the tip of each toe nearly pricked the leather of my boots.
I watched as their stare raked over me, settling on the mark Araxis had left at my neck, eyes narrowing, their mouth settling into a little twist of disdain.
"We draw near to the Thenat cluster. How does this make you feel? "
My stomach clenched. "Uh," I started. "Well, it's been a nice trip. I'll be sad when it's over."
"What brings you to the cluster?"
Fuck, really? I couldn't take this last day – this one last day – to just not think about my impending doom?
To keep my secrets to myself? Somehow, I didn't think my usual deflection tricks – charming smile, play dumb, flirt, if all else fails stick your hand down their pants – would work on Vivith.
"Work." I twisted my wrist, blade a comforting weight in my hand. Maybe if I flirted in not Vivith's direction, that might do… something? So I added, with a sharp grin, "Trip's been a pleasure though."
Vivith's face was an unmoving white mask, their lips narrowing. "What are your intentions with Araxis?"
Oh, it was a conversation like that. I could handle that much. "We're just having a good time together," I said carefully. "He and I have already talked about it. You don't need to worry – we understand each other."
Their eyes narrowed to black slits. "I am certain you believe you understand each other, yes. Has he told you of the threat the children face?"
I stared at them, desperately trying to keep track of what the hell was going on here, to follow the thread of their logic.
"Yeah, he has. It's fucked up." Some small measure of tact, the holdover of a lifetime spent working with the public, kept me from adding, And that's thanks to you, Vivith.
The words tasted like blood as I bit them back.
"Yes," Vivith sneered, "It is fucked up. And we are close to correcting this situation – so close, and yet here you are, a distraction. Are you here to help or to hinder?"
"With what?" I asked, baffled. "Getting you back in the Concord? I don't know how I could either help or hinder. Come on, I'm a dancer from a den. That's it."
In a flash of movement, they surged forward, grasping my sweater in their fist so that I couldn't jerk back.
Their eyes were flat, reflecting nothing.
"Did she send you to worsen his odds, hm?
Or will you whisper sweet secrets into his ears that help him strike true?
What is your purpose, Sashen Solar? What game is it that you play? "
I took a half-step backwards, but Vivith's grip tightened.
If I had any kind of fighter's instinct, I might have remembered that I was holding my own blades – sharp and scary enough to make them back off.
But I was a dancer and my swords were my props.
I dropped them, and they clattered to the floor by our feet.
"I told him you were a mistake the moment I laid eyes on you," they hissed, face leaning in close to mine, sharp teeth bared.
"And not only have you brought nothing, you have distracted him.
He should be planning, preparing, and instead he swoons, as if he has no responsibilities before him.
As if our lives do not hang in the balance. "
"Let me go," I said breathlessly, fear a cold trickle down my back. One hand jerked up and caught Vivith's thin wrist; their tendons were hard under my palm, like steel cords.
"What is your intention, Sashen Solar?" It was a growl, and I couldn't get away.
"Vivith?" Araxis's voice called across the room. At once, Vivith's white hand dropped my sweater, and I stumbled back as they turned and looked at Araxis, who stood in the doorway.
As I righted myself, I expected him to look confused. I didn't expect him to look stricken.
"It is time, I think, that the three of us sat down," Vivith said, their tone perfectly even now.
They clenched and unclenched the fist that had held me before giving that hand the tiniest shake, as if they'd touched something unpleasant.
"There is much to do before tomorrow, Araxis.
Let us take tea in the dining room. I expect both of you soon.
" And then, with the coiled power of a predator, Vivith stalked back across the room and brushed hard against Araxis before they disappeared into the cargo bay beyond.
I caught the hiss of words in abayan, and Araxis paled.
"What the fuck was that?" I asked, my voice the only sound in the wide room.
Araxis whined, a thin sound breaking free from his throat. "Before we join Vivith… I should explain."
"And what," I continued, louder despite myself, anger creeping in at the edges, "the fuck does it have to do with the kids? And why did they think I could help – or that I was here to, I don't know, put your lives at risk? Araxis, I'd never do that."
Araxis was standing near the door, hovering, unable to move into this familiar space where we'd spent nearly two weeks dancing together, drawing closer and closer on our collision course.
Except now, I didn't know why we'd collided and what it all meant, so instead I grabbed my swords and closed the space between us.
He wasn't looking at me, stare fixed on a distant corner of the room, chin up – proud. "Araxis," I said, sharper than I meant.
He flinched, and then he turned to face me.
"We've prepared a petition for the Hall of Records to restore our name, which will mean that, retroactively, the children are valid members of Creche Thiel.
There will be a fine of course, but with our name restored, they will no longer be skoshas, and we will be able to begin restoring our house to its proper place.
Its proper status." He spoke calmly, insistently – but there was a veneer of artifice, as though this were a speech he'd practiced.
I suppose, looking back, it was. Who knows when he meant to deliver it to me, but it certainly wasn't in that room at that moment. But needs must, and Vivith excels at bringing things to a head.
Then, it barely registered. "So? What could that possibly have to do with me?"
Something rippled across his features, before they smoothed again to a careful blankness, one that made him look nothing like the person I'd just spent the morning in bed with.
A stranger wearing his skin. "The petition is expensive.
It is… exorbitant. To even have the Assembly hear our appeal – to say nothing of the lobbying we'll need to do, the favour we'll need to court beforehand, the votes we'll have to buy…
We don't have the credits. It's impossible. "
The words hung between us.
To save his creche, Araxis needed an enormous windfall. Without that, they would stay as they were – hiding, the children at risk of being hunted. Terminated.
Cold sluiced down my back as I heard Alet Trident's voice echo in my mind. The only people who compete are desperate. They're out of options.
Araxis's shoulders were upright, his posture impeccable. He tucked his hands behind his back, and he was, in that moment, a perfect sinnenthi: a knight who had long since sworn fealty to his creche, no matter the cost. "We travel to Thenat-6 so that I might compete in the Galactic Tournament."
Well, fuck.