34. The Present
The Present
TJ (Fucking finally, right?)
I thoughtI was in love before.
I’d met a stunningly beautiful girl named Merritt. Wild curly hair. Brown eyes, so deep you could get lost in them. The only person who was just as broken as I was.
I thought we could mend our broken parts together. I thought she could be the cure to my lonely life.
But I was wrong.
She wasn’t for me to love.
Her heart belonged to another.
So I convinced myself that it would always be this way. Dug my hole even deeper. Prepared myself for a life without love. I’d lost my mom, Woods, Reggie. Nothing good ever stayed for long. I thought I was destined to be alone.
Then Carla walked into that bar.
One look at her in that buttoned-up outfit and I knew I had to have her. Just for one night. I’d indulge myself in the fantasy of a girl like her actually wanting a guy like me.
When our paths crossed a second time, I told myself it was just a coincidence. Like when your friend introduces you to the girl you just boned the night before and you say, “Small world.”
Besides, the girl was hung up on her ex and she lived in Florida.
I’d tried to forget about her after that, but she pushed her way into my mind almost every day. Couldn’t tell you why. There was something about her. She was stifled. Unaware of the fire she possessed. And like a moth to the flame, I was drawn to her.
When I got the call from Tanner to help move Carla and Mallory into their new apartment, I dropped everything and went.
When she said she needed a job, I made sure she worked for me.
And when I saw that ridiculous bucket list she’d made, I had to help her.
Along the way, I’ve learned a lot about her. But I’ve learned even more about myself. Carla has taught me a lot. Coming from the life I’ve lived, that’s not an easy feat.
This woman is caring with the biggest heart out of anyone I’ve ever known. When Kimmie died, it nearly broke me in half to watch Carla have to go through that kind of loss. I’m used to it. I lose people all the time. Shit, I lost myself for a decade. Reggie saved my life. Carla reminds me a lot of him. I often wonder if he sent her to me. Not sure if it’s possible, but it’s a nice notion.
I don’t believe in destiny. Not anymore. I took control of my life and changed my course. Things don’t happen to you because they’re part of a plan. That’s a victim mentality. Yes, sometimes things happen because of luck. You win the lottery, or you drive over a nail and pop your tire. Shit happens.
But most of the time? Things happen because you let them. I spent a long time letting myself think that I didn’t deserve the love of a good woman. I let the shitty people in my life brainwash me into thinking I wasn’t worth a damn.
But that’s not true.
It took me a while (and a whole lot of therapy) to believe I could be worthy of someone like Carla.
Now I know.
And now I have to tell her.