Chapter 17 #4
I hadn't spent much time in this area of Radiant Ward because I never bothered with the docks, so I paused outside a few shops and by some market carts to admire what they had on display.
One vendor, a haggard looking iless, had knock-off Tournament souvenirs and got unreasonably excited when they recognized me as I approached.
When I asked, they were able to produce two mugs, one with a bad illustration of me and my Tournament catchphrase, the other with a spectacularly hot ink drawing of Araxis with his gleaming swords; I paid more than they wanted and arranged to have them delivered to our suite in Verdant.
I also picked up a framed photo of myself with a signature that was definitely not mine, laughing as we headed off toward Tam's with it shoved under one of my elbows.
"I'm going to make him put it up in his office," I said, delighted.
I hauled it out again to look at it, and burst into peals of laughter.
"Oh, fuck – look. They spelled my name wrong.
" I tapped at the polymer separating the badly printed photo from the air and shook my head, grinning.
"Maybe this is my evil twin. Sesshen Salar. My evil voltaari twin."
"Hm, I do not know that you could have a voltaari twin," Elethenn said, voice dry as we made our way through the tangle of tunnels, Elethenn tipping his chin now and again to show me the way through this unfamiliar area.
"Although I know little of human biology.
Perhaps you can be both." Then, his stare growing a little more thoughtful, "You are a curious person, Sashen.
You are not at all what I expected when you stopped to order dumplings that first day. "
"Oh, and what did you expect?" I asked, slipping past a cluster of voltaari who'd stopped by a hovering display screen outside of a bar to stare at the newsfeed as it came in.
I glanced up: some mining facility was on fire somewhere far away.
I made a mental note to check in the morning that our provisioning wouldn't be affected, although I failed to see what – I scanned the captioning quickly – Sadrum-4 would have to do with anything we'd picked up for Thelessia or to sell in Xitera.
Elethenn turned down a broad alleyway that was bustling with activity as the shift clicked over from yellow to orange and workers spilled out of facilities lining the walls, and I followed after him. He shot me a quick look over his shoulder. "Hm. I thought that you might be rather… demure."
I couldn't help myself. I barked out a laugh, and Elethenn trilled, smiling at me.
"It is only a sign of the limitations of my own cultural viewpoint," he assured me as we rounded another corner into a tunnel I'd been through a couple of times; we were getting into somewhat familiar territory.
"Like every other abaya, I watched the Galactic Tournament.
I expected you to be – different, once you'd declared. "
"Tamed," I supplied. I drifted to the side of the tunnel we were walking through and grabbed two hot cups of tea from a little cart, where the biryat grimaced at me from within his climate-controlled dome of hot air, which meant that he actually was quite pleased to see me; I'd often stopped by after training.
I wrinkled my nose at him, frowning in gratitude, as I tapped my band against the payment terminal and pivoted to thrust one of the cups at Elethenn.
"Were you surprised to see me on my own then? "
He nodded, murmuring his thanks and sipping the tea as we wandered closer and closer to Tam's. "Yes. And then – I suppose it is rather funny now, isn't it?"
"What's funny?"
"That I thought… you were inviting my attention," he finished.
When I glanced back, my eyebrows shooting up, he flushed silver and ducked his head.
"I see now that I misread the situation.
It was foolish of me to have even entertained the idea that you might be...
" He trailed off, apparently unable to finish the sentiment.
"Why?" I asked, curious, slowing my pace so that we were now moving at what I might generously call a meander. "I mean, I could have been."
"There's no need to humour me," said Elethenn, voice a little flat as he stared at the plume of steam drifting up from his cup.
"I understand now that you would never have been interested in being courted by someone like me.
" The way he said – low, almost ashamed – made my chest tighten with uncomfortable recognition.
I knew what it was like to feel that way, unworthy and undesirable just because of who you were.
I paused, studying him as he continued to walk ahead, before he realized he'd lost me and turned back to look at where I had come to a stop. Around us, the tunnel was quiet except for small clusters of travellers, everyone minding their own business as usual in Radiant.
"That's stupid, Elethenn," I said, frowning. "You've got to stop acting like it was impossible because of whatever it is you think about me, and whatever it is you think about you. You're attractive. I'm not surprised Tam is interested."
The ripple of emotion across Elethenn's face was flashfire quick, although he schooled his face to something neutral, his mismatched eyes blinking rapidly. He didn't move any closer. "You can't mean that," he said, quiet.
"What, that you're hot?" I scoffed. Because he was, particularly if you liked a mix of angular features and muscles and a particularly striking scar. Which a lot of people did! "I'm pretty sure I'm the professional in this situation. So that's my professional evaluation."
The sound he made was a little like I'd punched him in the gut. Elethenn twisted his head to stare pointedly at the place where the tunnel floor met the wall, as if that patch of grimy grating might have some sort of answer for him. "Sashen –" he said, hoarse, "You are declared."
I allowed myself to roll my eyes as a little treat, mostly because he wasn't looking – although he wouldn't know what it meant even if he was.
"That doesn't mean I don't notice these things," I said.
And then, because he still looked skeptical and shocked, I added, "Look, in another timeline, if you'd been on Yellow Fin, I'd have stopped by your dumpling cart to chat you up.
Well, assuming you showed any interest. Which you wouldn't have, but again, that is about you and how you feel.
So – Wait." I caught myself. Ah, fuck, was I the client at the den who wouldn't leave a dancer alone, insisting they were just being complimentary?
My skin flushed hot in a moment of horrifying self-awareness as I looked at Elethenn, whose features were tight, his shoulders tense, his chin still tipped down.
"Fuck, sorry, I'm crossing a line here. Just to be entirely clear, this is not me trying to convince you to fuck me.
I just – It makes me sad sometimes, how you talk about yourself.
I like you a lot and I wish you'd be nicer to yourself.
But don't worry: I'm pretty happy with my current sinnenthi, so. "
It was like I'd tossed him a lifeline: Elethenn glanced up as I brushed past him, pivoting to follow, and he said, "I – No, Sashen, I am not upset, if that is your concern.
You haven't... committed any transgression.
I know that you're not abaya; I don't expect you to conduct yourself as if you are.
And – I am glad that you are well-tended by your sinnenthi.
The person you are dating. Araxis is – He is quite remarkable.
I have never met another sinnenthi like him, or anyone at all for that matter.
" And then his silver blush bloomed pink and Elethenn ducked his head, nearly hesitant.
"He's the best," I agreed.
"And I am pleased to hear that you're happy with him, Sashen," continued Elethenn. "And it is – It is very clear that he cherishes you. As he should. You are... a very fine pair."
I shot him a curious look, and Elethenn was still flushed, his movement stiff. He reached one hand back to touch his black crest, braided into a knot at the top of his head, like he was nervous. Or embarrassed.
Huh. From anyone else, that might have been the start of a proposition. From Elethenn, though, who I knew wasn't attracted to me and who was, at the best of times, awkward and uncertain and who would never be so bold as to openly suggest that maybe we could all hook up –
Although maybe it wasn't the all part he was thinking about. Maybe it wasn't just my accurate assessment of his general attractiveness that was making Elethenn blush, or the conversation in general.
Was Elethenn into Araxis?
Ha. Amazing. He'd told me he liked arkathi.
I should have realized that could – that would – include Araxis.
Suddenly, his inability to look at Araxis directly, the way he would flush and go quiet with Araxis was near, was less about being intimidated and frightened and more about being flustered. Cute.
Tam would be a nice distraction, at least.
"You know who's maybe not the best, but is overall pretty okay?" My smile grew sly, knowing. "Tamcer Temahura."
Elethenn shot me an absolutely withering look – which, coming from him, was better than if he'd fired off confetti and given me a gold star; if I'd cracked through the awkwardness and uncertainty to get to glowering, I'd really made progress on the friendship front – and continued blushing, which was adorable.
"Yes, you seem very insistent on reminding me of that. "
"You know I'm teasing you," I said. "Do whatever you want, and don't do anything you don't want."
"I –" Elethenn started, and then he stopped. "Of course, Sashen."
"Have you, uh, seen anyone before?" Inquiring minds wanted to know, mostly because it was kind of hard to imagine. Then again, abaya were shy, and he was clearly interested in some people.