Chapter Thirty-Nine Ryder #2
Her mouth rounded into a little O shape, recognition dawning fast at my attitude in the kitchen.
An awkward throat clear later, I continued, “Minor league stuff when I was a kid, but then he landed a contract with the pros.” Bullet points or real context?
I went for option two for the first time in my life.
“I probably learned to skate before I could walk. I thought hockey was in my blood. A future star like him.”
The little “oh” from her that time was much different from how she’d said it before. It was concern and worry and all the things a woman with a big heart would have for a child.
I wasn’t a kid anymore, and I had to remind myself of that for a minute before I continued.
“Well, uh, not even a year into his contract, he packed up his shit and left. He decided being a pro and having a family wasn’t in the cards for him.
He signed over full custody of me, cut her a check, and never looked back.
My mom gave him another six months to change his mind and come back, and when he didn’t, she moved us out of Chicago to where her sister lived.
” Maybe I sped through that a bit too fast, but it wasn’t exactly easy to talk about.
When she slid her arms around my body and hugged me, I stared blankly at an empty spot on the wall. “I’m so, so sorry.” Her strangled voice had me finally remembering to hug her back.
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” The lies didn’t leave my mouth quite as easily that time, and I skated a hand up and down her back, preferring to soothe her than seek comfort myself.
“I kept playing hockey,” I went on, working hard to keep my voice flat, to not let the past trip me up.
“I convinced myself if I became really good at it, he’d come back.
Like that’d somehow fix things.” I shook my head, remembering my young, ridiculous self.
“Did you ever talk to or see him again?”
No one, not even my mom knew what I was about to tell her.
“I saw him one time. My senior year at Princeton. He wasn’t playing anymore, but he was an assistant coach for a minor league team.
I’d secretly followed his career, still stupidly hanging on to the hope that one day he’d give a damn.
Fuck, even the scholarship to Princeton was for hockey.
” I pulled away from her, tapping the side of my head.
“Not because of brains. Sorry to disappoint.”
She blinked a few times, freeing tears I didn’t want her shedding on my behalf. The woman had lost her entire family, and my dad had only walked out on me. “You’re smart. Don’t start with that shit, I mean it.” She was somehow scolding me without actually scolding me.
I even managed a smile, forgetting the pain for a moment. “Maybe a little.” I winked, doubling down on taking a much-needed pause to live anywhere but in the past.
After a few quiet seconds passed, I realized I’d left my story unfinished.
“Anyway.” Shake it off. “My father showed up to one of my games. He was scouting for his team, and my coach didn’t give us the heads-up.
To say I was blindsided by seeing him out in the stands watching me skate, well .
..” Damn the lump in my throat. Also, damn the fact my eyes kept trying to violate the oath I’d made to myself to never cry about him.
“I can’t even imagine what you must’ve been feeling when you saw him there.”
“The fucked-up thing ...” I shook my head, working damn hard to not shed a tear.
“I thought he was there for me.” Eyes closed, I let the memories stab me in the chest all over again.
“He didn’t even recognize me. No connection made with our shared last name on the back of my jersey.
He was there for someone else, which is probably why he knew nothing about me.
He pulled another player aside to talk to him about a position, then he left.
I considered chasing after him, but I had too much pride.
” I opened my eyes, finding my vision blurry.
“After that, I went to the army’s recruiting office and signed up for the military.
Traded my hockey stick in for a rifle, and I never looked back. ”
Her tears were starting to wear me down, but it was her next words that broke me. “I feel so bad I brought up my dad at the villa and how proud he’d be of you without knowing all this.”
Maybe only a few tears fell, but fuck, that was more than I’d wanted to happen over that man.
“Come here, you.” I framed her face with my hands, chasing the only feeling I wanted right now: the peace this woman could give me.
I kissed her softly. Slowly. She was hesitant, worried about me after what I’d shared, but then she finally surrendered and let go of my pain the way I wanted her to.
The kiss deepened as I pushed the memories not to the past but out of my mind altogether.
“I hate him. I hate Lainey. I hate anyone who ever hurt you,” she whispered.
I felt the same about her past, but we found our way to one another now, and I’d do everything in my power to have a future with her, which meant the Moraleses had to die. She was right about that.
“Lainey didn’t hurt me, I promise,” I reassured her. “I’d need to have truly loved her for her to do that.”
“Are you sure, because—”
“I am.” My fingers dove into her hair, tangling it up as I stared into her soulful eyes. “Everything happens for a reason.” I grimaced. “Well, maybe not everything everything.” Her family shouldn’t have been a casualty of war. “Just kiss me, okay?” I swallowed. “That’s all I need. Just you.”
She was breathing hard, blinking back more tears. “And if I want more from you right now than only a kiss?”
My heart skipped three fucking beats. “‘More’ how?” Here? Now?
“I think you know what I mean and what I want.” She clutched hold of my forearms like she had to tether herself to the moment so she wouldn’t get taken away.
There was also another pressing issue aside from our current location and circumstances. “I don’t have anything on me.” No protection.
“Are you safe?” she asked as if it pained her, but I respected her for it.
But also ...? Was she asking me to take her bare? I untangled our bodies so I could lose my mind a bit and track my hands through my hair.
Turning this woman down wouldn’t be happening. I lost total control somewhere in between her getting out of that pool and when she wrapped her mouth around my cock hours ago.
“I’m safe, yes.”
“Same. You know, in both ways.” She stepped forward, and maybe I should’ve stepped back, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“IUD. I got it just in case Ezra or anyone ever managed to, well ... assault me. I—I didn’t want to get pregnant.
” She held her hand out between us. “Forget I said that. Absolute mood killer. Ugh, I’m so sorry.
That’s the equivalent to nervous laughter at a funeral, isn’t it? ”
“Seraphina?” I lifted my brows, and she wet her lips.
“Yeah?”
“Am I making you nervous again?” Because you’re making me that way.
“You want to three-name me, don’t you?” she asked.
“Tell me I’m insane because of where we are and what we just talked about.
But that’s kind of been our thing since the moment we met, right?
Unable to focus because we’re so desperate to be in each other’s arms?
Lightning strikes during storms. And we seem to create the perfect conditions for a storm together. ”
When she slowly lifted her eyes to meet mine, that was all it took for me to finally snap.
I swallowed the space between us in one fast movement and lifted her from the floor, guiding her legs around my waist. I brought my mouth to her ear and rasped, “Fuck it. Let’s make it rain.”